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Is he mad at me?

candida

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Hi Hillary,

Could you please help me with this?
I'm not sure if you remember my case, but I have a friendship(or had) with my doctor. The last time I spoke with him on the phone, he was indifferent towards me. So I asked if he was mad at me, and received this back: 18. Work on what has been spoiled--2nd line undivided shows a son dealing with the troubles caused by his mother. He should not carry his firm correctness to the utmost. 4th line shows a son dealing with the troubles caused by the father. if he go forward, he will find cause to regret it.
Secondary hexagram...Wanderer
I then asked "What did I spoil? What did I do wrong?"It replied: 60 Limitation 1st line shows its subject not quitting the courtyard outside his door. There will be no error. What in the world does all this mean? I haven't a clue. Thank you so much, charity103@hotmail.com
 

pocossin

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Dear Candida,

Did you experience that he was distancing himself from you? Was it a personal call during work? Or were you calling as a patient for medical assistance? Was the prior relationship limited to office contact, or did it also extend to social activities? To comprehend the actual situation may be complex, and Hilary does offer a detailed reading.

But in general, from your hexagram I believe that your doctor was perhaps defending his "professional distance." Many medical treatments hurt or diminish the patient in some way, but if not carried out, the patient may be hurt and diminished much more. A professional must be free to give hard advice, and close friendship threatens the objectivity of professional competence.

In #18 son, mother, and father imply a family setting. Considering the Chinese emphasis on boundaries, things are spoiled in the home when family discipline breaks down. "What has been spoiled by the mother" may refer to favoritism. "What has been spoiled by the father" may refer to business laxity. Perhaps the doctor's hidden motive was to put his house in order and treat everyone equally, especially if your call interrupted his treatment of another patient or if an office incident by some other person had recently made difficulty for him. If this is true, it is unlikely that he was clearly conscious of what was motivating his feelings.

Then, too, the demands and stresses of medical practice (or of life) will compel anyone to sometimes drop into a perfunctory, mechanical mode. One goes through the routine. It's a defense when pressures become to great. People who deal with people "burn out" if they do not deal with many matters as routine, even though they may appear to others to be unfeeling and uncaring. I do not mean to be making excuses for rude behavior, but often when others disappoint us, they cannot help themselves.

#56 (IMO) refers to a person traveling to fulfil the demands of official business. My opinion is that a need for professional, formal relations explains what happened.

With best wishes,
Tom
 

hilary

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Dear Candida,

I think Tom ? even without knowing anything about the background to your question ? has given you a really good interpretation here. Not much to add!

Hexagram 18 is about something that?s gone wrong, and all the work of trying to sort it out so that you can start afresh. I think that?s very much what your doctor is trying to do. In my experience, working out the meanings of the lines in this one can be a very individual affair. Something corrupt comes from the maternal side, so things cannot carry on in the same way. (That?s all line 2 says ? the rest is interpretation.) The essence of caring and nurturing has somehow gone wrong? If this line reflects something that your friend feels, you may never know exactly what it means. Tom?s idea is an interesting one, though!
I?m afraid the translation you used has let you down here. The father?s corruption isn?t being ?dealt with?, but ?tolerated? or even compounded and added to. My guess (nothing more!) would be that he has overindulged his masculine, ?disciplined?, ?moral? side in the way he spoke to you ? and may be regretting it.

As for Hexagram 56 ? this is the wanderer, the exile. It reflects the fact that when we move on ? at every change in life - we?re essentially on our own. We don?t feel at home where we find ourselves, but we need to respect the customs of the place. It seems as if your friend is trying to work with this, though not with much sensitivity. But I think this is also about you. There?s a more literal way you could read it ? haven?t you moved house recently?

And your second reading? Relationships, as Tom was saying, need boundaries. You can sweep all convention away on a flood of emotion, and that in itself can be right and good ? it can raise a relationship to a new level. But by itself, this flood doesn?t create the circumstances for long-term communication and trust. You need to know where the boundaries are. It sounds as if your doctor is trying to find them. The I Ching that if they taste bitter, they can?t last ? obviously he has yet to get the balance right.
The second hexagram here, 29, is the image of water pouring through a chasm, without limit, hesitation or restriction. This is a plunge into the unknown - a seriously dangerous commitment, something that tests and shapes your character ? a learning opportunity with teeth. This hexagram may come as a warning to you that this isn?t the sort of situation where you can safely ?dip your toe in the water?.

?Repeated chasms. Holding fast your heart, success. With sincerity and confidence. Moving on brings honour.?

This sounds like your perspective, the flow of your feelings. Fitting 29 together with 60 is not easy. But the I Ching?s words for you in the moving line do seem crystal clear: ?Not going out from your door and home. No mistake.? You asked what mistake you?d made, where you?d gone wrong ? and the I Ching says (with a smile, I think!) ?no mistake?, if you stay inside your own domestic sphere. I think this is the beginning of successful ?limitation? and boundary-setting ? having some firm foundations at home.

I hope this helps!

(BTW, would you like me to remove your email address from your post? I?m afraid that it will be ? probably it already has been ? harvested by passing programs collecting emails for spam and to send viruses. (I get 100s of them sent to my address at this site.) Please be very careful about opening any mail you?re not sure of!)
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

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