relationship

[moonrise]

Hi, everyone!

Can you help me here, please?
I asked you about this situation already but now it really got bad and I took some insights from Yi Jing which I hope you can help me understand.

I have a much older friend, who is like a father figure to me. We had many many disagreements, basically he thinks my feelings and emotions are crap and something that I only burden him with. I on the other hand experience him as unreachable, cold and harsh.

Now this is totally finished, he returned my last email without even opening it which was a huge shock to me.

I keep thinking...maybe I was too demanding, to tiresome...but all I needed was to feel accepted and appreciated. he could be so harsh with me and he was always keeping distance from me. I just wanted to be friendly.

Well, I asked: how should I proceed in this sitation with him?
I got 42 unchanging.

I don't understand this at all. How do you interpret a hexagram with no changing lines, especially when you ask what to do? Maybe this hexagram is saying that things will improve on their own and in fact there is nothing I can do.

I was thinking to still write to him again, a friendly letter, just to say goodbye in a nice way.
I asked: Should I write to him? What can I expect?
I got 23.5 ->20
The fifth line seems quite positive, maybe he would accept the letter? Probably he would give no response, according to 20. What do you think? I am afraid that he would return it without opening it.

Then I asked: what should I know about this relationship with him?
I got 50.1->14
I don't understand fully...it was a big treasure for me and this man still means so much to me, but I guess I need to let it go, make a big change?

And finally I asked: why this relationship didn't work?
I got: 54.2.5->17
I guess this is very clear...I was always in a subbordinate position, he was giving me attention or kindness when he felt like and he never considered how I felt. He was just accusing me how demanding I was.
54.2 is about being dissapointed by a friend - but I still care for him. I feel nothing but love for him and it hurts me so much that he finds all these things annoying.

Can you help me out here, please? I need to have an insight into this relationship, it was so meaningful to me and now it is a big loss for me.

thank you

[rosada]

Dear Moonrise,
It seems to me that you have interpreted the I Ching answers very well, it's just that knowing the answers hasn't given you peace. Hexgrams 54.2.5 - 17 say to me that you are right, the relationship ended because you wanted it to be more and he did not and now that you see this is the way it is, you must do as 17 suggests, not fight it but accept his decision and move on. Since this is easier said than done, perhaps your next question to the I Ching should be something along the lines of, "What should I focus on to help me move forward with my life?"
There's a book that's kinda funny but it's really smart, "He's Just Not That Into You." Just reading it will fast forward you 6 months in the healing process.

Best wishea,
Rosada

[willowfox]

Hi moonrise,

All your answers are basically telling you to let the past go, move on to something else. Thinking about what you had, and what you did and did not do is no longer a healthy way to live. Of course you now feel lonely and disappointed but does that help? It is time to retreat, to contemplate how to face the future, how to make good use of your skills, a change is coming for the better. I believed that he wanted peace and quiet and has now gone into hiding, from you, from the world. Everything has passed the point of no return here. If you try to reconnect, I believe all your efforts will be in vain. I don't think that he is going to change his mind about the situation, he is wandering along with no goal or plan, I believe that he is now very contented with the way he is living. It is you who are now moving along towards a goal of business and money.

[autumn]

Willowfox has given you a very good reading here on 54>17. You have my sympathies for the pain of what's going on with you now.

how should I proceed in this sitation with him?
I got 42 unchanging.
You will not be able to get what you want from him (in this situation). You have already received everything you will (42). Sacrifice your desire for closure. What you want from him isn't about him, it's about you, and your own unfinished emotional business. (unchanging hex)

Should I write to him? What can I expect?
I got 23.5 ->20
Should I? The i-ching took you seriously, and thought you cared for its opinion. It's given you advice. (23), strip yourself of anger, be dispassionate, and in doing so transform the force of your advance with civility (line 5). What can I expect? Aloofness (20).

what should I know about this relationship with him?
I got 50.1->14
You're projecting "stuff" into it that doesn't need to be there. Get rid of it. You said he's a father figure. Don't make him responsible for correcting mistakes that belong to your parents.

[hilary]

Hi Moonrise,

You have some very good readings here. I would just like to suggest a simple way of looking at the first one you asked - How to proceed? 42, unchanging. I think Yi might be using this unchanging hexagram to show you how to move forward without relationship with him. 42 unchanging - Increase and Blessing, self-contained.

There is a lot of profound advice in hexagram 42 about how to live in a state of blessing. It especially emphasises being flexible, not setting limits, and not trying to set anything in stone. Some quotations:

'Increase, enriching power and virtue. Increase, enduring enrichment: not establishing anything.' (from the Great Treatise)

'Increase stirs things to action and is their gentle support. Going forward in the day without limit. Heaven expands, earth gives birth. Your increase has no limits. The way (dao) of universal Increase. In harmony with the sacred season, moving with it.' (from the commentary)

'Wind and thunder. Increase.
The noble one sees improvement, and so she changes.
When there is too much, she corrects it.'
(the Image)

I think if you start reading all this as talking about the blessing that's poured out for you, directly - nothing to do with relationship with him - it might make a difference.

[moonrise]

Hi, everyone,

I am sorry it took so long to get backt o you.
I appreciate all your insights...I feel much better now and I did grow in understanding of what was happening.

I have one more question...I will post in a different thread.

thanks again!