51.2 > 54 Questions about a friend...

[katharsys]

Hi All!
I've been lurking here for a few weeks, this is my first post. I started studying I Ching just last month and have been practicing a lot but here's a question/answer that stumped me, maybe someone can help...

Q: one of my best friends and I used to never go a day without talking, now (during the past few weeks) for some reason he barely talks to me. Will our communication improve this month?

I got 51.2 changing to 54.

Any insights? Thanks in advance!

[exnihilo]

I don't think it's answering the exact question you asked. I think it's telling you about his situation. My first thought is that 51.2 indicates that something pretty serious is going on in his life that he hasn't told you about. Can you ask him?

[nicky_p]

Hi Katharsys,

As Exnihilo says it sounds as though there is something up with your friend at the moment. I would also ask but if he isn't very forthcoming then I think the Yi is saying not to push too hard for your communication to return right to normal. This may put you in a position of subordination (hex 54) for a while. But don't worry too much because line 51.2 says that what is rightfully yours will return.

I like what Wilhelm says of in his commentary of hex 54: "Affection as the essential principle of relatedness is of the greatest importance in all relationships in the world."

Hope it works out.

Love
Nicky
xx

[frank]

Hi Katharsys,

Hexagram 51 says to me that at least there is a shock here... Line 2 tells about 'shock and danger', but it also says something about 'getting it in seven days'... (Qi Ri De). Perhaps the shock was about some discovery between you two... Was there arousement about what has been said between you two? At least there could be commin'up a situation where one of you has to bind him or herself, as line 2 makes the hexagram 51 change into 54. 54 is about seddling a situation, although there is difficulties in acceptance for one of you... because there is no agreement to it in the first place... At least it could be clear within some days (seven days is about a week, and that's also a mention of the Yi to tell that things will be clear within a short time). Keep us posted...

Hug,
Frank

[katharsys]

Hey guys,
Thanks for the insight!

He's not exactly the type to tell people what's wrong when something is, I can only guess when he gets quiet. I guess I have to sit back and let him play this one out, I'm just worried because he doesn't tell people when there are difficulties in his life. I hope it's just a phase and will pass soon like you guys said.

Hex 54 was giving me the muddy answers but thanks for clearing it up. Nicky that quote is great. He doesn't have to worry about affection on my part I just wished he'd tell me when something goes wrong. >_<

Thanks all and I will update when the situation improves/changes.

Cheers!
Katharsys

[katharsys]

Hey all,
Upon re-thinking this, I think it's safe to say that the 51 Shocking pertains more to my reaction to this whole fiasco than what is going on with him. It's been a while now and we only seem to get more distant. The shock is on my part as I'm starting to feel antsy, hurt and restless.
Hope that line 2 kicks in soon.

Katharsys

[nicky_p]

Hi Katharsys,

Thanks for keeping us posted http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/clipart/happy.gif.
Sorry that he seems to be drifting away from you - did you ask him in the end if there was anything concrete that was the matter? It may be that he hasn't even realised that there is a problem or that he is a little wrapped up in whatever it is that is going on to realise.

Hope the situation improves for you.

Love
Nicky
xx

[willow]

Do remember that 51 is not just shock, it's repeated shock. And both the benefit/dangers coming from that and the nature of the time it indicates.

You asked in relation to a situation that seemed to be subtly drifting - away from dailyness toward, "hardly ever." And you asked if your communication will improve.

One way to consider the answer might be to think about what a more "punctuated" communication might mean. One where each instance is not just a part of a taken-for-granted routine, but rather is it's own bit of stimulation/invigoration.

Don't chase after recreating what you once had, don't try to get back to dailiness all at once (or even hold that as the goal). Instead "climb" each new exchange as its own mountain.

As he is the one who has withdrawn, it would appear that you don't hold the power in the situation. But if you approach each time you do communicate as a "shocking" opportunity to reveal the grounds of your affection (and thus the true reason for your relatedness), then perhaps you hold something more interesting than power - the clues to the way forward into a new relationship.

Not anything exaggerated or insincere. Just if you genuinely like him, when you do communicate you are genuinely there. Maybe you have to initiate the communication (51), but if so, you do it without an agenda - he has no obligation to recreate any past pattern of relationship (54), he only has the opportunity to respond (or not) to what happens around him (including his old friend checking in). What a shock!