Confusing answer to relationship question

[molaurie]

Any thoughts on how to interpret this one? I asked what, if anything, is going on between me and a man I have been friends with for two years, and have a secret crush on:

Hexagram 43, lines 1,4,6, changing to 57

Thanks, I'm stumped on this one!

Laurie

[willowfox]

I asked what, if anything, is going on between me and a man I have been friends with for two years, and have a secret crush on:

Hexagram 43, lines 1,4,6, changing to 57

You want to be more than just his friend and this is advising you not to do anything of that nature, the only thing you can do is be yourself and his friend as it appears that he has no interest in a romantic relationship.

[molaurie]

Willowfox,

That's NOT what I wanted to hear! But thanks for your honesty. Anyone else have any feedback?

Laurie

[dobro]

I'd read it in the same general direction as WF.

43 talks about decisively separating yourself from something and going your own way. 57 talks about penetrating the foundations of things, getting to the bottom of things, finding out where stuff is coming from. So the Yi is saying either:

1 There's nothing going on between you and him despite the crush. You're actually quite separate and he's not the romantic issue you're projecting onto him. Check out the unconscious assumptions at work here, and you'll understand both yourself and the situation better.

2 You should separate yourself decisively from this romantic notion you've got. Get to the bottom of it - why are you projecting inappropriate feelings on him? You want a sweetheart, sure - that's normal - but why *him* when he's not the right one? (Actually, I don't believe in *the* right one; I believe in *a* right one. It's not that difficult to find *a* right one for yourself, but you have to clear your attitudes and perceptions of illusions first. And the Yi seems to be suggesting that illusion's at work here in the case of your crush on the guy.)

[molaurie]

Thanks, Dobro. I appreciate the insights and advice. However, I'm not sure what you mean by "illusions", clearing my attitude and perceptions of?Thanks,Laurie

[trojan]

I see it slightly differently. I see 57 as the context of the question here - this relationship has been a gradual thing, his effect on you subtle but penetrating and maybe vice versa but there has been such a lack of decisiveness around the whole thing its like it just can't get off the ground. There seems a weakness of intent around the whole thing. 43 is decisiveness but here its just fizzled out to nothing, line 6 especially pointing to someone 'not crying out' not speaking, not making any declaration. But why is this ? My view is that the feelings aren't strong enough to generate decisive action - at least on his part. So slightly different angle to your other readings but more or less the same general outcome.

[martin]

I don't see a clear 'there is nothing going on' here. You can perhaps derive that from some of the changing lines but with so many of them I would rather look at the hexagrams and not or less at the lines.
43/57, as Trojan indicated there is a contrast between the decisiveness of 43 and the hesitating nature of 57.
This seems to reflect what you feel, it is and has been indecisive between you two, neither yes nor no as far as romance is concerned, and you have come to a point where you would like to know which of the two it is, yes or no.
Right?

Now, the question is - as I see it the Yi is asking you a question - what do you want and why?
Why do you keep your crush secret, for instance? Yes, I know, if you don't, the result might be 'no'. Scary? Is that why you keep it secret?
Of course you can go on in this 57 mode forever, let it hang in the air, perhaps hoping that HE will do something, and then you don't take a risk, but is that what you want?

I think what the Yi is telling you that it is time to try to understand your motives and - if possible - make up your mind about this, decide (43) for yourself. What do you want?

[molaurie]

Trojan,

Thanks for your interpretation...a slightly more positive slant...could be that there's still hope(?).

Laurie

[molaurie]

Martin! Thank you! Yes, I tend to view it this way, too. All those changing lines can really confuse a person. It seems more helpful or accurate to look at the 2 hexagrams. Yes, we've both been very hesitant. I am scared to death to tell him how I feel, and now isn't the right time, it seems to me, but maybe the I Ching is telling me to "gently penetrate" the situation.

Thanks again for the insight!

Laurie

[trojan]

Martin! Thank you! Yes, I tend to view it this way, too. All those changing lines can really confuse a person. It seems more helpful or accurate to look at the 2 hexagrams. Yes, we've both been very hesitant. I am scared to death to tell him how I feel, and now isn't the right time, it seems to me, but maybe the I Ching is telling me to "gently penetrate" the situation.

Thanks again for the insight!

Laurie

I agree with Martin said. I think the problem lies in being too gentle with this - thats already the background situation. If either of you want to get anywhere you will probably need to state your case. 43 is about that, stating your position clearly. In line 6 no one says anything and that may be not the best way to deal with things. If neither you or him state your case so to speak nothing much happens. Of course theres no guarantee that if you speak out you'll get the result you want, theres also no guarantee that if you play this softly softly anything at all will happen above staying friends. Anyway I don't think you can rely on gently penetrating to get you anywhere -