Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Over the last few months, however, I've fallen in love with a monk at a monastery where I’ve been going on a monthly basis for classes and fellowship, a major source of needed strength in my life. I am married and he is a long-time celibate and even though there have been no words or inappropriate action by either of us, there’s no doubt this is head-over-heels in love.
I'm concerned about losing my stability. Not wanting to be the dreaded “inferior man” that lets down God/Universe/One/Everyone(!), I did a recast. I’d turned to the I Ching as my “great man” because I feel somewhat at a loss for a true great man in my life and have done my best already to include wiser individuals in my sphere. The monk I'm in love with could be the "great man" to me, but, honestly, how reliable can a man in love be (?) and if I could set things right without talking about it I would prefer it. My question was, “What is my relationship to X”? While I was casting it my heart was saying "Please tell me the absolute truth." and expected the worst (that it’s all my fault and I’m the worst person in the whole world.) I received hex 6 unchanging.
Wanderer’s notes on hex 6 at http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=2560 are wonderful and I am so grateful for them. It gave me hope that I wouldn’t have to completely break ties with the whole monastic family (of men and women) because there’s way more to the community for me in my heart and spiritual life than this one shining star of a man. However, it’s a hard place to be when things are already difficult enough in my life and I’m not 100% confident about getting it right. Since hex 6 brought up seeing “the great man" again, it seemed like it was telling me “I (I Ching) am not your "great man" here; keep looking.” So, I thought I would be brave and join this site. Any wisdom, encouragement, experience, humor, or insight to help me get through this would be appreciated.
Description of my marriage from 54.2: "Here the situation is that of a girl married to a man who has disappointed her. Man and wife ought to work together like a pair of eyes. Here the girl is left behind in loneliness; the man of her choice either has become unfaithful or has died. But she does not lose the inner light of loyalty. Though the other eye is gone, she maintains her loyalty even in loneliness."Now forgive me but this made me chortle....are you joking ?
It is too real (pout).You seem to have nothing to go on here...only your yearning for perhaps a more perfect spiritual love. I don't think this is a goer
Well, an image in one of my dreams about him describes it. You know those paintings with heavenly banners in them? There was an image of a gold and white banner inscribed with “United Forever” on it. Who needs details after that : )? The heart is eternally hopeful for miracles. Ok, immature I know, but you see even my unconscious is not to be trusted at this point. I’m glad you asked that question though, because it made me think of a better question for myself. What would be the worst thing that could happen that worries me the most? The answer is losing the community as a whole. It is an oasis for me and there are many others there that I love very much in the right way. It’s a moderately small community, though, and if one of their members is struggling, the others will know and be affected at some point. I need to overcome my own internal struggle and not ignore the warning signs rather than be humiliated over something that has nowhere to go. Feeling pressured not to visit due to being a negative influence on their community would be the absolute worst.What would you envisage happening between you if he hasn't even told you of his feelings ?
I know. In love = pre-disillusionment phase. Grasp for any disillusionment straws. Harder said than done. I'm just tired of being strong about everything, everywhere, all the time. Sigh, will take your advise though to keep talking and relating instead of falling on the floor. Thank you so much for your comments, honestly. Thinking of you chortling at my post next time I’m there will be a very big help.Its good to keep on working through these feelings, to explore the kind of love that is there rather than hurt over the kindof love there isn't.
6.5 lesson for me has been about pulling back one’s self-will (the losing part) resulting in maintaining order (the winning-in-the-end part) thereby bringing good fortune.Wilhelm and karcher are quite different in how they see 6,5. Wilhelm sees the good fortune as coming from handing the whole issue over to a wise and independent arbitrator who can be trusted to make the right decision. Karcher sees it more as a pleading ones own case, expecting a positive outcome. Maybe the 64ness is the awaiting of the outcome.
What is the good fortune of contending in 6,5 ? Hmmm you won't win for sure
Was able to read more on Hex 6 after coming across the awesome discussion at Exploring Divination>Memorizing threads>Hexagram 6 http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=3795
Funny, Trojan, I think my situation may have answered the question in your post on that thread
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=3309&page=6
6.5 lesson for me has been about pulling back one’s self-will (the losing part) resulting in maintaining order (the winning-in-the-end part) thereby bringing good fortune.
The role of contending or pleading one’s case seems to me to be the process of airing out the situation with self/others which provides an opportunity to realign right mind/heart/soul leading to right action.
6.6 lesson for me would be then, that if one doesn't heed 6.5 and pushes too far, an empty win results (instant gratification) which is a true loss (humiliationx3.)
Speaking of pleading one’s case, just a reminder that Wilhelm’s judgment says the seeker in this case “sincere,” not just some "Youthful Folly" person . LiSe’s website http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/ even uses the term “brave hero” (heroine )(thanks, LiSe). It might be considered then, that the seeker might deserve a little more credit up front from the wise and independent arbitrator for extenuating circumstances. Even if, begrudgingly , said wise and independent arbitrator is ultimately “strong enough to lend weight to the right side.”
In my Wilhelm's book in the Forward (p. xxx, footnote 10), C. G. Jung says: "The Chinese interpret only the changing lines in the hexagram obtained by use of the oracle. I have found all the lines of the hexagram to be relevant in most cases."Maybe you take all the lines advice if you get an unchanging hexagram ? Makes no sense to me though
In hex 6 unchanging, I still take the Judgment and the Image (pretty much summed up in "cautious halt halfway" for me) as having the final say. However, each of the 6 lines also show me practical ways of making that happen. Personal examples: be mindful of impending gossip, retreat a bit and skip visits here and there, do a little more research on Sooo's post which for me ties into line 3 "nourish oneself on ancient virtue", be open to advice, be grateful with less, take initiative and talk things out, and find peace before acting or I will become exhausted.
Make more sense?
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).