What happened ? 53.4

[two_blueeyes]

Hello all and Happy Holidays,
I asked asked a few questions about a relationship , which Widowfox was so helpful in responding, . Those readings were right on .

I have decided to step back from the relationship, for the most part I found it to just to confusing for my taste.
A little back ground.
We have been dating for about 5 months now, it never really progressed to much.
I honestly do not know why. When we spent time together it was great ! Never fought or anything. He would confuse me.... when together, he was affectionate and caring. A lot of times tho, it seemed like he was rushing things, talk of marriage, moving in together ect..... the only problem with this was .. they were not consistant with his actions. We would only see each other once a week, sometimes it would be every 2 weeks. ( I do need to be fair his job takes him out of town twice a week for overnight)
His phone calls were random also. He would call out of the blue and say things like, we need to see each other more ... I really , really like you... talking fast and excited like.
I was left with WTF brought that on type feeling. Then he would disappear for awhile.
I did try and talk to him.. only got that he was stressed and having some problems.
I just never could get on the same book with him, let alone the same page. Never knew what we were. Bottom line was that he was way to hot... or way to cold... nothing in the middle.
So I told him, that he needed to work on what was stressing him out so much and I was stepping away. I did not end it for good... but for now.
Right now.. am in the whatever happens ... happens mode.
I have been trying to get some insight as to what may of happen between us.

1. what was my role in the failure of my relationship with X ?
55 lines 1 & 5 to 31
2. What was X's role in the failure of our relationship ?
36 lines 3 & 6 to 27
3. What was the situation that led to the failure of the relationship
53.4

Thank you so much for your insights.

[my_key]

1. what was my role in the failure of my relationship with X ?
55 lines 1 & 5 to 31


55 - The noble one decides lawsuits and carries out punishments
55.1 - You need to be bringing constancy in your feelings to the relationship.
55.5 - Honouring the other allows the relationship to grow.
31 - How you come together and for what reasons needs to be understood.


2. What was X's role in the failure of our relationship ?
36 lines 3 & 6 to 27


36 - Hiding brightness - backing off. Not showing his true colours, staying subdued.
36.3 - He was feeling down and thought a relationship would pull him out of the doldrums.
36.6 - But it wasn't what he really was searching for. He couldn't deal with the ups and downs of the relationship.
27 - This lead to the restrictions that he imposed on teh relationship



3. What was the situation that led to the failure of the relationship
53.4


53.4 - Trying to connect with what was really important for you both led to a situations where things were not how they should be and it was felt best to pull away.

It looks like you both did the best you could to make things work out, but it was not teh right time or the right place.

Take care

Mike

[two_blueeyes]

Thank you Mike,
I think I understand more now. Its true I would not show my feelings, keeped them hidden from him and even doubted them. But it was due to his confusing hot and cold actions. I did however find out that his heart was just not free. He still has feelings for his ex.. so I was right to back off. Better now.. then later. We will remain friends, just no expectations on my part.
Just out of curiousty... does anything in his reading point to depression ?

[diamanda]

Well, don't know about depression, but it all points out to a temporary situation.
Both 55:1 and 53:4 point to something which brings temporary relief. It is said
that if someone's words and actions do not coincide, always 'trust' the actions,
not the words, and i've always found this to be true. If he acts unavailable, he
is unavailable, for whatever reason. It would be normal for him to be depressed
since, as you said, he still has feelings for his ex.

[ginnie]

When you asked about him, you got hexagram 36.3.6>27. This suggests to me that he has been wounded or injured in his work life despite some sort of triumph. He's really worn out in connection with providing for himself (27) and yet he just won't give up on it. "Persistence amounting to madness should be avoided," but he's still plugging away at something and exhausting himself. Also, about 36.6, the Yi says "nothing to lighten the darkness," and this also suggests what you have suspected, that he is depressed.

53.4 is a rest stop, a respite.

There is a really strong indication in your hexagrams that there is no long-term relationship here, and that is found in 55.1. As I understand it, 55.1 means that you "accepted the hospitality" of someone who is truly your equal, but that this contact was not meant to exceed a ritual or ceremonial "10 days." I have found in actual practice that this means that the contact has a natural limit, and when it's over, it's over. You are advised to leave it at that.

Why the Yi says that if were you to exceed that time you would invite calamity upon yourself, I do not know.

[two_blueeyes]

Thank you all for your wise insights.
They are so true !! .. I was struggling to understand the why... now I do.
Thank you.

May all your wishes come true in the New Year !