63-19

[susan]

I asked if I should call an old friend. we had a bit of conflict at one time but it's been a along time and she lives near by and I found out that her brother died recently.
I got 63.2.3.5-19
Both hexagrams seem to say that things start off well but can end in disorder in 63 and in 19 there's that 8th month.
and 63.2 says don't run after things.
We were good friends at one point but there was a big conflict involving my ex husband and it's why I haven't been in touch for so long. But I wonder if we could be friends?

[magictortoise]

The second line is spot-on. I think it would be wise not to pursue things with this person at this time, but order your own house (line 3). When the 'eighth month' comes, i.e. in the fullness of time, there is the pleasant augury of joyous approach.

Best regards,
Ken Wanamaker

[susan]

Thanks Ken.
I didn't know how the other lines were affecting that line.
What does it mean get my house in order?
Also, I notice you interpret 19 as different than when Wilhelm says in the eight month disorder. I like your way of putting it much better. Can you say anything more about it though? (that part of 19)
Thanks for answering, I thought the reading said not to get in touch, but I'm never quite sure.
Thanks again.

[rosada]

Dear Susan,
Just to share with you what I have learned over the years when it comes to offering sympathy at the time of death. Peoples nerves are raw and following the most traditional path is the safest. This is not the time for subtle messages or humor. Clear traditional phrases are safe yet powerful. I would suggest you send your friend a card. If you have some heartwarming personal memory of her brother you could share, write it out in simple terms that she can easily enjoy and might also be able to show to others. This is not the time for deep philosophical discussions or to refer to the misunderstanding between the two of you, although you could include your phone number after your signature. If she wants to call and thank you for the card that will make it easy. Do not appear to be using her brother's death as an excuse to bring up old issues. You want your sole message to be one of support getting through this time of transition.

63.2 The woman loses the curtain of her carriage. Do not run after it, on the seventh day you will get it.
You have heard of this woman's personal tragedy yet you do not wish to intrude, to seem to be seeing her without her curtain. So do not call, that would be coming in too close, let the card serve to let her know you wish her well. If she wishes to, on the seventh day, or soon, she will return your greeting.

63.3 The Illustrious Ancestor disciplines the Devil's Country. After three years he conquers it. Inferior people must not be employed.
Was the brother a friend of yours? Would he put in a good word for you from heaven? If so perhaps you could include in your sympathy card some story you remember about the brother that your friend would like to be reminded of and share. Of course, if you didn't have any connection with the brother, certainly do not pretend that you did - or worse if the brother was the "inferior person" do not say anything personal about him at all. (Just trying to figure how this &%@ line might fit! Maybe it just means send a really nice card, nothing "inferior".)

63.5
The neighbor...not as much happiness as the neighbor with the small offering.
Keep your condolence card VERY simple. "Thinking of you at this time and wishing you peace, sincerely, your name and phone number." If she wishes to reconnect she will, if not, no elaborate speech will make any differance.

19. Perseverance furthers. 8th month, misfortune. Sounds to me that your card would inspire your friend to want to reconnect, but the problem that originally drove you apart probably still needs to be discussed and resolved or the same dynamic - misunderstanding leading to separation - will probably act itself out a second time.

Best wishes. My own experience with dealing with friends at this time is that it is best to be very conservative, traditional. Save the long explanations and the jokes for after you have gotten reacquainted. For now let Hallmark choose your words for you.

[susan]

Rosada,
That was my second thought to write a sympathy card. BTW her brother died 3 years ago which seems recent to me. Your advice is good, and that was my second question should I write to her 33.4 - 53. I think it's saying the same thing again, as you pointed out that the same thing will happen. But I don't really know.

Also asked what would be the result of my contacting her 4.1.3-26. Line 3 seems to deal with what happened between us. She did something to me, not the other way around.
What is the relationship between us 22.5-37.
Would we be friends if I called her 62 unchanging. (Is that ever good?)

[rosada]

Interesting that it has literally been three years! Like her brother, the illustrious ancestor, really has done some work on the Other Side and perhaps now 3 years later the opportunity is for the two of you to talk. However, even though 3 years seems recent to you, it strikes me that a card to her at this time would carry a message of more than decent fellow feeling, but would be a real invitation to reconnect and since it was she who misused the friendship I'm inclined to be wary of inviting her to come do it all over again. Perhaps she is the "inferior person" refered to in 63.3 who should not be invited in now that your feelings are finally at peace. I mean, do I understand this right? This is a lady you knew years ago. She betrayed your trust in some way and you separated. Then recently you learned that her brother died three years ago. This news reminds you of her and the good times and so you are considering reactivating the friendship. (You say you are thinking of sending her just a sympathy card, but after three years, it will be assumed that you are inviting her to reactivate the friendship.) So you ask the I Ching and receive 63 > 19 which sounds to me now like it's saying that "Just when we thought we had everything complete and in good order you are thinking of reactivating the old pattern!" and the warning that this is doable.

You asked if you should write and received 33.4 which I see as a clear warning against it, 33.4 says you were much better off leaving the relationship, leaving led to your life's 53.Progress, cause you showed a little dignity.

You asked what would happen: 4.1.3 -26. Well you'd learn what a total fool you are!

The relationship between you 22.5 >37. Somehow you have this fantasy about her, that if you were good enough you'd be this one great big happy family. But this also says that the way you are right now, the minimum contact you have right now is actually as good as it gets. Think of her as a distant relative.

Friends if you called? 62 says the main guidelines of the relationship are already in place, all that can be done more is to firm up the details. Your friendship is what it is already, it is not getting any better and to call her would only make this more painfully obvious.

Okay, I've interpreted everything in the most brutal way possible and of course you are not obligated to agree with me. I'm not even saying this is "true", but just that all your hexagrams do seem to support the idea that this friendship leaves you depleted. You may be able to come up with an opposite interpretation, but please don't do anything until you can. Cause the thing is, if you are interested in learning the I Ching it helps if you follow it's guidance. I have interpreted these hexagrams to say they are guiding you NOT to call your friend. If you say, "Yes, I see that, but I'm going to call anyway," you are sabataging your study and you will find the I Ching appears even less clear the next time you go to it with a question. Because you are teaching the I Ching how to guide you. And by going against it's apparent guidance you are saying, "Well when talking to me, please have No mean Yes and Yes mean No." And it will! And it becomes a mess to deprogram. So I would really urge you, if you do not see how these hexagrams can be interpreted to be encouraging you to call your friend that you at least put off taking action for a day or week or two. By at least giving the I Ching a chance you may find new awarenesses come to you that you are not aware of now. For example, you may find that tomorrow or the next day you remember reasons why you yourself would prefer not to be connected. Or you may have things actually happen that make it obvious not being envolved with this person is in your best interest.

By the way, you might also ask IC something along the lines of, "What is my future like without this friend?"

[susan]

I did these throws last week and I thought they were negative about her but I was confused about 19 and 37. Sometimes the lines seem clear but the resulting hexagram gets me confused. I didn't know 22.5 was about fantasy. How do you get that?
Thanks for the advice I definitly will well enough alone with her and it 's good to know my initial instincts were correct. I do have this fantasy about people that they can't possibly be bad if they stand there and tell you they aren't, even if actions speak otherwise.
I asked what will my life be like w/o her in my life 51.1.2-40.
51 is God speaks to man and 1 says not to fear loss and 2 says lost things will be returned to you. 40 is release. I read on here last week that Jesed said 40 could be an indicator of an abusive relationship. So maybe it means the release from that sort of relationship?
I'm not really sure what the reading means but it does seem better than the other throws. I never would have thought of that question to tell you the truth.

[peace66]

I agree with Rosada's idea of sending a card or letter first. Then, while you're waiting
for a response from your friend, try Rosada's Question: What is my future without
this friend? And I suggest the opposite question as well: What is the future of our
friendship? You pretty much asked this one and the answer you received is 62, which,
in this situation, I would take to mean-Be Very Cautious! A few other good questions:
Why do I want to contact my friend now? How does my friend really feel about me
right now? I hope the two of you can re-build trust and be friends again...
Peace

[susan]

Thanks Peace.
I think though that the ic is saying not to get in touch w/ her. It was my hope we could be friends again but it seems like the ic is saying it's her loss.
the other questions you suggest are good.
Why do I want to contact her now? 59.1.2.3.6>63
That seems very interesting.
What does she think of me now ? 13 unchanging.
What do I make of these?

[peace66]

Thanks Peace.
I think though that the ic is saying not to get in touch w/ her. It was my hope we could be friends again but it seems like the ic is saying it's her loss.
the other questions you suggest are good.
Why do I want to contact her now? 59.1.2.3.6>63
That seems very interesting.
What does she think of me now ? 13 unchanging.
What do I make of these?

You want to contact your friend to clear up any misunderstandings and to bring closure.
That makes sense and 13 is friendship, so it looks like she thinks of you as a friend.
I do agree with Rosada that The I Ching is warning you about trust issues with her.
So, Susan, you have to decide now on whether or not to take that chance.
I hope it works out for you.
Peace