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Here's theTruth: My Life is a Mess

malka

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Here's the truth: My life is a mess.

My life is unsettled professionally (I've been out of work for a long time) unsettled romantically (no real relationship in a long time) financially (no job, and a tumbled stock market) and generally life is a BIG challenge. I've become gun-shy about most everything. I also notice myself searching for a hint of stability or something to count on anywhere. And yet during this time I've learned about and become better friends with myself, and have found a certain quality of inner peace, contentment, and confidence among the ruin.

When I didn't get the job last week (I wrote about it here) I asked Yi a couple of questions:

First, I asked about my pursuing a move to another city ASAP and received 5.2.6 to 37. Because it happens that I have family in this other city I took this answer to imply I would be near them but not to rush it, that it isn't yet time. And yet last week I started an aggressive job search in that city -- bigger economy and bigger population suggest , perhaps a better chance of finding both job and love. Also, I believe I need to stir things up if I expect different results in my life.

At the same time I asked about my love life, and received 26 unchanging. I'm still somewhat at a loss to understand this hexagram, other than there are creative possibilities that are being restrained (held back in fear?) Yeah, that probably explains my love life quite well.

Then this weekend: I spent time with a male friend and told him I planned to move. This man was introduced to me by a mutual friend when he moved to my city a few months ago. It's just platonic, but we ended up spending the day together and something unspoken happened. The next day I asked Yi about us and received 3 unchanging. The analogy of the beginning of a new life peaking through is very interesting. He proposed we spend more time together this week. Today I asked Yi about the best approach to take with him: 26 unchanging!

Although my life lacks accomplishment I am filled with tremendous creative potential: I'm very bright, motivated and attractive. At times I feel my first order of business must be a stable income, then at times I feel it's more important to have a strong foundation in my personal life. Back and forth. The truth is that both are important. I'm doing my best to pursue both simultaneously. So today, my final big question Yi -- what should I do with my life? Answer: 10.5.6 to 54!! Now I'm a feminist, so please tell me that Yi isn't telling me to get married! And yet, this male friend is divorced (I would be the second wife.) And he's more established in his career than I currently am. And, here's a description I read online about 54:

"The hexagram also signifies any relationships between someone in an established situation, and someone approaching with less advantage. It must be remembered by the less advantaged person that even in their lesser position they have the power of attraction and a definite role. There is a reciprocal relationship, not one of subservience. If the forces active in the attraction can be handled, then the way is less turbulent. Being secondary does not mean being of no account."

I'm way too close to my life to make any sense of these readings. I'm lost when it comes to next steps. Something needs to shift and I need to make changes happen, so I do need feedback, please!
 

jte

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Malka, I think it's worth pointing out that the same logic that makes your 10.5.6 reading indicate a marriage relationship also makes it indicate a job relationship. Maybe the message is that you should do exactly what you already feel you want to do - focus on improving both your career and romantic situations.

I think the 26 in this coming relationship indicates it could be a big deal for you.

A talented person who doesn't give up simply doesn't stay down for ever. That's you, from your description, so keep at it. Just be flexible and keep giving it your best.

- Jeff
 
C

candid

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Dear Malka,

It seems there are intervals in life where there is nothing left to do but turn inward. It?s a dangerous and often times lonely place to be. Each hour feels somehow like a waste of time, and they turn into days, weeks and months with mystifying speed. Yet we eat, we have essentials. We cling to the magic tortoise and decide to submit to the moment, again and again.

During such times, there?s an image that gives me a place to go. A river flows downstream and meets a large fallen tree ? obstruction. The water backs up, deepens, and continues to move along the lines of least resistance (10.5, resolute conduct). Soon, water flows over, around and through the tree, and continues flowing downstream. Then, I morph back into this human body and walk back up to the fallen tree. There in the deep pool, over time, fish come, plants grow, animals build houses. (10.6, Look to your conduct and weigh the favorable signs. When everything is fulfilled, supreme good fortune comes.)

?Mythology tells us that where you stumble, there your treasure is.? Joseph Campbell

Hang in. You?re doing great!
 

malka

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Jeff,

Thanks for the insight and the vote of confidence. So Yi is telling me to engage in relationship, huh? OK. I'm open to pursuing both career and love relationships so this isn't a problem. I just ask for more reciprocal interest then I've been receiving of late. I can't do all the work myself.

26 is still a mystery to me, even though I've read through Val and Gene's extensive posts about the hexagram. Perhaps after I experience it myself I'll know. Stay tuned.

Candid,

"Each hour feels somehow like a waste of time ..." Yes, you do know my experience very well.

I see the image you've offered of the river and the tree very clearly. Yet I still don't quite see the meaning of 10.6, can you or others discuss this line further? And what does 10 CONDUCT really mean in the context of 54? I've read Hilary's words that 54 always means another woman. But how does this apply to my question, which was, What to Do With My Life?

Love the Joseph Campbell quote!!
 
C

candid

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Malka,

I don?t necessarily agree that 54 always represents another woman. It could also represent ?the? woman. There is the origin and the manifestation. The manifestation is the maiden which treads upon the origin. The maiden contains our doubts, fears, grudges, misgivings, emotions; and also our hopes, beliefs, enthusiasm, optimism and vision. When these things rise up against the innocence of unformed intelligence---our origin and source---that is the maiden treading. In this life our original nature is ?married? to this maiden. She?s not something we can just ignore or overcome. We must incorporate both the original nature and the maiden, in order to live this manifest life in harmony with our origin and source.

Treading is a natural thing to do when the wife is unsatisfied, so we ?discriminate between high and low, and fortify our thinking?. This makes for a more perfect union between our origin and our maiden.

10.6 is going back to our life and seeing perfect order, seeing that everything had a reason and a purpose. This is something that?s very hard to do while flowing down river because we?re so caught up in the momentum. But 10.6 is a time when we can walk back to those ?accidents of nature?, the fallen tree, and recognize perfect sequential order in our life and its journey down river.

C
 
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demitramn

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Hi Malka
happy.gif


i believe that the "other" woman in your case is referring to any and all other aspects of yourself that you have not yet discovered and fully integrated. before you can integrate you must discover them. 10.6 is about honest effort and sincere conduct towards that end

if you look closely at what you've been doing and how you've been doing it up till now, you will see that all the steps you've taken have led you to this moment; nothing is out of context, everything connects to create the bigger picture of your life. but, you must at this juncture take notice that true achievements are measured by the *manner* in which they are attained not only in the rewards that may be gained. therefore, you must proceed carefully towards connecting more fully with yourself in a manner that you yourself deem worthy and respectable, not by any strong influential societal standard of worth and respectability, but by your own personal measure of value and esteem

why do you judge your life a mess?? how did this become your truth? is this really *you* assessing, based on your values of worthiness and respectability or is this an assessment made as a result of society's old world standards and structures of how things *ought* to be? something to consider

just wondering: astrologically, do you have any planets inside your 7th house?
 

hilary

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Hi Malka,

I'm sure I can't have said that 54 always meant another woman - can I?? (*erk*)

Anyway... 26 with regard to relationships might mean being firmly 'on top of things', in control of your own desires and momentum. This doesn't mean bringing growth/ movement to a halt; it actually means things get the chance to grow more strongly and deeply.

'Not eating at home' and crossing the river can mean willingness to nourish yourself on new experiences, and to put more of yourself 'out there'. Following on from Demitra - it might have something to say about the kind of relationship you believe you can have.

About 10 changing to 54 - treading with extreme care through (or into) the situation of the marrying maiden? As marrying maiden I'd suggest you are entering new relationships (job and romantic, agreed) that represent a big step up to a new level of experience. Scary... not particularly feeling as if you're in the driving seat... not necessarily something you would have chosen and surely not what you planned.

10 and 54 are agreed on the need for caution, anticipation, feeling your way. 10,6 can be about reading the omens: do not miss LiSe's extra page about this line. I think this is your 'hint of stability' amidst all the tiger-tail-treading. It's an encouraging addition to line 5, which talks about the danger inherent in making decisive moves (maybe especially when you can't know everything in advance). 10,6 implies you have a strong, reliable connection to the guidance you need. Not that anyone needed an oracle to see that.
happy.gif
 

malka

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Dharma,

How would I know about the 7th House? I have my chart and it does list planets and degrees and such, but says nothing about houses. I don't know much about astrology so please tell me how I can figure this out.

Malka
 

bradford_h

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Malka-
The seventh house is the piece of the pie between two and three o'clock on the wheel. Each house is a set of issues or region of life. The seventh house is relationships, partnerships and contracts, and living up to them or the consequeces of failing to.
As to 26, make sure you take the opportunity to dine out! and go on a road trip that's farther than the river.
 

malka

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I've learned I am Sagittarius rising and this places Gemini on my 7th house and Mercury as the ruler. I've been searching the internet to learn what this means, and I'm afraid it looks like it predicts multiple relationships (job and love both, I suppose) for me. The joke is, I'd be fine with multiple relationships! I have none now and so multiple would be an improvement!

Bradford,

The male friend and I were to take a boat ride today (how's that for a road trip across the river?) but he went and disappeared on me! This is the quality that keeps happening in love and job: there appears a mutual interest, then before my eyes the opportunity disintegrates. Yet nothing appears to happen to cause this. No reason. It's very strange. In this case, I asked Yi why I didn't hear back from him today and I received 2.2.5 to 29 and I'm reading this to imply there is interest but it's held in check by a strong fear. We'll see what happens. I also want you to know I've recently discovered your website and I've been enjoying the richness you have to offer!

Dharma,

Why do I judge my life a mess? Honestly it depends on the moment. When I step back and observe myself from a judgmental place, there is no other way to see what's happening other than as a "mess." But surely this mess isn't the whole story of me. And I'm working on the honest effort and since conduct.

Candid,

The suggestion that 54 might represent my shadow woman (this is how I heard it, is this what you meant/) is an interesting one and I'm going to sit with this for awhile and see where it takes me. Thank you.

I have more responses for others, along with my gratitude for your insights and time, and yet I must get some sleep tonight and so will continue this in a few hours.
 

Frankelmick

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Malka,

Gemini is the sign of the Twins.

The 7th House has to do with one-to-one relationships, as Brad says.

Perhaps Gemini in the 7th could mean that there's a lot of ambivalence and indecision around relationships?

This could well be coming from the other person.

And you do seem to find yourself in relationships where you're not sure about the other person's intentions, don't you?

Also Gemini is an Air sign and ruled by Mercury as you say. So it's all about communication.

But sometimes Gemini's indecision comes from talking and debating and discussing rather than taking decisive action.

I think that the strength of Gemini is speed of thought, powerful intelligence and the ability to communicate ideas to others.

I don't know if any of this is helpful or relevant. Hope so.

Very best wishes,

Mick
 
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demitramn

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Hi Malka
happy.gif


actually, i was aiming to find out if there were any planets inside your natal 7th house. i find that people with planets here often do need a close one-on-one type of relationship to discover themselves, and likewise, those of us without planets here seem to manage this self-discovery well enough without being involved
 

malka

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Dharma ... Yes, I have Mercury as the ruler in my 7th house. But I don't know what this means other than communication is somehow emphasized. Is something special I need to "do" or be aware of?

Mick ... You are correct that I find myself in situations where the other's intentions about me, and their take on relationships in general, are very unclear. I've never had the experience of someone openly and genuinely pursuing me. Never. Sometimes I learn they have interest in someone else at the same time they're getting to know me, and I've never been the chosen one. I believe I have strong communication skills (this is what Gemini is all about, yes?) but it doesn't seem to be effective in some interpersonal relationships. Not sure why. It's a mystery. Perhaps as you say, it's not me with the communication blind spots, it's them. In work situations I have definitely found myself working with otherwise bright people who are completely unable to communicate in a direct, honest, and clear manner. Frustrating!

Hilary ... Thank you for your comments. My "memory" is that I read a post from you awhile ago saying that on this forum, 54 always seemed to indicate another woman, at least when the questions wee about relationships. But don't worry, I don't think you said 54 itself "always" meant another woman!

I did go back and re-read your newsletter discussion of 54 and your experience of it after your father's death ... "the ground couldn't be guaranteed to stay firm and solid under my feet." This is very well said and it's exactly how my life has felt for the last few years. Nothing has remained solid under me. Nothing. And so when I recently asked Yi about what to do with my life ... getting 54 as the context or backdrop to the question is really right-on!! But here's something you write that I never before understood about 54: "Taisi, the second wife, was raised to the status of first wife." The subordinate rises up? My life will turn around? I'll gain the status and the position I deserve? But it will come from an outside source and not from within me? Arg! This makes it all sound like my situation is the result of societal circumstance and not the result of me - who I am?

True to 54, I have not felt in the driver's seat for a along time. Life has been happening to me, despite my very best efforts to take ownership of the reins personally. The "treading with extreme care" message of 10 certainly is a description of my feelings of being gun-shy and skittish, something that has only developed over time, but does not reflect my core. Rather than advice I believe Yi actually gave me confirmation about what I already know ... what I'm already doing. Ho Hum. (Thanks Jeff for noting this ...)

26 and my love life ... it's all a big HALT. Frustrating. It feels there is nothing I can do. I am open to eating out and crossing rivers as soon as the opportunities arise ... And in the midst of all of this, I got a call today for a job interview at the same company where I was turned down last week. It's for a lower level position than my background or experience would indicate. Life is what's happening to me.

I started this thread as a means to get a handle on my life. Perhaps I've learned that all I need to do is keep on doing what I'm doing. If there are any messages in these readings or people's notes to me that others think I am missing, or if I've unintentionally ignored any advice, please feel free to speak up and tell me directly. Really! I do want to learn and grow from this. Do not be shy about challenging me.

Blessings,
Malka
 
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micheline

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Dear Malka, and hello all. I send my first post as Malka has inspired my thought.

You are certainly a woman who can communicate well and clearly.....
You have that gift to bring....and you are right, many bright people are not direct nor honest,it is something people do not always learn!

In terms of your life now, I see 10.5.6>54 as very promising.
Continued, decisive treading - and observation of your path up to this point - brings you to the point where you "convert the maiden"...the maiden submits, and ultimately becomes the mistress of the household. That is a journey you are undertaking.

Feeling loss of control now is part of this process.

I am reminded of the myth of Persephone, the "eternal maiden," who would have remained so except that she was dragged into the underworld by Hades. Maybe every "maiden" must be "dragged into the underworld" by circumstances, events, beyond personal control. It is a time when your world as you have known it becomes disorienting, confusing, and dark.
But take heart. On the other side is the emergence of a full woman. Persephone became a goddess of the underworld afterwards. She was able to assist others in this dangerous journey, because she had completed it herself.
I thnk your message is to let yourself be taken by this time. Go with it, follow it where it will take you both within and without. Submit...as it sounds like you are doing. "Your predecessors are extending their blessing. Your purpose will bring great rewards."

I just saw a good movie...."Garden State"...a wonderful story about control and giving-up-control and ...screaming into the abyss with abandon! As in the movie, sometimes we make room for love to take us too, when we give up control.
 

malka

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Micheline ... What a gift in your post. The story of Persephone makes me weep. It is true, I believe, that once initiated into the underworld as I have been, there could never be a return to the world as it was. All is changed.

"Your predecessors are extending their blessing. Your purpose will bring great rewards."

Thank you,
Malka
 
C

candid

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Malka, what a wonderful way to look at this. An initiation rite. Finding and keeping the light, not at the end of the tunnel but in the tunnel.

To echo something Demitra said: ?connecting more fully with yourself in a manner that you yourself deem worthy and respectable, not by any strong influential societal standard of worth and respectability, but by your own personal measure of value and esteem?

Wise words. But not easy, considering how much external forces influence us. But that is the test.
 

malka

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Candid ... Being with the light in the tunnel. Nice.

Thanks also for reminding me about Dimitra's words. I've re-read her post and there is much wisdom there also. I am very grateful to all of you here. You are beautiful!!

Letting go, letting go ... wu wei ... submitting to the flow ...
 

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