Hello, I am sharing Yi with a friend who is in a delicate place in her relationship. She wanted to ask how he feels about her right now. (I did advise against this question, but you know how it is!) She received 33 with lines 1 and 4 changing to 37.

I am having a hard time helping with this reading at all because there is so much in both these hexagrams. It is clear to me that Retreat is about pulling back only to return at a later time, yes? But the lines look poor, and 37 is a big confusion to me. And she is more a beginner than I.

If one of you coul give a quick take on this, we'd welcome. Thank you.

Malka,
The lines are not necessarily poor. Given the phrasing of the question, the answer is best taken as his perspective looking at her, right? So he's the one feeling like retreating.

Change in the first place is the part of retreat that is in closest contact to that which is retreated from. It might help for her to ask what she feels he's retreating from. Her (in general)? Some specific issue in the relationship or action of hers? Himself? And it's important to remind her that she shouldn't automatically think of what's being retreated from as "enemy" because this is a relationship, and you don't just retreat from enemies anyway. Say you're outside and it starts to rain - you retreat indoors, but the rain isn't an enemy. And line one in that case would be when you were right at the door, and perhaps the rain starts and as you cross the threshold, the drops are coming hard and you're getting wet. The "calm" and "stillness" counseled is that you don't let the wetness shake your focus on retreating, you don't turn to "fight" the drops, or let the wetness seeping in discourage you. You just continue the retreat. Withdrawing your attention from that action which distracts in order to not lose your connection with what is most important. So then, you also want to ask, what is he retreating TOWARD. It is some sense of his true self, of his values (however dimly conceived).

Change in the fourth place suggests a retreat confidently undertaken - the one who is retreating is really in touch with who they are, and why they are retreating. So this could easily be a good thing too.

The caution that I would consider appropriate is to realize that the time of retreat may not be the time of clear articulation or easy explanation. That may come later.

With 37, family, perhaps suggest to your friend that this is the context of the retreat. (Note that it might be a bit of a mistake to concentrate too much of whether the retreat appears to be from or toward family. You could get to either a solid future family or a complete breakup either way ? no matter what the apparent direction at this point.) What 37 focuses on is ?Why a family?? ?What are the dynamics that make a collection of people in some sort of proximity or relationship into a Family?? And the suggestion is that it has to do with perseverance, duration, perhaps hardship, something called ?correct relationship.? In some of the translations this comes across as submissiveness of the woman, but I think it?s better to think of it as ?Why does anything bother to be a ?whole?? You know, everything that is, is both a whole and a collection of parts. Your body is a whole, but it is also a bunch of organs. Each of those organs is a whole, and also a bunch of cells. And so on. And then you are yourself, but also a part of larger groups?like a family. And you can see from the previous levels how ?correct relationship? might work in a family. The organs function as a body because they are in correct relationship, not because any organ is ?submissive? to another. The ?why? of a collection of organs being a body is the mysterious energy of life ? the green fuse that drives the flower ? the many levels of mutually generous interactions going on all the time.

So putting it together, I would say the answer suggests that, through retreat, he?s touching (or reaching toward) the energy of his true self, his values, in order to more deeply understand how his life, truly lived, responds to the challenge/opportunity/context of participating in a larger, ongoing whole, a family.

Of course there?s no telling how skillful he may be at this, or what he may decide at all. On a simple level, it would be easy to say either, ?He?s running away from the danger of commitment,? or, ?He?s processing ? and getting to a level where he can more deeply commit.? I certainly don?t know. I don't see jumping to either conclusion as all that helpful, because the answer doesn't seem to say that he's gotten to any conclusion himself. I see it more as giving a sense of the atmosphere of the times.

Perhaps having your friend meditate herself on the issues of retreat and family would help. Sometimes one partner dramatizes what both are called to do. What is the "why" of the relationship for her? How does she herself manage that question of being both a whole and a part - how is it that she knows/sustains/retains herself, and also comes forth to participate in mutually generous interactions?

I?ll add a slight twist to Willow?s interpretation.

Its been my personal experience that what 33 suggests to retreat from is not the other person or matter in question, but rather, retreating from my own negative mood or mental framework.

All the same principles apply as with Willow?s thoughts regarding the change to 37. One retreats to that which supports him/her, one?s inner family.

The family is the integrated whole consisting of 8 parts, represented by each of the 8 trigrams. A father, mother, 3 sons and 3 daughters. Each plays a vital role in and for the whole family

my best friend who has a boring office job sent me this:


HER DIARY:
> > >
> > >Saturday night I thought he was acting weird.
> > >We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.
> > >I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
> > >upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
> > >Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere
> > >quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
> > >
> > >I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
> > >I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
> > >He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
> > >On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled
> > >and kept driving.
> > > I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say,
> > >"I love you, too."
> > >When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted
> > >nothing to do with me anymore.
> > >He just sat there and watched T.V.; he seemed distant and absent.
> > >Finally I decided to go to bed .About 10 minutes later he came
> > >to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made
> > >love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were
> > >somewhere else.
> > >I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to
> > >confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
> > >I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
> > >I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are
> > >with someone else. My life is a disaster.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > HIS DIARY:
> > >
> > >Ohio State lost today, but at least I got laid.
> >
> >

Tash, I am laughing very hard. I have read another version of this and it is something else! I'll post it also if I can locate it again.

My friend is taking a rest, but I will show her these wonderful responses when she wakes. I do not think she's be upset for me to tell you a little more without the specifics. She and her partner had a difficult discussion and he expressed being uncomfortable with a quality of hers. They are now taking a few days apart while he is on a business trip. I suggested throwing the coins to learn more about all this. She has been very upset. In asking about what is happening with them, she received 49>25 and being that I received this same response a while back, I felt comfortable sharing this with her and it does all seem to fit what happening with them.

Back to this question, she asked how he feels about her? I guess the question we both had, was if Yi was saying he is retreating from HER, or from the QUALITY in her (which he describes as his shallow problem and wants to move beyond.) I don't think either of you answers this, but both suggest that it could be either answer. And, that he may still be struggling with his position.

I'm still confused how 37 Family relates - it would fit to be "background" as they are discussing partnerhsip, etc. Or, if he retreating from her as part of his view of partnership?

I'll post her thoughts later. You are all great!

Malka

Malka, I was just wondering...
Could it be that HIS family is somehow involved? Say perhaps that they might not be entirely willing to accept her into the fold for some reason, and might be exerting some influence over him in that regard? Just a thought.

Namaste,
Joan

Joan, thanks for the suggestion. No, we are sure this isn't about his family. But they are discussing what family and the future looks like for them. He is hesitant about going further because of this quality of hers. I guess the real question comes down to whether or not he is retreating from her, or his own issues. I'm leaning towards only him being able to answer this one -- she is in a panic (I say this in a nice way!)

Tash,

I laughed real hard too - so much so that everyone in the office turned to look! But this really reminds me of Men are from Mars.... I mean getting laid didn't do anything for her at all, whereas for him it was all! I find that very strange about men in general. Sometimes it seems that all things are solved for them just by getting laid! Maybe all he was bothered about was really the Ohio whatever losing which affected his entire evening. Now, isn't that strange too?

Malka, the answer depends on what your friend was asking exactly. If it was what is happening to the relationship, it certainly seems that he finds it at the moment too tumultuous to advance. Line 4 says that a lord can use his newfound strength but a commoner must stay as he is and this also depends on whether he is a lord or a commoner (a small man). Then one looks at the pair - 34. Line 6 -impulsiveness leads to a temporary period of adversity. Here the initial strong impulse has weakened. Line 4 - Continuing on his course makes regrets pass. Here he breaks free.

If you look at 37, line 1 says - kept inside the house. Regrets pass. and line 4 -a prosperous house, good fortune. Perhaps she will finally build a family with him. I think whatever negativity is happening is only temporary.

Perhaps he needs to commit to her and will, finally.

Also the nuclear hex in 33 is 44. Has she been too pushy?

I find that looking at the same changing lines in the future hex really clarifies things. I never thought that was possible till I decided to go LiSe's way.

Best for your Quest

Anita

I still think she needs to retreat from her own pursuant posture and give him some room. If she gathers herself, becomes true to her own complete nature, (37) he may again begin the courtship process with her.

For him, this is more than getting laid or his mood would have been carefree and fun with her, not sullen and evasive. Something is troubling him about the relationship. My best guess is that he misses the chase and would like to be the aggressor, to woo her, as it probably was in the beginning of their relationship.

What good thoughts! First, I must ask for some personal guidence as to where I can learn/read more about how to read the "pairs" and when a line from a completely different hex is appropriate to read. This still baffles me!

Ok, my friend (I am doing all the typing here) says to clarify to Anita - the question was not about the relationship exactly. She asked how he feels about her. And to Candid - she is not pursuing him overtly. The issue, or quality in her that he is troubled with is that she is overweight. (I am adding my words here that she is only SLIGHTLY overweight. Not obese or anything! She is also beautiful!) He feels this is shallow of him, that he is picky, but is concerned about this for making a long-term committment. (He has previously only dated small, slender women I guess.) I can only help her so much because I feel as great as this guy is in many ways, from what I can see he is also a little avoidant intimatly (I mean emotional intimacy in his revealing, sharing, etc.) and I feel this is the real issue. But friends are too close sometimes!

Tonight she also threw to ask the question: How does he feel about going forward with me? And the answer was 7>46. Of course, 46 is an easy read, but the line change was certainly confusing. In another thread I asked for the readings for line 7.3 and the forum has been generous.

This situation is a crisis for her and your assistance has been appreciated. She might even become a Yi believer after all!

Malka

holy toledo answered the other post, 7.3, about the baggage, before i read this one.

laughing. really good laugh.

i think she should 'bag' him. does she want a long term relationship? look at old married couples. look at their bodies. if she wants a long term realtionship, she should find someone less 'phin-icky'. you know some men out there like a bodacious body.