frandoch
August 17th, 2003, 11:26 AM
In the thread ?The Old ?I Love You? Phrase: Soshin writes "First of all, why are those three little words so important to you? If he ACTS lovingly and caring, that should be sufficient."
It?s not that simple.
We experience reality through the five senses or modes:
Visual Seeing
Auditory Hearing
Tactile Touch
Olfactory Smell
Gustatory Taste
We process that information, and think and behave in accordance with those modes, especially in our inter-relationships with other people. Leaving out the bottom two, which are still important in intimate relationships, we are left with the top three.
We interact with people through those three modes, but one of them will be dominant. If we can find out which is a person?s dominant mode, we can relate much more effectively.
There are clues, in both the way people speak and in their eye movements.
When asked a question, the other person?s eyes will move in one of six directions, when they are considering the answer. Upper left, upper right, level left, level right, lower left or lower right. The upper ones are visual mode - the level ones are auditory - the lower ones are tactile and language. Also the right hand side is Constructed Data, and the left hand side is Remembered Data. This is true for right-handed people. Left-handers will usually reverse the right and left. Occasionally, some people won?t obey the pattern, but they will still have a pattern.
Now speech. As the mode of the reply to the question is unconscious, and as the unconscious doesn?t use nouns, only verbs, the verbs are the clue.
Let?s say I?m explaining something to someone, and I ask the question ?Is that clear ??
They will answer in their dominant mode. For example:
?Ah yes, I see what you mean.? The verb is ?see? - visual mode.
?Yes, that sounds right.? Or ?Yes, I hear what you say.? - auditory mode.
?Hm, that feels right.? - Tactile mode.
Now if the eye movements and the speech pattern match, you can be certain of the dominant mode, so your further questions can be phrased differently to give a much more meaningful exchange.
Visual: ?Is that clear?? ?Can you see what I?m saying??
Auditory: ?Can you hear what I?m saying?? ?Do you understand that??
Tactile: ?How do you feel about that?? and so on.
I was in a relationship with a woman where we lived together and raised her children for 10 years. My dominant mode is tactile, and hers is auditory. I provided stimulus in the visual and tactile but I couldn?t say ?I love you?. Because of my past experiences, those words stuck in my throat, and if I did manage to say them, they sounded so false that they were counter-productive. When our relationship was under severe stress, someone who had been waiting in the wings, someone who ?instinctively? knew about this, and was very skilful in using it - well, they are now happily married. And, happily, I can now say those words ? I?ve worked through that one.
So, in response to what Soshin wrote, which is what most people would think, if Candida?s dominant mode is auditory, then she NEEDS to hear those words.
Just a thought.
Michael F.
It?s not that simple.
We experience reality through the five senses or modes:
Visual Seeing
Auditory Hearing
Tactile Touch
Olfactory Smell
Gustatory Taste
We process that information, and think and behave in accordance with those modes, especially in our inter-relationships with other people. Leaving out the bottom two, which are still important in intimate relationships, we are left with the top three.
We interact with people through those three modes, but one of them will be dominant. If we can find out which is a person?s dominant mode, we can relate much more effectively.
There are clues, in both the way people speak and in their eye movements.
When asked a question, the other person?s eyes will move in one of six directions, when they are considering the answer. Upper left, upper right, level left, level right, lower left or lower right. The upper ones are visual mode - the level ones are auditory - the lower ones are tactile and language. Also the right hand side is Constructed Data, and the left hand side is Remembered Data. This is true for right-handed people. Left-handers will usually reverse the right and left. Occasionally, some people won?t obey the pattern, but they will still have a pattern.
Now speech. As the mode of the reply to the question is unconscious, and as the unconscious doesn?t use nouns, only verbs, the verbs are the clue.
Let?s say I?m explaining something to someone, and I ask the question ?Is that clear ??
They will answer in their dominant mode. For example:
?Ah yes, I see what you mean.? The verb is ?see? - visual mode.
?Yes, that sounds right.? Or ?Yes, I hear what you say.? - auditory mode.
?Hm, that feels right.? - Tactile mode.
Now if the eye movements and the speech pattern match, you can be certain of the dominant mode, so your further questions can be phrased differently to give a much more meaningful exchange.
Visual: ?Is that clear?? ?Can you see what I?m saying??
Auditory: ?Can you hear what I?m saying?? ?Do you understand that??
Tactile: ?How do you feel about that?? and so on.
I was in a relationship with a woman where we lived together and raised her children for 10 years. My dominant mode is tactile, and hers is auditory. I provided stimulus in the visual and tactile but I couldn?t say ?I love you?. Because of my past experiences, those words stuck in my throat, and if I did manage to say them, they sounded so false that they were counter-productive. When our relationship was under severe stress, someone who had been waiting in the wings, someone who ?instinctively? knew about this, and was very skilful in using it - well, they are now happily married. And, happily, I can now say those words ? I?ve worked through that one.
So, in response to what Soshin wrote, which is what most people would think, if Candida?s dominant mode is auditory, then she NEEDS to hear those words.
Just a thought.
Michael F.