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New relationship that brings many questions!

zebrelle

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Hi,

First, let me introduce myself: I'm Zebrelle. I'm new, but I've been consulting this forum for quite awhile. I find people in this community always give excellent insights on hexagrams. When I'm unsure about an answer I receive, I usually perform a search here and read through the different interpretations people can have. :)

Now, let me explain the situation. I met someone new about a week ago. Tuesday, he invited me to his place and we discussed a few things. He shared with me that he was scared because his last relationship damaged him quite a bit. He asked me what I wanted from him and I told him I wanted everything, qualities and flaws. He said he felt the same way and asked me if I agreed to make the relationship official. I was really happy! Then we started getting intimate and he just randomly stopped. He didn't want to tell me what was going on at first. He kept kissing me and caressing my face. I was worried, but he said I shouldn't. He said it didn't have anything to do with how he felt about me, that it was just related to some issues he has. He told me he was happy he met me, but that he didn't think he would have met someone so quickly. At one point, he also told me he felt like crying. It was so strange. Anyhow, the evening ended well. We mentioned again the fact that we were now in an official relationship and I went home.

I was happy until the next morning. I had a weird feeling that I couldn't explain. Tuesday morning, he invited me to go on a road trip with him. However, he changed his mind after Tuesday night. He said he needed to be alone for a few days. He said something like: "I need to draw the line between my ex that is behind and you who is now in ahead." I was hurt, but said I understood. It was clear we were still in an official relationship. But before we were official, he asked me to sleep at his place and I didn't. Then, I asked him if I could sleep over after we became official and he said: "I don't know... I think it'll be easier when I'm on vacation. Maybe next week?" Another thing is I changed my Facebook status because HE brought the subject. HE told me he was going to change it. I did, but he didn't yet. I mentioned it to him yesterday and he said he never goes on Facebook. He said he tried to changed it on his phone, but couldn't do it. He wanted to show it to me. He also said I should talk to him instead of imagining things. He promised me he would always be honest with me. Well, I don't know why, but I just have this weird feeling that doesn't want to go away since Wednesday. I'm just afraid he changed his mind about us or something.

Things went so fast between us and things are just not as clear I wish they were or thought they would be after we decided to become official. I needed to ask some questions to the I-Ching. I think I need help with some of the answers I received or just confirmation or a different point of view.


How does he feel about me?
16.2 > 40

I think it tells me that he is happy to be with me, but that he wants to be careful at the same time. Perhaps it refers to the fact that he is afraid.


What will happen in the near future between us?
38.2.3.6. > 55

I think it tells me there are obstacles to overcome. I think the last line talks about me not trusting him. I think he's not serious about me, but perhaps I will realize he actually is. Does it make sense?


What's the nature of our relationship?
7.2.5 > 8

I cannot figure this one out. It seems there are some obstacles, but it doesn't seem entirely bad since it changes to union.


How will he feel about me today?

19.1.4 > 40

How can relate "They approach together" and "They come together" to feelings?


How will he feel about me Sunday?
53.3.5.6 > 2

The first changing line doesn't seem too good, but two last lines seem better.


Where is our relationship leading to?
19.4 >*54

"They come together"... But what more?


What does he want from me?
21.1. > 35

This one is funny because he likes to literally bite me. (Playfully, of course!) But I don't understand the line in the context of my question. It talks about punishment.
 
D

diamanda

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Hi zebrelle,

I'll give it a go, short answers as they come to mind as there's lots of questions here.

How does he feel about me?
16.2 > 40
He has changed his mind about you.

What will happen in the near future between us?
38.2.3.6. > 55
You'll meet informally, something hurtful will happen between you, you'll hate him, and move on.

What's the nature of our relationship?
7.2.5 > 8
He's got major issues, he's waging war against you, and wants to win.
Resut will be that you'll probably turn to people you know and trust deeply already.

How will he feel about me today?
19.1.4 > 40
He likes you, wants you to go to his place (?), but after that doesn't want you anymore :-/

How will he feel about me Sunday?
53.3.5.6 > 2
He intends to split up on Sunday :-( ...?

Where is our relationship leading to?
19.4 >*54
He wants you to do what he wants only, and he probably has someone else on the side.

What does he want from me?
21.1. > 35
He wants to shape you up right from the start for easy progress/sex as he wants it.

This whole story sounds highly dodgy to me..... i hope i'm wrong, but this whole
scenario of "oh poor me i've got issues", in my experience 99% of the times is just
saying that the guy is plainly fooling you about with psycho-babble. Sorry... :-/
 

elias

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1. Read this in its entirety: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=12642

2. Slow down. If you take less than an hour to sort through each cast, you're going too fast. If you're new to I Ching -- and based on your questions, I'm guessing that you are -- limit yourself to a single cast, or maybe two, in a day. Do a serious review of the previous day's cast before launching into a new one. Don't do a new cast until you have good sense of the prior one.

3 Look at multiple interpretations, check the archives on Clarity, look at some of the reputable on-line sites.

4 Read this in its entirety again: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=12642.
 

val75

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Hi! I agree with Elias also. I'm also kind of new at this but from I could see asking too many questions can at times confuse you more. It's probably best to ask a more general questions such as "how will the situation between x and I unfold?". IMO I also think that when you first meet someone you should take it slow. You don't really know him and giving your heart and energy to someone too quickly can backfire. Sometimes as humans we want what we can't have, so if I were you I would pull away a bit from him, regroup myself and let him miss me. Don't sleep with him, that's your best card. Wait until you feel like you really are together. Good luck :)
 

zebrelle

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Hi,

I want to thank you all for your help. I agree I probably asked too many questions.

I also want to say that I personally wanted to take things slow with him and actually did. He was the one who took things fast. He was the one who wanted to see me four days in a row. He was the one who initiated the contact most of the time. He was the one who told me to call him whenever I felt like it. He was the one who wanted to be officially with me after only a few days. I didn't push him because I was interested. I didn't post the whole story, but I really was carefully to not go too fast. However, he wanted it to go fast and I followed. He told me multiple times that he was really interested in me and that he was really happy he had met me. I only opened up my heart to him once I knew for sure he was interested.

Last Wednesday, we saw each other. That was the first time in five days. As soon as I got in the car, I could see there was something going on. He wasn’t affectionate at all. He didn’t give me any kiss or hug. But I wanted to spend a nice evening so I didn’t make a big deal out of it and I smiled. We actually had fun… until we went to grab a coffee. He said: “We won’t be seeing a lot in the next 2 weeks.” I said: “What does that mean?” He said: “What do you mean?” I said: “Ok… I really need to ask you something. I have had this bad feeling since Friday. Are you having second thoughts about us?” He said: “Yes, you are right. I don’t think I’m ready. I stopped talking to my ex only 3 weeks ago and I don’t want her back, but I still think about her a lot.” He added: “I’m sorry. It’s the timing. I’m sure the two of us it would have worked out.” He added: “Everything I told you was true.” I said: “It’s okay… I knew. I could feel it.” He said: “How can you know?” I said: “I just knew deep inside. That’s all. Plus, when you are really interested in someone, you make some effort to spend time with them.” He said: “I was really busy the last few days, but I understand what you mean.” I said: “I’m sure if you meet someone you are really interested in, you would feel ready.” He said: “It’s not true. I’m just not ready.” I said: “Why were you on a dating Website then?” He said: “I really thought I was ready.” I said: “It’s evident that you do not have the time in your life for me right now.” He said: “Not like you would want to me to.” I said: “I didn’t want to see you all the time. I wanted to see you maybe one time during the week or the weekend. I agree things went too fast and that’s not necessarily what I wanted. I wanted things to go slower.” I said: “Well, when you come back from your trip, call me if you feel like it and I’ll see how I feel about it.” He said: “But I know I’ll want to call you!!! I still want to see you.” I said: “I don’t know if I can. I’m afraid I’ll get attach even more.” He said: “I understand.” I said: “What do you mean you still want to see me anyways? You mean casually see each other?” He said: “We can still go see movies or go see shows together, just like we did.” I said: “I can’t be friends with you. What if want more?” He said: “If find you attractive. It won’t turn you down, but that’s not what I necessarily want.” He added: “I liked what you told me before we went for our second date, that we should just go with the flow and do whatever feels right at the moment.” He also said I could call him, even while he’s gone. So, we went to his place. He was affectionate with me again. In the car, he put his hand on my leg and took my hand all along until we were at his place. He even kissed my hand. Then, at his place, he was kissing me and hugging me. We cuddled. He showed me his new camera that he bought for his trip. He took a picture of me with it. Of course, we got intimate as well. But it wasn’t just about that. As I mentioned, he kept kissing me and hugging me and cuddling, even after we got intimate. I was stupid and said I wanted to stay for the night. He said he didn’t think he was a good idea. He said he really wanted to, but to remember that we just said we wanted to take things slow. I think it’s true because when he got in the car, he asked me what I was planning to do if I slept as his place, like he was having second thoughts about it. But anyways… Then, in his car, again he held my hand all along until I got home. He kissed my hand again. Then, we said goodbye. Kissed and hugged tenderly. And I felt okay at first, but when I woke up at 2:00 AM, I felt like I was going to die. It just hit me.

So, this morning I asked: How does he feel about me at this point? He was away on a road trip. I'm not sure if he's back yet. If not, he'll be back tomorrow for sure.

I got 27.6 > 24

Am I wrong again to think this is kind of good?

Thanks!
 

elias

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So, this morning I asked: How does he feel about me at this point?

Oh, dear..

And there’s,
‘How does he feel about me?’
with its friends, ‘Why is he doing this? What did he mean by that? And why isn’t he calling me?’

This is a radically unhelpful question in a whole lot of ways.

Does he want you to know the answer to this? And if he doesn’t, is it at all reasonable to expect Yi to help you to spy on his inner life?

If you can in fact spy on his inner life, and he’s confused and his feelings keep changing, all this is going to show in the reading. It is not going to be easy to understand. Also, it is not necessarily going to be true tomorrow.

It is hugely, terrifyingly hard to interpret these readings objectively. It’s excruciatingly easy to respond instead by building a fantasy relationship-castle out of a string of readings, with each question based on a misinterpretation of the reading before. What you end up with has nothing to do with the reality – and yet it is strangely addictive. It’s always easier to ask another question – fitting the curtains and carpets in your imaginary castle – rather than actually going and talking to the man himself.

And on that subject – substituting readings for communication does not make for a good relationship. If you’re in a relationship with someone and can’t ask what they mean or how they feel, then a better question to ask might be ‘What can I do to help us to communicate better?’

Come to that… substituting obsessive speculation about what he feels for becoming conscious of your own present desires and choices? “If I knew what he felt, I’d know what I can safely let myself feel”? Also doesn’t tend to work. If only.

And finally, it’s surprisingly hard to ask a clear, unambiguous question about this. For instance, is ‘how does he feel about me?’ meant to give you a picture of his emotional state? Or of how you appear when seen through his eyes? This is not something you want to be trying to work out after casting the reading, believe me.
 

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