Please help with hexagram 26.3.4.6 to 54. 54 is so confusing!

[veronica]

I am (still! for those who have been kindly helping me get through this nightmare) in a very difficult situation in my life and desperate to break free from it. I know I have to tread carefully in order to move forward but really need some guidance to avoid making wrong decisions which could have a detrimental effect on my and my son's future so I asked the Yi: "How can I improve my current situation?" As a response I got 26.3.4.6 changing to 54. I especially find hexagram 54 really confusing in terms of extracting some guidance from it, could anyone help? Many thanks!

[veronica]

Just to help with an interpretation of hexagram 54 in my case, my question is very much about whether to compromise or not. I am currently in a disagreement with my ex partner over his contact with our son. We have very recently managed some agreement to avoid court proceedings but I am not comfortable with it. Im not sure whether I should go ahead with this compromise and hope that my ex will loose interest when he feels like he is winning or whether I should go back to my original stand and face possible court proceedings and months of battle? I know hexagram 54 is a warning but what does it warn against? A compromise or a lack of it?

[vida]

Just to help with an interpretation of hexagram 54 in my case, my question is very much about whether to compromise or not. I am currently in a disagreement with my ex partner over his contact with our son. We have very recently managed some agreement to avoid court proceedings but I am not comfortable with it. Im not sure whether I should go ahead with this compromise and hope that my ex will loose interest when he feels like he is winning or whether I should go back to my original stand and face possible court proceedings and months of battle? I know hexagram 54 is a warning but what does it warn against? A compromise or a lack of it?

Hi Veronica,
I have been in your situation, and I understand your position (i think...).

My thoughts are thus,

26 reminds to consider the great, and apply it to all that is small, and in that way small things can be made great. in your case, i would read it as consider what would be the right thing to do in general, in the universal sense, as if you were merely theoretically considering when it would be the right thing to do to limit a father's visitation rights. after considering it impartially, i would apply those same principles to your personal situation. that to me would be a consideration of the great with design to apply it to the small.

lines 3 and 4 discuss your valid fear responses. i have a friend who likes to say 'you don't need to trust people, you just need to know them'. (the unspoken idea being that if you know a person, you can cultivate a trust in your knowledge of what they might do in given situations... that way you don't get blinded by an idealistic sense of uneducated trusting.)

line 6 reminds that the worst of the situation is over.

hexagram 54 to me is always about service, duty, or belonging-- in an abstract sort of way. in regards to your situation, i would interpret it as the understanding that you are responsible for providing your son with a safe, secure, and structured environment. your ex may or may not help you with that. others may or may not help you with that. regardless of anything... you are just plain responsible for making sure you and your son have a safe environment, to the best of your ability.

i do believe the response is supportive of seeking legal counsel. this is not the same as engaging in a long drawn out court battle. its just counsel. court may or may not be inevitable, but for now, i read the responses as saying that you are required to objectively weigh the situation, and then carry through with what is right.

[ginnie]

26 is about holding firm, holding still.

26.3 and 26.6 share the same wish to "do something" and advance, move upward. But don't throw caution to the winds. It is important to be cautious!

The fourth line means to put horn guards on a young bull. "If a horn guard is put on a young bull, this easily prevents its rambunctious nature from causing harm. Similarly, if the fourth yin can stop the evils of those above and below before they act up, this is very good and bodes well." [That is from the McCleary translation.]

A horn guard was an actual piece of wood, like a rope around the neck or a ring through the nose. It was an actual restraint.

Another translation speaks of removing the horns of the young bull. "Forestalling danger is the way to achieve an easy and great success."

Your question was: "How can I improve my current situation?"

You have to know whether the "head guard" of the compromise you have already managed to arrange will be enough to restrain your ex so that you or your son don't get "gored" by him, the young bull. That is your goal: to forestall any danger from the "wild force" of your ex.

The necessary restraint has to be put in place early, while the bull is still young and not strong. Is the compromise the perfect "headboard"? Or is there something of a legal nature that you still have to do, like a restraining order?

Speaking to legal counsel is not the same thing as going to court. Speaking with someone who knows the law can be very steadying. Hexagram 26 is also the hexagram of the wisdom written in books -- maybe in law books.

I would interpret hexagram 54 as meaning a situation we did not choose and over which we have very little control. "You are not the one who has chosen." It can also mean that you chose the compromise for irrelevant reasons, such as that it was more convenient not to have to go to court over this.

A woman can be taking care of herself and still be modest and kind. These qualities are not opposites. Peace will prevail after the proper headboard has been put on the horns of that young bull, so that he cannot hurt people. He probably has no actual intention of hurting anyone, either. He just loses control.

[veronica]

Many thanks to Vida and Barbra for your comments, both really helpful. I have now arranged to see a solicitor on Monday to discuss the whole scenario with her, explain to her my reservations and fears and consider any ways of headboarding my ex's horns. You are so right Barbra, he doesnt even have any intention of hurting anyone, he just looses control. That's exactly it, that's the core of my fear and what prevents me from letting go and allowing him more access to our son. Hopefully this can be done without months of hostile legal battle.

I hope you are right when you say that line 6 means that the worst of the situation is already over. I really hope you are right.