39.4 to 41

[two_blueeyes]

I need help with this reading Please.
My question was " please advise me on how I can help Y" I got 39.4 going to 41
I have a friend who is having a few problems , she is increasing being dissatified with her life and her boyfriend. Now this is a woman with 2 little kids, she only works 1 day a week, so her moving out and supporting her children right now ... is out of the question. I have been trying to support her , listening when she needs to vent.
But last night... I recieved a frantic call from her boyfriend.. very upset on how she is treating him. So I called her to find out what was up... after talking with her, I became concern. I was shocked at what she expected from this person ! Her demands were just way off the page of being cohernt. I decided, just to listen and not say anything. An hour later... I got a call from her daugter ( 8 years old at 11:00pm ) telling me her mom was having chest pains... I called 911 and the boyfriend at that point. Ok... it was caused from stress. I believe is is severly depressed and am worried.
Any insight would be appreciated... thank you

[ginnie]

You got hex 31 as your relating hexagram, not 41. Hex 31 as the relating hexagram means that you are sensing directly how much trouble that family is in. It is truly painful to be in your position, because a storm is raging inside your friend's family, and you feel it, too.

When peace has departed from a home, all hell can break loose, in a manner of speaking. On your own, you will not be able to do anything to help.

Concentrate on calming down completely. When you have become as peaceful and quiet as possible, you will think of other people who would be good at aiding this family and aiding you, too.

If you rush in with misplaced enthusiasm on your own as an individual, you cannot possibly succeed.

Be very cautious and careful. "One should pause and seek wise counsel." When the Yi says that you need to find an adviser, do so. The I Ching cannot be flexible and specific enough in all cases, so do follow this advice. Don't skip this step! Do find someone to talk with, if only for a few minutes or one hour. Sometimes in a community there are telephone hotlines with crisis counselors. In a larger city, there can be all sorts of resources for domestic crisis situations. But first regain your peace of mind. Then you will definitely find the right people to help.

[dobro]

Concentrate on calming down completely. When you have become as peaceful and quiet as possible, you will think of other people who would be good at aiding this family and aiding you, too.

Barbara's reading is better than anything I could do, but the bit I've quoted is where I see the strongest resonance between her reading and the meaning of 39.4, which is one of the numerous lines in 39 that has the core meaning of 'the way you're proceeding is really hampered; you need to change direction completely'.

[two_blueeyes]

Thank you for responding to my question ! Am very close to this family, she has been my friend for year's, it just sadden's me that all of this is happening , specially for the kids.
Before , I even knew about the advise given here.. I did call around and try to find them help.
The husband is demanding counceling for both of them.. and I think I have talked him into seeking counceling for himself.. and not concendrating on them as a couple , but to give her space to deal with what is going on inside of her. She had a follow up appointment from her emergency room visit, I took her, and was able to talk her into , telling the Dr everything.
It's been confirmed.. she is severly depressed. I went out of my boundries ( I think ) and told her family. She is upset with me.. but I feared for her safety. I talk to her everyday, and visit on the weekends. Her husband is staying with friends for a couple of week. Depression.. this is the first time that I've ever had any contact with it ... It's a very scary, confusing disease.
Do you have a suggestion for a new question , I may ask ?
Thank you..

[rosada]

You might want to ask, "What is my role here?"

[two_blueeyes]

Thank you Rosada,
I did ask the question you suggested "What is my role "
20.2 and 5 going to 4
I tried to figure this out myself.
I might be able in influence my friend, But First...
20.2 I need to learn more about depression, in order to do this. Try to put myself in her spot.
20.5 continue to help her, and do not have self doubts
Turning to 4... is this telling me that am ignorant, and that I just need to learn

Thank you

[ginnie]

You are peering in at the life of another person's family as if through cracks in their front door. You cannot be of any help to your friend until your point of view broadens out quite a bit. Maybe right now you are only thinking of yourself and how you've lost your friend to a strange illness.

[trojan]

Thank you Rosada,
I did ask the question you suggested "What is my role "
20.2 and 5 going to 4
I tried to figure this out myself.
I might be able in influence my friend, But First...
20.2 I need to learn more about depression, in order to do this. Try to put myself in her spot.
20.5 continue to help her, and do not have self doubts
Turning to 4... is this telling me that am ignorant, and that I just need to learn

Thank you

I think your interpretation is good. I tend to look at the relating hex as the background and to me 4 here shows yes theres stuff you don't know, there may be stuff you don't know abut the whole situation. This is repeated in a way in 20.2. You aren't seeing the whole picture, only part of the picture. Now this may be just that you don't have a full perspective on depression as an illness but i wonder if it may also mean you have a restricted view of the whole situation..which is understandable its another family and who can tell what really goes on in others lives. 20.5 asks you to take a look at yourself, your role, have you played this kind of role before, how has it turned out before when you tried to help ? I think this line suggests you have pretty good self knowlege, try to contemplate in a more detached way your part in this, what it means in your life. Hex 20 is about looking without acting, taking a view, so before you do anything you need some reflection time and you need to gain a bit more detachment. 20.2 might also be saying you're too involved in this to see your role clearly, take a step back to get a wider perspective

I think Barbra made some good points in her post on 39.4. I don't think this isn't something you can tackle alone, theres just too much to cope with and it sounds a dire and chaotic situation. Anyway you have sought help and been effective in doing so, so I think you already followed advice of 39.4

My personal opinion anyway is one has limited influence if this person is seriously depressed, you can't make it all alright for them, just be a friend same as ever...and it sounds like you've been a very good friend so far in trying to get help for her. I can't see that you can do more than you've done ..perhaps just step back a little now and get a different perspective

[two_blueeyes]

Thank you Both for your insights.
Your readings are amazing ! I have never been in this kind of situatin before, at least one that deals with depression. But I have had friends come to me with thier problems.. all the time. They think I have deep insight.. to funny, because I just listen, and nod my head.
It's hard for me to become detached.. But I can understand the need to. At this point her family has intervied, and hopefully they will be able to help. At least I know the kids are in good hand.
In the meantime... am going to take the advise, learn about depression, and just be there when she wants to talk. Not try to cure her... just be a friend on her terms.
I was thinking the "restricted view " seeing threw a crack ... strange.. that is how I was feeing about it. I kept thinking .. there has to be more to all this. But then it seems that depression is sort of restricted. I don't know.. but like I said, I will work on being more detached.
Thank you so much for your time.
You guys are wonderful !!!

[ginnie]

I have had friends come to me with thier problems.. all the time. They think I have deep insight.. to funny, because I just listen, and nod my head.

If you keep listening and nodding your head the way you do, everybody will think you are a wonderful conversationalist -- and so insightful, too!!!