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Looking for direction.. new to this.

jjw2

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Hi Hilary,
This is new to me. Although I have been becoming more interested each time I consult the i Ching.
My question was, What can I do to help bring my marriage back together? We have been separated for 1year and 4 months. What I received was #23 for the primary hexagram and #2 for the Relating hexagram. Thank you for any help.
 

hilary

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Hi John,

Nice to meet you. Yes, the I Ching has that effect on people (it lasts for years?)
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Hexagram 23 could hardly be more appropriate for what you?ve been going through ? Stripping Away, Splitting Apart? It?s a hexagram of destruction and loss more than anything ? losing what is solid, purposeful and certain ?
?Stripping away, no use to have a direction to go?
- and being left with only the absolute basics, the raw (in more ways than one) material for new growth. It follows on from Hexagram 22, a time of concentrating on presentation and appearance (perhaps also a time of courtship, trying to show yourself to the other person in the best possible light). This is a valid way to be as far as it goes ? but it is exhausted in the end, and the surfaces are stripped away.

Although Stripping Away can be horribly painful, there is a reason behind it. It gets beyond the surface to the essential; it removes whatever is no longer useful ? ideas, beliefs, images? Sometimes this is something you do yourself, like stripping the bark from a tree to use the wood; more often, it?s something that happens to you and all you can do at first is wait for it to run its course. In the end, new growth will come from below ? from the foundations ? and it is good to focus your generosity of spirit there.

I think you probably already know the experience of #23 from the inside. What the I Ching offers you is a new perspective on it ? that of Hexagram 2: Earth, the Receptive. This is the hexagram of responsive strength, like the earth that receives the seed, lends strength and gives it form ? or a mare who moves strongly and easily over the earth, but willingly gives her strength to be used. Heaven (Hexagram 1) is its counterpart that offers creative ideas, inspiration, force; the generous energy of earth is what makes these things appear and grow in reality.

Because this is the second, relating hexagram, it suggests an approach or perspective you can take yourself: quiet, responsive, open to initiatives from your wife, willing to give the energy that makes things grow.

The really encouraging thing about this reading is that the moving line shows you at the end of Stripping Away ? line 6, the extremity of destruction, splitting apart and loss.

?A ripe fruit not eaten.
The wise disciple gains a cart.
The small people strip away their huts.?

That ripe fruit? there is still something left, and it contains the seeds. (You can see where Hexagram 2 comes in!) Being left uneaten, it can begin a new cycle of growth. Perhaps it would be better not to eat the fruit, not to be in a hurry to try new experience, but to allow it to grow naturally.

The wise disciple is the one who sees the need to move on and carry the seed of hope to new ground. The small people lack the power to move: they stay on old ground, react to circumstances without finding a way to change them radically. The ?hut? sounds to me like the old terms of your marriage: staying within them, stripping away, the small people destroy what little they have without investing in the new.

In other words, rehashing and restructuring doesn?t get far. New beginnings come from the fruit that you never touched or tasted before.

This seems to me the kind of issue that might call for more than one question! Let me know what you think?
 

jjw2

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HI Hilary,
WOW! That's amazing! That's exactly what my spiritual counselor said.I will definitely ask some follow-up questions. If ok, I will ask you again for your help.
I thank you very much for your help.

John
 

jjw2

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Hi Hilary,(again)

The next question was: What would effect would it have on my wife if I let her go and stopped talking to her about reconciliation. And only spoke to her about the children.
The answer #8 Holding together.
Would you mind helping me again?
Thank you very much!

John
 

jjw2

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Hi,
By the way both the Primary and relating were #8 Holding together.

Thanks again!
 

pocossin

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Hello John,

My approach to the I Ching is based on personal research and is unconventional, but you might be helped by a different point of view.

Hexagram 23 is the image of a bed (see lines 1,2, and 4), and you and your wife once shared a bed together. To King Wen the symbolic meaning of this image probably referred to a seedbed, that is, to clearing land for sowing grain, in which the dead old grow is cut away, the soil tilled, and seed sown in the springtime renewal of the agricultural cycle.

In your life, negative aspects need to be dealt with, the old, dead growth cleared away, and the soil of your marriage retilled if you wish to renew it, and then sow seeds of reconciliation in your wife's heart.

The active line in your hexagram represents a major aspect of the situation. Line 6 at the top is the line of limit and restraint:

Nine at the top means:
There is a large fruit still uneaten.
The superior man receives a carriage.
The house of the inferior man is split apart.

I take this line to means that, although there is still opportunity, the outcome depends on the spirit in which you act. It is truly a time for you to focus on the higher values to be found in marriage and to de-emphasize to lesser discords that occurred in the past.

The second hexagram is hexagram 2. Hexagram 2 is the hexagram of The Receptive, of Earth, the Female, and in your case, the Wife. I frequently find that the first hexagram symbolizes the problem, and the second its solution.

The Judgment of hexagram 2 says: "If the superior man undertakes something and tries to lead, He goes astray; But if he follows, he finds guidance."

This hexagram symbolizes a state of receptivity. Rather than asserting your own needs, if you are receptive to those of your wife, you are more likely to achieve reconciliation. When you find what she needs for happiness, then you have a basis for mutual happiness.

Sincerely yours,
Tom
 

pocossin

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Hello John,

From my alternative point of view, Hexagram 8 (as I understand it) refers to an armistice (cesation of hostilities) and the return of troops from a war, thus the union. If your wife is hostile to reconciliation, then for the time being it might be better to withdraw your urging.

The Judgement of Hexagram 8:

Holding Together brings good fortune.
Inquire of the oracle once again
Whether you possess sublimity, constancy, and perseverance;
Then there is no blame.
Those who are uncertain gradually join.
Whoever comes too late
Meets with misfortune.

If your wife was hurt by the separation and the underlying causes of the separation have not been addressed, the full reconciliation you desire may not occur, since you desire an alliance and not just an armistice. The Judgment suggests that rebuilding efforts should not be delayed too late.

The Image of Hexagram 8:

On the earth is water:
The image of Holding Together.
Thus the kings of antiquity
Bestowed the different states as fiefs
And cultivated friendly relations
With the feudal lords.

Cultivating friendly relations with your children may be the best way to rebuild an alliance with your wife.

Sincerely yours,
Tom
 

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