Like a tiger with an insatiable craving?

[em ching]

Hello,

This is a romantic issue. There's someone I like again, but I find the concept of playing hard to get and being demure etc impossible. Once I like someone properly, I think they know it pretty soon. I don't keep them guessing - a well known successful tactic I know. But maybe when it really, finally is the/a right person - it doesn't matter how you interact because you always want to? But I think by being too needy, as well as turning away the wrong ones, you can turn away the right ones - personal tragedy possibly!?

Basically when I feel a connection with someone I find it hard not to share my enthusiasm. When I was compelled to with this guy earlier, I asked the I ching for the go-ahead:
hex 7
I interpreted this as send in the army to support - well it would certainly be an expression of support/encouragement for him as a person!

To be sure I asked again, should I express this enthusiasm or sober myself up and wait until the ball's firmly in my court?
27.4 - 21
I'm the hungry tiger alright! :o But the yi says 'there is nothing wrong in such zeal',
so I let myself follow my feelings and sent him an email...

Now of course, I think well , you've done it again! Too eager. But then am I not also just following my Dao - my nature to want to give? Or is it my hungry ego wanting attention?

I asked the I ching:
What am I doing wrong in my approach to him? (for there must be something because I do want a relationship... not with just anyone though!)
28.3,6 > 6
I guess this reflects how I push things too quickly? Lean too much on the possibility of my 'dreams coming true'? But then line 6 talks of the necessity for risk taking because at the end of the day, there are more important things than being in a relationship? (Even though that seems top of most people's agendas...)

How would he like me to act?
32.1,3,6 > 38
I think not to hurry things (probs too late) and expect everything at once (commitment, engagement ring... lol...), to remain consistent and dependable? (I am that - don't think he can be in any doubt that I'm interested/sincere - but lack of mystery isn't attractive/challenging enough to maintain interest??) and again that I am not restless and demanding of him...
38 - Independence, going different directions... he wants me to leave his path maybe? Or act as if I am - play hard to get. But games aren't tao are they?

As a result of my actions, what potential is left? (I haven't declared love or anything even close to that by the way - just friendly)
Hex 39 - Road blocked. Well it is also a long distance thing...

Have I drained him of 'desire' or interest?
Hex 15 unchanging
My results have toned down his interest?

How does he feel about me? (sorry for all these - I really am trying to feel philosophical about this rather than despairing - after all it's happened before. More fish in the sea... though I only think a handful that could be right for you...:eek:)
Hex 44 - the domineering woman - a temptation resisted? Or could I read this in a good way? lol...

Finally, a general one on my 'seduction' style.
I think maybe I am too obvious and thus remove the mystery/intrigue too early into the game... give too much away??
Do I need to tone down my enthusiasm in matters of relationships?
58.1,2,4,6 > 20

I think this may mean that it is good to exchange with others if you and the other are sincere and find joy together, but that you shouldn't allow it to be a vain pleasure? That you should also pause for thought and not allow another person to be your whole source of joy and nourishment? It's hard though once you get a taste of that sort of happiness....

I know this is a long one but advice would be much appreciated! I want to save my love-life before it's too late...

:bows:

[layla_b]

I think we can't outrun human nature. The majority of men (not all but most) enjoy it more when they are in persuit. This may sound archaic and outdated but I just don't think all of the feminism in the world could or should change natural Yang tendencies and instincts that the male gender possess.

Honestly, I think you should reconsider your approach and tactic. Allow him to persue you or at least give him the chance to consider on his own that HE might be interested in YOU.

The outcome if you try to chase him like a hungry tiger ;)...well what does a tiger's prey do when being chased?

R-U-N

[em ching]

That is dis-heartening.
But I need to face the truth - even when unfair. It's slapped me in the face enough times before.

I asked Is he running?
5.1 > 48
Waiting for disaster maybe...

Hmm.. it started off so well as well, I think.
But wasn't I right - as line 4 of hex 27 was the only changing line - to interpret it as saying yes I'm being a hungry tiger here - beware of that - but in this instance such enthusiasm is appropriate? And hex 21 is about union? Or is it more about union with yourself - ie your mouth closing - rather than with another? Because you're biting to get rid of an external poison?

Thanks for your response :bows:

[layla_b]

Perhaps don't look at it as an "either this way" or "that way", black and white scenario. Why not try a different seduction method? One of receptivity instead of persuit?

Let *him* take the initiative.

I don't see that the I ching is saying that it is doomed. Instead it seems to just be reflecting the reality or your behaviour at the moment.

Why not try asking some question like "How should I behave?" and "What is in my highest interest in this situation?"

Then just sit back and take a breather..let nature take it's course. He knows you exist and he definately knows you are interested. So "darken your light" a bit..become receptive and let the yang approach the yin?

From what you have said, this is your normal modus operandi. Perhaps it's time to evolve some new approaches?

[em ching]

Hello,

Yes I have been wanting to change my modus operandi for a while and when the opportunity arises, I blow it, again. That's how it feels - like I've lost my window to be yin and receptive! Oh well, definitely won't be any more yang though.

I asked the I ching How should I behave as a female Yin-ner?
11.2,5 > 63

... I'm not sure about this one.I actually posted about this issue recently 'Think I'm in love again :/' and thought I received this reading but when looking back to check it was actually 61.2,5 > 27. Positive reading really. Funny that I'm getting now what I thought I got before, I suppose.

Does this reading say everything is fine and in it's proper place? What advice does it give re being more yin?? Line two is about walking in the middle between those you feel a close connection to and those you don't as much, but that's still valuable. That could be reflecting my current situation because he is far away, and I'm getting on well with the group I'm currently with.
And 11.5 > union of high and low...

What is the advice on my behaviour? What do I have to play with now? I kinda feel like I've given myself away :blush::duh:

Re. 5.1 :
Lise: 'People need a place with culture, but without any demands for mutual contact...'
- I'm not sure how come Lise came up with this interpretation but it fits. Maybe he was grateful for what I gave, but has his own well, his own source of nourishment, already...

:bows:

[layla_b]

You may have shown your cards but that just means he thinks he knows what to expect from you. So you want to hide your cards again? Act in the opposite way he expects. Go do your own thing. Back off,..after a while when you do that it is pscyhology 101 that the other person will become curious and likely reassess their opinion of you.

I am speaking from experience here, so don't feel like you have failed. It's not to late to turn the situation around but it will take three things:

1.Consistancy
2.Patience
3.Inner peace

In life impulse control can be even more important than intelligence. Those impulses to call him, email him, be in a place you know he will be etc..need to be stilled, silenced.

Put your attention on your innerworld and on other things in your life that make you feel like a success. Do that and you have an excellent chance that HIS attentions will eventually turn to you. You will have a window of opportunity to make the most of it.

But don't expect miracles overnight. It takes time for momentum to build.

You can do it!

[em ching]

Thank you so much :D
I will do as you say. I will play the game.

:bows:

[layla_b]

And the best part is, it doesn't have to be a game! Really it is a healthier way to be..focused on your innerworld, on you! After all, YOU are unique, fascinating and full of energy! Put some of that interest in people in need perhaps! Imagine how children at the local burn hospital or in a situation in which they need help, could benefit from your outgoing, determined nature!

He'll notice you eventually. And a few other gentlemen will too :)

And again, don't be hard on yourself. Even with the wisdom I have acquired over the years concerning men; people are still unpredictable and I still have need of advice and other perspectives. We all learn from each other...and hopefully from our mistakes.

All the best to you Tiger Lily

[em ching]

That's a great way to look at it - channel the energy elsewhere.
I am teaching kiddies at the moment so that is a great outlet!

Hmmm... biggest mystery is the void between the sexes sometimes...? Or maybe it's simple and I'm over-complicating it. I guess if it's a gentleman's cue to notice - and I want a gentleman - I have to play my part of getting noticed as a positive and self-sufficient person fresh for picking! lol... hmm... Requires more trust that I guess.

Yes - I have learnt again but it has led to this reading and hearing good advice! and other thoughts/perspectives emerging etc., I just don't want to keep learning from my mistakes and alienating people! But yes, this energy and enthusiasm will now take a different path. I feel kind of excited about this challenge for me to rise to - being receptive :cool: - though not rigidly so - I don't want to go to the other extreme... And I may become a challenge for him, or not as the case may be... I will try and be sensible and positive and less analytical this time. And focus on the task at hand and the ones I'm with.

Thanks again
:)