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What God Thinks of Me? 41.6

arabella

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Decided to "go for the ultimate" and ask God's opinion of me. SCAREY, but then who else's opinion really matters?

The casting was Hex 41.6 becoming Hex 19. The widow's mite? I am a widow, have just about a mite. Maybe a mite and a half -- nowhere to live and a job that doesn't pay the bills. But I'm relatively happy [although often baffled which way to go next];, also quite fortunate in relation to what goes on in the world these days -- and hopeful -- hopeful for all of us that we can still make the world what it should be.

But I think the line 6 speaks of alchemy? Of that, I know nothing. Well, at least I didn't draw Hex 51 or something! I'd be watching for lightning to strike.

Have I asked a question that makes it impossible to read the casting, since -- who can think like God does? Hmmmmm. Hadn't thought of that.
 

arabella

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Yes, I agree. That wasn't the nature of my question. I suppose my question was rather non-specific and thinking God would "get it" anyway. I was more asking what God thinks of what I am doing RIGHT NOW and whether it is the best thing, the right thing, to be doing. ~Although by now I'm contributing to the world from a rather down position and not much up to my own standard, I think it's the best possible and was asking God's opnion of that.

I mean, I love all my children very much -- but sometimes I wish they were doing something different.:hug:
 

chingching

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:rofl:

poor kids...

so more of a , am I on the right path kind of question.. well you got a very happy answer.

from the wiki wing:
Offering for Nearing, because of 19’s insistence on continued approach and activity, not stopping at the harvest/result, but continuing through the cycle. The offering has been successful and rewarded (by spirit presence) - now this reward is something that should take you further. As long as you are moving and in service of growth, there is no such thing as loss.

I cant say it any better, I'd say god was giving two thumbs up ;)
 

arabella

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Yes, exactly, this is a right path question, because there are always entire other options and I've stuck with this for about three years now, tried to make a "go" of it. And I wish I could tell better if it's the best way to go. Everyone I know has their opinions [pro and con] about what I'm doing and how I'm coping -- but I just wanted the "ultimate" opinion this time. I'm entirely open to suggestions and assume the Creator would converse through the YI -- since He made it and all the energy behind it.
 
S

sooo

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Maybe this is a quirky interpretation (well, the question isn't your every day variety either :)), but if your question is taken literally, God is 19 (the overseer or observer), seeing you go through a period of decrease, so that he/she/it/they may increase your higher nature. You may currently have no home of your own but God.
 

arabella

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Maybe this is a quirky interpretation (well, the question isn't your every day variety either :)), but if your question is taken literally, God is 19 (the overseer or observer), seeing you go through a period of decrease, so that he/she/it/they may increase your higher nature. You may currently have no home of your own but God.[/QUOTE]

You know, it isn't so quirky a reply, because it is quite literally true and I've been trying to make sense of it. This period of decrease has been going on quite a long time now and just as it sinks again I think "oh no it can't be worse" and then it is and somehow it is still survivable. In a certain way, I feel such a sympathy with the many people coming up in the news who suddenly, for no reason they can identify, are without a home, without the normal life they worked to put into position, and realising practically speaking what I always knew intellectually [spiritually] -- that our belief, our devotion to service to humanity is what matters and not to lose sight of that no matter the conditions in which you may find yourself. What has occurred in my life has been gradual. For others it seems to often come overnight, or even in minutes.

I'm not under water or suffering as people are elsewhere and wouldn't imply that, but the sense of empathy is still there because I simply can't imagine what I would do were there no hope on the horizon and my family were missing or been swept out to sea. My heart goes out to them while, at the same time, I feel in a quandry myself and responsible to understand what I must do, knowing that my situation certainly isn't the most difficult position anybody in the world is facing right now, although still difficult from my perspective. I suppose I feel humbled to see what others suffer and survive and also in a practical sense am stymied and wondering what comes next in my own life as well, whether I'm handling that properly [making better decisions] and in the right spirit.

What you've said is an interesting way to condense all of that emotion.
 

vng78

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Well, line 6 to me suggests the message that despite all the inadequacies you're currently having in your life, you actually have enough (perhaps for your situation at this point of your life). I guess from your comment above, it seems that you already realized that.

Hex 41 is also about balancing decreasing and increase, giving and receiving. Line 6 indicates you are the receiver in this situation and the resulting hex 19 (Approaching) is one of the most auspicious hexes, so it kinda fits nicely.

Cheers
Vince
 
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sooo

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One of the things that used to drive me nuts was when I was going through my undoing about 11-12 years ago, and when a well meaning individual would say to me, God is allowing you to go through this now to better equip you to help others later who are going through the same thing. grrrrr, that was SO not what I wanted to hear. What? I hadn't helped and supported others enough as it was? I hadn't sacrificed personal gains for higher principles? What's up with this, Lord? Where did I piss you off?

'The Lord chastises those he loves, and everyone he receives.' (heb 12.6)

Placed in more pragmatic or physics terms, we grow according to the degree of resistance we overcome.

Who sets the bar here, you or the observer? is a good question. Maybe it was set before you were born, and you sealed it. chuckling...

Things change. My dad's spirituality seemed to be summed up by this answer to this life: "No one lives here, we're all just passing through." This will pass, so might as well squeeze the juice from the experience as you wander. Later, when you're up and running on your game, this time will hold great value to you. It already has.
 

arabella

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One of the things that used to drive me nuts was when I was going through my undoing about 11-12 years ago, and when a well meaning individual would say to me, God is allowing you to go through this now to better equip you to help others later who are going through the same thing. grrrrr, that was SO not what I wanted to hear. What? I hadn't helped and supported others enough as it was? I hadn't sacrificed personal gains for higher principles? What's up with this, Lord? Where did I piss you off?

'The Lord chastises those he loves, and everyone he receives.' (heb 12.6)

Placed in more pragmatic or physics terms, we grow according to the degree of resistance we overcome.

Who sets the bar here, you or the observer? is a good question. Maybe it was set before you were born, and you sealed it. chuckling...

Things change. My dad's spirituality seemed to be summed up by this answer to this life: "No one lives here, we're all just passing through." This will pass, so might as well squeeze the juice from the experience as you wander. Later, when you're up and running on your game, this time will hold great value to you. It already has.

You do [one does] come to realise that anything certain -- isn't. When I think what i did rely on, it's rather funny. I had a lot of stuff [mostly gone]; I "had" my kids [on their own except for the ill one who is back home to get well we hope]; some money in the bank [spent on said ill child's education and an unsaleable house in another country]. Over years, eveyrthing just changed, we made decisions, and matters accrued accordingly. Now there is next to nothing on what one would generally consider the "plus" side of the practical ledger. If I take stock of the intangibles gained we are now citizens of the "world" rather than small town USA and I think the kids have an unbeatable education and dual citizenship. The one who used my pension fund for a degree is a research assistant in human rights and creator of an institute for international cooperation between the Baltic States and Russia as a graduate student and I couldn't be more pleased.

Her brother teaches English to stateless people to help them to obtain European citizenship; and the third is an artist who depicts people of many cultures, races, beliefs, from throughout the world, painting what she sees as the unity of mankind. It was a stretch as a single parent to put everything into world citizenship. Frankly, it was scarey, some days I think I was insane, but taking the risk when the opportunity presented itself was rather irresistible as it is what I believe in my heart of hearts, we are all one and we'll realise that if we get out and meet the world. That's what I told my kids and they took it seriously.

And now, if these children I raised "out in the world" can't stand in the wind I have literally nothing left to give them or fall back on. What I have bought for them as a future is completely intangible, including the education they have acquired, just the opposite of anything material or "certain." And yet we see every day that the material world is the one that is unsubstantial, that blows away, washes into the Sea and disappears. As your Father had said. We take with us only what we've made of our souls. Anythying else we had belongs to the next person.

So, to focus on beliefs and minimise or even shed the rest should be the point. In a life filled with "stuff" there is no room for what is far more important and what we traded materially was replaced by something more worthwhile -- although invisible. That's what I have believed and been satisfied to see coming to fruition. However, when you are cold, ill, or tired, struggling to keep a home going, it's not so easy to see that every single day. But I think it is still true. And I think -- I hope -- that God will not think that I let them down by doing what I did. Their Father, unlike yours Soooo, would have completely disagreed as he had no interest whatever in the rest of the world. He would have stayed where he was, paid off the mortgage, sent everybody to University of Arizona and kept the money in the bank.
 

ginnie

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Their Father, unlike yours Soooo, would have completely disagreed as he had no interest whatever in the rest of the world. He would have stayed where he was, paid off the mortgage, sent everybody to University of Arizona and kept the money in the bank.

The I Ching is said not to reveal directly the thinking of deities. As Alfred Huang writes under Hexagram 1: "The purpose of the I Ching is not to expose the nature of the ... divine deities but to offer guidance for favorable action in one's daily life and at the same time to avoid misconduct that invites misfortune."

The thought of God is said to be only love for you, no matter what you do.

Quite possibly you're angry at their father -- and for that moment you were NOT taking the path of reducing your anger. You were not taking the path of reduction, just then, while thinking you had let your kids down for having nothing tangible for them to fall back on.

The I Ching might also be saying to you that you've learned how to give everything, but without sacrificing what's really important to you.

What do you mean by not having any place to live? Are you living in a forest and sleeping in a hammock strung between two trees? I'm asking this because sometimes we overstate things. I tend to do that sometimes ...
 

icastes

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The question is flawed, because there is no one great monotheistic god in the Yijing and in ancient Chinese thought generally. Why ask such a question in the first place, even if you believe in such a god?
 

arabella

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The I Ching is said not to reveal directly the thinking of deities. As Alfred Huang writes under Hexagram 1: "The purpose of the I Ching is not to expose the nature of the ... divine deities but to offer guidance for favorable action in one's daily life and at the same time to avoid misconduct that invites misfortune."

The thought of God is said to be only love for you, no matter what you do.

Quite possibly you're angry at their father -- and for that moment you were NOT taking the path of reducing your anger. You were not taking the path of reduction, just then, while thinking you had let your kids down for having nothing tangible for them to fall back on.

The I Ching might also be saying to you that you've learned how to give everything, but without sacrificing what's really important to you.

What do you mean by not having any place to live? Are you living in a forest and sleeping in a hammock strung between two trees? I'm asking this because sometimes we overstate things. I tend to do that sometimes ...[/QUOTE]

By this, I mean that the places I've lived in over the past couple of years, rentals, have been successively sold. Where I am now I must be out by the end of the week. It is more complicated because my daughter came home very ill and has been in bed for about five or six weeks now. She will be there a lot longer. We literally had nowhere to go, then friends who heard what has happened and who are not here at the moment said to use their house until the first week of May. So our things are going into storage, and in a month, if I haven't found a place, we are "up a crick" as they say. This is the third time this has happened to me in as many years and I'm frankly quite fed up with it. Especially since I fix these places up, pay rent besides, and the owners invariably decide if they are ever selling they should while my things are in there -- because it looks so Better Homes and Gardens, so to speak. The last few months of my tenancy its a case of showing potential buyers through one after another, somebody buys it. And then I lose my home again.

This time, it is looking very bad because I just plain haven't found anything. Without our Australian friends, I'd be in big trouble -- especially with a sick daughter here besides. So, I mean that, by some miracle, we have a place for a few more weeks. And then -- it could be that hammock strung between two trees in the forest for me and a sick girl. This Winter was a partially heated cottage in the worst blizzards in years so, close enough to living al fresco! :)
 

arabella

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The question is flawed, because there is no one great monotheistic god in the Yijing and in ancient Chinese thought generally. Why ask such a question in the first place, even if you believe in such a god?

Well, I think Ginnie has answered the question of whether God, or someone thought of as All-seeing would answer. Apparently the Yi Ching isn't designed for that and doesn't support the question in the first place out of a belief that deities will not expose their capacities in that way. That makes sense to me -- in fact I wondered if it was a bit absurd for me to ask God to speak in this way.

However, on the off-chance I asked because God to me would be the highest authority on whether the choices made were the best ones to make. I mean, why ask the Yi anything? And yet we do all day long ask about situations of concern, other people, decisions and how to make them. I don't see that it was such an extraordinary thing to do. Anyway, there is nobody else here TO ask about the process I've followed, so why not ask God? I just didn't know there really was a precaution against that in the Yi.

PS to ginnie -- I'm not angry with the kids' Dad at all, he died very young fourteen years ago and we've been ages on our own, but he made his opinions quite clear when they were young -- there was nothing outside the USA worth knowing about. Buy American, jetison the rest. We just didn't agree.
 

chingching

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remember this one:

There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save me". Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said "God will save me", then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, "God, why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you dummy!"
 

arabella

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remember this one:

Yes, I've heard various versions of that one for sure. I'd imagine, so have those who have tried to help us and are scanning the horizon as we speak. There has been a fair effort made to find a way out of this and every estate agent and oodles of friends have been on the lookout as well. Tonight, I was finally able to celebrate my daughter's birthday with her, a month late, as she is well enough to have company here. And "where on earth will you go?" was a good bit of the conversation. In this part of the world there are estates and second homes for the wealthy and clamouring for the few places that go up for let is an arduous process you don't want to undertake while nursing a sick person and trying to hold a job.

SO -- my daughter and I are just now waiting for the first boat to appear and wondering what happens if there aren't any? I'm thinking that this in itself would be a message, however, not sure what it means since I've never been in that spot. So far, there's always been some miraculous last minute life raft -- like the place we're going to on Saturday for a month.

I suppose that's why I'm reviewing all that has gone before over the past decade and hoping the decisions I've made will hold water anyway if we end up floating downstream on a lilypad. If we're on that hammock Ginnie described but the decisions that took us there were sound, then I would believe that's just where we were headed in the first place and all is as intended -- I couldn't have changed it somehow. Not a big difference I guess except that you get to drown intelligently rather than drowning in stupidity.:blush:
 
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sooo

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SO -- my daughter and I are just now waiting for the first boat to appear and wondering what happens if there aren't any? I'm thinking that this in itself would be a message, however, not sure what it means since I've never been in that spot. So far, there's always been some miraculous last minute life raft -- like the place we're going to on Saturday for a month.

:bows: you must have found a lucky lilly pad
 

arabella

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:bows: you must have found a lucky lilly pad

Well, so far so good, sooo. I have to say it's testing all my faculties this time around -- although it's undoubtedly lucky what has come up in just the past few days.

Unfortunately, the next magic lily pad becomes the centre of existence and not just for us, but for all those who know us in the area, that somehow there is an answer. Your original answer on this is so philosophic -- and yet the only sensible thing to think in the circumstance. A great deal has accrued [that could have gone so many other ways] for THIS set of variables to be the situation of the moment. And with years of spiritual training all I can think [besides how to make better decisions and how to provide better for us] is: what is the message and what should I be learning now?

Surprisingly I believe it may be simply that we are being provided for, however strangely and temporarily. What we will glean from it overall, as you say, will most likely be clear later on. Meanwhile, yes, magic lilypad time. We are still blessed, just a bit anxious and having to stretch to accept uncertainty when I'm employed as a project manager for pity sake -- and planning has always been my strength.:eek:
 
P

peterg

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Servants without dwelling.

Nowhere to live and a job that doesn't pay the bills ? Don't know what to do ?

'Servants without dwelling' from 41.6 can be read as ' homeless services '.
In this country we have professionals who work with people with 'homeless' and related issues.(eg Simon Community ), providing support , advice and practical help. They are very good at what they do and you don't have to be on the street to avail of their services.

This image can also be read as 'servants without limits or boundaries' or in other words a widespread support is available for the asking , since the 'servants' , represented by the three yin lines of upper nuclear trigram earth, mother, service , are spread across all 4 trigrams of H.41.Tuck Chang is excellent on this line.

I like to think of the question asked ( when I do bother to frame a specific question )
as a reference point for the interpretation , but it doesn't define the whole meaning of the response.

regards
pg
 

bamboo

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It sounds like a very tense situation, Arabella, and my heart goes out to you. Personally, I don't read that you've ignored any 'boats' at this point so I am not sure what chingching means. In tense situations like this - which I know can be very trying when one would like to be able to make plans, and is used to doing so - I have found that it is important to just take the next step, and then the next, and so on...as they present themselves. It is a bit like free-falling, and faith is really at it's best when we find ourselves free-falling. So true, as you say, the things of this world can be washed away with no warning. sometimes in spite of the best laid plans.

I love your response from the yi. and I love what Vince said. When so much is taken away, there is only room for increase, especially - and because - when everything goes, we are left with the greatest possession, ourSelf, from which all new solutions will spring. I am certain you will be provided for, as will your daughter, and I hope she gets well with newfound strength.

I always remember what Ravi Walsh said, quoting Byron Katie : NOthing happens TO you, it happens FOR you. It can seem so otherwise at times like this. To me that quote said to me that in all tense situations, the part of me that Knows is in charge and is rearranging the landscape. You are also the You who designs the fabric of life and it is vast but seamless, the Overseer is God, but it is also You, and Me and so on. One day at a time, move forward and track the miracles/coincidences/dreams that lead you forward like the bread crumbs in Hansel and Gretyl.

bless you, lots of love
 

arabella

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It sounds like a very tense situation, Arabella, and my heart goes out to you. Personally, I don't read that you've ignored any 'boats' at this point so I am not sure what chingching means. In tense situations like this - which I know can be very trying when one would like to be able to make plans, and is used to doing so - I have found that it is important to just take the next step, and then the next, and so on...as they present themselves. It is a bit like free-falling, and faith is really at it's best when we find ourselves free-falling. So true, as you say, the things of this world can be washed away with no warning. sometimes in spite of the best laid plans.

I love your response from the yi. and I love what Vince said. When so much is taken away, there is only room for increase, especially - and because - when everything goes, we are left with the greatest possession, ourSelf, from which all new solutions will spring. I am certain you will be provided for, as will your daughter, and I hope she gets well with newfound strength.

I always remember what Ravi Walsh said, quoting Byron Katie : NOthing happens TO you, it happens FOR you. It can seem so otherwise at times like this. To me that quote said to me that in all tense situations, the part of me that Knows is in charge and is rearranging the landscape. You are also the You who designs the fabric of life and it is vast but seamless, the Overseer is God, but it is also You, and Me and so on. One day at a time, move forward and track the miracles/coincidences/dreams that lead you forward like the bread crumbs in Hansel and Gretyl.

bless you, lots of love

I just love what you've said Bamboo, helpful and inspiring. And from what I see, this is what I can do really, take a step, and a step, and know that I will eventually be somewhere. I seem to have had my home in jeopardy ever since leaving the USA years back. It's a tradition of move, move, move, with no reprieve. I've learned a lot and the three children and I have had to absorb so much to continue to flow with the tide and not get dragged under. But we're all still here and, for the most part, thriving. The instability is just harder for me as I get older, but also instructive.

We're now safely moved to the temporary accomodation and still looking for a permanent one. But as Peter says, friends have flocked around and are trying to help so we are very hopeful. People don't usually view me as in need of help; certainly not homeless as I have wherewithal -- just nothing available to rent. Getting the move done has been a relief and we're finally getting some rest and respite. We have no internet, so I have to steal a moment here and there at work -- but I'll keep you informed as possible!! Love, Arabella:hug:
 
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ginnie

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Are there any rentals that will not be going up for sale? Long-term rentals or leases for one year, even?
 

arabella

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Are there any rentals that will not be going up for sale? Long-term rentals or leases for one year, even?

Hi Ginnie,

Rentals here are traditionally for six months only. A year is unusual. Many of the people in this part of the world who rent property have estates with a large number of houses on them. What they let out is often an unheated or partially heated hovel so to speak. So you have to be selective for a start. If you improve the place very much they will sometimes raise your rent too. Interesting system.

With one thing and another, the decent places to let are very limited. Most of them are taken before they're even advertised and there is no such thing as a rental agency. I was lucky to be the first to look at one this week, only to find that it needs so much repair it's impossible and the couple in it had already put in thousands of dollars this year before I saw it.

In short, I'm expecting a lot to find another halfway decent place year after year. There is one that was just mentioned to me that is being "done up" in town and I've called the guy who has it. He's dragging his feet, not following the project and not getting the contractors in one behind the other to minimise delays. I asked to see it anyway, which he says I may do in a week or so. Maybe a possibility. Fingers crossed.
 

ginnie

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You are living in the mind of God

people in this part of the world who rent property have estates with a large number of houses on them. What they let out is often an unheated or partially heated hovel so to speak.

Where you live, in that part of the world, things are set up very much to your own disadvantage, if you want a place to call home. I'm sure you have asked Yi about this.

There must be reasons you live there. Maybe you are supposed to be on the move constantly like this? After all, you are developing a lot of mobility. There are many advantages to not being tied down in one place.

As long as there is always another place to reside in, I'm not sure there is an insurmountable problem,at least in the short term, other than a conspicuous lack of heat in the wintertime.

Your wealthy neighbors don't sound so neighborly ...

Have you asked Yi what are the benefits of staying where you are? And what would be the benefits of finding a permanent place to live?

Personally, I think something is always going to be very wrong, no matter where we live. People may think I'm being pessimistic in saying that. But when one makes spiritual matters the main focus in our lives, that means we are abiding in the mind of God. Sad to say, as a direct result of that, the place(s) we get to live on earth may not exactly be up to other people's standards.

But this thing about having to move every six months ... Just as you've gotten the place barely habitable, you're compelled again to move.

Is there some other question you might ask Yi about all this to clarify it even more?

A Course in Miracles
says that we are all still living inside the mind of God, a place we never left. That all this we are experiencing is a dream. But the 'this is all a dream' point of view seems to get me nowhere and no place when faced with a lot to do, like moving house. It may be somehow finding the place where the two opposites intersect --- somehow, Arabella.
 

bamboo

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A Course in Miracles says that we are all still living inside the mind of God, a place we never left. That all this we are experiencing is a dream. But the 'this is all a dream' point of view seems to get me nowhere and no place when faced with a lot to do, like moving house.

:rofl:
I can relate to that:). BUt I think what I learn from times of resistance like that is perspective. The Course also says "the strain of constant judgement is intolerable" ... we judge some things as good and some as bad, but judgements are man-made.

I was driving along recently thinking about how 'intolerable' a certain situation I was faced with was, and feeling squeezed and unhappy.

Simultaneously, I was thinking of a client of mine who has been devastated recently by the sudden death of her young husband. Overwhelming grief - that she also feels is intolerable and consquently wants to take her own life. Helping other people gives me perspective ...NOT because I feel lucky that 'thank god it isnt me' ( that kind of fear-based comparison is not perspective at all) but the perspective wherein I realize it is not all about me. I also acquire the perspective of seeing hope and the potential for the healing of intolerable suffering available to her. I had compassion for her pain, and very gently advised her to try and stay right within the moment, one moment at a time; to simply feel the moment, without projecting about tomorrow, without succumbing to awful thoughts about what his death will mean to her life or how she will live without him or how awful/unfair the loss was. Just be in the moment and feel what you feel, without cruel thoughts that cause suffering.

Suddenly, I turned my own words back to me, and my 'intolerable' situation, and realized the same advice applied. If I stayed in the holy present moment (the mind of God) I became still. From the still perspective, my situation was just a situation, not good, bad, nor intolerable, but just a manifestation of Life happening, and I could do something or not do something, or I could just calmly observe it as ' what is' for now. and I could breathe and see trees passing, and realized that my heart center is always still; that at my core, I am still present and all is well.

I saw that just like my client, I had been bound in a suffering state; but retreating to the moment, the mind of God, meant letting go of all my judgement about what was happening and just being one with it.

A grieving woman is free to feel her grief, cry, wail, lament her loss; In the present moment we can feel all varied emotions, but grief is a very gentle friend if we can cease from judging it and projecting futures about it. Grief takes us into her gentle arms and rocks us endlessly and one must surrender to it and rock with her as long as we need. resistance is the suffering. Emotions are living waters that take us home, and on the other side is always joy. not happiness maybe. but joy. The mind of God never loses hold of us.

so I guess my point is that sometimes very abrupt and seeming unpleasant events cause us angst, but at best, they can also pull us up short and wake us to the present moment/ the mind of God. and when we wake up truly alive to the presnt moment we are home.

"if you knew Who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible" ~ acim
 

rodaki

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beautiful post bamboo . .
I have had my own dealings with this mourning grief for many years now, and I'm finally beginning to realize that the hardest part of it is the way it gets entangled with a kind of guilt . . sometimes it feels not only like mourning for the loss but also for my inability to stop it or handle it all in one go
. . that feels the cruelest part of it. Staying in the moment as you said, and doing so again and again, and softly returning there, as scary or impossible as it might seem, has been the sweetest, most honest thing we can do for ourselves . .

:bows:
 

bamboo

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beautiful post bamboo . .
I have had my own dealings with this mourning grief for many years now, and I'm finally beginning to realize that the hardest part of it is the way it gets entangled with a kind of guilt . . sometimes it feels not only like mourning for the loss but also for my inability to stop it or handle it all in one go
. . that feels the cruelest part of it. Staying in the moment as you said, and doing so again and again, and softly returning there, as scary or impossible as it might seem, has been the sweetest, most honest thing we can do for ourselves . .

:bows:


:hug:
 

arabella

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Great posts, all of them, and right in line with where I am too. I've got my daughter with me, who has suffered so much over the past two months. She is feeling much closer to well now, still tires easily, but I have to say, has had so much support, miles of prayers from many directions and messages from around the world. So many have tried to help and found just how recalcitrant this "homeless" situation is where we are living. Their frustration has made me feel a bit more adequate to be honest!

The "up" sides are that I have work and some of my family here. The "down" side is that in general people in the area have resources far beyond mine and it will be a struggle to stay in lieu of some "miracle." But a day at a time is all I can do. Beyond that I have no power and as Ginnie says, somehow the answers come along, however slowly, and the next bit of grace that makes it possible and bearable. At a moment to moment pace, of course, life has slowed down and that slowness makes appreciation of detail inevitable. In the time I've got now to absorb it all I realise, God must want me where I am because there isn't a way out. What do I need to see, hear from where I sit? The stint on radio has been productive so far for a lot of people -- helped some artists, some local business, made some people happy. I'm putting the emphasis there and thinking I'm invested where life is positive.

I remember a quote by Abdul Baha who was often questioned by people wanting to know the secret of joy: "If you want to be happy -- be happy -- what is stopping you? He said. What indeed. There will always be great days and glitches. Meanwhile I am learning all that I can from this state of affairs, four walls will certainly turn up and, somehow, they will be mine! xo Arabella
 

arabella

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Update

Yesterday I was told that my job is over with in eight weeks. I may have a bit here and there of work -- a day or so a week -- but not enough additional income to live on. I have widow's benefits and a small annuity but count on my job to pay bills. So -- that makes a full set!
My daughter cried last night and said, "they've taken everything," but they haven't. We've got us and a bit of money and we'll have to cut our cloth accordingly. I wish in this condition that she were well, it's a lot harder when you feel lousy. But we will go as said before, one day at a time, all in God's good time. I feel very calm about it for some reason and told my daughter not to panic, we'll make it. XO, Arabella
 

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