hexagram 21 lines 4 and 5 becoming hexagram 42 please help!

[sparkler]

I asked the i ching if i should end my very challenging relationship with my boyfriend and the answer i got was hexagram 21 lines 4 and 5 changing to hexagram 42. Can anyone help with the correct interpretation of this please? I would be most grateful.:)

[vincent]

Hi Sparkler, can't resist to reply on this mail. Yesterday I asked the I Ching what the effect on me would be if I would do something alone (instead of asking for help from others). I got exactly the same answer :) !! It's very strange to see exactly the same hex and moving lines a day later (ok..different context). I concluded from the answer that it would be OK to do it alone. It will not be easy in the beginning, but the outcome will be OK (hex42).

Wrt your question the answer is harder to understand (at least for me). If you would have asked "what would be the effect on me if I break up with my boyfriend?" I would say it would be a clear "Do it". However, you asked if you should break up. It's also possible now to read that you should deal with things happening, but that it will will get better afterwards.
I wonder what the reactions of the more experienced on this forum will be.

GoodLuck with whatever you decide,

Vincent

[willowfox]

"I asked the i ching if i should end my very challenging relationship with my boyfriend and the answer i got was hexagram 21 lines 4 and 5 changing to hexagram 42."

Hex 21.4 if you persevere and are strong enough, and put up with all the problems in this relationship then you can keep it going, but it ain't going to be fantastic. If you work on him continuously you may just win here.

Hex 21.5 you know the problems that are associated with this relationship, you know that changes are necessary but you are not sure what to do for the best, you must decide, think it through and then take action. I suppose if you ride the storm then the relationship will rumble along but is that what you truly want?

Hex 42 if you are still with him then the relationship gets better, and the problems recede. It will be like a flower blossoming but it does not last. After a while it all goes down hill once again, if you can get him to completely change his ways then the relationship has a chance of survival, if it goes back to the original rock and roll that you have now, then that's it and soon.

You know what you now have and you see what is coming, so it's not hard to make the right decision. It is time to make or break, which box would you like to open? You know the answer, so do it.

[vincent]

Ok, I am member for only a few hours and this is my second post, but still I want to play the devils advocate here.. I know it's risky :)


Hex 42 if you are still with him then the relationship gets better, and the problems recede. It will be like a flower blossoming but it does not last. After a while it all goes down hill once again, if you can get him to completely change his ways then the relationship has a chance of survival, if it goes back to the original rock and roll that you have now, then that's it and soon.


Why is 42 refering to still being together? Maybe Sparklers life becomes much easier if she decides to leave her boyfriend. Hex 21, biting through, is also about doing justice (to yourself?) which could mean finishing what's wrong.
Maybe it would be better to ask two questions. 1) what will happen if I stay with him?, and 2) what will happen if I don't stay with him?

[hilary]

Welcome, Vincent, and thanks for being devil's advocate!

Sparkler asks, 'Should I...?'
Willowfox thinks Yi is answering as if you'd asked, 'What should I do?'
But it also seems possible that Yi would answer as if you'd asked, 'What if I did?'

In other words, this might be a picture of the effects and significance for you of breaking up, or it might be more general relationship advice. I'd be inclined to read it as a 'What if...' scenario, which seems to be saying that breaking it off (instead of making do) is a positive, decisive thing to do: you bite through some very old 'stuff' and discover something of great value (maybe within yourself).

If this leaves you confused, then Vincent's suggested questions would help. You might only want or need to ask #2, since you already know what staying with him is like.

[dobro]

"I asked the i ching if i should end my very challenging relationship with my boyfriend and the answer i got was hexagram 21 lines 4 and 5 changing to hexagram 42."

Hex 21's about busting through some sort of resistance or wrongdoing. Hex 42's about augmenting or putting more into the situation. Now, I don't know enough about the situation to be very useful here, but one of two situations seems to be imaged in the Yi's response to your question:

* Possibility one: the Yi's saying something like: "There's some issue that you absolutely have to bite through here, and this will represent a real increase of value or knowledge or being for you."

* Possibility two: the Yi's saying something like: "By biting through this relationship (cuz it's fundamentally flawed) you will be increased rather than diminished."

So, what's the Yi telling you to bite through here? An issue in the relationship, or the whole relationship? What's your gut feeling?

[willowfox]

Hi vincent

If sparkler makes up her mind, hex 21.5, and leaves the guy, then the advice given by hex 42 will not apply to the relationship because it does not exist anymore.

But if sparkler tries to make a further go of the relationship, hex 21.4,5, persevering in the face of danger, then hex 42 will be the next step in the relationship.

So, when I said if she was still with him, hex 42, I am not sure if it will be over before hex 42 starts its action. It seems that a breaking point is coming soon for this relationship, it cannot carry on in the way it has up until now. The guy has to seriously change his attitude, mood etc. Whether sparkler can wear him down is doubtful because she has been unable to do it to date, therefore future success does not look good.

Biting through his shell to find a warm and understanding human being or biting through this relationship to find something better elsewhere. She is the yin, the soft one trying to clamp down on the strong one, the boyfriend, but if he does not see her point of view then she must punish him. The thing is can she make that decision without going weak at the knees, and therefore carrying on with this relationship that has become a form of punishment for her.

"Hilary said,
Sparkler asks, 'Should I...?'
Willowfox thinks Yi is answering as if you'd asked, 'What should I do?'
But it also seems possible that Yi would answer as if you'd asked, 'What if I did?'

When sparkler said "should I..? I believe that the idea of calling it a day is well and truly in her thoughts.

[dobro]

"The thing is can she make that decision without going weak at the knees, and therefore carrying on with this relationship that has become a form of punishment for her."

And the Yi mentions something else as well that might offer some meager confidence in a situation like this. Right? Vincent saw it in a good way.

[willowfox]

" Maybe Sparklers life becomes much easier if she decides to leave her boyfriend. Hex 21, biting through, is also about doing justice (to yourself?) which could mean finishing what's wrong."

Sparklers life will become easier if she leaves him and in doing so brings justice to herself for a relationship that was either wrong from the start or went wrong later .

But, again, will she be strong enough to make that decision or will she be too soft on the guy and persevere in this relationship, hoping that that it will get better. If she perseveres with it, tells him the story, he may just slow down enough for the theme of hex 42 to come into play, but it does not last and soon his old habits resurface again, perhaps worse than now. So in the short term cut, in the long term, some good times and then back to the past, then cut.

[dobro]

Well, I was thinking of justice being rendered, for sure - although I think it could be rendered in various ways in this situation. I think Vincent's really expressed it well, giving the idea but not specifying the form it must take. I really like the sound of 'doing justice (to yourself?)' - it leaves the application of the interpretation up to the inspiration and intuition of the querent. I love it when that happens. How about you? Yeah, I know you like people knowing what your take on questions and answers is, but do you also like it when the querent comes up with an interpretation or application all on their own, without being fed the idea directly by somebody here?

[willowfox]

Well, of course, if the person figures out the solution by themselves that is fine, but so many people in life have a hard time reaching a fortunate decision, so they need help/advice/answers, so I don't see any problem with that.

[dobro]

"Well, of course, if the person figures out the solution by themselves that is fine"

My take on it is that it's better than 'fine' - it's 'so fine'. Nothing better.

But you're right about people needing help sometimes. That's where the Yi comes in. But as for you and me and the other interpreters, I think our style is best for querents when the reading's a nudge, rather than spelled out in detail.

But here's me spelling it out in detail to you lol. I've done it before too. But just cuz I'm guilty of it doesn't mean it's not a wonderful ideal or direction or standard. I think we can learn how to realize it as well. If you can read a symbol, you can learn how to interpret with a nudge. I've tried both approaches - the nudge and the slap upside the head - the nudge works better in my experience. As a rule of thumb. Nudge. lol

[hilary]

When sparkler said "should I..? I believe that the idea of calling it a day is well and truly in her thoughts.
Yes, that's what I think, too - which is why I habitually read answers to 'Should I [make this big change]?' as answers to 'What'd it mean for me if I did?' - unless something different really leaps off the page at me.

Sparkler, I hope you're still reading and will post to let us know how you're getting on, before we (/I) go off on too many tangents here about general principles of divination. Please feel free to nudge us back on topic any time.

[sparkler]

hi all... thanks, you have given me lots to think about and thanks for your thoughts on the meaning of this...you have given me lots to think about...perhaps i could have worded the question differently to lessen the chance of an ambiguous answer... i took the answer to mean that yes, this will be a challenging relationship but that if i stick it out eventually things will improve...i will ask the I Ching as has been suggested,"what would it be like if i did end the relationship"...or can anyone suggest a more effective question for this situation...i am afraid this relationship has been a very challenging one...my boyfriend is often uncommunicative for days...often does not answer my calls...then suddenly reappears as if nothing has happened...this in turn makes me annoyed and therefore we often have arguments...although we do have happy periods were we do seem to communicate they do not last long...when i have challenged him he says he finds it hard to trust...i have asked him if he is seeing other women but he says he is not...it is so confusing...he seems so ambivalent about me...although he has told me a number of times that he loves me...we have been seeing each other for nine months now and it is very frustrating...would be grateful for any suggestions for how i could word a question on this to the I Ching... many thanks, Sparkler:)

[vincent]

...i will ask the I Ching as has been suggested,"what would it be like if i did end the relationship"...or can anyone suggest a more effective question for this situation...

The question looks O.K. to me. Sometimes I make it a question about a certain period, like "what would be the effect on me the coming six months if I.......?"

Good Luck :)

[sparkler]

hi all, i asked the I Ching, "what will be the outcome if i stay in this relationship?"...the answer i got was hexagram 11 lines 2 and 3 changing to hexagram 24...any thoughts on this please? It seems a bit of a contrast to hexagram 21.:)

[willowfox]

"i asked the I Ching, "what will be the outcome if i stay in this relationship?"...the answer i got was hexagram 11 lines 2 and 3 changing to hexagram 24."

Hex 11.2 is about putting up with uncultured people, the rough and ready, your boyfriend, in a gentle and passive way, trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Hex 11.3 expect a very bumpy time in this relationship, it will not be a smooth journey, your good luck is running out fast here.

Hex 24 return/turning point, return to a former state, being single, the time of darkness will end(the relationship). The old is discarded and the new is introduced, being single allows you freedom of movement and many friends can come and go, therefore a time of joy. This hex indicates the end of November.

[dobro]

hi all, i asked the I Ching, "what will be the outcome if i stay in this relationship?"...the answer i got was hexagram 11 lines 2 and 3 changing to hexagram 24...any thoughts on this please? It seems a bit of a contrast to hexagram 21.:)

Well, you got a very different response because you asked a very different question. Your first question was about ending the relationship, so the Yi responded with Hex 21 to deal with that issue - very appropriate, I thought.

Now, you're asking about staying in the relationship - a completely different scenario - so the Yi responds with a completely different image. The image which is appropriate to your idea of staying in the relationship is 11.2.3>24. I think the two active lines are really interesting in the context of your question, but I'll focus on just 11>24 for the time being. The Yi's saying something like: "Well, now that you're asking about *staying* in the relationship, the situation's like this: heaven communicates itself to earth in a way that brings you back to where you belong."

So, ending the relationship means biting through something that needs to be bitten or chewed through (that could be something in you or it could be something in the relationship); staying in the relationship means a very gracious flow or communication or energy that brings you back to where you belong. Which would you prefer?

[sparkler]

thanks for that willowfox...anyone else have any ideas on the interpretation of this?

[sparkler]

oh and thanks to you too dobro

[dobro]

By the way, I think you have to take Willowfox's reading pretty seriously too. Not the bluntness, not the negativity, not the avoidance of the main meaning of Hex 11 - but there's a possibility that her reading of 11.2 and 11.3 applies here - those two lines could be interpreted as saying something like: "If you stay in the relationship, you'll just end up leaving him behind, although that'll mean some ups and downs, and then you'll be back where you were before you got involved with the guy."

The reason I put a more positive spin on it is cuz overall, Hex 11 is a really positive situation. Probably Willowfox would respond to that with something like: "Yes, it's positive because it contains the elements of her leaving the guy, which is positive for her in the end and overall." But I think I should let Willowfox do her own responding lol.

[willowfox]

Well, hex 11 taken on its own gives a very positive answer but that is not the answer that you received. You received hex 11.2,3 which say if you stay in this relationship then it will remain unpleasant, the text says that you know what to expect so don't complain when it becomes a reality. Okay, its negative if you wish to remain in this "relationship" but positve if you want to call it a day.
Hex 24 gives you a positive answer to leave this guy, returning to what you had before, freedom, being single. It is a cycle, your relationship was a cycle which has now completed itself, so time to change, do something new and fresh, discard the old way of life, the one that included this guy.
Perhaps you will take a journey somewhere in December, if this is the case it will give you the much needed time to examine your life, then you will have to make that choice about your future. Prolong the agony or go on to better things?

Sparkler wrote;
" i took the answer to mean that yes, this will be a challenging relationship but that if i stick it out eventually things will improve.." hex 21.4 > 42

You have either misunderstood the answer or not read it properly, the overall answer to your first question was telling you it is soon time to pack your bags and leave.

[sparkler]

oh dear, that is a blunt and negative reply...no subtlety there! It just seems a little odd to me that if staying in this relationship would be entirely negative that i should receive hexagram 11...albeit with lines 2 and 3...i know i am fairly new to all this but it seems to me that there are many other hexagrams that would have served the purpose if the situation was without remedy...it is a challenging relationship; my boyfriend has his problems with trusting etc...but does that mean i necessarily have to walk away? For a relationship to be valid does it have to be totally smooth and without conflict? Surely we can learn something from these challenges? What do others think...is willowfoxs' interpretation the most fitting to the situation?:)

[vincent]

oh dear, that is a blunt and negative reply...no subtlety there!
.........................................
What do others think...is willowfoxs' interpretation the most fitting to the situation?:)

I don't see 11->24 as negative as some others on this forum, but the only opinion that matters is yours.
My advise would be not to visit this forum anymore for one or two weeks, don't play with three coins in that period, and think things over quietly. I am sure you will make up your mind and know what to do eventually.

Whatever you decide, make the best of it!!!! :)

[bruce_g]

I think the gist of both readings is, you get from it what you put into it. You’ll have to bite down hard at times, but there’s also rewards you’ll find. If you want the increase and harmony you’ll both have to deal with each other’s idiosyncrasies. There’s ups and there’s downs. It’s up to you both to make it work, or not. But I do see a lot of potential in this relationship, based on these readings.

[sparkler]

thanks for that bruce...there seem to be a number of ways of looking at these readings...

[bruce_g]

thanks for that bruce...there seem to be a number of ways of looking at these readings...

Most welcome. Yes, there are.

[sparkler]

i just asked the I Ching "what are my partners true intentions towards me?", and got hexagram 32 with no moving lines...can anyone make any sense of this in the context of the earlier readings? ...many thanks sparkler:)

[willowfox]

"what are my partners true intentions towards me?", and got hexagram 32.

He sees himself as the dominant partner and you as the gentle and submissive woman, the married couple. He takes no notice of the problems in the relationship, he is quite happy to continue as is, he is not going to change. He has settled the matter in his mind how he wants the relationship to be and that is that.

[dobro]

"what are my partners true intentions towards me?", and got hexagram 32.

He sees himself as the dominant partner and you as the gentle and submissive woman, the married couple. He takes no notice of the problems in the relationship, he is quite happy to continue as is, he is not going to change. He has settled the matter in his mind how he wants the relationship to be and that is that.

And now, in exactly the same quadrant, a more positive spin:

"Your partner's intentions are constant, unswerving and reliable."

So, you've seen Willowfox's downside take and my more upbeat one. (A *perfect* illustration of the disadvantage of working online with more than one reader lol...) So, which one rings more true for you? Cuz it all comes down to you, to *your* intuition and feeling and decision.

[hilary]

32 makes it sound as though this is a classic case of one partner having a 'problem relationship' while the other is unaware of having anything of the kind.

To connect with the previous readings: 32 talks about enduring, settled patterns. Your moving lines in 21 talk about old, dried meat to bite through. (And how biting through this old stuff, quite possibly by ending the relationship, would bring you to something of lasting value.) So here is a tricky correlation - it may be that the patterns in the relationship are comfortable for him, but something you really need to engage with for the sake of your own development.

And your reading about staying in the relationship points to a strong drive towards change, at least for you: 11.2 has a powerful feeling of isolation and fear of not being truly seen; I don't believe this is something you can just 'live with'. And 11.3 talks about accepting the whole package ("emotional experiences can go down as well as up...") and being willing to put in the work without reserve. But is he interested in working to change things? This sounds like a good question to ask him, rather than Yi.

[bruce_g]

32 makes it sound as though this is a classic case of one partner having a 'problem relationship' while the other is unaware of having anything of the kind.

To connect with the previous readings: 32 talks about enduring, settled patterns. Your moving lines in 21 talk about old, dried meat to bite through. (And how biting through this old stuff, quite possibly by ending the relationship, would bring you to something of lasting value.) So here is a tricky correlation - it may be that the patterns in the relationship are comfortable for him, but something you really need to engage with for the sake of your own development.

And your reading about staying in the relationship points to a strong drive towards change, at least for you: 11.2 has a powerful feeling of isolation and fear of not being truly seen; I don't believe this is something you can just 'live with'. And 11.3 talks about accepting the whole package ("emotional experiences can go down as well as up...") and being willing to put in the work without reserve. But is he interested in working to change things? This sounds like a good question to ask him, rather than Yi.

I concur 100%.

This reminds me of so many relationships. She says, we need to talk. He takes a deep breath and asks, what now? Soon they’re in counseling, where he’s told he needs to learn how to express his thoughts and feelings better. Maybe he does. Or, maybe she just needs to chill out and not hound him so much or try to change him. Either way, they’re not going to change each other’s basic nature.

[trojan]

: 11.2 has a powerful feeling of isolation and fear of not being truly seen; I don't believe this is something you can just 'live with'.things? .

Really :eek: ? I never saw it like that before. Isolation and fear ?

[bruce_g]

Really :eek: ? I never saw it like that before. Isolation and fear ?

I can see isolation in 11.2 in terms of not being able to rely on the kind of support one might hope for, and that would call for a greater degree of self reliance. Basically, a time to gather ones own equilibrium and foresight.

[willowfox]

"So, you've seen Willowfox's downside take and my more upbeat one. (A *perfect* illustration of the disadvantage of working online with more than one reader"

Sparkler wrote and I quote:
"i am afraid this relationship has been a very challenging one...my boyfriend is often uncommunicative for days...often does not answer my calls...then suddenly reappears as if nothing has happened...this in turn makes me annoyed and therefore we often have arguments...although we do have happy periods were we do seem to communicate they do not last long...when i have challenged him he says he finds it hard to trust...i have asked him if he is seeing other women but he says he is not...it is so confusing...he seems so ambivalent about me...although he has told me a number of times that he loves me...we have been seeing each other for nine months now and it is very frustrating..."

I believe it is a matter of taking all the provided evidence into consideration before making a judgement. Therefore, there is nothing *upbeat* or *positive* about this relationship or reading, and there lies the problem with working with more than one reader especially in this case.

"what are my partners true intentions towards me?", and got hexagram 32.

"He sees himself as the dominant partner and you as the gentle and submissive woman, the married couple. He takes no notice of the problems in the relationship, he is quite happy to continue as is, he is not going to change. He has settled the matter in his mind how he wants the relationship to be and that is that."

[dobro]

Fair enough. Good call, willowfox.

[trojan]

I can see isolation in 11.2 in terms of not being able to rely on the kind of support one might hope for, and that would call for a greater degree of self reliance. Basically, a time to gather ones own equilibrium and foresight.

Mmm thanks. I can see the idea of being self reliant, the 'fear' and 'isolation' suprised me.

[sparkler]

thanks for your replies...is it possible that hexagram 32 could be positive? maybe his intentions towards me are genuine but as yet there are communication difficulties...this is what i feel intuitively...hopefully these difficulties can be overcome...:)

[willowfox]

Hi sparkler,

"is it possible that hexagram 32 could be positive? "

Not in this case.

"hopefully these difficulties can be overcome"

Well, you have seen the answers, so now the best thing for you to do is to wait and see what the future decides to give you. You should be well prepared now for whatever may happen.

[hilary]

11.2 is one of those lines with about 253 possible translations with half a dozen interpretations for each. Anyway, I'd go for:

'Embracing emptiness, using it to cross the river without a boat.
Not distanced from the forsaken.
Friends disappear.
Gaining recognition, moving to the centre.'

It's the moment where 11 flows towards 36, brightness hiding. It begins with 'emptiness', which can be the sensation of being in the wasteland - but it's also a kind of lightness, because you're without expectations. Another translation for 'embracing emptiness' is 'gourd-hollow' - something you can tie on as a buoyancy aid when you set out to cross the river.

It also feels dangerously close to losing connections, losing friends - and I think there is a sense here that if you're not seen, you might disappear too. You cross the river towards the centre to be recognised, and perhaps to find a mate.

So on the one hand there are these existential fears of being lost, and on the other hand the opportunity to make a commitment and move towards the centre - which might just mean something more solid and real. Like most lines with the big images like this, it doesn't always manifest in such epic form - but there's got to be some call here for commitment and change, to get to the other side of the fear. Or that's how I see it, anyway.

"Is it possible that hexagram 32 could be positive?"
I really think it depends on what you decide to see as 'positive'. 32 suggests constancy and a willingness to continue. You don't seem happy with what you have - so the question is whether he's interested in both continuing and changing, and if so what kind of change. (He may just not have any idea how things could be different.) And this is not a question you will get answered by reading replies here... :)

"She says, we need to talk. He takes a deep breath and asks, what now?"
Or maybe he says "Huh?"
Or "Not now, I'm watching the football."
(With a strong Martian accent. I know John Gray simplifies things a lot, but I do think he should be required reading.)

[bruce_g]

Mmm thanks. I can see the idea of being self reliant, the 'fear' and 'isolation' suprised me.

Fear and isolation is a bit extreme, yes. Howzabout insecure?

[hilary]

Could we settle for a continuum, with mild insecurity at one end and existential angst at the other, and assume 11.2 comes somewhere along it?

[bruce_g]

Or maybe he says "Huh?"
Or "Not now, I'm watching the football."
(With a strong Martian accent. I know John Gray simplifies things a lot, but I do think he should be required reading.)

Yes, we're letting this guy off the hook a bit cuz he's not here to defend his actions, or non-actions.

Maybe if she didn't say "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache," he wouldn't be as interested in football? Then again, maybe if he paid attention to her more during the day, she wouldn't be as prone to night time headaches? In any case, a little 31 can help 32 along quite nicely.

[bruce_g]

Could we settle for a continuum, with mild insecurity at one end and existential angst at the other, and assume 11.2 comes somewhere along it?

Yes, I'd concede to that for 11.2, sans the "mild" part.

I've never seen a successful enduring relationship where insecurity is deeply rooted in one or the other partner. And, isn't it also true that the insecure one seeks out one who appears strong and nearly unaffected?

It's a universal plot, I tells ya. But there are exceptions, and they're beautiful to behold.

[trojan]

Could we settle for a continuum, with mild insecurity at one end and existential angst at the other, and assume 11.2 comes somewhere along it?

Lol I don't know if I could agree to such a settlement ;) but I think Hilary wants some peace .

Seriously though i always thought this was about the blandest line in the Yi, just stuff about walking in the middle (?) and not forgetting distant friends, I always thought it was about being calm and neutral and walking straight on without looking sideways. This other interpretation is much more interesting though more disturbing. I need to update my mental 11 files, never, never have I associated anything of 11 to do with alienation - but I will now :bows:

[sparkler]

thanks all again for your interpretations and ideas...i am very appreciative...as i said i personally do feel that with some effort on both our parts things may improve in the relationship...but as i have said earlier my partner often is uncommunicative and a barrier comes down...perhaps i am putting to much pressure on him...perhaps by demanding that we talk things through so much i am actually making things more difficult for him...perhaps i should distance myself a little from this situation...i do know that he has got financial pressures...he is a currently unemployed teacher but in the process of applying for jobs...this must take up a lot of his emotional energy...sometimes he does open up a bit to talk about this..but mostly he keeps things to himself...which is a shame because i would like to be supportive...lately though he has stated to talk a little more about things...i asked the i ching "will things improve in my relationship with my partner?"...the answer i received was hexagram 13 lines 2 and 5 becoming hexagram 14...any thoughts on this? many thanks, sparkler:)

[hilary]

sometimes he does open up a bit to talk about this..but mostly he keeps things to himself...which is a shame because i would like to be supportive...

Have you read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray? I know it's a cliché, but it became one for a reason. I honestly think we're all born with no clue at all about the opposite sex. Women go through life thinking asking him to talk about his problems is 'supportive'; men go through thinking that working out a logical solution to her problems for her is 'helpful'. (And/or that keeping silence sends a reassuring message of trust!)

(Reading-wise: I think you've reached the point of diminishing returns, and that communication with your partner would be much more helpful.)

[sparkler]

...thanks hilary!...i will certainly read that book...i have heard of it...i will go down to my local bookshop here in london tomorrow and see if they have it in stock...or i will order it...anyone else have any ideas on the interpretation of my last reading?... dare i say tentatively that it seemed quite positive...would much appreciate any thoughts... many thanks, sparkler:)

[willowfox]

"i asked the i ching "will things improve in my relationship with my partner?"...the answer i received was hexagram 13 lines 2 and 5 becoming hexagram 14..."

Hex 13.2 at the moment you should not try to push matters, it could well lead to further upsets.

Hex 13.5 the situation is very distressing but be patient, you are separated mentally and perhaps physically, he is thinking about you as you are thinking about him, there are still problems to overcome, so you feel sad but the relationship will certainly improve, a time for happiness is coming soon.

Hex 14 is quite positive, he will become your pride and joy.

[sparkler]

...thanks for that willowfox...lets hope so...no wonder they call the I Ching the book of change!

[willowfox]

Hi sparkler,

just to remind you of the answer that you received for the first question;

"Hex 42 if you are still with him then the relationship gets better, and the problems recede. It will be like a flower blossoming but it does not last. After a while it all goes down hill once again, if you can get him to completely change his ways then the relationship has a chance of survival, if it goes back to the original rock and roll that you have now, then that's it and soon."

Therefore, the answer that you received to the last question,("the answer i received was hexagram 13 lines 2 and 5 becoming hexagram 14") just confirms the above answer that some good times are coming soon. There is no change in your answers, they are just backing each other up. So don't be sad try to make the best you can of the situation. So roll in hay while the sun doth shine.
All your answers are like a spider's web, all the answers link to each other but just from different angles.

[sparkler]

thank you again willowfox...perhaps i put a bit of a negative slant on things from the outset by asking should i leave the relationship...therefore every subsequent reading will be seen with a negative overlay...but when i asked if i should leave the relationship i was feeling particularly annoyed with my partner...the next day my feelings changed, and i did not feel that i wanted to end the relationship...interestingly i read recently that it is best not to ask the i ching questions beginning with "should"...anyone else have any comments on my last reading..the more i ponder on the answer to my first question the more i feel it symbolises biting through a challenging situation that ultimately leads to something better...if i can stay the course!:)

[sparkler]

by the way, hilary...i've ordered the book!:)

[hilary]

Great! Hope you enjoy it. :)

[rosada]

Should I end my relationship?

21 talks about how to manage a relationship.

"JUDGEMENT: It is favorable to let justice be administered," that is, If the core agreements of a realtionship are violated you shouldn't just tolerate it, there should be consequences.

"IMAGE: The kings of former times made firm the laws through clearly defined penalties"
Interesting how even in ancient times, the writers were complaining, "Well it used to be better way back when." In The Good Old Days, or "former times", kings had firm laws and people made plans and knew what they were getting into but nowadays - 5,000 B.C. - kids just jump into things and don't know what they're doing! Anyway, the I Ching seems to be saying that now just as in FuSi's day, the younger generation is going to hell in a handbasket because basic agreements were not clearly spelled out. In this case, you have a "relationship" with a "boyfriend" but what that means, what the the rights and duties are and the consequences are isn't clear, and therefore this is why your relationship is having trouble now.

(if I'm off about this and you feel you know what you agreed to but he isn't holding up his end of the agreement/relationship then 21 is likewise clear: quit making excuses for him and realize you have no agreement/relationship.)

21.4.
Bites on dried grisly meat.
Receives metal arrows.
It furthers one to be mindful of the difficulties
And to be persevering.
Good fortune.

As Hilary said, it sounds like you've had this fight before and that you know what your issues are. Perhaps you need to be a bit stronger about insisting agreements be kept. It's difficult to refuse to compromise, to refuse to settle for less, but if you insist that agreements be kept there's a good chance you'll have good fortune.


21.5
Bites on dried lean meat.
Receives yellow gold.
Perseveringly aware of danger.
No blame.

But what about things that are important to you that he just wont agree to? There is a danger here you may tolerate behavior while you wish he were different. This line says consider he may never change. Could you live with that?

Then

42.
If he sees good, he imitates it;
If he has faults, he rids himself of them.

Thus you then ask yourself, "If knowing that he is never going to change, can I change myself?"