Hex 60 and a Musician I met

[anita]

Hello Fellow Seekers,

Okay, I know I said I'm not interested in romance any longer - but as someone on a very interesting thread mentioned recently - love is an addiction, and one can fall in love again and again, and out of it too again and again. Sigh.

This cool musician from the US contacted me recently through a dating site and said he was here in Chennai for a dissertation on south indian classical music. Lots of phone calls from Chennai where we poured our lives out to each other and he was 'bowled over'- so much so that he came running to Bangalore, despite an injured hand. And despite the fact that he's nine years younger - which I was upfront about.

Gorgeous man, very talented. Got me lots of presents - music (his too) and books. We spent two days together and had a great time, and I was proud I could still be celibate. He was a gentleman because he did not insist, but his kisses surpass any I have yet experienced.


Took him to my Temple, and he said he was gonna come back for the Ceremony (no Sensei there now). I did not pick him up from the raiilways station - neither did I drop him early in the morning - which I think was disastrous.

I know he must have missed his train and had to wait 5 hours for the next one - he'd said he'd call, but he didn't after that. Doesn't answer when I call. I did find him rather arrogant though - the way he cribbed about conditions in Chennai - Madras and the way he fought and cursed the cab drivers here.

I threw hex 60 for his returning for the Ceremony - lines 4, 5 and 6 moving. Changing to a negative 38. Which means he's not coming back, right?

I feel guilty - when someone who's interested in a serious relationship with you comes all the way, injured or not, with gifts, you should at least pick him up and drop him.

Too late, I suppose. What do you think?

[cellofellow]

I'll see if I can help.

I wonder if the reading is about the extant that you allow yourself to fall in love? Maybe this is what limitation is about, limiting your feelings. Wilhelm's lines talk about contented limitation, sweet limitation, and galling limitation. So maybe allow yourself to fall, but within limits. But not too much of a limit, that would be galling.

The image for opposition says "...amid all fellowship the superior man retains his individuality". Could this be about making sure you feel like a whole person yourself, before getting involved with someone romantically?

Don't know if I'm way off here, but hope this helps.

[stuart]

Perhaps this refers to your disciplined outlook on relationships.line 4 comfortable and safe structures.line 5 self discipline is the key to your happiness.line 6 do not be to hard on yourself over these issues; as they are right for you.
Others less spirtual than you will find this restricting, beware of people who take advantage of the good nature of others.It takes a special person to understand your outlook.perhaps the hex 38 is refering to this and also oposition between the sexes.

[cguleff]

Anita,

I feel I Ching is suggesting that you view this encounter as a learning experience: 38 represents opposition in small matters and the concept of limitation in 60 does not imply total blockage, just limitations in this situation. You did well under the circumstances.

Picking him up or dropping him off would not have affected things long term. You received mixed signals and were lucky he displayed more than one aspect of himself on one visit. He didn't hide his less desireable traits. You met someone who is charming, creative, and communicative, but also self-centered and demanding. He is an explorer who can reveal much of himself to others, but is currently incapable or unprepared to commit himself to a serious relationship.

Anita, you're doing fine! There's nothing wrong with wanting or seeking romance, the real goal is to discover the qualities you require in a desirable suitor and the circumstances necessary to create a successful relationship.

Take Care and Best Wishes,
Chris

[void]

Maybe the Yi Jing can't figure out if you are celibate why you are trying to meet men on dating sites ????

[void]

I say this because a short time ago here you posted regarding taking a vow of celibacy. The Yi Jing advised against it, I think you received 58, 6 maybe. Anyway as I recall you disagreed with most peoples view on your reading and insisted it was the right time to take the vow.

Now you post about a possible romance so you seem to have put aside this vow that was such a weighty issue a month or two ago ?

Looks like the advice given on that thread was right then, you were not ready as you are so easily distracted from it.

Either you are celibate or asking about a 'serious relationship' - or maybe you think you are asking about a serious relationship, that just involves kissing without sex, lol lol lol, I didn't know celibacy was such a broad term..

Actually I don't think it is....You (might) need to define your limits and boundaries as in deciding if you are celibate or not, to take and break vows or not...to chase the sexiness of a vow or a man or not. I don't think the issue here is whether he returns or not - looks more to me about what you're doing..

[anita]

Thank you all for replying- Stuart - how right you are - perhaps he finds it difficult to live up to my expectations, but then he knew what to expect - we talked about everything before we met, and he had plans to carry me away to sing in his band.

Chris - yeah, nothing wrong, right? Thanks. Somehow don't think I'll ever find the one.

Void - you're asking me what I already brought up in the beginning of my post. I have not taken any vows. I plan to sometime in the future - far future since Zennin must come to India for that.

I know celibacy can be many things to many people. To me kissing is better than going all the way. It's something rather new for me, so I'm proud of it. I think ejaculation may have something to do with accumulating karma - all those babies down the drain. excuse me for saying so.

But as I said, this longing for love and romance doesn't seem to go away - it had then after a bad experience.

Thank you all and best for your quest

Anita

[anita]

Oh yeah, and Cello -- you're so right too. Love? I thought for a bit that I could fall for him, but then I saw this arrogant side to him -and I wondered. It's not easy for me to fall for someone. And especially not today when I believe that vegetarianism is compassion. The onion-garlic doesn't matter much - it's really the advanced level - too much for beginners. Although I did not grudge his eating meat.

Merry Christmas Everyone!