good news for us at last? 42, 2.4.5 >>64

[sophie]

Hello,

I drew this hexagram for a relationship that has been challenging since I first met the man three years ago. Our feelings for each other, our mutual love, is strong. There are difficulties on both sides - however he is the one who presents the greatest challenge, as twice already he has gone through a cycle of coming together with me, being harassed by his ex (who harasses me too), this ends up by parting us, he renews with his ex, only to fall into a depression, which leads him to part from her again, and so on. The latest cave-in came before Christmas, when to please his grown-up children he agreed to take back their mother - only to admit to me a couple of weeks ago that he is exhausted, depressed and doesn't care much about anything (if you are surprised by this language, that is how she puts it herself: she refuses to let him go, he agrees to "take her back", then plunges into depression). He also admitted that he had trouble giving us a chance, because he doesn't believe he can be happy or fulfilled in a relationship anymore, the unhappy years spent with the mother of his children have robbed him that possibility.

This kind of cycle is disempowering for me. I don't want to enable him, and it's obvious he's caught up in some kind of addictive and/or abused behaviour, which makes him miserable, but seems to grip him periodically. As a result, I moved to another country and made alternative plans for myself, but I still care for him. I have also come to realise that knowing him, and being with him, has made me grow and develop as a human being and a woman more in 3 years than in much of the 39 years before I knew him - spiritually, mentally, emotionally and erotically. A part of me wonders if there is still a chance for us after all, if this is a process we are going through - and he in particular - in order for us to get together, and that together, we can heal and find fulfilment through facing and defeating challenges. A part of me is discouraged and thinks it's pointless, that despite what we bring to each other, he is too caught up in his vicious cycle and unable to grow out of it.

So I turned to the I-Ching, as ever, and asked how things would develop *between us* in the foreseeable future, given the situation at hand. I drew 42, Increase, with changing lines 2, 4 and 5. These are all very encouraging. Line 2 seems to suggest that perseverance will pay off and is well-supported; line 4 that by my keeping to a moderate path and moving the "lord" will follow; and line 5 that being sincere and kindhearted will lead to success. But the hexagram changes to 64, Not Yet Completed - which might suggest yet another incomplete cycle. Or maybe it tells me that the increase will bring us to a crunch point, and that is when we can make or break our relationship: but much will depend on the wisdom of my own behaviour.

I would like to know what you make of such a draw. I am not asking for a comment on my relationship as such, but rather, on what hexagram 42, 2.4.5 >>64 might mean for it.

Many thanks :bows:

[zander]

I turned to the I-Ching, as ever, and asked how things would develop *between us* in the foreseeable future, given the situation at hand.
I drew 42, Increase, with changing lines 2, 4 and 5. These are all very encouraging. Line 2 seems to suggest that perseverance will pay off and is well-supported; line 4 that by my keeping to a moderate path and moving the "lord" will follow; and line 5 that being sincere and kindhearted will lead to success. But the hexagram changes to 64, Not Yet Completed - which might suggest yet another incomplete cycle.

Hex 64- For the time being things are not ripe, yet. That's how I see this changing hex...as the present energy surrounding your question.
I agree 42.2.4.5 is very promising. In particular, I find line 5 of 42 as saying that you can offer continued support/love for this person. That this DOES make a difference.
42.2.4 I see as affirming the path that you have already chosen, that being, to strengthen yourself by acknowledging your own needs first. That this 'opens' the way for positive change to come.

[sophie]

Thank you, Zander, that is helpful. :bows:

Hex 64- For the time being things are not ripe, yet. That's how I see this changing hex...as the present energy surrounding your question.Yes, that does make sense. In another reading I did - one where the question was: what must I do in this situation - I received 53,2 >>57, which seems to agree with what you are saying above about things not being ripe as the situation is evolving slowly (agonisingly so at times!)


I agree 42.2.4.5 is very promising. In particular, I find line 5 of 42 as saying that you can offer continued support/love for this person. That this DOES make a difference.
42.2.4 I see as affirming the path that you have already chosen, that being, to strengthen yourself by acknowledging your own needs first. That this 'opens' the way for positive change to come.This is interesting as well as encouraging for me, as it seems to say I am on the right path - by fulfilling my own needs and removing myself from the vicious cycle, at the same time providing love and support to him at a distance until things evolve further. Again, I find a repeat of that theme - in the form of advice for me - in 53,2 >>57.

[willowfox]

asked how things would develop *between us* in the foreseeable future, given the situation at hand. I drew 42. 2, 4 and 5 > 64

Look at line 42.2, it says that he will be of great benefit to you in the future and nothing can alter that, what a great line to receive about him and your hopes for the future. Then the line goes on to tell you to never give up on him.

Line 42.4 tells you to be impartial but to always go to him and he will be yours, and to always help him to the best of your ability, hold nothing back.

Line 42.5 another great line, true love here.

Hex 64 warns you to always remain vigilant, the wicked witch may will probably try again in the future to derail your train. So heed the advice and remain alert.

Move to a new location, you and him.

[sophie]

Thanks, Willowfox - it really does look hopeful!

Unfortunately, the option of us both moving to a new location isn't feasible at this present time. He became stuck while we were still together, fearful of the future and unable to believe he could ever be happy in a relationship; in order to give us some space and not get stuck alongside him, I moved countries at the end of last year. Now he's in a depression again because in the New Year he accepted that his ex come to visit him, she's prolonged that visit and is basically living with him - and it's made him miserable again - he has reached the point when he says he doesn't believe in anything anymore since she doesn't care whether he's happy with her or not, as long as she "has" him, and when he was with me he felt he couldn't move past that unhappiness, it was poisoning us. She harassed and reproached him all the time we were together, and used the children against him. So he's back in his vicious circle. The hexagram was drawn to see whether we could get past this, or whether it was a hopeless situation and I had better cut my losses.

And the I Ching seems to suggest that we can past this :)

I'll keep you updated as to how this pans out! Right now, I am doing my best to apply my advice hexagram (53,2 >>57), which I believe is part of what might materialise 42, 2.4.5.

[alev]

Oh wow Sophie, this sounds like such a sad situation. I hope you end up together and the I ching thinks so too!

[sophie]

Thank you, Alev! It is sad. And I am sad for him too, because he is unhappy. I at least enjoy much of my life, even though I miss him. There are times when I am discouraged, and think I would welcome a reading that says - give up, it's no good, just move on. But just as I'm about to give up, the I Ching gives me hopeful readings and tells me that sticking with him will be good for him, for me and for us.

I guess this is a major lesson for me - and I am glad to have the I Ching to help me, and to document it in some way, even if I don't always understand the whys and wherefores of a situation!