Reading 43.1.4 to 48

strangeronatrain · Feb 4, 2014

The question: is this weekend optimal for breaking up with my long term relationship? (Also thinking about what will happen if I do?)

I already know I want out, and I'm prepared to do it this weekend.

Thank you.

Edit: This is sprouted from another thread. And I apologize for not initially putting my own read on it...

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?18055-35-2-6-to-40-State-of-a-Union

To me it seems very straight forward, as it is acknowledging the decision process I am making, but I'm not sure it's really giving me an idea of anything other than "when you close a door a window opens." The two lines are individually baffling, but they seem to be saying I should be careful how I phrase the break up... there is quite a bit of entanglement in the relationship.

Any and all help or clarification is appreciated. Thanks.

Trojina · Feb 5, 2014

you said in the other thread 'no one is biting'. Well I saw your post yesterday and from this cast it looks to me like there's something you are not understanding here.

Do you really see 43.1 as 'go ahead' ? 43.4 suggests you are pressing on your own course too stubbornly....and the 48 well maybe you need to consider if you can actually afford to break with him. I mean 'afford' in all senses.

I didn't answer then because I don't know the circumstances, maybe he mistreats you so I wouldn't like to say 'don't go'. But since you bought it up in the other thread....no I think you should hold back on any announcements this weekend. 43 is about making announcement and just look at 43.1 it is saying 'don't'.

That's my view. In 43.4 there can be a sense of the grass being greener elsewhere...like "I want it this way so it has to be this way'....which in this instance is misguided.

So you have a pretty strong advice here I think not to go making announcements this weekend.

What did you think of 43.1 how could that mean go ahead ?

strangeronatrain · Feb 5, 2014

I saw it as a warning that despite my resoluteness, I should be sure I am ready for something painful, or that it could end up "costing" a lot in all senses.

This makes absolute sense to me, but I don't want to continue with him just so that I benefit from his resources if I know that doing so means leading him on and also making me a nervous wreck. What I don't see is this warning me to *not* break up with him... just that before I say those words I better be ready for all the consequences.

I rather have a desert than a lush green lawn that makes me uncomfortable.

Does that clarify?

strangeronatrain · Feb 5, 2014

And I think I was reading 43 as making decisions rather than announcements... I'm not sure the yi can advise me well on a when unless I ask "is [enter time here] a good time" -- but please advise if there's a way to phrase that sort of inquiry.

strangeronatrain · Feb 5, 2014

Also he does not mistreat me -- on the contrary he is completely devoted which pains me even more because I just know, ultimately, it's not right. That's all.

strangeronatrain · Feb 5, 2014

Okay - taking your reading as probably more accurate than mine, I just asked "Give me advice on how to best proceed with breaking up with my boyfriend." I got an Unchanging Hex 60.

I take this to mean pacing the break up... doing things in steps. Now, my mind immediately goes to starting with taking space... "A break..." Then leading to the final break up. This *feels* dishonest to me. But I guess this is the better course of action than one fell swoop this weekend.

Trojina · Feb 5, 2014

Well you surely know best here.....but it is possible to throw good things away and not know it till much later you know....and I suppose that's what the reading made me think of.

And I think I was reading 43 as making decisions rather than announcements... I'm not sure the yi can advise me well on a when unless I ask "is [enter time here] a good time" -- but please advise if there's a way to phrase that sort of inquiry.

It is both decisions, if the announcement is to oneself....but also statements to others, so quite clearly this is about your intention to make an announcement that the relationship is over and as far as I can see you don't really know what you are doing. In 43.4 one just doesn't want to acknowledge a reality of some kind so this makes me feel you are being idealistic in some way about what the breakup would mean for you.

43.1....'mighty in the toes' but not being up to the task....this is a pretty sharp warning about whether you can actually sustain this.

I don't use timings at all, but I guess you can just ask again at another point

This makes absolute sense to me, but I don't want to continue with him just so that I benefit from his resources if I know that doing so means leading him on and also making me a nervous wreck. What I don't see is this warning me to *not* break up with him... just that before I say those words I better be ready for all the consequences.

Yes all very noble in theory....but where are you going to go ? I'm not asking you directly just hypothetically have you actually thought this through ?

You could be right that the reading is not a warning not to break up with him. Afterall if you want to then you want to...and yes the reading could be just saying be ready for the consequences except the reading clearly says to me you aren't ready for the consequences. I mean that is precisely what 43.1 is saying...that you are all eager to go forward but not at all ready. 43.4 is a stubborn holding to an idea that's often not much use.

Also he does not mistreat me -- on the contrary he is completely devoted which pains me even more because I just know, ultimately, it's not right. That's all.

Do you know that....really, that it's not right ? :demon: Just playing devils advocate here. I forgot the whole story which is on another thread so I may be missing some factors, I'll go look. Somehow I think you may regret ending with him....or in anycase I just don't think now is the right time.

Trojina · Feb 5, 2014

As a matter of interest what makes you hold back on telling him if you are so sure it's the right thing to do ?

Checked out the other thread and that's where I said I didn't think you could judge the other guys feelings for you via Yi interpretations. If you are leaving your guy for the new guy you are 'in love' with then you need to know directly about what he intends/wants etc...from him himself IMO.

I'm not at all convinced you need to go anywhere at all right now.....but I could be wrong of course.

strangeronatrain · Feb 6, 2014

Okay - taking your reading as probably more accurate than mine, I just asked "Give me advice on how to best proceed with breaking up with my boyfriend." I got an Unchanging Hex 60.

I take this to mean pacing the break up... doing things in steps. Now, my mind immediately goes to starting with taking space... "A break..." Then leading to the final break up. This *feels* dishonest to me. But I guess this is the better course of action than one fell swoop this weekend.

strangeronatrain · Feb 6, 2014

What makes me so sure it's the right thing to do... independently of the other guy... and I've been thinking about this for many months, holding out to see if my feeling change:

1. He doesn't make me laugh.
2. My family and friends don't think he's a good match, and he often offends them and I have to clean up.
3. I would rather go places alone than with him.
4. Intimately, I've been feeling I've been going through the motions for the better part of a year.
5. If he asked me to marry him, I would say no.

Why haven't I told him yet?

1. I have definitely mentioned having doubts months ago, but he convinced me to hang on.
2. We are very unfortunately financially entangled -- he helped support a project of mine -- but I am not financially *dependent* on him. I would be fine if we broke up, but there would be a lot of efforts to untangle knots. It is because of this point why I am thinking that 43.1 is really warning me to get my legal and logistical ducks in a row before having the final talk, and I'm not sure that's wrong. I think if there is any reason to wait, it is THIS reason.

I am making a point to not contact the other guy until I've settled this situation completely. That is to say there is no collusion. I'm not sure I want his answer to influence my decision.

What is difficult for me, however, is figuring out how to continue "acting normal" if I DON'T break up with him soon, and if it is not completely cruel to do so.

Any thoughts on Hexagram 60?

strangeronatrain · Feb 6, 2014

Oh wow I think I understand it now.

How does this sound...

The financial entanglements involve contracts that need to be signed and affirmed regarding investments that are already made, and debts that need to be addressed. There is no way I will be able to get all of this completed before this weekend and it's something that I would prefer nailed down before going further so as to not have to deal with business after hearts have been broken.

Does that line up?

pocossin · Feb 6, 2014

Is this weekend optimal for breaking up?
43.1.4 to 48

Yes, there are more fish in the sea.

Advice on how to best proceed with breaking up?
60 unchanging

"Galling limitation must not be persevered in." Don't drag it out. Make a clean break.

strangeronatrain · Feb 6, 2014

Whoa... that's like the polar opposite of trojan's. The second part makes some sense but the first? Can you explain a bit pocossin?

Trojina · Feb 6, 2014

strangeronatrain said:
Oh wow I think I understand it now.

How does this sound...

The financial entanglements involve contracts that need to be signed and affirmed regarding investments that are already made, and debts that need to be addressed. There is no way I will be able to get all of this completed before this weekend and it's something that I would prefer nailed down before going further so as to not have to deal with business after hearts have been broken.

Does that line up?

Yes. You don't wish to be dishonest to him, you have said that a few times but don't let guilt (and isn't there always a sense of guilt if you are the one to leave) stop you being sensible for your own sake. I've seen these situations before and now I think one has to think of oneself, when the best time to go is. To my mind there is nothing quite so sensible as 60uc. I think it's telling you to make order of all this.

You see you have the emotional stuff and then you have then you have the financial stuff and the practical stuff. I even see 60 uc as a bit of list making, priority making. 60 is about giving each thing it's due measure. It is not 'hot headed run out of the door tomorrow with no cash and have to keep calling him to sort out finances'. Also this approach may be better for him too, less painful than if you had to sort it all out after the breakup. Take it steady is my view.

If you are sure you want to end it then that must be right for you....as long are you are clear you aren't leaving him for someone whose feelings you are not sure of.

Anyway you know best, I'm only giving my impression of the casts....but actually they are quite strong impressions.

pocossin · Feb 6, 2014

strangeronatrain said:
Whoa... that's like the polar opposite of trojan's. The second part makes some sense but the first? Can you explain a bit pocossin?

"Polar" is an excellent example of the synchronicity being discussed elsewhere. The relationship is cold, and it accords with the coldness of the season in much of the country. When I read the casting (43.1.4 to 48), I experienced cold. So, yes, this weekend is optimal for acknowledging an underlying reality.

strangeronatrain · Feb 9, 2014

I got out. At first things seemed cordial, but he is definitely venting anger and asking questions that I know if I answered truthfully would really, really hurt him. I know in a little time he will be able to compartmentalize the financial stuff, everything is in writing. But for right now, we talked, I took my stuff out of his apartment and I'm in the process of rebuilding my home.

I asked the yi for advice on how to conduct myself during this raw time to get the best results with him -- a friendship in the future or at least avoiding pure enmity. I got Hex 4.4 to 64. I've read not to focus too much on the resulting hex when there's only one line changing... I'm thinking, if "inexperience" is the key word here, I need to not focus on him but focus on myself and relearn how to live as a single woman for a while. Then not concentrate on the legal and other logistical stuff until the ice has frozen... and things maybe have cooled off a bit.

More when I know more.

strangeronatrain · Feb 10, 2014

And Trojan called it. He sent me a bill.

pocossin · Feb 10, 2014

strangeronatrain said:
I'm thinking, if "inexperience" is the key word here, I need to not focus on him but focus on myself and relearn how to live as a single woman for a while. Then not concentrate on the legal and other logistical stuff until the ice has frozen... and things maybe have cooled off a bit.

I agree.

Trojina · Feb 10, 2014

strangeronatrain said:
I got out. At first things seemed cordial, but he is definitely venting anger and asking questions that I know if I answered truthfully would really, really hurt him. I know in a little time he will be able to compartmentalize the financial stuff, everything is in writing. But for right now, we talked, I took my stuff out of his apartment and I'm in the process of rebuilding my home.

I asked the yi for advice on how to conduct myself during this raw time to get the best results with him -- a friendship in the future or at least avoiding pure enmity. I got Hex 4.4 to 64. I've read not to focus too much on the resulting hex when there's only one line changing... I'm thinking, if "inexperience" is the key word here, I need to not focus on him but focus on myself and relearn how to live as a single woman for a while. Then not concentrate on the legal and other logistical stuff until the ice has frozen... and things maybe have cooled off a bit.

More when I know more.

I feel the hex 4 is pointing to the fact you aren't hearing Yi anyway... I think this more since you got 4.4. Enough said.

ETA

And Trojan called it. He sent me a bill.

I didn't say anything about him sending you a bill.

strangeronatrain · Feb 11, 2014

I usually am very quick to admit that I'm wrong -- and I see that 4.4 usually means ignorance without self-awareness or warning to be aware of one's inexperience...

I just don't think I made a mistake in the breakup... At least I hope not -- I battled with the decision for 8 months. So what context does 4.4 have with a question of conduct? And why is 4.4 so dreaded?

You didn't mention a bill, but you did mention not being able to afford the breakup.

pocossin · Feb 11, 2014

strangeronatrain said:
I see that 4.4 usually means ignorance without self-awareness or warning to be aware of one's inexperience...

I understand hexagram 4 as boot camp and considered it to symbolize the period of adjustment you are going through and the need to manage in new ways.

strangeronatrain · Feb 13, 2014

Trojan, did you get to see my reply before the hack?

Trojina · Feb 13, 2014

No. My last post to you vanished. Was that what you were replying to ?

strangeronatrain · Feb 14, 2014

Yup. Was all positive, very much agreeing with you followed by another reading that seemed to say "you won't know what you won't know - move on."

Reading 43.1.4 to 48

visitor

Supporter

visitor

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Supporter

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visitor

visitor

visitor

visitor

visitor

Supporter

visitor

visitor

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visitor

Supporter

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