Hi all, Need some fast reply on an urgent issue.

[hope]

Dear all,

Urgently need some sound advice here. To begin with has a story to tell:-

We are in a group of 6; 3 boys 2 girl and me an old lady among a bunch of aquaintances. They are all nice boys and girls and treat me like one of them.

Have this girl(will call her D) who has a very complex personality due to childhood mental abuse from parents and grew up feeling extremely insecure and very low self esteem. So much so to cover her insecurity she acted tough and talk loud but actually a lonely girl at heart. She is 32 and actually quite intelligent & pretty but she always consider herself below the rest of the girls and always compare to another girl which also in this group. The guys in this group treated her more like one of the boys since she always portray herself to be tough.

In a way I can see she wanted very much to be treated as a proper lady by the guys so I did told her if she wanted to be treated like a lady she has to start acting like one instead of complaining her guys treating her like one of the guys.

Then something bad happen. She had a major disagreement with one acquaintance and this acquaintance was really teasing her only and he does tease other girls too but honestly it was really clean teasing nothing sly or crude BUT because she has no interest in this guy so she took offence very badly and even mouthed vulgarity at this male acquaintance.

We in this group of 6 sad to say did not realize she wanted to be tease so unintentionally join in the bantering and jibe at her as well but she turned very andgry and sour. Then we found out she was actually interested in one of the boys in this group but this boy who is 30 merely treated her as a good friend; a bosomy friend. D got so mad with us for jibing her that she left in a huff. We tried to call her but she refuse to reply.

So I ask i-ching 'What should I do with D' and I receive this hex 64 with line 5 and 6 as change.

I really want to help this D to understand that we are not making fun of her but just to have fun and we are sincerely taking her as a friend. By the way previously D like to make fun of this other girl (will call her C) in the group who is more ladylike until this 'c' got so mad with her and refuse to include 'D' for a while into any outing.

Frankly the boys and me seriously felt 'D' was very jealous of 'C' for her popularity with all the other acquaintances and especially the 3 boys in this group.


So sorry for the long and gibberish post. Hope it's understanble. When I get excited I can't do a proper job in typing.


Regards to all.

[void]

hello 'old lady' lol. My first impression is that hexagram 64 is just telling you what happened. Noone meant to hurt her but things got out of control. Sounds like all the 'bantering and teasing' was not meant harmfully, really there is friendship there (line 5) but it just went too far (line 6). The resulting hexagram 47 may indicate it will not be easy to talk her round as it says specifically that though words are spoken they will not be believed. Maybe your group will have to be patient, keep on trying to be friendly but don't expect her to come round straight away. Might be if you could find a way to 'show' her that all of you are sorry, other than just words.

Thats just my first impression, hopefully others will come along and give you their ideas too.

[jesed]

Hi Hope

Just in case the comment could be useful

1.- You need to recover your inner centerness if you want to help.

2.- One needs to understand how and why X is, before one knows how to help X

3.- Anyway, about your question
a) Objective situation: dangerous, is like a fox in the middle of an iced river. Fire and Water not in it's proper place. Disagreement. Chaos. But there is a chance for a New Begining

b) Subjective situation (not D's subjective situation but your's subjective situation faced to the Objective situation): inner danger and confusion (your thoughts are like a turbulent river); outer passion (an impassioned, but not necessary wise, action). But, if you can get an inner clear vision and outer fluent action you can avoid danger.

c) The way Noble acts in this objective situation:
"be cautious when differentiating things so that each finds its place" (lise's translation) One has to understand the situation before act: what is the situation? what elements are interacting? how they are interacting? what kind of interaction is better for all?

d) Something you should understand/do: recover the trust but avoid excesses. Familiarity is something good in a group, but be aware when familiarity leads to disrespect.

e) your goal must be avoid discomfort

Best wishes

[stuart]

I think the situation is one where caution is needed to restore order.line five and six of 64 seems to predict order being established-But danger of disorder again in the last line.Perhaps someone will be arguementative again-bringing disorder and order.64 -5-6. changes to six-6 then hex47.Six -6 is a very contentious line predicting someone who is found of contention.hex 47 a situation that has become exhausted.I think it would be best if the young lady was to ignore the others thus showing her resolve.Perhaps the others will realise its not amusing to tease someone who may be embarased about her hurt feelings.This is a difficult situation which seems to be liable to swing either way from line 5 and 6 of 64.

[rosada]

Void has said the hexagrams seem to discribe what has happened. and Jesed mentions that before one can know how to help, one needs to know what the situation is. So perhaps these hexagrams have been given to us so we can know what the situation is and then know how to help.

Viewing them from the perspective that these hexagrams are telling us what has happened, I echo what Void says above. The friendly teasing got out of hand and now the girl is feeling very down, exhausted, and may feel that if she were to come back to the group she wouldn't get any apologies but rather she'd have to just put on a happy face.

So in view of this, what should Hope do? The I Ching doesn't seem to say exactly action Hope should take, but I would infer from this that the girl will not come back if something isn't done. Perhaps Hope alone cannot do anything. Perhaps the question should be "What should the group do?" Anyway, personally I feel the incident should be brought up with the group and disscussed. It's like everyone should recognize what happened and why and maybe the group decides what should be done. No need to cast blame, but if nothing is said there is a lingering group guilt. The group might want to all go to her house with a cake!

Rosada

[hope]

Hi all,

Thanks for the wonderful quick reply. Just to give a little more insight to this 'D' personality. As mention she sufferes from inferiority complex and tries to cover it by being a loud mouth so that was why guys treated her as one of them instead of a lady. BUT on the other hand she wanted guys to flirt with her and yet when someone flirted with her she reacted to it very strongly because this potential suitor is not whom she wants to flirt with. SHE wanted the other guy; that is in the same group to tease her.

I mean you can't really choose who should flirt with you or not right? And seriously the guy in the group only wants her as a friend and have no intention of wanting her to be someone special as this guy has make it perfectly clear to us all and even confided in some of us because he senses this 'D' like him exceptionally more than the rest of the guys in the same group.

Trouble is the other guy outside this group didn't know it and was just being friendly and tease her. In fact this other guy teases the other girl 'C' that is in the same group with us to.

At this very moment everyone knows she is being irrational and she still continues to do so which the rest of the people in this group is slowly getting very annoyed instead of being sympathetic already. Looking at it this way I sincerely think she may eventually lose this group's friendship.

[jesed]

Hi Hope

I understood "that is the way you think reality is".

But, your are pointing something (real or not) to avoid your's or group's responsability.. even if you didn't mean to hurt D, IN FACT you did hurt D making fun of her (line 6 of 64)

Can you, and the group, recognize that? can you and the group, correct that? Otherwise, you and the group will need to justify the lack of sympaty with D (as seems you are alredy doing, pointing to D's personality)

When we ask about relationships or groups or communities or nations, the Global sense of Hexagram shows the objective situation, BUT the lines shows the subjective situation OF CONSULTANT in front of the objective situation.

It means, the lines talk about you, not about D. You are the one who needs to re-gain trustfull (from D), you are the one who needs to be aware of disrespect.

(I want to say that I'm not saying D's personality is OK, neither that you or the group are "evil". I'm just saying what the answer is enphatizing to solve the situation: recognize what is the real problem... familiarity had lead the group to disrespect)

Best wishes