I want to do the right thing with this guy but I don't know if I have another chance.

Here's the back-story. We met and he pursued me. For a variety of reasons, including me being a bit insecure, he's had to chase me a lot. I broke up with him once, then just one week later we got back together. Things were good for about a month, I let my guard down and he was very happy about that. Then I doubted everything again. I have issues with anxiety, so I pulled away again without a break-up talk. This time he stopped chasing me and I did not hear from him for 12 days. Then he started calling. We talked but we did not discuss the relationship, only said we were now 'friends' uuugh.

We dated for 7 months in total. During that time he never cancelled a date and was generally very sweet if a bit possessive. He wanted to move things quickly, live together but I wasn't ready. I kept slowing things down, I had a hard time trusting him as I've been hurt a lot in the past. Now I realize I've been silly, and even playing games a bit to try to stay in control of my feelings and the relationship, but I can't undue the past. So now he's no longer calling me - it's been over two weeks since we had our last phone conversation.

Last Weds I ran in to him at the place we met Salsa dancing. I actually didn't expect to see him, I thought there was a small chance but it's not the reason I went there, I wanted a distraction because I have been thinking about him so much. Well the universe had other things in mind. He came right up to me and asked me to dance, then he asked for a second dance which I declined. It was just too difficult for me to be that close to him. I didn't talk to him again, and it seemed like he avoided me a little after that.

I just want to have a normal relationship with him, and I don't know what I can. I feel like I'm just terrible at dating! Yesterday I sent him a text and said "It was so nice to see you". He has not replied. I think he may be done with me. I'm too much trouble. I am afraid to speak to him about it, he must think I'm loopy by now.

I asked the Yi, "What does J need from me now" and got 60.2 > 3

I wonder what the limitation is. What jumps at me is that I have put rigid limits on the relationship, and the hexagram suggests that sometimes 60 is "stopping the stopping". Do I need to stop with the limits? Or just STOP altogether? And hex three could have a few meanings? Difficulty at the beginning, that's for sure! But does it mean a NEW beginning (or is this my wishful thinking?).

What do you see for me (and us) in this reading?

Oh I totally know what you mean with the on again off again relationships!!
It's really exhausting to go back and forthe all the time, it really wears out the relationship.
In regards to your reading it doesn't look good...
Your line in 60 says hesitation can bring disaster and one misses one's opportunity.. now i'm not saying that you missed your opportunity but perhaps there will be a time (or maybe there already has) where you did/will miss it, if you do see one take it with both hands and grab it, don't hestitate.

Thanks Megan. I was having a very hard time interpreting the changing line 2. Believe me I have already made a pact with myself that if there is another opportunity I will not hesitate. But perhaps that opportunity was when I saw him two days ago and I blew it. He was just beaming when he saw me, but the energy shifted when I went into my mental cave. And him not replying to my text isn't a good sign either

Well since you did say "What does J need from me NOW" then maybe its saying "push through the initial difficulties and grasp the opportunity!"
Maybe now is the time.
This one's a tricky one though because it could just be commenting on where you are both at right now.

Asking what the guy needs from you when you don't know what _you_ want? Sigh.

"What does J need from me now"
The situation is 3, a difficult beginning.

60.2
He needs you to Act, or not act. If you do not act, you are taking a pass on the opportunity/relationship.

It would be nice if it were speaking of the now. All we have is NOW right? lol, wishful thinking again. Hex 3 is auspicious. I keep wanting to think that 60 is saying my bf (ex) needs me to stop being such a spaz , which is difficult, but I'm in therapy and I'm growing (3).

I'll keep you posted. If I don't hear from him by Monday (gives him the weekend) then I will cease hoping.

Hi Lava, thanks for your comment - no judgements please. We all learn and grow through relationships and you don't know anything about me or my relationship. In fact this story is not that simple. This man lives in my country illegally and could get deported simply for running a red light. Yes, I have a lot of fear around that. When I meet and marry someone (which I know I want) I don't want to worry that I may end up being alone in the blink of an eye. It's a big concern and made me very conflicted because I was falling in love with him. Relationships are scary and this just adds to it. I can't figure out the solution to this problem so yes I am conflicted.

Aside from that I pretty sure I'm not the only one alive who's been confused about what they want out of a relationship.

Look if you want a relationship, you need to ACT. Call him, go over with a peace offering or something,
The Yi says if you do not ACT, you miss your opportunity.
It doesn't say wait for him to call.

But if you aren't sure if you want to check him out further, nothing wrong with passing.
Things happen for a reason.

- LL

If you love someone you have to be willing to take those kinds of risks!
Nobody ever gained anything without taking some sort of risk.
Depends on how you look at it.

Thanks to you both!

I would be open to taking a risk for love. But in my mind, I see 60 as saying when it's TIME to act, then act. He could have replied to my text, but he's choosing to ignore it. That doesn't feel like a good signal to act. So I don't know.

I asked a follow up question. What is the best way to approach this situation.

Hex 3 (again) with moving lines 5, 6 changes to 27

I have to say this doesn't add any clarity to the situation at all for me. Especially the lines in Hex 3, ESPECIALLY line 6 which tells me any attempt is unsuccessful. That doesn't seem positive.

Your situation at hand and the advice is in line 5, look:
Difficulties in blessing.
A little perseverance brings good fortune.
Great perseverance brings misfortune.
An individual is in a position in which he cannot so express his good intentions that they will actually take shape and he understood. Other people interpose and distort everything he does. He should then be cautious and proceed step by step. He must not try to force the consummation of a great undertaking, because success is possible only when general confidence already prevails. It is only through faithful and conscientious work, unobtrusively carried on, that the situation gradually clears up and the hindrance disappears

Take things in steps, you will work through this, slowly.

Or you could just "give up the struggle" just because it's not going the way you want it to right now doesn't mean you should just give up.

Nourish yourself in positive ways so that you can break past these fears and obstructions.
I think these are very good signs for you.

Megan, thank you for your time in helping me sort through this. I am feeling very manic and stressed right now with the unknown of this situation. I just feel this sinking feeling like our time has passed and I missed the moment to act. But I will try to see the positive in these reading. Only time will tell and I can't change the past, but it's maddening not knowing the future or how he feels or what he wants.

I like the part that you posted that says the situation gradually clears up and the hindrance disappears. But patience is not my virtue so I wonder just how slowly the situation will take to progress. Days, weeks, months years? But at least I know there is relief ahead.

There was a time in our relationship - until recently - where I was VERY clear about what he wanted. And now that he's pulling away I'm scared as hell to act. I am petrified of rejection. I am trying to listen to my intuition but sometimes I am not sure if I can trust it. Right now it's telling me that this is not over.

I need to get back to my center somehow. I need a distraction from it because the pressure is building up inside me and in the past when that happens I tend to ACT in ways that aren't healthy for a relationship and just make me seem crazy. So my work these days is to consciously ACT rather than REACT in a hyper-emotional way. In the past I have pursued men who were pulling away and it did not serve me. Those scars run deep and I feel too fragile to handle a situation where love is unrequited. In some ways I do want to give up the struggle and just leave it up to fate??

I'm going to sleep on it, and see where I am tomorrow. I have a date with someone I met on an online dating site, perhaps some new energy will give me perspective. I don't know but I will keep you posted and think about these recent casts. Thanks so much I hope you are having a blessed evening wherever you may be!! :bows:

Hmm well it does say "through faithful and conscientious work, unobtrusively carried on" , that it is cleared away. Now I dont know how long it will take for you to work through this but maybe the other line has already came true.. or it's becoming actualized by your actions. It sounds like you've given up before you've started. The action starts in the mind long before it appears in the physical world.
I say if you want one man maybe stick to that, trying to date other people while you already like a guy is hard and it might make this guy see (if he found out) that maybe you arent serious about your feelings for him.. and he might eventually just give up. Anyways i'm not telling you what to do, i'm just pointing out some things that maybe you should think about first. Dont be impulsive.

And by the way I think you have a good view on what's going on inside you.. it's best to direct those energies towards things/ activities instead of dating, put it towards something useful.

Thanks again. Well in my mind we are broken up, so I am just trying to move on. That's what I've been trying to do, but he is just always on my mind, but he is NOT pursuing me and hasn't for over a month. I rely a lot on actions with men to signal their intentions. They can say all kinds of things but if they don't follow through with actions it means nothing to me. I know he cares for me deeply, but in the end it's just fizzled. When I saw him it just spun me out and opened up wishing/longing that things could be different. But to be honest I feel HE also has an opening act. During this past month he has never tried to figure out what went wrong with us, he just faded away. It takes two to tango!

He's not a passive man so I just feel if he wanted to be with me he'd move mountains to do it rather than let me drift away. I guess I'm just doing things differently. In the past I would call him and want a long talk about things and that NEVER worked. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

I also think NOT doing anything is an action. So today I not seeing 60 as a message to reach out to him, there's nothing in that reading that gives me any hope that it will have a positive result. I definitely need to channel my creative energies in to a new adventure. Just need to get back to myself and move on from this guy. It helps to process it here! Thank you

Yes this is good advice...

"through faithful and conscientious work, unobtrusively carried on"

Men and women certainly are very different lol
Women are harder to figure out, we say things when we mean something else, we push when we should pull.. such emotional creatures we are.
Men are much more simple.

meganj said:

Men and women certainly are very different lol
Women are harder to figure out, we say things when we mean something else, we push when we should pull.. such emotional creatures we are.
Men are much more simple.

Click to expand...

My sense is once a woman has signaled non-interest to a man, it is unrealistic to sit around waiting for him to pursue you any further, unless you take the initiative and make your renewed interest clear.

No one wants to feel they are having their emotions trifled with, or be accused of being a stalker because they ignored your message to leave you alone.

I agree with you lavalamp, you have said what I could not.

I agree with you but shouldn't HE be thinking the same thing? After all HE is the one who disappeared after Valentines day without a word. He also did not plan anything for V-day, a huge red flag in my mind.

We had gotten together after a pseudo break-up and things seemed okay. I did not tell him I wanted to break up again, in fact I'm still trying to figure out what I did exactly to chase him away. I did set boundaries and paced the relationship because I wanted to take things slow. I did require him to pursue me which he did. So why am I the one who needs to go grovelling?

Hmm, I don't know, you gotta ask yourself if it's worth it then.
There is no need for grovelling, just a firm decision.