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Thread: heartsick and needing clarity...

  1. #1

    Unhappy heartsick and needing clarity...

    I was seeing a man for a month. We started off great but now feel him pulling away..Admittedly he is in a very hard place in his life..unemployed and starting allover. Initially he was very pursuant of me, but has backed away and "putting up walls" He said he was aware of the wall he has with me...Well, I also noticed he had a drinking problem and I decided to end the all contact with him by blocking all access to me.. Drastic I know but I see the writing on the wall..I can't change him and although really adore him, I have no hope he would get into recovery or break those walls down...I blocked, his number from my phone, blocked email and facebook..I didnt tell him because I know any conversation I would have with him would stop me from ending it.

    I asked I ching what can I expect from his side now that I have taken this action:

    23 unchanging

    then i asked what is best for me to do now in this situation?

    8.1 > 3

    and then asked do I have the qualities necessary in 8.1 to carry this break up?

    56.5 > 33

    will he contact me by another method (come by work/home, or through friends?)

    4.5.6>29

    YIKES!!!! not looking that way

    Lastly:

    can we work this out if I reach out to him and tell him the truth of how I really feel??

    37.6 > 63

    I am still unsure if I did the best thing...I feel heartsick and would love some answers..

    Not sure if the joining with others means join with him again or just other people???

  2. #2

    Default

    23, one party has been driven away by refusal.
    8.1, you have counseled the man, and moved on to a new beginning, 3.
    56.5 You tried to get something more much more beyond yourself, but it ended up in retreat, 33.
    4.5.6 Inexperience has made you blind to many things and it is necessary to protect yourself as you are embarking on a new journey, 29.

    Feel is a copy editor's nightmare. 37, the woman must maintain her house well to keep her good fortune alive. If you are truthful about your concerns, yes, then you come to a state of perfected completion. Move on.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by celelissa View Post
    I was seeing a man for a month. We started off great but now feel him pulling away..Admittedly he is in a very hard place in his life..unemployed and starting allover. Initially he was very pursuant of me, but has backed away and "putting up walls" He said he was aware of the wall he has with me...Well, I also noticed he had a drinking problem and I decided to end the all contact with him by blocking all access to me.. Drastic I know but I see the writing on the wall..I can't change him and although really adore him, I have no hope he would get into recovery or break those walls down...I blocked, his number from my phone, blocked email and facebook..I didnt tell him because I know any conversation I would have with him would stop me from ending it.

    I asked I ching what can I expect from his side now that I have taken this action:

    23 unchanging

    then i asked what is best for me to do now in this situation?

    8.1 > 3

    and then asked do I have the qualities necessary in 8.1 to carry this break up?

    56.5 > 33

    will he contact me by another method (come by work/home, or through friends?)

    4.5.6>29

    YIKES!!!! not looking that way

    Lastly:

    can we work this out if I reach out to him and tell him the truth of how I really feel??

    37.6 > 63

    I am still unsure if I did the best thing...I feel heartsick and would love some answers..

    Not sure if the joining with others means join with him again or just other people???
    Hi Celelissa,

    I am sorry about your heartache. I think its all so fresh & still moving. I have to say that was a little harsh to block him from all communication. Unless he is just really dangerous,(doesnt sound like it tho) I am glad you see that now. I think you should tell him how you feel but dont sound like a lovesick fool..Make a joke out of it somehow. Create another Facebook account and friend him again ,(a suggestion.) Then take everything from there, slowly with less emotions & judgements. There is no right or wrong way, everything has its place & purpose.. Its not always wise to completely alienate/punish someone because they are not acting the way we want them too. If you are not happy with his drinking (which is only a symptom of his real problems) then you need to tell him. If anything you have a friend. Of what kind?.., like I said, its all still fresh & moving.

  4. #4

    Default

    I feel as though you did the right thing by the looks of your readings. especially 56.5 in answer to your question there. "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time." maya angelou

    while I understand what White Owl means by it not being wise to "amputate" people from one's life, it is also wise to heed the message when you see "the writing on the wall"....His drinking problem and his retreat are not favorable for cultivating a nurturing relationship.

    8.1 > 3 in this context seems to describe you, your desire to join with another, to make a new beginning. I wish you the best

  5. #5

    Default

    Thank you all so much for the readings they make a lot of sense to me and have helped me greatly...I have moved on. I do desire to have a real relationship with someone who can and has the desire to fall in love with me!! and its mutual!!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Default

    Hey celelissa,
    I agree with breaking all contact - I don't think it is harsh - it is right for you otherwise you keep getting sucked back into the unhealthy situation because of your feeelings and probably because of the loveliness of yourself.
    I have never regretted breaking all contact with someone - it's the way I roll and it's right for me. I learn what I can about myself from it and move on. xx

  7. #7

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    lots of heartache as you felt.. to go or roll with it that way, & not good karma either. You never can completely can get rid of someone anyway, best to just gradually put them in the back burner on simmer..It hurts when someone does this to you. I know I have had it happened & its painful..dont treat people that way, it will bite you in the butt.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,941

    Default

    I know I have had it happened & its painful..dont treat people that way, it will bite you in the butt.

    I have never experienced that whiteowl but perhaps I am have not understood is there anyway you can elaborate on your post. thku Melissa

  9. #9

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    I actually just got off the phone wit him...I called and fessed up and guess what?? He didnt even notice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean really!???!!! We spoke and it was fine honest and kind...He and I are in different places and thats it.. hestill wants to "hang out" but I told him i wasnt sue I would be ok with it...I believe in time we will be friends...its all out on the table and hes not even angry or upset..He way more isues in his life than me running away..

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by celelissa View Post
    I actually just got off the phone wit him...I called and fessed up and guess what?? He didnt even notice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean really!???!!! We spoke and it was fine honest and kind...He and I are in different places and thats it.. hestill wants to "hang out" but I told him i wasnt sue I would be ok with it...I believe in time we will be friends...its all out on the table and hes not even angry or upset..He way more isues in his life than me running away..
    Guys generally play it cool. I am glad you are feeling more harmonious.

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