Hello,

I have had a very intense and passionate friendship with man for the past 2 years. He was not ready for a relationship so we agreed to be friends. It was fine with me until a couple of months ago when he got involved with another woman. It broke my heart. We continue to be very close and he confides in me quite a bit - in fact, he trusts me with information that he is not willing to share with his girlfriend or anyone else for that matter... but I am finding it increasingly difficult to maintain this friendship as I realize I am really in love with him. Dealing with him causes me both incredible joy and terrible pain. It has become unbearable so I recently decided to get away from him by taking up a job in a different country. Obviously, this is not easy for me... Anyway, I asked the Iching how our relationship would evolve and got 38.1.2>35. 38 is a good description of the current situation: we want different things from this relationship. 38.1 seems to say that I should let him go - which is what I'm doing - and he might come back to me. 38.2 seems to say we will meet again and 35 indicates that there will be good fortune at that point. Is my interpretation overly optimistic? Grateful for your thoughts/advice.

Hello naserian

It appears to me, though not conclusively, that there has been some kind of misunderstanding between the two of you. Are things really being communicated the way they really are? Have you told him of your feelings, perhaps of your hurt and pain over the situation? Perhaps he needs a friend to share things with that he wouldn't with a potential lover. Is this really what you want? Are you playing into it in hopes that the situation will change? As long as he sees you that way, as a counsellor perhaps, it probably will not change. Be clear on your desires and intentions. This is the idea in this case of "meeting the lord in a narrow street." Make sure he knows exactly what you want out of your relationship, and that it can't be otherwise. That will clear the air as to whether there is truly "an inner affinity" between the two of you.

Gene

I think it's saying you need to approach him and tell him how you really feel before going any further. There's a strong possibility the differences between you could be bridged. Speaking to him over the phone or rather remotely -- or meeting as if by chance in a place the two of you could safely be alone together -- that would be progress.

In my experience, 38.2 has usually meant speaking with someone over the telephone ...

Hope that helps ...

Hi Gene & Ginnie,

Thanks for your comments. He knows how I feel and admits he very much cares for me... but he is afraid of a romantic relationship between us... He says he makes a very poor partner and says it is better to keep this a friendship. According to him, this way, we'll always be friends; if we get involved, we will loose each other. I should add he's had some very bad experiences with relationships in the past and is very afraid of getting involved. I have told him that I wanted to leave because I couldn't deal with this any more - He insists he wants me to stay saying he needs me here. He is not, however, willing to change our relationship. This leaves me with only 2 options: 1. to continue to suffer and hope for some unlikely change given he's comfortable with the current situation or 2. move away from him so I actually stand a chance of feeling better. Either way, my departure will help by triggering a change in our relationship: it will either bring us closer or allow me to move on... I guess my question to the iching really is about the consequences of my departure on this relationship. Any thoughts?