Hi Everyone,

Nice to see you all again (virtually), sorry for neglecting the board, life was a storm for a while.

Anyway, long story short, I'm in business with my friend who is a fashion designer, full partnership half and half. TOGETHER (ME coming up with the concept, her adding to it), we did a photo shoot, designed the look book for fashion week with a graphic designer and TOMORROW is the deadline for print. I am an editor/writer by trade, and we agreed that I would run the show on the print leg of the journey.

She's been involved with the entire design process (giving opinions with each revision) and just yesterday she wants to play it safe, I'm supposing out of fear, and change the text flow; she's seen the layout before. She said it was "amateurish" and that it was "her vision", but her suggestions just look boring and safe, doesn't fit with the design or concept, just completely wrong. I can be swayed, not obstinate; but I won't compromise my high standards for print. I didn't interfere with her fashion designs, because I don't know what I'm talking about and I trusted her, but she's not trusting me and she's treating me like crap (*NOTE, through bronchitis and a whole bunch of life/financial/time sacrifices I put COUNTLESS HOURS, MONEY and EFFORT into this, along with the graphic designer, I got the location, the photographer, one of the models, the printer, paid half of everything; she works all day, and spews opinions).

I'm ready to pull out and ask for all my money back, because I'm sick of her not trusting me professionally and not being grateful, quite frankly; she tried to do this herself before and nothing came of it; together, we're making magic. I NEED THIS TOO; this will launch my career as a copywriter in this city, so I need the look book to look BETTER than average, to have MORE punch than the rest. It's not just about her.

I asked the I Ching:

*What needs to be done about this situation? I got 17.2.4.5 to 19

*What will be the likely result of having a heart-to-heart with her about this? 6.3.4 to 57

*What is she likely to do? 44.5.6 to 32

Thank you so much for your help. Really need it. xx

By the way, I'm meeting with her tonight.

youngmaid said:

Hi Everyone,

Nice to see you all again (virtually), sorry for neglecting the board, life was a storm for a while.

Anyway, long story short, I'm in business with my friend who is a fashion designer, full partnership half and half. TOGETHER (ME coming up with the concept, her adding to it), we did a photo shoot, designed the look book for fashion week with a graphic designer and TOMORROW is the deadline for print. I am an editor/writer by trade, and we agreed that I would run the show on the print leg of the journey.

She's been involved with the entire design process (giving opinions with each revision) and just yesterday she wants to play it safe, I'm supposing out of fear, and change the text flow; she's seen the layout before. She said it was "amateurish" and that it was "her vision", but her suggestions just look boring and safe, doesn't fit with the design or concept, just completely wrong. I can be swayed, not obstinate; but I won't compromise my high standards for print. I didn't interfere with her fashion designs, because I don't know what I'm talking about and I trusted her, but she's not trusting me and she's treating me like crap (*NOTE, through bronchitis and a whole bunch of life/financial/time sacrifices I put COUNTLESS HOURS, MONEY and EFFORT into this, along with the graphic designer, I got the location, the photographer, one of the models, the printer, paid half of everything; she works all day, and spews opinions).

I'm ready to pull out and ask for all my money back, because I'm sick of her not trusting me professionally and not being grateful, quite frankly; she tried to do this herself before and nothing came of it; together, we're making magic. I NEED THIS TOO; this will launch my career as a copywriter in this city, so I need the look book to look BETTER than average, to have MORE punch than the rest. It's not just about her.

I asked the I Ching:

*What needs to be done about this situation? I got 17.2.4.5 to 19

*What will be the likely result of having a heart-to-heart with her about this? 6.3.4 to 57

*What is she likely to do? 44.5.6 to 32

Thank you so much for your help. Really need it. xx

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Dear YM,

Great to hear from you again. You're really embroiled in the business world since you last posted from the sound of it. As you are in a hurry to get going, I'll make my answers short and sweet. I believe the first casting is about sticking to your standards. You have to lay that out, firm and fast and in a professional way, to say there is no other option for you, this is your career, this is where you shine, this is the value of your expertise within the project. You aren't questioning her value as a fashion guru, and you need the same faith placed in your ideas.

Second, I think the heart to heart would be fine. It's probably necessary to say what's on your mind in order to re-cement the relationship and the ideal. I'd speak to the product though, the project, not to anything personal. Don't say anything cutting, use language that keeps the unity of the situation and makes it clear you intend to respect her and you merely want the same. I would say, look, we're in this together, that means we have to use all at our disposal to make it fly. Trust me; I trust you. Above all, don't let the nerves and "willies" of the situation erode what is apparently a winning combination. And don't back up either on your own creative value, on what you know to be your trade. You are a writer, you know how to get a response, she should let you go after that -- for both of your sakes.

Hex 44 is a whole different item to me since the recent webinar on here to do with women in the IChing. I used to dread getting it and think it was insulting; now I see it as entirely positive. You're dealing with a strong-minded woman -- as you are yourself. You are coming at this project from two different points of view. Great because you are together covering all the angles and a presentation created from that strength and diversity should be fantastic. If she can see that, she is a partner. She will, I believe, recognise that nothing can be created without risk and that even a bit of unpleasantness and friction have creative possibiltiies if they are treated appropriately, professionally, and with respect for both points of view. She's nervous but I think from the outcome: 32 -- that she can also see the longterm, get over her fears, and learn to enjoy the ups and downs of an intense creative collaboration. That is Yin power, and you've got it in this alliance.

All the very best, please let us know how it turns out. Sounds like a partnership of real possibility. XO Arabella

arabella said:

I believe the first casting is about sticking to your standards. You have to lay that out, firm and fast and in a professional way, to say there is no other option for you, this is your career, this is where you shine, this is the value of your expertise within the project... you need the same faith placed in your ideas.

Second, I think the heart to heart would be fine. Don't say anything cutting, use language that keeps the unity of the situation and makes it clear you intend to respect her and you merely want the same. Trust me; I trust you. Above all, don't let the nerves and "willies" of the situation erode what is apparently a winning combination. And don't back up either on your own creative value, on what you know to be your trade.

She will, I believe, recognise that nothing can be created without risk and that even a bit of unpleasantness and friction have creative possibiltiies if they are treated appropriately, professionally, and with respect for both points of view. She's nervous but I think from the outcome: 32 -- that she can also see the longterm, get over her fears, and learn to enjoy the ups and downs of an intense creative collaboration. That is Yin power, and you've got it in this alliance.

All the very best, please let us know how it turns out. Sounds like a partnership of real possibility. XO Arabella

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Thank you Arabella, as always, you're my savior and I value your opinion so much, it's so helpful! You've REALLY given me the tools to deal with this super complex and important situation.

My partner is my friend and this situation has been brewing for a while; whenever we get near the "end" of something, this demon-side comes out of her, gets overbearing, changes her mind, tries to control every detail. I've tried to ignore it, but enough is enough, we're going to print tomorrow, PERIOD.

I don't have insecurity issues, but I've been walking on eggshells trying to deal with personalities and just trying to get this thing done, so thank you for validating that I need to let my partner know that I DO know what I'm talking about! Time to pull in the reins and OWN MY CRAFT for the benefit of ALL involved; not just the two of us, there are the models, the photographer, the graphic designer, hair, make-up, friends, family, associates, THE PRINTER involved in this; this is NOT her show and she can't just think about what SHE wants all the time, especially when (G*d bless her), she doesn't have a clue about the technical aspects behind everything.

Anyway, I HOPE YOU'RE WELL ARABELLA! I can't thank you enough for your advice and I wish you nothing but beauty and joy and super crazy awesome happiness this week! Take care. YM x

17.2 seems to suggest that you shouldn't let her lead in matters she's not experienced in. 17.4 seems to suggest that you should stick with her (while reaffirming your terms with her) for the time being, as it will benefit you.

You should both stick to the plan. She shouldn't be trying to change it singlehandedly. Especially as this is a starting initiative, she should trust you enough to give you the chance to fulfill your role in the endeavour. You could mention this to her. I hope you have things in writing. If not, get it in writing so she doesn't mess around like this in the future. You two should have a contract with each other.

jfas said:

17.2 seems to suggest that you shouldn't let her lead in matters she's not experienced in. 17.4 seems to suggest that you should stick with her (while reaffirming your terms with her) for the time being, as it will benefit you.

You should both stick to the plan. She shouldn't be trying to change it singlehandedly. Especially as this is a starting initiative, she should trust you enough to give you the chance to fulfill your role in the endeavour. You could mention this to her. I hope you have things in writing. If not, get it in writing so she doesn't mess around like this in the future. You two should have a contract with each other.

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Thank you jfas! Your advice was really helpful. And super prescient.

It all worked out, we're cool; she listened to me, even though we were butting heads for the first few minutes of the conversation, we eventually came to an accord. Had to make a little compromise with her on minor elements, but nothing was drastically changed, we stuck to the original editorial plan and moved a letter/changed a color here and there. PHEW!

At the end of the day, we both work well together and we both respect each other's crafts, but since this is a true partnership, we need to learn how and when to fuse minds to create beauty and THAT'S a super hard lesson to learn.

Now there's so much to look forward to! The catalogue in print, the website, the publicity, a fashion show--full steam ahead! It's not going to be easy, perfect, or devoid of conflict, but we'll stick together and rise above tension, and, eventually, use the tension to our mutual advantage.

Thanks again for your insight Arabella and jfas! Have a great day!

jfas said:

I hope you have things in writing. If not, get it in writing so she doesn't mess around like this in the future. You two should have a contract with each other.

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FOR SURE, from now on, EVERYTHING needs to be in writing. We've got a partnership agreement, where everything is split half and half, creative control and financials.

But I think in the future, we need to get things more clear by having as much as possible in writing; to indemnify ourselves legally and to indemnify egos! ;P