Some help needed

[saar]

Ok, I am really confused with an answer I recived. Normally I try my best to meditate on the hexagrams for a while and figure it out on my own, and I also like to keep my questions and problems to myself, but this one has me so perplexed, I figured I'd better turn to my more practiced peers.

This is a relationship issue (not surprizing eh?), or more likly, a lack of one. To try to sum a long crazy story up, there is one woman I have been greatly attracted to. We hit it off very well when we first met, but then, as if a switch was flipped, things just got cut. I knew that she had a bad run with a recent relationship before, and figured that was what it was. I decided to give her space, especialy after she said it would be a while before she could let anyone get close again.

However, later on, she began showing intrest in others. This hurt me, obviously, because I never really got a chance with her.

I figured that the best thing to do was just to let go. However I still wanted to be with her. I decided to ask what should I do, figureing that I would get either a "go ahead" sort of responce, or a "retreat" one, ie, either hang in there and maybe I'll have a chance, or just walk away and deal with my feelings. however I ended up with Hex 14, Tau Yu, with lines 3 and 6 changing, giving me the related Hexagram of 54, Kuei Mei.

I'm not really sure what to make of it. I'm wondering if it either means that it's good luck that I'm not with her and that I'm "married" to my fate of lonliness (I always seem to have a problem getting close to women despite my treating them with dignity and respect), or that my luck is suddenly going to change, something I really don't see happening, considering that at this point I resloved myself to steer clear of her for a while, something that I'm sure will make thigns easier for her. The answer is probably obvious to many of you guys; however since I haven't been studing long (only for about a year), I'm missing it.

So, do any of you have any insights? Thanks in advance. http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif


Heading to sleep (long, fun filled day tomorrow),
Saar

[louise]

Hi Saar, yes this is a puzzling response to your question. My feeling is Yi is commending you for your attitude - saying your attitude to the situation is good, your're on course, you follow your path and therefore will be blessed - can't fail(line 6) Regardless of what happens in the relationship, the way you're handling the situation is right - Yi likes your attitude !

The meaning of line 3 I thinks sums up what you yourself said "I figured the best thing to do was just to let go" - that could be the sacrifice line 3 refers to. Although you want the relationship you're not prepared to force the issue. Yi says a lesser man cannot do this, but you are able to, if need be, "to let go".

Thats what I see in the reading anyway, Yi telling you you're a great guy and doing alright.
Line 6 is a lovely line to get, confirming however things appear you go 'the way of Heaven'.

I feel almost Yi is consoling you, praising you and giving you a friendly pat on the back.

54 must refer to the past rejection from her I think.

Overall i feel the counsel is to let go - who knows she may return of her own accord.

Anyway thats just my take on it.

[hmesker]

Hi Saar,

For some reason, don't ask me why, I felt the urge to open the Yilin, 'the Forest of Changes' for your question. The Yilin is a book from the Han dynasty, it combines every hexagram with another one and itself, making 64x64=4096 combinations. Every combination has a short poetic verse, and I looked up the verse which comes with the combination 14-54. My Chinese isn't very good, but it translates something like this (I don't know the English word for the sound that ducks and geese make, so I left it as in the original Chinese - "ya ya"):

The duck and the goose "ya ya", and regard the water as their home. The male and female [birds] are mutual in harmony. Their hearts are devoted to amusement and happiness, leading to the fulfillment of their desires.

This text talks about harmony, but the 3rd and 6th lines of 14 are both yang lines, and therefore not in harmony. It could mean that you both have a different interest in the relationship - what you expect is not what she expects, and at this moment you are both not capable of granting each others desires. However, according to the I Ching this is no fault. There are higher things you have to pay tribute to - the 3rd line is at the top of trigram Heaven, and Heaven is a single person. It might indicate that, before you can engage in this relationship, you must accept that each one of us, you too, is an individual person. If you can accept that a good relationship is a form of letting go (symbolised by trigram Fire, and the top line, which is related to the sage), then you open the way. A difficult task, but essential I think.

Good luck!

Best wishes,

Harmen.

[saar]

Thank you both for your insights. They've really helped me to think of the past events in a new light.

I'm still not convinced that things will get better, or that I will be "blessed" in anyway way, probably because I'm too pessimistic when it comes to these matters, but I do see the value of just walking away from it all, which is what I've already planned, and have been doing. It's just best that way; no conflicts can arise from it.

I guess that's what line 6 meant by "can't fail" not failing in doing the right thing. I just wish that for once the blessing would come in the form of something to make me smile, and not something to "build character". I've already have lots of those blessings already; hence my pessimisim. :P

Perhaps it's more than just letting go of what I wanted. Maybe I should also let go of seeking out a companion as well. As much as not being with anyone would sadden me, I'd probably learn to overcome that and thus live without any desire for it, thus being free from that. Maybe that's what the blessing is.

In the description of hex 14 on LiSe Heyboer's yiching website, it states that "Heaven will bestow its blessings on you, because you avail of Heaven?s own gifts. They are always stronger than man?s choices and achievements." The sacrafices I have to make are the actions that "heaven" decrees are important for spiritual greatness, and therefore what I am probably going to have to keep on doing in life, whether I like it or not. Well, no one said this life stuff was easy. :P


Saar

[heylise]

Having fun and humor, smiling, getting enthusiastic and jumping too high and tripping, and then learning a lesson from your stumbling. But all the same going on with enthusiasm, jumping high again at the next occasion. All these things are blessings from heaven.
Please don?t fix your future, letting go of seeking. The seeking itself should not be paramount either, just live and welcome what happens.
I think the passage from the YiLin was a very good answer. "Their hearts are devoted to amusement and happiness, leading to the fulfillment of their desires".

LiSe

[candid]

Right on, LiSe! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/bounce.gif

Sarr - let me give it a whirl.

The issue is not with this particular girlfriend but with the (un)married maiden; namely - yourself. 54. Your focus is on how the world around you relates to you. You desire and therefore are found wanting. You need yet prevent the need from fulfilling itself.

Fortunately your heart is grown, and so you receive 14 as a resolution to your earnest desires. Your change lines open heaven's gates wide to you. The blessing is there. All you have to do is reach out and pluck it! The only thing which can retract the blessing is your own self-admitted pessimism. Heaven can't stuff it into you. You have to open yourself up to receive it. This is an ominous possibility for you. You have the ability to change how you are. Not who, but how. In doing so, your loneliness will dissolve into mist.

From this inner change, you will attract your heart?s desire to you. Just be aware of self-sabotage. Its an old habit, which doesn?t retreat of its own. In dealing with weeds, firm resolution is necessary. If you attack yourself in the process, the gardener goes down with the garden.

My advise is to listen to what LiSe has told you. The truth really does set us free.

[saar]

Definately some interesting answers...I'll be taking them to heart.http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif

One thing though..there seems to be some confusion. Hex 14 was the main one I recived, and it changes into 54. It's not the other way around. That probably then changes some of the interpetations that are being given, though probably not by much, since it does all make a lot of sense. Still I feel that needs to be cleared up.


Saar.

PS. I'm DEFINATELY going to be taking LiSe's words to heart. After all, it's her website that I rely on the most for my Yiching translations and interpetations. http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif

[candid]

Saar, That is how I interpreted it. The relating hexagram (54) acts as a backdrop for your answer. In the past I've applied it as what the original hex changes to, but accurate application has proven to me that its not necessarily that way. Think of the relating hex as what the answer relates to. Its cleared my understanding considerably once I began to apply it that way. See if over time if it doesn't work for you that way. It certainly does in this case.

[saar]

Yes, Candid, I see what you mean. I usually do think of the relating hex as an answer that relates to the problem, but I just thought it was important to know which was the primary, and which was the resulting hex from changing lines, and that maybe some people didn't know in my case. I just read your reponses wrong.

Oh, I did another divination on this and the resulting hexagrams seem to fit everyones assertions. The primary was Hex 48, Ching with changing lines 2, 4, and 5. The resulting Hex was 62, Hsiao Kuo. I feeling that they are telling me to take things step by step, don't over step my bounds, and deal with things internally in order to make things right. In other words, I have to spend some time with myself, while dealing with the situation cautiously.

At least, that's what I think it's saying. :-P


Saar

[candid]

Yes, I'd agree there, Saar. It does fit. 62 to me implies working on details.

Very best wishes.

[saar]

Hi guys.

Just wanted to formally thank everyone who offered their insights. You guys really helped me a lot, and I've taken everything offered to heart.

I've been feeling better about things as days go by, while continuing to follow the advice I was given from the Yiching. While I do still feel a little saddness over things, it isn't dampening my spirits at all. The self refection and attempt at changing my perceptions and feelings on things have slowly been changing my somber attitudes.

I haven't done any new divinations yet, as I feel I should just deal with what I was given already, and see what happens. Time will tell how things go. I have a feeling that perhaps, things may improve, though I'm not hoping on it either. Rather I'm just living day by day simply being me.

Again, thanks a lot for your help in all this. It's greatly appreciated. http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif


Saar