Relationship question

[moonrise]

Hi!

I was asking you already about a much older friend of mine and now here he is again!http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif
I guess this is a never ending story...although now, I feel, it will probably really end.

He wrote something to me that really hurt me, so I in an email, I expressed how I trully felt about this communication and that I am hurt by the way he's been treating me all along (he can be very arrogant; kind and in the next moment pushing me away, being very cold and hars, etc).

I needed to express this and now of course, there is no answer.

So, I asked Yi Jing to give me some insight into this relationship.

I got: 47.3.5.turning into 32.

Here, I feel it is clearly said that I should not try anymore and that I should abandon old ways of handling this.
It is saying that I should simply let go.
The fifth line, I feel, is saying that this situation is also his responsibilty - because all this time I've been blaiming myself for all the problems in our communication. I was always thinking that I am to blame, my ego, my patterns...but recently I just saw that he carries some responsibility too and that he can be extremely insensitive.

I asked if he will respond to my email and I got 59.2 turning into 20.

I don't know if he will respond or not...But I feel he will maybe consider it or maybe he will just stay detached. I any case, I know that he doesn't want to communicate with me any more, so dispersion seems quite right.
But line 2 is about kindness and genleness, to understand what others did wrong and to also understand ourselves.
I don't know...is this referring to him or me? That he will accept what I told him with some consideration and kindness?

Maybe this is just my wishful thinking, but in any case, I know I lost a friend.
I also got 52.2.5 ->57 in regarding how this situation will develop.
I should definitely keep still and I certainly will, I am giving up anyway, but 57 might be about gentleness too, slowly, but maybe...
I wish he could understand me but it is also true that why bother with a person who is not willing to hear you.


Can you help with how you see these hexagrams?

Thank you!

[nicky_p]

Dear Moonrise,

"I wish he could understand me"

I wonder if he wishes you could understand him as well? Is this the same man that is engrossed in his work? I may be wrong but I don't get the impression that he's a bad man - doing these things that hurt you on purpose. Sometimes a passion can become nearly all consuming so that you can't see the wood for the trees.

I don't know if it's a question of letting go of the relationship, rather letting go of the idea that you might have of him - accepting him for who he his. The relating hex 32 is duration so I get the impression that once there is acceptance of each other for who you both are it will be a long and successful relationship. This acceptance seems to be echoed in 52.2 as well. 52.5 seems to be advising you to be careful what you say. Not that you shouldn't say anything - just mindful of the repercussions your words will have. I think this echoes with the gentleness of 57.

59.2-20 I think he's going to look to your example. 47.5 and 20 talk about offerings. 59.2 seems to say that it could be your support?

I hope that everything works out ok http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/hug.gif

Love
Nicky
xx

[moonrise]

Hi Nicky,

thank you for your answer.
Can I ask you: what do you mean by "he's going to look to your example"? I didn't understand this.

Probably he does wish that I could understand him, but...well, it is difficult to explain what has been happening for years.

He is not a bad person at all.
But he can be extremely insensitive. Harsh and cold.

Maybe it is better that we don't communicate any more anyway...I cannot take his harsh words any more, it hurts me too much.

Now for the first time I told him exactly what I mean and feel.
I was always so careful not to hurt him, not to say something wrong...so careful about my words, but I was feeling that this communication is played by his rules and by his rules only. I was tiptoing around him and just waiting that he gives me a blow when I do something wrong.

if I said something like this to him, express this, he would say: fine, than go away if there is something you don't like.

It is his way or no way.

And I cannot go like this any more.

But I love him very much and no, he is not bad at all. he deserves my love but he simply doesn't care for it. it is meaningless to him how I feel.

Well, I needed to express my sorrowhttp://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif Now I wrote about it herehttp://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif

thanks for answering.

[nicky_p]

Hi Moonrise,

"what do you mean by "he's going to look to your example"?"

I guess I mean that hex 20 is about viewing, observing and contemplation. I can just see you each at opposite sides of the room eyeing each other warily each watching for the other to make the next move. Also that maybe he is taking on board what you've said to him in your email and subsequently watching what you do next to see if your actions back up your words - whether you will not accept harsh words, whether it is really all his way or no way - and looking inside to see whether he really doesn't care for your love.

Love
Nicky
xx

[moonrise]

Hi, Nicky,

I think you said this quite well.

And what does it mean that 47.5 talks about offerings??
In 47.5 I saw that you do not get the understanding, not even from those who should help you (people wearing scarlet band around their knees).
From this line I got that it is him who is at fault - and I know how this sounds, like I want to throw all the responsibilty on him, but believe me, this is not my habit. Actually it is quite vice versa, I always try to find reasons in me for what went wrong, but now, I just understood that maybe he has some share in this,too.

47.2 is saying that I should change my attitude; with the connection with the fifth line, I feel I should just accept that he doesn't understand and that yes, he is unfair and unjust. I should be able to have the courage to see it and say it.

But it is also true that the 5th line does promise slow success and that things will turn for the better. Untill then I should keep still.

I hope that 59.2 is saying that he will be able to see what I told him. It is said that one overcomes the bitterness and astrangement.

Well, I hope...but if not, there is nothing I can do.

[moonrise]

Ups, sorry, it is 47.3, not 2