Another relationship question - please help?

[jross]

Hello all,

I recently wrote this thread and put it on the divination discussion page and had some wonderful feedback from Matt - so I was wondering what sort of feedback I would get if I put it on the friends discussion page. Again, here is an explanation of my current problem.

I am writing again to ask for some advice. I have written a number of times with the same question. Some of you may remember - I'll explain in brief.

Stuart and I were dating for 10 months of which I subsequently finished because he was unable to offer me more commitment. At the time, he seemed reluctant for the retaionship to end. Since then we have seen each other casually (always with me asking if we are getting back together - to which he replys "no we're not....I don't know what I want"). So I have tried to reserve my dignity and avoid him at all costs, but he is unable to let go and I am not prepared to continue with things the way they are unless he offers me 100%. I'm not asking for marraige or kids, just a little more emotional support. He was hurt very badly by his previous girlfriend who ran off with his best friend which has made him rather fearful of getting involved again because I think he thinks it may happen again.

As much as I love him I am not prepared to be treated as a substitute for loneliness and deep down I think he knows he has something pretty special with me. I have given him much love and support over the last year or so, but have now moved on and am with someone else who DOES want the marriage and kids, but I'm not sure if he is the ONE I want as I still have Stuart printed firmly in my head. I have not heard from Stuart for a few weeks now and I am sad that maybe it really is over and that he has given up on us and now we are both headed in different directions.

I asked the I Ching yesterday if "at some point in the future will I have to make a choice between the two (or be given the chance to choose between them)" and it came up with Hex 51.2 - changing to 54. Can anyone offer me some advice or help on this please?

I read it as something I have lost perhaps making its way back to me......does this mean Stuart or maybe this is what I am reading it to mean (or hoping it might mean)? Maybe it means letting go and finding my own happiness again?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you to you all.


Love Minne x

[julie]

I don't think you can know exactly what will come back to you, but I'd be surprised if it was something as straightforward and external as Stuart. I find that the Yi tends to speak to me on a pretty internal level. So I'd be more inclined to think of it as something within you returning to yourself.

51 is about getting all shook up, and holding onto what matters anyway. It's when the thunderclap scares the bejeezus out of you but you don't drop the ceremonial cup anyway. So I think it's telling you to be prepared: you're going to get shaken up, but that's not a bad thing. Keep your cool, and recognize that you're going to lose some things in the shake-up, and you'll have to just let them go. In the end, you'll come out better off. But there's going to be some mountain-climbing along the way.

Julie

[philippa]

In addition to what Julie said above, I think 54 also says something interesting. I recall reading Bradford's translation of 54 and it always reminds me how one should try to have a long term perspective (vs. instant gratification).

The other thing to look at is the fan yao (if this has not been suggested to you already). The fan yao of 51.2 is 54.2. 54.2 describes someone with a limited vision. Think of how this relates to 51.2.

Finally, 51.2 does say you'll "gain [something] within seven days." It's somewhat related to 24 in a sense that going through life (or dealing with human relations in this case) is to deal with the ebb and flow. It's all cyclical. Your sense/feeling of loss is not here to stay.

Good luck.

Philippa

[frank]

Hi Jross,

Reading your earlier posts on the Divinationforum as well and reading between the lines of this one, besides the explanation of the answer the Yi has given I think you know the answer all along, and in the form of 51... the Yi is giving you that fact back... You talk a lot about Stuart, and that alone is an answer to whom your thoughts are going right now. Ofcourse you feel guilt towards your BF now, but the Yi is telling you that you should dare to look beyond that...

What do you REALY want...?

Hexagram 51 is about a shock... a certain realisation... And ?realising? things makes the arousement, besides the fact that you feel ?aroused? towards someone... By changing line 2 the Yi is telling you that you probably need discipline, like in an army, as line 2 is the YANG line of Hexagram 7, The Army, to get out of this situation. Feeling much love for your boyfriend now, perhaps out of guild, makes the times feel like hexagram 54... Either staying and missing Stuart, or going for Stu and missing the boyfgriend, it?s a way of compromisses. Both. So the choise is yours and your heart for which compromise you want. (As it is in ANY relationship :-D). The Yi probably also let you know by this that it is up to you to take the risk, and gamble... Because both will not give you what you want in just one person.... If there would be someone with a mixture of the physical attractiveness of Stuart besides the warm friendship and love of your boyfriend, than you probably would make a choise for that guy... aren?t you :-D?.

The Yi is NOT making the choise for you right now... although you can always ask two questions:
1. What would it be for me when I decide to go for Stuart, with all the risk involved that it will not bring what I want in the end, but I will do it anyway, otherwise I have regrets for the rest of my life?
2. What would it be for me if if I forget about Stuart and stay with my boyfriend, although he does not satisfy me as Stuart did physicly?

Then you know...

I wish you all the strengh in this and hang in there!

Hug,
Frank

[frank]

Wow, I?m realy sorry to call you Jross, Minnie! I realy do :-D... This post is ofcourse for you...!

Hang in there, Minnie.

Hug,
Frank

[frank]

O no, now I read you are both the same person... Geee :-D...

[jross]

Julie/Phillipa/Frank,

Thank you very much for your words of wisdom regarding the ongoing problems that I have.

You have all been very gracious and giving with your comments and I have taken much of them onboard.

For now though, I think it is time to reflect. I can't help but feel that I am being tested? Whatever I decide, the most important thing is that I don't hurt anyone unnecessarily. My current boyfriend has always been there for me - he is my rock and my best friend......without him I would be lost. But, Stuart is a temptation that I cannot resist, so I stay away. Simon (current) waited a whole year for me.......and when I split with Stuart he was there wanting me again (in July 2004 Simon and I had a brief 8 week relationship, but that ended because the timing was all wrong). It makes me think of the proverb/saying "if you love someone you have to set them free and if they come back to you, they are meant for you and if they don't they were never meant for you in the first place".

I am just quite confused about everything right now, but I am hoping that will change. I remain positive.

Thank you once again.


Minnie x

[jesed]

Hi Minnie

Maybe a step back... I would suggest start with a general question about YOU: general diagnosis of my sentimental time.

Maybe right now the most important thing is not chose between Stuart or Simon, but about your own heart.

best wishes