Love

[slayed]

Hello
I have kind of a strange situation. Almost 10 years ago I met a girl I'll call N. The instant I saw her I had a very strong feeling, very hard to explain. She came over to me and introduced herself, and we became friends.

As time went on, and the more I knew I her, my feelings grew into something more. After being friends for about a year-and-a-half, we started dating. But unfortunately, N had gotten out of a long relationship a few months prior, and was having trouble dealing with a new relationship. We broke up, got back together, but broke up again a few months later. Not long after that, I arranged for us to get together one day because I wanted to try to get back together again. I tried to persuade her to give us another chance, but she said she needed time alone. The time apart from her was very difficult for me, and I didn't want to be hanging on to hope that we'd be together again someday if we wouldn't, so I asked her if she thought we would ever get back together. She said that if she had to give me a yes or no answer, then it would be no. So, I decided to move on.

N eventually began dating someone else. I ran into her 6 months after our last talk, and we said our peace and everything was okay between the two of us. But about 6 months after THAT, I ran into her and she gave me the cold shoulder. I was left wondering why she was being hostile with me, when the last time we had spoken things were good (in fact, she had been very, very happy that I had broken the ice with her). I also learned later that N no longer associated with her once close group of friends.

I dated some other people and eventually got married. I got married for all the wrong reasons. We have a child together. But as time went on, I realized that I still have feelings for N. Even though I had told myself that it was over, and had even married someone else, I had to be honest with myself and come to the truth that my feelings for N hadn't changed.

2 years ago I decided to try to get in touch with her again. She was still living at home, but I didn't want to just call her out of the blue because I didn't know if she'd want to talk to me. I searched for a mutual friend of ours to relay a message for me, but this person had moved, and though I searched hard, I could not find her. So I gave up.

A few days later, by an incredible and strange series of events, I just happened to run into N. We spoke briefly, and she mentioned how she had seen me with my family a few times awhile back and that she'd wanted to talk to me but it was an awkward situation. Despite this remark I still got the impression that she didn't really want to be talking to me. Seeing her again, and being able to talk to her, was both a happy moment, and a very sad one, because I realized even more how much I missed her.

Considering how strange the events were that caused us to run into each other, I began to wonder if things happen for a reason. I began doing research into various religions and beliefs, trying to find some sort of answer. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't be able to find an answer -- if people have been searching for the meaning of life for ages, and hadn't found it, how could I? Again, not being able to find something I was searching for, I gave up.

And once again, not long after, I just happened onto what I was looking for. I ran across the term 'synchronicity', and learned that it was a word used to describe meaningful coincidences. What I had experienced by running into N, other people had experienced too. As I learned about this, I eventually learned of the I Ching, and began using it. I've found it to be uncanny, amazingly accurate, and extremely helpful.

My coincidences with N continued, and are too numerous to list here. The last time I saw her was in December, while on my way to buy a card for the holidays to send to her. That night, though I planned to leave the house early and get a lot of things done, I was kept late by all sorts of events. And then I ran into her on my way to the card store. We exchanged hellos, but once again I got the feeling that she didn't want to talk to me.

Which brings me to my question (sorry to be so long winded!): I've been consulting the I Ching for some time now, and a few times have inquired about what I should do concerning her. The answer is always very similar and along the same theme. This morning I received hexagram 53, with lines 1 and 4 being in change, leading to hexagram 13. I have my own interpretation of this, but I'd like to know your opinion of it as well.

I know it's not normal for someone to still be in love with someone who broke up with them almost 8 years ago. Nobody understands, and how could they, when even *I* don't understand? I feel as though my feelings for her have even grown over time. A lot about me has changed, for the better, and there's nothing I want more than to be with her again.

Thank you for this great website!

[dharma]

Hello Slayed,

As I mention to everyone who I speak with for the first time, my ability to interpret the I Ching at this time is weak and so I therefore rely on the Tarot to help me understand the hexagrams better.

Clearly, from the way things are evolving, this relationship is special in a cosmic-destiny sort of way. The Major Arcana cards that come up indicate that this is so. Fortunately there are not too many of them and so it is safe to say that despite the 'fatefulness' of it all so far (which is meant to awaken you) you have a good deal of control about what you will do about this relationship in the future.

It isn't going to be easy mainly because there is a good deal of insecurity that needs to be worked on within Self. At the same time, you are confronted with a tremendous sense of outside competition that reinforces the inner insecurity already present.

Your paths will continue to cross and with time you will understand more and more what you need to do to bring about a reconciliation--how to harness the potential of the situation and how to take positive action.

Hopefully Hilary will eventually add her own insight but in the meantime I hope this helps.

Dharma

[slayed]

Hi Dharma!
Thank you very much for the feedback! I'm not very familiar with the Tarot, but what you've said about insecurity and feelings of competition is accurate.

I've been using the I Ching for a few years now, and my interpretation of the reading I received was similar to yours, but I figured I'd post it in the forum to get some outside, objective opinions. Thanks for taking the time to interpret my reading.

Concerning the Tarot, what exactly are Major Arcana cards? (Pardon my newbie-ish question, I'm unfamiliar with the Tarot other than what we've seen in movies and TV, etc).

Thanks again!

[dharma]

Hello Slayed,

Here are the Tarot cards and positions as they came up for your reading. Of course, a more detailed reading can be had with this layout --I gave you a short summation of the general theme. If you have further questions regarding the reading and the situation I'd be glad to help.

Dharma http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif

Self-Center - Chariot
Present Conditions - 5 of Swords
Challenge - Empress
Crowning Ideal - 4 of Pentacles
Foundation - Page of Swords
Recent Past - 10 of Swords
Next Turn of Events - 7 of Wands
Inner Attitude - 5 of Pentacles
Outer Environment - Heirophant
Illusion - 4 of Cups
11 Probable Outcome - 6 of Swords
12 Long-term Influence - Magician

[hilary]

... as for what exactly the Major Arcana are, we happen to have a 'Quick Journey through the Major Arcana (http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/i_ching_discussion/messages/48/221.html)' available at this site, courtesy again of Dharma, bless her. (You'll need to scroll down the page a little to find it.)

I'll try to look at the I Ching's perspective on things for you as soon as I can!

[dharma]

It would seem that you (Slayer) asked a question above that I failed to 'grasp'. Sorry about that. For some reason I made the assumption that you were inquiring about the ACTUAL cards that came up, and that's what I gave you as a response.

Not much use to you, eh? since you clearly mentioned that this was NEW to you. Boy is my face red.....

(Hilary we've got to find more images to add to Clarity's collection of clipart--a blushing face would have been perfect under the circumstances.)http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/wink.gif

I will rectify my oversight right now.

Tarot is a collection of 78 cards in all. 56 of them are refered to as the MINOR Arcana and the other 22 are refered to as....yyyou guessed it!...the MAJOR Arcana.

The MINOR Arcana are quite similar to what we commonly recognize as the regular deck of playing cards (in the Tarot they are also refered to as the 'mundane' cards because they represent the everyday happenings.)

There are 4 suits (Cups=Hearts, Wands=Clubs, Swords=Spades, Pentacles=Diamonds) that range from Ace to 10. And though the regular deck of playing cards has the equivalent of the Knight=Jack, Queen=Queen and King=King, the Tarot also includes yet another 'people' card called the "Page".

The MAJOR Arcana (which you will find more descriptions of by following the link that Hilary gave above) is a special group of 22 cards that have a more spiritual significance than the rest of the deck. The only card of these 22 that you will find in a standard deck of playing cards anymore is the Fool=Joker.

The following paragraph comes right out of the "Complete IDIOT'S Guide to Tarot":

"The Major Arcana cards of the Tarot deck are visual metaphors for each step in the experience of human life, for each lesson to be learned in a continual movement toward self-actualization. These cards represent your life's journey toward enlightenment and depict situations of major significance: Think of them as the many forks along your own particular road. How, when, and if these archetypal cards appear in a reading can show you where you are on life's highway, what you already know about life, and what you still have to learn."

I hope this answers your question. Again, I am so sorry for the misunderstanding. No biggy but...still....sheesh! http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif

Dharma

[slayed]

Hi Dharma and Hillary!
Thank you both very much for the feedback! It is very much appreciated! http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/i_ching_discussion/clipart/happy.gif

[hilary]

Hello Slayed,

At last, an interpretation! (Better late than never?)

You might be interested in the page about synchronicity and its possible meanings over in the ?general discussion? area (under the heading ?Hexagram 37?). Candid mentioned that looking for the meaning in every coincidence is quite a good way to go clinically insane - this I can well believe! But on a simple, prosaic level, after noting that a coincidence has something to tell you, the task of finding the message is not a small one.

Trying to resolve your reading into a single sentence? how about ?developing gradually in friendship??
To begin with Hexagram 13 - perhaps it is being suggested to you as a personal objective? Or as the current scope available for development?

These are people in harmony, but as companions and friends rather than intimate partners. They share a goal, or perhaps an environment where they have to work together. Out in the countryside, there is a dearth of rules and the higher courts are not so accessible. People work things out between themselves, achieving harmony in practical ways. With the qualities of personal nobility and wisdom (rather than, say, consulting other authorities) it is good to cross the river to a new stage in life.

Still, I don?t think that harmony is a foregone conclusion - I think this hexagram is more about creating it than enjoying it. There can?t be complete blockage, there has to be some sort of connection. But there is also the lurking possibility - the nuclear hexagram, 44 - that this connection could undermine and destroy the present situation. Sometimes such ?coupling? can mean a fertile new start, but it usually feels like dissolution and calamity for the people involved. Obviously a risk to watch. Actually, the ?wise disciple?, in the Image, is doing exactly that, ?sorting the clans, making distinctions between people.? Personal allegiances, old connections, rival interests? all this must be remembered in order to create a lasting, working harmony.

Having got through all that, this is a positive hexagram: the goal of working friendship is a good one. Do you know the quotation from the Great Treatise for this hexagram?
?In the tao of the noble man,
There?s a time for going forth
And a time for staying still,
A time to remain silent,
And a time to speak out.
But for two people to share mind and heart,
Such sharpness severs metal,
And the words of those sharing mind and heart,
Such fragrance is like orchids.?
(translation from Richard J Lynn?s Classic of Changes)

Comparing that with Hexagram 53 gives me pause for thought! How can all the associations with engagement and marriage fit with a context of harmonious friendship?

Like #13, this follows from a hexagram of complete stillness (though for different reasons), and the sequence again says that complete standstill just can?t last. However, the movement denoted by this hexagram is fantastically slow and deliberate. The core feeling, after all, is of Hexagram 64, not being ready yet to cross the river: if you try to take any important steps too soon, you won?t make it across. So like Dharma said, there is most definitely no hurry.

Also (and in contrast to what you said about the first stages of your relationship with her), this development has to wait for both parties and moves at the pace of the slowest. In the I Ching, that?s the man, but it sounds as if, in your situation, the roles are reversed.

But how might the gradual, deliberate movement closer fit with the present need to create harmony between you, to ?sort clans? and find a working relationship? The moving lines seem to say that it can work out: despite all the danger and awkwardness, it is not wrong for the wild geese to fly on and search for a place to settle.

Line 1:
?Wild geese fly gradually to the shore. For the young child, danger. There is talk. No mistake.?
The shore is a critical boundary, the beginnings of contact, the first intimations that there might be a place for this connection. I don?t know how you read the next part, but I?m tempted to take it literally, as a danger for your child. Yet the I Ching still says you can negotiate this with no mistake.

Line 4:
?Wild geese fly gradually to the trees. Perhaps they gain a flat branch. No mistake.?
You have yet to find a natural way to be together, a real and permanent place for the relationship. Geese perching in the trees? It sounds vanishingly unlikely. Yet the I Ching says that they might still find a temporary resting place, that despite the discomfort there is still no mistake.

I hope you find your flat branches along the way http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/i_ching_discussion/clipart/happy.gif

I?d be very interested to hear what you thought about your own reading.

[slayed]

Hi Hilary!
Thank you very much for taking the time to interpret this for me. I've been using the I Ching for awhile now, but am nowhere near as familiar with it as you. I appreciate your insight very much! http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/i_ching_discussion/clipart/happy.gif

Concerning Hexagram 13 (the secondary hexagram), I had interpreted this as perhaps meaning one of two things. The first possibility I thought was that perhaps it was stating that, should the opportunity arise to continue some sort of relationship with her, that it should not be kept secret, but rather be done out in the open (and again, I wasn't sure about this, and that was one of the reasons I posted this reading here). The other possiblity that came to mind concerned her family: I was very close with them, and continue to keep in touch with them sporadically. Ocassionally I consider ceasing this, as it doesn't help me distance myself from my feelings by continuing to talk to them. I thought that perhaps this hexagram was stating that I should continue to talk to them.

You mentioned a nuclear hexagram: I had never heard this term until I visited this site, and have never seen it mentioned in any of the I Ching translations I've read. Where did this information come from? I found it mentioned on a few other sites after seeing it here, but I was wondering where this concept originally came from. The interpretation of the nuclear hexagram in this reading defintiely seems to apply to the situation at hand.

You also mentioned hexagram 64 -- this is ironic, because in a previous I Ching casting concerning her (not the same question, but a question I asked concerning her), I received hexagram 64.

My personal interpretation of this reading, which I was unsure of, was that I should let things progress and be patient. The fact that it wasn't anything like "Discontinue your folly" or something to that effect made me slightly optimistic, but again, I had to wonder if I was interpreting things correctly. About syncrhonicity and the coincidences I always have in regard to her, I try not to read into everything, but I do think there's been a reason for it all. However, I also have to be honest with myself and realize that even though it all may have happened for a reason, that reason may in fact have nothing to do with her.

Thanks to you and Dharma for giving me feedback and insight concerning this. http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/i_ching_discussion/clipart/happy.gif I think my interpretation sounds similar to what you've said, but if I've misinterpreted anything you've said, please tell me.

Thanks again! http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/i_ching_discussion/clipart/happy.gif