Hello,

Time has passed and my husband is leaving on Jan 18th for his flight to NZ and then his cycle back to UK in time. Given a date the grief, as he's not committing to coming back necessarily, is really hitting home now - and he is going down to tell my parents this Sunday. I am still in limbo in finding a plan of my own yet & although I have support here, I will still be losing my home & job. Something is in the way to my being able to find the next step & I don't know what it is. I Ching advised my next step after his leaving as 1 - line 2, which I will do. (seperate question probably). But as this is breaking my heart, I finally asked the I Ching 'how will this seperation affect our marriage?' and got hexagram 27 lines 1 & 3.
I found a good thread about this specifically on relationships but with 2 different interpretations - and my own feeling is now one of pure fear as I have such a deep love for him and am terrified that he is throwing something away without realising what he is doing - 'grass is greener'. But it could also be that I am not willing to look at my own independence.

What do you think? I just want to get this right - both my next steps and do whatever I possibly can to help this marriage which deep down I don't think is in trouble & now because of this risk, it could be. With appreciation for any insights, Hebe

I am afraid that I am really unstable at the moment - and the more I read about lines 1 and 3 the more it caused me to feel utterly low and depressed as I feel that I have been trying to do everything that I've felt to do and been advised to do - support, accept, surrender, let go , and the fear just mounted when I read that hexagram and lines. This caused me to ask again -' I truly felt I was on track, what should my next personal step be?' and received hexagram 55 with moving lines 2 and 5. This is something that I can now absorb in partnership with the previous question - and I just wanted to add this to the melting pot of any replies that might be willing to help me with this. I know I've been in a muddle for a long time - but please if you have any thoughts that might help, do please add them. Thanks, Hebe

dear Hebe,

Truly sorry to hear of your heartache . . I'm not quite sure of how to say this without sounding unsympathetic but your reading sounds like saying you're doing a huge disservice to yourself by allowing your fear to turn you into the victim in this turn of events . . there's so much light coming up in your 1.2, the beginning of a new day or a new era in your life.

I can only imagine the difficulties you are facing and fwiw, I think you are very brave in handling this as you do . . 55.2 could be your fear clouding your better judgement, while in 55.5 things take their natural course -if you insist in 55.2 I'm afraid you might find yourself trampled by your own feelings, or, you can pay heed to the advice and support of your friends and start rising as your life's own sun . .

take care!!

hebe said:

Hello,

Time has passed and my husband is leaving on Jan 18th for his flight to NZ and then his cycle back to UK in time. Given a date the grief, as he's not committing to coming back necessarily, is really hitting home now - and he is going down to tell my parents this Sunday. I am still in limbo in finding a plan of my own yet & although I have support here, I will still be losing my home & job. Something is in the way to my being able to find the next step & I don't know what it is. I Ching advised my next step after his leaving as 1 - line 2, which I will do. (seperate question probably). But as this is breaking my heart, I finally asked the I Ching 'how will this seperation affect our marriage?' and got hexagram 27 lines 1 & 3.
I found a good thread about this specifically on relationships but with 2 different interpretations - and my own feeling is now one of pure fear as I have such a deep love for him and am terrified that he is throwing something away without realising what he is doing - 'grass is greener'. But it could also be that I am not willing to look at my own independence.

What do you think? I just want to get this right - both my next steps and do whatever I possibly can to help this marriage which deep down I don't think is in trouble & now because of this risk, it could be. With appreciation for any insights, Hebe

Click to expand...

I guess, reading aside, i don't understand what your husband is doing. Hes leaving you and saying he may not come back but you say you don't think the marriage is in trouble This is a tremendously painful situation then...and where does it leave you ?

Not much to add to what Rodaki said except this is really confusing isn't it ? If he is saying he may not come back then surely the marriage is in trouble. Maybe you can't make any plans until you can acknowlege that reality ? 27.3 may refer to that

Seems along drawn out very painful process whereby he told you months ago he was going and may not come back and now hes made it January to go....and are you meant to sit and wait and watch for what he will do next ? In this excruciating situation maybe sitting and looking like the person in 27.1 is not the way to go.

Feel the fear and then do it anyway...don't let the fear paralyse you for I can almost guarantee when you look back on this time you'll wonder 'why did I let that happen to me'..maybe be more proactive. Whatever his reasons and intentions this situation is no good for you is it ? Maybe you need to take back some control as seems to me you're left dangling in such a way as to enhance feelings of powerlessness and abandonment. If he can't say he will return to you then surely you are now effectively single...hes let go of the commitment, maybe you can do the same. Why shouldn't you ? Why would you continue trying to have a relationship with someone who is leaving you and saying they may not return ?

Thank you both for those replies - this is my second attempt at replying - just for the record am not sure what I am doing technically wrong as I submitted a 'post reply' which I did this morning to you both but was told I couldn't submit it as it wasn't long enough - but it was very long! Anyway, I'll do it on quick reply and do it to you both in one.

I found the 1:2 interpretation very uplifting rodaki - I had thought it meant more to model myself of someone who I respected and admired - which at this time I am not clear on as I keep shifting my goals of what I want to do, but to see it as light coming in - and so much light, as you say, is truly heart-lifting and I will keep that strongly in my mind. There is no doubt as you say, that fear is clouding my judgement - I know it is, but again, the 55:2 is what I really need to stay with.

I appreciate both your thoughts very much - I wish I could be clearer and less confused about the situation myself - but it is a very strange situation. Yes, he is leaving - but I suppose because we are actually still on very good terms - still enjoying things - still doing, eating together, yoga classes together etc - and in company or alone, friendly, funny, happy... but there must be trouble because he is unhappy in himself & I suppose I say I feel the marriage isn't in trouble because it doesn't feel like it on a day to day level.

This weekend I have 'got it' and he's going - I still accept it (as I don't have any choice) but rather than say - ok, it's over - if you can't decide whether you are coming back to me or not, then sod you mate' - I feel as if its worth saving as I still can't see what the problem is other than his needing to be on his own for a bit. He doesn't see it as the end, but does't want to raise my hopes by committing to coming back. God it sounds awful writing about it - you must think I'm mad - a doormat even - but for some reason I just don't feel that it's over.

I did take my ring off in a healing a couple of days ago as the healer was getting huge signals from it and felt it was keeping me in denial. It released alot of tears when I took it off, but I feel as if it is helping me to understand things perhaps better - and face this reality. All I can feel underneath all this is fear - and that's what I think you are both pointing out - that I have to somehow acknowledge it and get a grip and move on. Sheer panick. and then denial - get on with work and day to day living.

I hope to God you're right Trojan and that in few months or whatever, I'll look back at this with strength and wonder what happened - but at the moment I just don't feel it. Tears, yes, - fear - yes, a plan? not yet. I've got my sister to go to on 14th Jan. I'll come back to this as I don't think I'm really addressing your responses - just feeling my lack of power really. So.. I have to find it. That's what I need to do. Huge gratitude for your support here, Hebe.

Hi, Hebe! 52 feels here as the relationship is going to be left in a "will be continued" condition, but 27.1 and 3 don't promise much it can live on till the next episode.

response to IcyGrapefruit

Hi Icygrapefruit... could you expand on that a little - I'm not sure what you mean in your last sentance - I get the 52 bit ' will be continued'... but not sure of your take on the 27:1 and 3. Would you mind putting it a slightly different way - and if its different to 52 how does that relate to actual possibilities of what might eventuate? Thanks Hebe.