Saying Goodbye Hex 43.6 to Hex 1

arabella · Mar 23, 2012

I'd written an email yesterday to say goodbye to a friend since I'm moving away next week and probably won't see them again. This morning I received a phone call with an urgent tone to it, wanting to get together because he "needs to ask for advice." So I've agreed to meet up for coffee later today. I can't imagine this man wanting advice from me. He's highly successful all on his own; whereas, I am practically the poster child for stupid and wavering decisions.

I've asked the Yi "why does he want this meeting so urgently?" and received the casting Hexagram 43.6 becoming Hexagram 1.

All of this talk of pitfalls and misfortune is a bit worrying. Is he in some kind of trouble? It sounds like, if he doesn't tell me what is wrong, there is "danger"? Seems very serious. If anybody is on just now and can reply, that's great. Otherwise, in an hour I guess I find out the truth. But I thought it was an interesting casting for the archives anyhow!

newmoon · Mar 23, 2012

IDK, if it was me I'd just go and see what he wants. 1 is usually good right?

Lavalamp · Mar 23, 2012

Umm - was it that there was something he kept to himself, that he felt it would maybe be wrong not to talk about and he needed to touch base with you on that in person, because it's not the kind of thing you email about?

pocossin · Mar 23, 2012

Why does he want this meeting so urgently?
43.6 > 1

The Image suggests a question about the distribution of property.

The lake has risen up to heaven:
The image of Break-through.
Thus the superior man
Dispenses riches downward
And refrains from resting on his virtue.

The passion in the top line, though, suggests a matter of the heart. Bradford's translation advises speaking out.

No cry for help
The outcome will be unfortunate

arabella · Mar 23, 2012

pocossin said:
Why does he want this meeting so urgently?
43.6 > 1

The Image suggests a question about the distribution of property.

The lake has risen up to heaven:
The image of Break-through.
Thus the superior man
Dispenses riches downward
And refrains from resting on his virtue.

The passion in the top line, though, suggests a matter of the heart. Bradford's translation advises speaking out.

No cry for help
The outcome will be unfortunate

Yes, it was about those two things in fact. And also what Lavalamp was saying. Amazing that it could be all of them! But the discussion was a few things he has kept to himself and they involved the disposition of a Will and property and what is entailed in getting free of family matters that have dragged on. The implication is that he can't think of himself as a free and single person until all of this is settled.

And also that he wants to know how we are staying in touch, where I will be, and how to get where I will be, phone numbers, dates, etc. In other words, to be assured that I'm not disappearing from his life. To be honest, everything he asked me for "advice" about he could figure out himself. I'm not really sure this whole thing is in my best interest as I'd intended to say goodbye.

I asked, where is this going if I stay in touch? Hexagram 35 unchanging. Sounds like more of the same, advancing, advancing, and never getting anywhere.

pocossin · Mar 23, 2012

arabella said:
Sounds like more of the same, advancing, advancing, and never getting anywhere.

I agree, Arabella, though absence makes the heart grow fonder.

arabella · Mar 23, 2012

pocossin said:
I agree, Arabella, though absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Yes, half of what he was saying seemed to beg my approval and came across as wanting to know how I would feel if we had a commitment to each other. But we don't -- and that was his choice. The vibe that he was anxious to hang onto me was palpable, and yet he's been so casual all this while. So I'm really confused.

precision grace · Mar 24, 2012

arabella said:
Yes, half of what he was saying seemed to beg my approval and came across as wanting to know how I would feel if we had a commitment to each other. But we don't -- and that was his choice. The vibe that he was anxious to hang onto me was palpable, and yet he's been so casual all this while. So I'm really confused.

I Hate it when guys do that. Just run away. Fast. Be happy with someone who doesn't make you second guess yourself all the time. :hug:

arabella · Mar 24, 2012

I am half torn between thinking this is a losing game and, like Pocossin has said, absence has made the heart grow very much fonder -- but he doesn't know exactly how to tell me his feelings. He just really took me by surprise. I was thinking this was goodbye and it took me a lot to say it -- but I did. Now I'm not so sure.

I asked the Yi: what's the best way for me to view this situation now: Hexagram 38.1 becoming Hexagram 64 -- would indicate that, I think, that I should wait and see what happens? The "lost horse" has resonance since this relationship seemed lost because I just let it go, didn't respond anymore because it was unclear to me what to do. I have the impression he wasn't ready to say anything about his feelings, and has eluded to them now. He wants to start fresh and set up a new home away from this place and its memories, but can't until these legal matters are resolved in May. Then he's free to do as he pleases. That seems to have been the point. I think I might be dense but I'm not good at reading between the lines. I want to see the actual lines themselves.

I asked a second question: what is he trying to tell me that I'm not understanding clearly: Hexagram 37.1 becoming Hexagram 53. He wants to raise a pig with me.

I asked a third question: Is he messing with me? Casting: Hexagram 17.6 becoming Hexagram 25. This is a very tough line to know, but I'd see it as the last stages of following along with somebody, trying to be closer to them or understand them. And, at this stage, there is a sacrifice made to some higher premise maybe. It may have seemed that the path was ending but for some reason, it didn't. There is some continuing purpose anyway. Still not that clear considering the esoteric nature of the line.

pocossin · Mar 24, 2012

arabella said:
I am half torn between thinking this is a losing game. . .

I think it is a losing situation but not a game. I think the guy has health issues and doesn't want to entangle you in them, which is rather noble. My first though with 43 (male + lake) was prostate, and -- when you mentioned a will -- he is definitely thinking of final things. Of course, my first thought may not be correct, but it does account for this strange yes + no situation.

arabella · Mar 24, 2012

pocossin said:
I think it is a losing situation but not a game. I think the guy has health issues and doesn't want to entangle you in them, which is rather noble. My first though with 43 (male + lake) was prostate, and -- when you mentioned a will -- he is definitely thinking of final things. Of course, my first thought may not be correct, but it does account for this strange yes + no situation.

Thanks Pocossin for answering again -- I appreciate the input because I am floundering here. I had just come to terms with needing to leave and probably not seeing him again.

He's healthy as can be, just qualified for an international medical policy. The Will in probate the past ten months wasn't his, but a distribution of the family wealth between him and his kids, agreed with his wife who died prematurely four years ago. At the end of the next month, he can go on and do as he pleases because all of the family bequests are completed. I'm just confused what he's asking me [and why]. I saw him at a function today and he was with me the whole time -- and says he will be calling to spend time before I get on the road.

Any other thoughts? He's alive and well and quite surprising.

pocossin · Mar 24, 2012

arabella said:
The Will in probate the past ten months wasn't his, but a distribution of the family wealth between him and his kids, agreed with his wife who died prematurely four years ago.

Is there an explanation for the three year delay in probating the wife's will?

arabella · Mar 25, 2012

pocossin said:
Is there an explanation for the three year delay in probating the wife's will?

I don't know for certain. But my impression is that he needed to be motivated to move on so that he was ready to liquidate their property and distribute the proceeds before he considers himeself "single" again. I think that is a condition of the Will and he has followed it. He hasn't reinvolved himself before inheritance is accounted for.

Lavalamp · Mar 25, 2012

Oh ****, here I go....

You know Arabella...
It might flaunt some ideas in current psychology about what is healthy.
But some men will grieve a beloved wife for even more than 4 years.
Or maybe it's not that, maybe he's not telling you everything because he's an Alpha male that doesn't share his confidences easily, or for some other reason. Maybe he is scared to trust you, or maybe he's afraid of being left alone again. Or something.

But I feel I have to say, that I have thought for sometime it sounds like this guy is in love with you. I can understand why it might be hard for him to tell you directly though. You needn't answer this, but have you ever asked him if he loved you? If you didn't dare to tell him that you loved him?

Ok, sorry to be so starry eyed, when I suppose I should be wiser than that at my age.

- LL

pocossin · Mar 25, 2012

arabella said:
my impression is that he needed to be motivated to move on so that he was ready to liquidate their property and distribute the proceeds

Here the executor must complete probate within a limited period, and the clock starts ticking as soon as a death certificate is filed. It's a matter of great urgency that the tasks of probate be completed in a timely manner. A three year delay until the executor feels motivated isn't possible.

precision grace · Mar 25, 2012

lavalamp said:
Oh ****, here I go....

You know Arabella...
It might flaunt some ideas in current psychology about what is healthy.
But some men will grieve a beloved wife for even more than 4 years.
Or maybe it's not that, maybe he's not telling you everything because he's an Alpha male that doesn't share his confidences easily, or for some other reason. Maybe he is scared to trust you, or maybe he's afraid of being left alone again. Or something.

But I feel I have to say, that I have thought for sometime it sounds like this guy is in love with you. I can understand why it might be hard for him to tell you directly though. You needn't answer this, but have you ever asked him if he loved you? If you didn't dare to tell him that you loved him?

Ok, sorry to be so starry eyed, when I suppose I should be wiser than that at my age.

- LL

Oh LL, we all know (even the birds on trees know) that this guy is in love with her. But if isn't truly over his wife, or if he is one of those men who like to keep their women on the pedestal but not real, then poor Arabella isn't going to have much joy out of all this.

sorry to be so cynical. I should know better at my age :rofl:

arabella · Mar 25, 2012

pocossin said:
Here the executor must complete probate within a limited period, and the clock starts ticking as soon as a death certificate is filed. It's a matter of great urgency that the tasks of probate be completed in a timely manner. A three year delay until the executor feels motivated isn't possible.

I don't honestly know how this could be, except that there had to be agreement on a number of things. One is what happened to the business owned by his wife, which eventually passed to one of the children. I guess there may have been provisions in the Will for what the conditions of liquidation were and for investments to mature? Honestly, I have no idea, but this process began last year anyway.

arabella · Mar 25, 2012

lavalamp said:
Oh ****, here I go....

You know Arabella...
It might flaunt some ideas in current psychology about what is healthy.
But some men will grieve a beloved wife for even more than 4 years.
Or maybe it's not that, maybe he's not telling you everything because he's an Alpha male that doesn't share his confidences easily, or for some other reason. Maybe he is scared to trust you, or maybe he's afraid of being left alone again. Or something.

But I feel I have to say, that I have thought for sometime it sounds like this guy is in love with you. I can understand why it might be hard for him to tell you directly though. You needn't answer this, but have you ever asked him if he loved you? If you didn't dare to tell him that you loved him?

Ok, sorry to be so starry eyed, when I suppose I should be wiser than that at my age.

- LL

it is somewhat complicated, no doubt, by the fact of his loving his wife and her passing suddenly, having been a vibrant person who was the centre of a large family -- at least this is what i understand. And this is a loyal man who has had a very difficult time coping. On the other hand, the plan he has set forth takes him permanently away from the place they called home and her grave, which I never thought would happen. He alludes to a lot of things to do with me, and continues to throw into the conversation various things she advised him at the same time.

I imagine he doesn't want to be alone and someone who is no longer here isn't really an ongoing source of comfort. He told me he's getting concerned that he's stayed alone too long already. In all practicality [and at this stage of life you must be practical although starry-eyed is wonderful too] you can't expect somebody who was married so long and enjoyed it so much to erase that from his mind and not discuss it again. I'm also sure, the closer he gets to me, the more nervous he is, the more disloyal he feels. And what if he were to express his intention outright and I turned him down? There is a feeling of "a lot to lose" I'd guess, if this is the right way to view what he's trying to say.

I think it's a case of trying to extricate himself from the past and go forward. And he's feeling his way along, as anybody does who has experienced tragedy in life. His tragedies and mine are just the opposite. He was loved so much he's probably afraid to try again; I was loved so little that I fear the same thing.

What's in the lines I've cast that might help unravel this? And have I cast for the right questions? I can extrapolate various things from his behaviour, but I was hoping the Yi would cut to the chase.

arabella · Mar 25, 2012

precision grace said:
Oh LL, we all know (even the birds on trees know) that this guy is in love with her. But if isn't truly over his wife, or if he is one of those men who like to keep their women on the pedestal but not real, then poor Arabella isn't going to have much joy out of all this.

sorry to be so cynical. I should know better at my age

This worries me too. I understand it intellectually. But how long I could share the man in my life with a ghost is a valid question. Not that I expect him to erase memory of someone who made a life with him for decades, but there would have to be a place where this was a relationship for two on a day to day basis.

I've asked the Yi: Can he let her go and allow this to be just between the two of us? Hexagram 23 unchanging is the answer. Not sure if this means he would be endlessly trying or that he could definitively.

arabella · Mar 25, 2012

I wrote a very straight, heartfelt message to him this morning, just saying what I had on my mind and how I feel about this situation of going separate ways. And I left him a graceful way out. I may look stupid, but I really don't care anymore. I have reconciled myself to leaving anyway.

Then I asked the Yi what effect this will have? The Yi said Hexagram 32 unchanging. To me, that means he looks at our partnership as enduring -- or he considers the past an enduring place to live. So I asked, "Is this the end with him?" And the Yi said hexagram 22.4 becoming hexagram 27. So I guess he's got the picture and at least it is food for thought.

Of course I'm interested in how anybody else sees the progression of these castings -- no question of that!

Lavalamp · Mar 25, 2012

Braveheart Arabella - good for you. Good for you, and I really hope it 32 endures. "Is this the end?" End also means a metaphoric death - a decision. His choice would be 22.4 a simple life with someone who 27 really loves him, feeds his soul. Money and position is nothing in reality. Also sounds like he is feeling the empty nest blues, he misses the whole circle of love.

If you feel the wife's ghost is really an issue for him, I would have a sincere talk with the woman. Seriously. Go somewhere and think about her, call to her, and then talk to her and tell her it's not good for him to be alone for the rest of his life, ask her if she can let him move on, thank her for being such an important part of his life, and promise you'll honor and take care of him if he chooses to be with you.

For non-religious people such shamanistic ideas may seem foreign, or more about the inner process than an objective reality, but in my experience this kind of conversation can make a night and day difference in a situation.

- LL

arabella · Mar 26, 2012

lavalamp said:
Braveheart Arabella - good for you. Good for you, and I really hope it 32 endures. "Is this the end?" End also means a metaphoric death - a decision. His choice would be 22.4 a simple life with someone who 27 really loves him, feeds his soul. Money and position is nothing in reality. Also sounds like he is feeling the empty nest blues, he misses the whole circle of love.

If you feel the wife's ghost is really an issue for him, I would have a sincere talk with the woman. Seriously. Go somewhere and think about her, call to her, and then talk to her and tell her it's not good for him to be alone for the rest of his life, ask her if she can let him move on, thank her for being such an important part of his life, and promise you'll honor and take care of him if he chooses to be with you.

For non-religious people such shamanistic ideas may seem foreign, or more about the inner process than an objective reality, but in my experience this kind of conversation can make a night and day difference in a situation.

- LL

Thanks, I think your assessment of him sounds accurate and what he says he wants now is a lot like you describe. I have no problem with shamanism and I've had thoughts before about contacting his relatives on the other side. It's worth a try to see if that is helpful to him -- and by translation to me as well! Thankx. :hug:

Saying Goodbye Hex 43.6 to Hex 1

visitor

visitor

visitor

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visitor

visitor

visitor

visitor

visitor

visitor

visitor

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