His Mother and I

[justa]

Greetings all! My relationship with my partner, that started back in July, is deepening, there have been some teething problems with our respective ex-spouses but they were to be expected and are nothing we can't handle given enough consideration. Our children all get on well too. My partner went through a bitter divorce that was a great financial drain, allowing his ex to keep the old family home, so his kids would have that security. As a result he lives in the apartment above his mother. She has always been very nice to me, welcoming me and my daughter, inviting us to family lunches etc. But she can be an odd one. Sometimes I am very comfortable with her, at other times there is a definite vibe that really baffles me. This is not an easy one to broach and I am begining to suspect she has a much stronger influence than I at first realised. I believe she even influences his attitude to our relationship and how much time we spend together. I am a mother and understand how she loves him, but the mother of a daughter, it's a different kind of bond. Obviously, I care deeply and want our relationship to work, so establishing a good friendship with her is important. I asked the Yi ' what role do I now play for his mum?' I received hex 20 lines 2\5\6 changing to hex 7 then I asked ' how should I proceed with her?' I received hex 4 lines 2\4 changing to 35. I see these as being positive but not without some problems to come? She is still making her mind up maybe? And I have to be careful? She sees me as a little ignorant? But she will come to like and accept me? Please help with this. Many thanks

[willowfox]

I get the idea that she thinks that you don't understand her son likes she does, that he has needs that only she can help him with, she sounds a bit like an old mother hen, a controller. She probably likes you well enough but are you really good enough for her son, can you really look after him properly, she obviously has her doubts. She will always see you as being an outsider, her son is what is important to her, you just happen to be his wife. Take no notice, it is not important in the bigger scheme of things, just don't antagonize her ever.

You have to tolerate her, just let her play her mother game without taking any insult from it, understand her point of view then you will realize that she really means no harm to you, so let her be as there is no point in trying to get her to change her one sided point of view. Humour her, let her be right, cause no point in arguing as she will only become more deeply entrenched.

[justa]

Hi WillowFox, yes thanks for that, it does of course make perfect sense. In fact, last week this lady made a point of telling me how her ex-daughter-in-law had never ever understood her son and never tried. And how he was quite easy to understand really!!! Hopefully he will be in a position to move apartments soon xx

[willowfox]

Yes, the further away you can get him from "mummy" the better. I think she is quite harmless as long as you don't upset her.