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exagram 29 KKAN

chiachia

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Good evening to all, I'm new in this forum :) I'm Italian, from Roma, so excuse me if my English is not good, but I didn't find a good forum about I Ching in italian and I need help...
I'm about to marry my boyfriend, and we really want to have children, but now I can't because I'm still taking some medicine, and is not wise now to be pregnant. As I feel really insicure about maternity (I'm 32 so not too young, my insicurity comes from the past), I have asked to I Ching, if I would be a good mother (I'm stopping the cure in these weeks) and the response was KKAN :weep: :cloud:, with the 1st and the 5 line moving and become exagram 19. I feel sad and desperate ... but the thing is that 10 years ago I lose a baby, and the situation descripted in the exagram 29 sounds me close to the memories of that bad experience. It is possible that a response is referred to the past? Maybe I didn't get through the trauma?
I will be grateful for all your suggestion,
Chiara.
 

ginnie

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You're scaring yourself. Do everything step by step and not all at once!

You can be married and not have a baby instantly. First make sure that you are safely off any medicine, and only your doctor can help you with that.

As I interpret your reading, it is a reflection of your own anxieties and of course the past enters into it. Even women who never lost a baby are fearful of the problems of pregnancy, and there is no need to rush things. Why don't you be slower and let the sense of danger run its course, which it will.

If I were you, I'd speak with my doctor about all this and ask for his or her assistance and support. Since you lost a baby before, you just need the boost of added support and assistance -- knowing that people will be there for you who will understand. Maybe you need also a girlfriend or two who can be available to cheer you on and reassure you.

But remember: You are not pregnant yet!!! Your mind has raced ahead into the future, and that future has never happened!!! They say that when we become frightened, we always become afraid that something that happened before is going to happen all over again ...
 

pocossin

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Will I be a good mother?
29.1.5 > 19


Welcome to Clarity, Chiara. Just this morning I was thinking about how appropriate hexagram 19 is for having a baby. The lower trigram Lake often relates to female sexuality and the upper trigram Earth to motherhood. The baby grows in water (amniotic fluid), and that is how I would understand hexagram 29 (double Water) in your case. I think the casting is auspicious that you will succeed in becoming a mother. Line 1 suggests that you will have morning sickness and the discomforts of pregnancy, but since you willingly bear them, that is no problem, and line 5 suggests you will not lose the baby this time. The overall judgment is auspicious. I understand that maternity care is very good in Italy. Good luck!
 

ginnie

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Please come back and let us know what happens!
 

folledeschiele

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In my experience, 29 is about confronting--and successfully moving through-- your fears. We learn how to deal with fear by going through it. There's no way around it. Doing so will lead to the spring, to approach, which conjures up all kinds of lovely things-- perhaps a child being one among them, but it could really mean rebirth of any kind in your life. Good luck and take the plunge!
 
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I think everyone has some good takes on this one, and I have to agree with Pocossin. This does sound auspicious for pregnancy. 19 Approaching... I take 29 with the need to just go with the flow, the inherent confusion and the lack of confidence it seems to inspire to be a clear description of parenthood. Parenthood approaching.
 

chiachia

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I have to say a warm thank you to all ... you gave me a lot of point of view and friendly suggest. Obvioulsy I have talked to my doctor, as the medicine I'm taking is for panic attack and depression. I have been suffering with them from ten years. When I was 20 I had a bad depression (even due to family matter, the terrible divorce of my parent's and a lot of consequence for me and my little sister). A doctor gave to me strong medicine for depression and I fight very hard to get over the illness, and I managed. But just 10 days after the stop of the cure I found myself pregnant. It was a trauma! I didin't want that baby, I was young, vulnerable, I was far from my family, my father use to live abroad and with my mother I didn't have good relations. In addiction I had no money and a boy friend who was not able to sustein me. So I decided to abort the baby. I did all alone, it was horrible, and the day of the surgey at the hospital, when I was in the surgey room I changed my mind, and I told to the doctors that I want to have the baby, but they tell me that the baby have already died spontaneaously and I needed curettage (I'm not sure that curettage is right, I intend the operation in which your womb is cleaned after you have a miscarraige). I have passed trough a terrible years, fear, I blame myself, I have panic attack and swear to myself that I NEVER be pregnant another time in my life, because I was not able to be a good mother. In this ten year I worked hard on myself with a good psychiatrist, I worked on my job life and I managed to become an editor which it has been my dream since I was a child. I worked on my family, forgave my father for his lack of presence and my mother for other things. I built a lot, since 5 years ago I met a man who became my best friend and my love. I did all without medicine, because I don't like them. Last year I had a little relapse into depression, not so hard as the one I had had when I was 20, and my doctor suggest me to take a light medicine, just to help my body with the stress. The cure was good I now I'm stopping with it. In the last year, I start to think that maybe I can be a good mother ... even if I am not perfect ... I love my boyfriend and I think he can be a good father, he is affidable and his presence is continuous, special in trouble. So for this, as I'm near the marriage, I have asked to the I Ching about motherhood, not because I want now a baby, but in the future, when I will stopped whith the cure and after some months, only if I'm well. When I've red 29, I was so scared ... but you have helped me to see things in another prospective. I have to wait with patience, and not fear the past, even is sometimes it is so hard ... Sorry to have bother you, but as you was so kind with me I want to explain things well.
Love to all :)
 

chiachia

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I have to say a warm thank you to all ... you gave me a lot of point of view and friendly suggest. Obvioulsy I have talked to my doctor, as the medicine I'm taking is for panic attack and depression. I have been suffering with them from ten years. When I was 20 I had a bad depression (even due to family matter, the terrible divorce of my parent's and a lot of consequence for me and my little sister). A doctor gave to me strong medicine for depression and I fight very hard to get over the illness, and I managed. But just 10 days after the stop of the cure I found myself pregnant. It was a trauma! I didin't want that baby, I was young, vulnerable, I was far from my family, my father use to live abroad and with my mother I didn't have good relations. In addiction I had no money and a boy friend who was not able to sustein me. So I decided to abort the baby. I did all alone, it was horrible, and the day of the surgey at the hospital, when I was in the surgey room I changed my mind, and I told to the doctors that I want to have the baby, but they tell me that the baby have already died spontaneaously and I needed curettage (I'm not sure that curettage is right, I intend the operation in which your womb is cleaned after you have a miscarraige). I have passed trough a terrible years, fear, I blame myself, I have panic attack and swear to myself that I NEVER be pregnant another time in my life, because I was not able to be a good mother. In this ten year I worked hard on myself with a good psychiatrist, I worked on my job life and I managed to become an editor which it has been my dream since I was a child. I worked on my family, forgave my father for his lack of presence and my mother for other things. I built a lot, since 5 years ago I met a man who became my best friend and my love. I did all without medicine, because I don't like them. Last year I had a little relapse into depression, not so hard as the one I had had when I was 20, and my doctor suggest me to take a light medicine, just to help my body with the stress. The cure was good I now I'm stopping with it. In the last year, I start to think that maybe I can be a good mother ... even if I am not perfect ... I love my boyfriend and I think he can be a good father, he is affidable and his presence is continuous, special in trouble. So for this, as I'm near the marriage, I have asked to the I Ching about motherhood, not because I want now a baby, but in the future, when I will stopped whith the cure and after some months, only if I'm well. When I've red 29, I was so scared ... but you have helped me to see things in another prospective. I have to wait with patience, and not fear the past, even is sometimes it is so hard ... Sorry to have bother you, but as you was so kind with me I want to explain things well.
Love to all :)
 

ginnie

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:hug: Love to you, too, Chiachia.

I enjoyed reading what you wrote. You are an excellent writer as well as a professional editor ...

You have done a lot of work on yourself and that is always wonderful to hear! Many people are not willing to look into themselves, especially when there has been intense suffering, but you have had the courage to be in therapy.

The I Ching tells us about how we are today, even if we are inquiring about the future. One of the teachings of the I Ching is to keep our minds centered on TODAY and give hardly any thought to how life will be weeks, months or years from now. It is a profound spiritual practice to live in the NOW rather than to think about the future.
:)
 

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