Hex 23 Always Upsets Me

[laylab]

Perhaps this hexegram upsets me because the translations of it seem overwhelmingly negative.

I got 23.2.3 changing to 18 Repairing what has been spoiled

today after asking about an action I made to clear the air and come to a new understanding with an ex. I wrote a short story based on our relationship and what happened and published it. The reviews were excellent, people wrote to me telling me how
touched they were by it...men and women alike. The story is about an elderly woman, recalling an affair of her youth. It is an obvious allegory for my relationship with my ex lover.

I had two male friends tell me, "There is no way he could read that and not be touched."

He has thought, that I betrayed him but the truth is not what he thinks.

I feel now that he has read the story, just this week in fact. A mutual friend sent it to him.

I asked the iching IF he read it and it answered

I got 23.2.3 changing to 18 Repairing what has been spoiled

My initial reaction to this hexagram is to be upset. I almost started to cry. There is no way to read the story and be angry or upset. We split ways one year ago, time has passed and I wrote about him with enormous love. I can't post the story here because it would reveal my identity.

I am hoping that the answer is speaking to me about what happened in the past, what the past situation has been (it was definitly so 23) but this past week I had a dream about him. He came to me and held me and said "everything is ok now".

Is this Hexagram saying that he read the story and is angry and splitting even further away from me?

I asked: How will it (the truth/the story) eventually effect his view of me, of us and what will happen?

It answered 42.1.3 Increase Leading to 53 A steady pace

[laylab]

Sorry, HIlary

I posted this in the wrong forum! I meant to put it in the help forum

[meng]

Hey stranger.

It's understandable to be unnerved by 23, considering that loss is its main theme. The question is, what could be lost? Which is a question you are best equipped to answer than anyone here, I'd think. Some losses are good, especially if you want to improve your conditions. Like finally getting rid of some old dried timber next to your barn, or letting go of a sentimental item that broke your heart every time you encountered it. Those, I think, are the implications of the 18 element.

Maybe it mended him by giving him closure.

Since I don't know the question, it's hard to be specific, but that's the gist of it.

[rosada]

It sounds to me as if the question were, "Did he read this story?" If that is the case I think we are once again seeing the problem of trying to get the I Ching to answer a yes-or-no question. The hexagrams seem to be a good description of what you did = you wrote the story to (18) Repair the (23) Splitting Apart = and because this seems to be such a good fit i would argue this is a "Yes" answer. On the other hand it could be that 23 -18 is saying there is a Split between he and the attempt to Work On What Has Been Spoiled - and thus the IC is saying he has not read the story and this is a "No" answer.
Either way I think it's a stretch to also try to get out of this question what his reaction to the story was.
I do like Meng's suggestion the I Ching defines your action of writing and publishing the story as an act of Repairing your heart after the Split.
Rosada

[meng]

I do like Meng's suggestion the I Ching defines your action of writing and publishing the story as an act of Repairing your heart after the Split.

Actually, I was referring to repairing his heart and spirit, bringing closure to the split as a result of reading the story, assuming he did read it. While I found no actual question, Laylab's concern seems to be how it affected him.

[trojan]

If i put myself in his shoes...no not his particualr shoes but in the shoes of anyone who I had a disagreement/split/upset with and they wanted to repair things...I'm just wondering how I'd react to receiving a story about it ?

I mean thats a question worth just asking people regardless of the question. I guess its down to individual temperament..if i were the one receiving the story I'd be miffed at the gesture because it seems so..... indirect and so calculated and public ..plus i couldn't be counted upon to know the story was meant to be about me anyway...I'd probably just be thinking 'why has she sent me this story' Plus a story of how you saw it is all one way, all from your POV, what you told yourself about how it was. And being a story he can't respond by saying 'well actually no it wasn't like that I felt like this' He doesn't have the chance to say that because hes been fixed as a character in a plot....for public consumption too !


Did anyone ever get back with someone because they wrote a story about them ? (except in fiction, films etc) Seems to me if you can't talk to the person and just explain in person then chances of getting a good reaction via a published story are slim...but thats just me

I'd be interested to hear how others would react to a story. Would anyone get back with a friend or relative or ex solely because they received a story (that had been published) about them ?


What i don't understand is why not just send him the story...why publish it for everyone else to read and tell them its about him ? It makes the relationship very public...why would that be a good thing in his eyes ?

[meng]

Trojan, your point is well made, and I tend to be in agreement with the kind of response you mention. And, that is part of my answer, though I guess it must be hidden deeper than I realized.

What I meant , in more detail, was that he would feel stripped, but that the result of that could be closure for him, which in the bigger picture, improves upon his condition, 18. Starts tending his own basic needs, which is what 23 advises. Leaves and branches will fall, and the energy returns to the roots.

[rosada]

Good question, Trojan.
For me I think it would depend on whether I wanted to get back with the person.
If I wanted to reconnect, reading a story that had me as a character would be a perfect excuse to call - even if the character were unflattering or even if I didn't agree with the spin.
On the other hand, if I weren't interested - and provided of course that I recognized myself in the story - I don't think I'd be offended especially since Laylab says her tale was a positive one. I'd probably just smile and think it kinda sweet.
Anyway, I don't think seeing a published story with me in it would in it's self turn me against the author, especially if the story were positive.
Rosada

[trojan]

Hey Meng just reread your first post...you're getting too subtle for me these days lol

Yes i see what you mean, I think, you are saying its good because it settles for him the right thing to do was split with L ....except you are saying that with more...discretion and sensitivity than I (and way less chance of backlash ?)

Re reading L's question as you and Rosada were discussing, shes only asked 'if' he read the story...yet like you i was taking her to mean what was his reaction to it.


I think your take also reflects well the 2nd answer 42>53 how "will the story eventually affect his view of me"

[meng]

I, personally, have mixed vibes (assuming we're on the track) about the story, per se, because I also respect that the best creative passion comes from expressing these difficult real life gains and losses. The artist must free themselves from concerns of hurting anyone's feelings, if they're going to create. I mean, I hate to say it, but most classic rock legends may not have enjoyed prolific careers if they let that kinda stuff get in the way. So in that sense I fully respect Layla expressing the depth of her experience through writing a story - whatever her motivation to have an affect on him may have been. I mean, it's easy to say you shouldn't try to write a song to get back at someone, but that simply doesn't hold up in reality. How 'bout "you're so vain, I'll bet you thought this song was about you", lol. And Keith and Mick often composed as though he was right in the girl's face. I'll bet more than one portrait by Picasso offended someone, chuckle.

So to stretch the 23 (s p r o i n g), it could apply to the need for the writer to strip those concerns, and just go on writing.