Reading Follow-Up: Has Something Changed?

[arabella]

I've asked twice on this forum about a man who is of great importance to me and whether/how our friendship may become a romantic relationship. He was grieving the loss of his wife when I met him a year ago, and that shows signs of abating, and then comes back at times stronger than before. He talks of this less and less, and yet, our connection doesn't move on as I wish it would. I've had recommendations of a couple types based on the readings I've submitted here. One was that he is very much interested and just needs a little more time, various ideas of him seeing this mourning period in a spiritualised way that isn't going to change any day soon, and also that I need to take the initiative and court HIM instead of the other way round.

So I've tried these ideas, assuming that if he never wanted to stop mourning, he'd spend no time with me at all. When I say nothing and just let it be I suddenly see him everywhere, as though waiting for me to say something to him. When I open the door even a little, he is right there and seems so appreciative that I have any concern for him. His demeanor and body language all say he is torn about being "stuck" and wants to initiate something stronger. Still though, nothing truly changes. The possibility of a more involved relationship is like the elephant in the room he just doesn't mention. And yet he seems hesitant to just go his way. The other day I resolved to change my mental attitude, just try to release him entirely in my mind, let him choose what to do. Strangely, he found reasons to drop by and see me two days in a row. Now I'm really confused.

Tonight I asked, what can I next expect to hear from him? And I got hexagram 25, changing lines 5 and 6, which becomes hexagram 51. Shock? So what is going on here, do you suppose?

[willowfox]

Tonight I asked, what can I next expect to hear from him? And I got hexagram 25. 5 and 6, which becomes hexagram 51.

It suggests that any changes will come slowly from this man, but not to worry about 51 as it suggests a shock at first that causes you to be happy later.

So, I would suspect that sooner rather than later, he will at last say something positive and open up to you as he should be doing now but seems afraid to do.

Has something changed, no, as his feelings for you remain the same, what needs to change is his ability to come clean and admit his feelings, come out of the closet so to speak.

[arabella]

Thanks Willow Fox for your reply. This is the underlying sense that I have, but it is a frustrating wait and after a year of waiting for some definitive sign I'm tearing my hair out trying to get a word from him. Although I must say he's unerringly polite and an interesting person, which is what keeps me in suspended animation over this relationship. In your experience, is there a more incisive question to ask in order to know the outcome, or the attitude to take in such a case as this one, which would be most helpful to his sanity and mine, or which might spring the trap and free him [if that's possible]?

[willowfox]

Yes, there is always a more incisive question that should be asked but I will leave it to you to formulate, and yes, simple yes/no questions are permissible in "my" readings. Always keep your questions basic then there is much less chance of being confused by the answer.

[lucia]

Actaully yes and no questions are highly problematic..............

You could try asking "what do I need to know about the situation" or "what do I need to understand" or "what is the way forwaqrd for me". Hilary has a great section on this site about asking questions I recommend it.

Lucia

[willowfox]

Actually yes and no questions are highly problematic..............



Actually any type of question can be problematic if one doesn't understand the question or the answer, but strangely or perhaps not so strangely I believe that all questions were just simple yes/no questions in decades gone by just as they are today in Asia.

These complicated and over indulgent questions are what Westerners seem to believe is the correct way to ask a question, pad it beyond recognition until nobody is sure what the question is actually asking.

Again, all questions asked in South East Asia are basically yes/no questions, I know .

[arabella]

Okay, I'm willing to go for the basic question with a yes or no answer, why not? I've tried everything else I can think of and am still uncertain where I stand in a fundamental way. So I've asked if he wants a romantic relationship with me, rather than simply friendship, and got hexagram 41 changing line 6, becoming hexagram 19.

Depending on the interpretation of that, I'll ask a further question, or not.

[arabella]

That is, of course, if you will give a reading on this "yes-no," question Willow Fox.

[lucia]

Okay, I'm willing to go for the basic question with a yes or no answer

would that be with a side order of fries?


reminder: Hilary has a great section on this site about asking questions I recommend it.
you will find it under the learn section of the site. You will also find out why yes/no questions are problematic.

then you can tell us what YOU think it is about which is what this section of the site suggests if you read the sticky at the top of shared readings. Just a suggestion.

L

[arabella]

Lucia, you may have noticed, I have put out a several castings on the forum and, with few exceptions, and despite my own attempts at intepretation, these have gotten little response.

In one case, "Answered Questions," a newbie tried to help and we both went on and on conjecturing and then put out a SCREAM in capital letters for assistance from Senior Members and nobody answered.

That I now say, "Okay, I'll go for a yes/no answer" is a statement of desperate hope that Willow Fox can tell me what I need to know -- have needed to know. Because I'm not just trying to learn to play bridge or something here, I'm seriously trying to find a way to address a problem that has been preying on my mind for months. Which in the case of using the IChing is like trying to prescribe medicine when you've never been to medical school.

Frankly, I don't know that I'm a candidate to get in step with the IChing in all its potential and come out a great diviner, nor that I'm assiduously working toward that goal. I can appreciate it has a mystical quality and tremendous usefulness to find the direction, at times, with life's dilemmas. But I don't expect to get answers that parallel those of the senior membership here, and I'm probably not motivated in that direction, although fascinated with the way people find answers. I wasn't aware that I was required to be in order to raise questions on here.

Other than that, I've been a "fan" of sorts of the IChing for many years and I've of course seen various interpretations of what the book means, how to use it, and noted that the hexagrams reflect the 64 bit code of present day computers which is astonishing in itself. What Hilary presents in the "Learn" section she says is opinion of hers. Everything I've ever read about the IChing seems to be opinion of someone who has thought a great deal about how the IChing functions, and tried to articulate what they think it all means. And they regularly disagree. All in good humour I'm sure.

I've never though seen an exposition of why "yes" and "no" questions wouldn't work, except that the lines and hexgrams don't actualy say yes or no in their symbolism -- an ancient symbolism that we struggle to see in modern terms in any case. However, we are divining here, which is an Art. And if someone can divine a positive or negative signal from a casting, who are we to say that isn't possible? Willow Fox has gotten loads of compliments on here and must have some special gift.

I read the Learn section now and it's pretty familiar material. Well written and thought through, in Hilary's very competent way, however, been there, done that, with this situation I'm in. Now I'll have the other version thank you, with fries, and please pass the ketchup.

[willowfox]

In one case, "Answered Questions," a newbie tried to help and we both went on and on conjecturing and then put out a SCREAM in capital letters for assistance from Senior Members and nobody answered.



That's very true, and only an outcast heard your plea and responded.

I like what you wrote, very good.

[willowfox]

So I've asked if he wants a romantic relationship with me, rather than simply friendship, and got hexagram 41 changing line 6, becoming hexagram 19.



Never fear I will always try my best to answer your questions and anyone else's for that matter whether they be yes/no types or the textbook variety.

I see the answer as yes he does, spring is lingering in the air as we chat. Someone needs to crack the residual winter ice.

[arabella]

As this "yes/no" answer from Willow Fox seems to be quite positive; that a breakthrough may be imminent, I've asked my second question and that is "What is the outcome of this new level of relationship, please?"

The casting I received is Hexagram 40, changing lines 1 and 5, which becomes Hexagram 58. To me, that sounds like people being freed up and coming forward of their own will, without a lot more prompting or encouraging from me, to a state of recognising Joy in life again. ??

Somebody on here pointed out LiSe's website to me, and honestly anything I come up with I try to match against that. I don't know how he/she developed all the information, but it is so poetically appealing and makes it somewhat possible for me to guess what we're talking about here. That compilation seems to bring the IChing as close to a modern translation as I've ever seen. And it's so emotional in terms I can begin to grasp, for instance, the top line of Hexagram 41 is so beautifully touching it literally made me cry to consider that image and the kind of understanding such a person must have.

I do know what Lucia is saying here, however, it must take a lifetime of study though to come to an intuitive place with all of this, as well as understanding the academics and I really never expect to be anything but an amateur at best. And when I'm talking about major life decisions, amateur opinion isn't what I'm hoping for really.

Willow? Anybody else? What is 40 changing to 58 going to bring to life please?

[willowfox]

"What is the outcome of this new level of relationship, please?"

The casting I received is Hexagram 40. 1 and 5, > Hexagram 58.

It's going to bring to life communications, the ability to chat more openly and freely like true friends do, and hopefully move on to be able to share confidences and special moments. So encourage him to open up and talk as a burden shared to a burden halved.

[arabella]

Follow up for Willow Fox. I just got invited on a proper date by this fellow and, you won't believe it, he made reference in how he is feeling to the "Spring thaw" in his emotional life. I nearly fainted. So maybe the ice has been cracked as you foresaw just a few days ago. Miraculous and you were "spot on." Just had to let you know.