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Thread: 38.2 > 21 - Making peace in an estranged friendship.

  1. #1

    Default 38.2 > 21 - Making peace in an estranged friendship.

    Hello everyone I hope you are all well! My question for the oracle is about a friendship that ended abruptly about a year ago. It did not complete on particularly good terms, and I felt very sad about it, but the time was not right to try and salvage anything. I have been thinking about how I can make peace, and yesterday I finally worked up the courage to email my friend to say that I was sorry for the part I had played in the breakdown of our friendship. I went on to mention that it would be good to make peace and to ask if he felt the same way. I have no ulterior motives, all I want is for any enmity to be dissolved and the opportunity to go our separate ways knowing that we have the each others best interests at heart. A spiritual peace if you like.

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    So I put the following two questions to the IChing -

    Question 1
    Is he going to reply? 38.2 > 21

    I looked this up in my Wu Wei book and 38.2 speaks of alienation and the possibility of resolving misunderstandings and mending the relationship. But this turns into 21 which talks of punishment to prevent further offences. Does this mean that my friend will be likely to say nothing to punish me?

    Question 2
    How does he feel about making peace with me? 9.1.2 > 59

    According to Wu Wei hexagram 9 is concerned with Gentle Restraint. It says the time of advance is not at hand and it is better to stop yourself. The second moving line goes on to say that the advance is not in harmony with the time and pushing on will mean being lost in difficulties. Hexagram 59 talks about dispersal and the beginnings of a dangerous situation that is getting worse, then it goes on to say that you will have no regrets about having taken the appropriate action.

    Is this bad or good? Could someone please break this down for me as I am very confused. I don't think the peaceful mission looks good at all.

    Thanks

    Petal
    x

  2. #2
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    Question 1
    Is he going to reply? 38.2 > 21

    It strongly suggests that he will, probably by email.

    Question 2
    How does he feel about making peace with me? 9.1.2 > 59

    Basically he seems to be okay with the idea as there was once a common bond between you, but he may act cautiously but you should expect that at first, as the ice thaws, then a certain friendliness will return in him.

  3. #3

    Default

    Thank you Willowfox! I was hoping to get a post from you because they are always so clear and straightforward.

    I still haven't heard anything yet but I will trust the Iching and stay positive. It would be wonderful if we are able to get back on good terms. I will post again as the situation develops.

  4. #4

    Default

    Hi everyone,

    I has been over a week now and I still haven't heard anything from my friend so I consulted the IChing again -

    Why hasn't he replied to my email?
    16.4 > 2


    I looked at the Wilhelm I Ching to try and interpret this, and for 16.4 it seems to indicate that the situation is still hopeful i.e

    "The source of enthusiasm.
    He achieves great things.
    Doubt not.
    You gather friends around you
    As a hair clasp gathers the hair."

    But if the hexagram changes to 2 it says on line 4 'A tied-up sack. No blame, no praise' which talks of 'The strictest reticence' and 'Therefore a man ought to maintain reserve' which would indicate he doesn't really want to talk to me or else is undecided. So perhaps he is still contemplating what to do?

    How important is it to him that this matter be addressed?
    25,4,5,6 > 24

    The advice that resonated the most was this - 'quietly let nature take its course. Then improvement will come of itself,' and 'if one acts thoughtlessly and tries to push ahead in opposition to fate, success won't be achieved.' This seems to reinforce the idea of waiting around again. The problem is that this guy has left me waiting in the past for months and years before replying and having suffered a lot through this, I don't really want to put myself in this position again. I thought he would be happy to make peace and would reply within a week (when it suits him he replies within a day) but as I have heard nothing for over a week, it appears he either has issues or isn't concerned enough to reply as I know he recieved it. But 24 says that 'A man is in a society composed of inferior people, but is connected spiritually with a strong and good friend, and this makes him turn back alone.' So does that mean he values me? It is confusing. So then I asked:

    Would it be better to stop trying to salvage this friendship and sever all ties?
    Hexgram 17 unchanging


    This talks of 'following has as having supreme success. Perseverance furthers. No blame.' But does this mean the success comes from perseverance with the friendship or following what seems like the sensible route and leaving the friendship behind? I am beginning to feel that trying to make peace is a bit of a pointless exercise, mainly because because I am the one who always makes all the effort and it takes a lot of energy out of me. In the past he seemed happier to let things drag on unresolved. Also as I have no way of calling him and we live far away from each other, I cannot speak directly. Actually this whole situation seems quite pointless, but it has been gnawing away at me for so long, I just want to make the peace and move on. But it is just important to me to try and make the ending a good one rather than hostile. So I asked finally -

    Can I expect an answer soon?

    30.1.6 > 51


    This doesn't look very positive to me it talks about the end of the day approaching which seems like the end of the friendship, like it is going out. If it runs through the hexagram quickly does this mean that hope sort of flares up and dies down again? I also don't like the bit about 'cultivating in himself an attitude of compliance and voluntary dependence' it sounds like I should be at his mercy again if I want to achieve the peace? And if 51 is about shock well heck what is that all about?

    Once again I find myself in IChing spagetti! Please can I have some more advice?

    Thank you!

    Petal
    x

  5. #5
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    Why hasn't he replied to my email?
    16.4 > 2

    It seems to indicate that he is extremely busy, with friends, neighbours or family, so be patient. (There is no line 2.4 in your answer)


    How important is it to him that this matter be addressed?
    25,4,5,6 > 24

    I don't think that he would consider it as being of the utmost importance in his life, he's seen the message, so he will let it be for a while at least until he feels ready to return your call.

    Would it be better to stop trying to salvage this friendship and sever all ties?
    Hexagram 17 unchanging

    Well, the truth is, if you think that it is the right thing to do, make friends again then fine, so be patient and don't force the issue.


    Can I expect an answer soon?

    30.1.6 > 51

    It advises you to not get yourself into a state over this little story, cool down and not be extreme in your desires here because you can expect an answer when you least expect one.

  6. #6

    Default Hi Petal

    Hi Petal,

    Looking over the posts i have to agree with Willowfox. 38.2 has always meant that the person in question will contact me in my experience. The 38 however, hints at it taking a little time. Like the i ching said on your next question "Doubt not"

    Willowfox's interpretation of 30.1.6 is correct (In my opinion). The contact will happen, what's important for you until then is to be patient. The problem with knowing the future is the waiting for it to happen!!!

    When questions are always tricky in my opinion.

    Regards
    e@sy

  7. #7

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    Thank you Willowfox and Easy for your advice. I think that you are quite right. Actually when you are trying to make sense of readings about a situation close to your heart, is quite difficult to be objective so it is great to have a neutral perspective.

    I also think that maybe the waiting period is not necessarily about my friend but about me. While I have been hanging around waiting for him to get back to me, I began to realise that it wasn't a particularly nurturing friendship at all. One of the things that caused us a lot of bad feeling in the past was his fairly disrespectful attitude to me, which I think I am being reminded of in the way he has left me hanging yet again. He knows that it upsets me. Anyway I asked the IChing what I should be concentrating on during this period of waiting and lo and behold, I got the answer Splitting Apart!

    23,4,6 > 16

    Interesting that I got this hex as I have been gradually getting used to the idea of moving away from this friendship. Unless there is a big shift in the dynamics of it, I think it is better that it ends harmoniously rather than to try and repair it. Surprisingly 23 is a situation that I feel more enthusiastic about than going through the energy draining unhappy interactions of the past! The IChing has indeed clarified my situation for me! How extraordinary! xxx

  8. #8

    Default

    Hi everyone,

    I waited several weeks for my friend to reply to my peace email but he said nothing and now he keeps posting photos of his girlfriend and his hobbies so it seems he isn't too concerned about making peace. I ended up crying my self to sleep last night so I came to the decision to abandon our friendship as he appears to have done. So I asked the IChing for more clarity -


    What will be the outcome now that I have turned my back on the friendship?

    37.1.2 > 57

    I feel from this, hexagram 37 reflects my exasperation with this friendship as in the past, I feel like I did indulge his bad behavior by being quiet and suffering in silence when I should have checked him on it. I gave him too much leeway to do what he wanted because I didn’t/couldn’t stand up for myself. The point on LiSe’s website that says there's nothing easily avoided and more difficult to carry through than "breaking a child's will,” actually made me well up! It reflected what I felt. I realised that I was so busy trying to make excuses for his poor behaviour and not upset him, that I didn’t set any boundaries and ended up taking absolute responsibility in every situation! I even apologised to him when he ignored ME thinking that it must be all my fault (ridiculous I know). But I felt I had to fix everything because he didn’t seem to have invested as much feeling in the friendship as me, I now find it very hard now to relinquish control. 

    How will he respond?

    17.1 > 45

    I find this confusing, as I have come to think that my friend considers me fairly insignificant from the way he tends to ignore me. Yet the hex talks about the standard changing and going out in company. Does this mean things will change somehow? I don’t see how the going out in company will happen though, as we live in different parts of the country since I moved away. And then 45 – Gathering together? What does this mean? If someone wants to gather together with someone why would they be happy leave a bad situation unresolved? Nothing like that has ever happened before and it would be very out of character for my friend to organize a meeting with me.


    What should I do to rid myself of the draining emotion ties to this person?

    57.3.5 > 4

    I need to move away from this tie, so does this mean I must do the sensible thing and stop wasting my energy trying to decide how to mend the friendship and just close it off and don’t look back? But does hex 4 mean I am foolish to give up or foolish not to?
    I know it sounds like a silly situation, but I love my friend and all this is destroying my life. I have spent years and years trapped in this horrible pit and I can’t get out or move on. I don’t know what to do anymore, as nothing I do will makes anything better.

    Any thoughts would be lovely to hear.

    Thank you

    Petal

  9. #9
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    Just back off from him and leave him to really think about the situation, like I said before this is not at the top of his list of things he must do and you should realize that.
    So in the mean time change your own attitude about this situation, lighten up and not take it so personally. If he contacts fine, if he intends to be a jerk then let him be one, as you seem to be making a great issue out of something that is really not that important to your way of life at all.
    Relax.

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