yellowknife
May 16th, 2004, 07:21 PM
Hello!
I've been waiting to seek advice on this wise forum for a while. I've enjoyed very much the learning process of reading other answers, and witnessing the unfolding of conversations. There's something peaceful about the atmosphere here (despite the mini wars!)
I've just asked if its time to ask and I got 16 changing to 7- which, despite the slightly martial flavour sounds like there'll be positive help...
I've been involved in a situation which, it seems, inspires many first timers here to seek the advice of the Yi.
Please forgive the impending long explanation- if time's short, please skip to the nitty gritty at the end!
+++++++++++
I first met this man at a cabaret last year. I was performing poetry. He's a published poet who'd come to watch. We clicked and talked. Afterwards I held the image of him in my mind- and almost consciously decided to have him as a safe, at a distance, fantasy figure. I say safe, because I was just coming out of a five year relationship and knew I wouldn't be ready for a real connection for a while- and he was married. On my part it was about recognising someone who had qualities I should aspire to, and attract into my life eventually...
However...
In the November he asked a local poetry performance group if he could join them. To balance the genders out they decided to ask me to join at the same time. Bizarrely at the first meeting of the new line up, me and and the Poet took over the meeting by having a heated discussion about popularising poetry (he said my new ideas had all been done before...he's 17 years older than me and has been on the scene much longer)
I felt something odd was going on, but nevertheless when we next spoke properly the positive connection was still there...and over the next couple of months we became good allies in the poetry group and the fact of our disagreeing was something that was joked about and happened a couple more times, less intensely.
Then, our friendship seemed to grow- but within the bounds of propriety, I was aware he was married, has three children, and although his poetry seemed to give off a sense of emotional detachment from his wife, I was careful not to even flirt with him. One night in February though we ended up at a party after a gig and got talking. In depth for the first time. He told me about his past, first marriage, illness (he's bipolar but doesn't tell many people), and the fact that he hadn't slept with his wife for five years and she didn't like poets or poetry but saw no need to divorce. We stayed up all night, walked on the beach and walked arm in arm. In some ways I was in denial about what was happening- a bit of me thought it might still be friendship, because it was all unsaid.
Then over the next three weeks we wrote emails that acknowledged something was happening between us. We met up four times over that period and each time talked about poetry- and anything else for hours- until briefly talking about "us". We held hands a bit, but that was it. I found this all both stressful- and amazingly enlivening and my feelings for him grew and grew. I did feel though that he was on the verge of having to sort his life out- whether rekindling his marriage or breaking free. He agreed he needed to find out what his needs were, for the first time, and we thus agreed to have just a friendship. The day after we'd sent emails about this, we met up after a poetry reading. He said he'd arranged to have a proper conversation with his wife about what was happening between them. I said I was glad- and suggested he put off having dinner with me to "re negotiate his friendship" as we'd arranged, and concentrate on sorting his marriage out. Then we got talking about poetry- and suddenly we were back at the same point as in our first poetry argument- him saying my new ideas didn't acknowledge all that had gone before...and suddenly he walked off.
I was shocked- but thought it might really be about him not being able to deal with a friendship. We had a brief flurry of texts which ended with him saying he was going to leave the poetry group and not to text him again. Then I emailed the next day to say I hope we'd be able to meet as friends again even if it took a while..he replied, just about the poetry argument saying I'd been disrespectful and he felt our friendship was over. He did leave the group- telling them it was because we didn't agree. I was devastated and thought he'd dealt with things really badly and hurtfully. I could see there's been an ego clash- and I'd been a threat in more ways than one. I waited for ten days then emailed and pointed this out. He agreed and said we could be friends and not more.
I then heard he'd split from his wife. He confirmed this and said he was making changes "as I'd once said he should". I said I'd be there for him in any way I could. He pre empted what I didn't say (but do want) and replied that he wasn't going to "go there" at present as he was doing things for himself. I've seen him just once when he came in to where I work to do some recording for a poetry project I'd asked him to be involved with. We were together an hour- and true to form mentioned nothing at all about what had happened. He did read a poem though that he was in the middle of writing- about relationships and how he wasn't afraid of heights "just taking off and landing"- and in the context I took it as a subconscious or conscious message that he wasn't ready but might be eventually.
I thought we might bump into each other at more events since then, but we haven't. Almost missing each other with uncanny accuracy infact...
+++++++++++++
All clear really...the message to me is to stay away and let him sort himself out.
But because of the way he walked away, and because we're barely in touch, and because of my still strong feelings for him, I can't help still feeling in limbo (and wondering if I should move on if I'm interpreting positive signals self deludedly).
I asked...
Will we be together?
20 line 6 changing to 8
How can I ensure we do get together?
34 1,2,3,4,5 changing to 8
I took the 8 as meaning I should enquire about my motives...
Have I got the right attitude to ensure success in the relationship?
61
1,3,5 changing to 18
and finally I asked
Where are things at the moment between us?
61, 2 changing to 42.
Over the last couple of months I've followed I Ching advice which seems to have been about being receptive- apart from when I asked him to come in and do some recording because it seemed an approach would be okay at that point. In some ways the 34 changing lines seem to describe a process I've already travelled- but I wonder if it coming up now means I've to be proactive again....or wait?
Any advice, intuitions, thoughts, words, much much appreciated.
Blessings,
K.
I've been waiting to seek advice on this wise forum for a while. I've enjoyed very much the learning process of reading other answers, and witnessing the unfolding of conversations. There's something peaceful about the atmosphere here (despite the mini wars!)
I've just asked if its time to ask and I got 16 changing to 7- which, despite the slightly martial flavour sounds like there'll be positive help...
I've been involved in a situation which, it seems, inspires many first timers here to seek the advice of the Yi.
Please forgive the impending long explanation- if time's short, please skip to the nitty gritty at the end!
+++++++++++
I first met this man at a cabaret last year. I was performing poetry. He's a published poet who'd come to watch. We clicked and talked. Afterwards I held the image of him in my mind- and almost consciously decided to have him as a safe, at a distance, fantasy figure. I say safe, because I was just coming out of a five year relationship and knew I wouldn't be ready for a real connection for a while- and he was married. On my part it was about recognising someone who had qualities I should aspire to, and attract into my life eventually...
However...
In the November he asked a local poetry performance group if he could join them. To balance the genders out they decided to ask me to join at the same time. Bizarrely at the first meeting of the new line up, me and and the Poet took over the meeting by having a heated discussion about popularising poetry (he said my new ideas had all been done before...he's 17 years older than me and has been on the scene much longer)
I felt something odd was going on, but nevertheless when we next spoke properly the positive connection was still there...and over the next couple of months we became good allies in the poetry group and the fact of our disagreeing was something that was joked about and happened a couple more times, less intensely.
Then, our friendship seemed to grow- but within the bounds of propriety, I was aware he was married, has three children, and although his poetry seemed to give off a sense of emotional detachment from his wife, I was careful not to even flirt with him. One night in February though we ended up at a party after a gig and got talking. In depth for the first time. He told me about his past, first marriage, illness (he's bipolar but doesn't tell many people), and the fact that he hadn't slept with his wife for five years and she didn't like poets or poetry but saw no need to divorce. We stayed up all night, walked on the beach and walked arm in arm. In some ways I was in denial about what was happening- a bit of me thought it might still be friendship, because it was all unsaid.
Then over the next three weeks we wrote emails that acknowledged something was happening between us. We met up four times over that period and each time talked about poetry- and anything else for hours- until briefly talking about "us". We held hands a bit, but that was it. I found this all both stressful- and amazingly enlivening and my feelings for him grew and grew. I did feel though that he was on the verge of having to sort his life out- whether rekindling his marriage or breaking free. He agreed he needed to find out what his needs were, for the first time, and we thus agreed to have just a friendship. The day after we'd sent emails about this, we met up after a poetry reading. He said he'd arranged to have a proper conversation with his wife about what was happening between them. I said I was glad- and suggested he put off having dinner with me to "re negotiate his friendship" as we'd arranged, and concentrate on sorting his marriage out. Then we got talking about poetry- and suddenly we were back at the same point as in our first poetry argument- him saying my new ideas didn't acknowledge all that had gone before...and suddenly he walked off.
I was shocked- but thought it might really be about him not being able to deal with a friendship. We had a brief flurry of texts which ended with him saying he was going to leave the poetry group and not to text him again. Then I emailed the next day to say I hope we'd be able to meet as friends again even if it took a while..he replied, just about the poetry argument saying I'd been disrespectful and he felt our friendship was over. He did leave the group- telling them it was because we didn't agree. I was devastated and thought he'd dealt with things really badly and hurtfully. I could see there's been an ego clash- and I'd been a threat in more ways than one. I waited for ten days then emailed and pointed this out. He agreed and said we could be friends and not more.
I then heard he'd split from his wife. He confirmed this and said he was making changes "as I'd once said he should". I said I'd be there for him in any way I could. He pre empted what I didn't say (but do want) and replied that he wasn't going to "go there" at present as he was doing things for himself. I've seen him just once when he came in to where I work to do some recording for a poetry project I'd asked him to be involved with. We were together an hour- and true to form mentioned nothing at all about what had happened. He did read a poem though that he was in the middle of writing- about relationships and how he wasn't afraid of heights "just taking off and landing"- and in the context I took it as a subconscious or conscious message that he wasn't ready but might be eventually.
I thought we might bump into each other at more events since then, but we haven't. Almost missing each other with uncanny accuracy infact...
+++++++++++++
All clear really...the message to me is to stay away and let him sort himself out.
But because of the way he walked away, and because we're barely in touch, and because of my still strong feelings for him, I can't help still feeling in limbo (and wondering if I should move on if I'm interpreting positive signals self deludedly).
I asked...
Will we be together?
20 line 6 changing to 8
How can I ensure we do get together?
34 1,2,3,4,5 changing to 8
I took the 8 as meaning I should enquire about my motives...
Have I got the right attitude to ensure success in the relationship?
61
1,3,5 changing to 18
and finally I asked
Where are things at the moment between us?
61, 2 changing to 42.
Over the last couple of months I've followed I Ching advice which seems to have been about being receptive- apart from when I asked him to come in and do some recording because it seemed an approach would be okay at that point. In some ways the 34 changing lines seem to describe a process I've already travelled- but I wonder if it coming up now means I've to be proactive again....or wait?
Any advice, intuitions, thoughts, words, much much appreciated.
Blessings,
K.