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Need help with Hexagram 55 changing to 62

lilo

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Hello!
My husband has been cheating on me since about four years. He kind of cannot stop the affair. He has been telling me he is clean now which I doubt.
I have a 3 year old to look after.
I'm in a dilemma if I should continue with this 8 year old marriage or break free; it surely is affecting me.
I asked Yi to tell me what I need to know about my relationship with my husband. Being open for comment or suggestion on anything in the relationship.
I've received 55 with the first line changing, and the second hexagram is 62.
55 makes sense to me but the changing line is confusing. Also I feel my whole interpretation may be biased since I'm going through this.
Could any of you help please?
Many thanks!
 
M

mirian

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Dear lilo,

Hex 55.1 is telling you that your marriage is not meant to last forever and time might have come for you to leave.

If you decide to do so, Hex 62 is saying that you cannot do everything at once. This is a step by step hexagram, you are not in a position to accomplish great things. So, the main idea of the hexagram is to keep a very low profile and to be down-to-earth. You take things as small steps and do not go beyond what you can actually do. Hex 62 uses the image of a "small crossing" to give advice on how to do things in this case.

All the best:bows:
 

lilo

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Dear Mirian,
Thank you so much.
I could see the answer but somehow thought or rather wished the changing line to say something else.
Thanks a lot.
 

canislulu

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Dear Lilo,

I am thinking there may be more than one way to interpret this reading. What Mirian says about "not meant to last forever" I think is a sense that comes from some commentaries and not necessarily the original text. Different commentaries give different senses of the lines. For example, look at how LiSe translates the line (see www.yijing.nl):

"55.1: i.e., 55 Initial 9 : Meeting the associated lords. For ten days, no fault. To proceed brings honor.
Abundance is a question of following a guideline. It may start with an impulsive action, but after that it needs continuance. A great harvest needs hard and steady work, reliable cooperation and time. So if you find an ally, stick to him, work together. Do not change your course or enter new ventures, but go on the way you are going."

Perhaps you husband may be willing to do the hard work of stopping the affair and becoming faithful.

If somehow you and your husband can "meet" as "equals" (this being a word used to describe the "lords" in some translations) their could be value in proceeding with the marriage. After all, you share a child.

Ewald Berkers (www.eclecticenergies.com_translates the first line of 55 as follows "

Line 1:
One happens upon a valuable arrangement. 
Even if for ten days, without fault. 
Going has value.

Perhaps you and your husband can find a valuable arrangement. If he wants to stop the affair but is having trouble, he may need some kind of professional help.

Can you tell us how 55 made sense to you? What were you hoping the changing line would say?

And look at 62.1

62. Too Little
Line 1:
The bird by flying gets misfortune.
By taking action, things go wrong.

This may speak to many aspects of the situation. Your husbands "flying" from his commitment to you by having an affair led to things going wrong. But perhaps it is best for you not to "fly" away from the relationship at this time. Is there someway that you and your husband can "meet" and "happen upon a valuable arrangement" so that the marriage can "proceed?" Perhaps you can ask another question like "What can I do help this marriage to heal?" And is your husband open to looking at what HE can do?
 

lilo

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Dear Callingcrane, Thank you so much.

55 tells me not to mourn. I have been too emotional to let this relationship go. So I understand that this is not a time for mourning, but a time for action - to earn and be independent again.
Which isn't easy with my little one around, and that's what is told in 62.

I was confused about the changing line. I felt it was telling me to carry on with the marriage [going on brings honour] I preferred to overlook the '10 day ' thing until Mirian mentioned it.

Yes, 'valuable agreement'/counselling does make sense.
That's a hope.
I don't mind giving one last try, though I know I'll be prepared mentally now for any thing.

I din't understand why we should see 62.1 ??
 
M

mirian

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Dear lilo,

I think that callingcrane's interpretation is worth considering and LiSe's website is also a very valuable source that you should look at (I often do).

However, I tend to go along with the interpretation that considers the "ten days" as a full cycle of time. Having used the Yi for myself for many years I have come to a point that I have been given literally every single hexagram and lines in my readings.:D

Based on my own experience, that is how Hex 55.1 has always panned out. The line talks about fruitful associations over a given period of time. It could be, for example, a group of people working together for professional or academic purposes until whatever they are doing comes to completion. In terms of marriage/partnership it would show that the relationship has run its course. It does not mean that you have to end it, you can carry on, but the relationship has already come to the full cycle of what it was supposed to be and there is not much more that you can take out of it.

Again, this line of interpretation has been confirmed by my own readings but I really wish I could say something different to you. And I do hope that your "ten days" have not come to the completion yet.

This is such an important decision for you that considering every possible interpretation of the line is the right and sensible thing to do.

Wish you the best:bows:
 

arabella

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Hello Lilo. Hexagram 55 has a certain type of "imminence" associated with it in my mind. In some ways, people are apt to reap what they've sown -- or they may still have some fresh options, but those options must be taken now. There is an element of conflict, but also possibility and recovery.

You've asked whether there is anything you should know to do with your husband's position in this, which would say that this casting is about him rather than what you should do about him. It seems from the line that the affair is on-again/off-again and his heart isn't in that either. He has started something, but perhaps wishes he hadn't.

This looks like a matter that requires attention right now, but it doesn't appear to be worth turning your marriage upsidedown over precipitously. He has done something idiotic, but perhaps not deadly to your marriage. What he has done is about his own shortcomings which it seems he regrets, but needs to understand.

I believe he needs a path out of it; a way to come home. Hexagram 62 is small steps. I would try to find the small steps that allow him back. He has been foolish and unprincipled, and now he has gotten lost in all of it, but he isn't invested in leaving and doesn't know what to do to find his way back to you.

You have a choice of building a life away from him or trying to light the path back. I'd try to make sure I'd protected myself [a separate bit of money somewhere?] but finding out what is wrong and making an effort to fix it could be a solution. That solution would take time and effort; however,divorce is permanent and has an effect on your child and on your relationship that reverberates forever.

I think the Yi is pointing out that a solution could be imminent since there is no real effort going into this affair now -- this isn't the end of the world although it is painful for you and for him and certainly needs active attention.
 

meng

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Thoughtful and interesting points mentioned already.

In spite of 55 appearing to be 'all good', I find most of the change lines to be 'bad'. I'm being facetious about good/bad, maybe better compared to an innie or an outie.

I live smack in the center of a desert valley, surrounded my mountains. During much of the year, midday is not a time for warm blooded creatures to be happy about being out under the midday sun. For the human and the rabbit, shade is our friend, and most living things will seek protection from the sun's abundance as it reaches overwhelming proportions. A meeting with ones lord will be in the shade, or in an alley. Meaning, somewhere usually inside yourself. What happens there takes a few long days, and results in cooling off, which benefits everything and everyone in your field. This cooling off is what the 62 sign post is about, I believe. Bring it down to where you are happy. Otherwise it's all a bit too much.
 

arabella

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Agreeing with Meng. I find with 55 there are mostly off-putting, even frightening, steps I must take, but the less made of them the better. The key is carefully moving forward and taking advantage of the openings that are there. There seems to be a resolution for me, generally, by 55.3, where something arises that I hadn't expected that has a beneficial influence and lifts the cloud, or provides some shade, if you are thinking of Meng's metaphor.

This change is at a beginning point, has an opening now, but you have some distance to go. I'd just look at 55 as a clue to get on with it in a sensible way.
 

lilo

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You've asked whether there is anything you should know to do with your husband's position in this, which would say that this casting is about him rather than what you should do about him. It seems from the line that the affair is on-again/off-again and his heart isn't in that either. He has started something, but perhaps wishes he hadn't.

Dear Arabella,
my question/request to Yi was to 'show me what I needed to know about this relationship.'
Where the two of us with our pasts and what we have for each other are concerned.
It wasn't about my husband's position in it; but still everything that you have written about his position/his thoughts matches a lot. I donno how.
 

lilo

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Dear Mirian,

Having gone through this again and again, for such a long time I can relate to the sense of ending of a cycle.

Thank you very much for your kind help.
 

lilo

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Wow Thank you Meng!
I could never see this side of interpretation... searching the strength and answers within. Something like a meditation course which would give a clarity.

62 could be then just how I need to be, no matter in or out.

:)

thank you
 

meng

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62 could be then just how I need to be, no matter in or out.

:)

thank you

Absolutely!

As I see it, Yi affords us a remarkable blueprint. Our brain goes to work in assigning 'local' meaning through association, and the way we use our rational and creative (opposites) mind is where we will see and/or create our answer. 'The kingdom is within," and also "spread out upon all the earth." In either case, "men do not [normally] see it." If we see the blueprint as it really is, then we have the greatest advantage. Yi is or has become a medium of some kind. People use mediums the way they use anything else, to their advantage. To person A, that may be involve the romantic side of their nature, the intellectual side, the comedic side, etc. And the impact of how you meet the waves from the gods, that life sends you, forms your being, the individual human soul.

An aside, I can't wait to hear more about this newly discovered or conceptualized, theorized, whatever "God Particle".
 

lilo

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Dear Meng, Mirian, Callingcrane, Arabella,
Thank you very much for all your help.

Love,
Lilo
 

arabella

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You've asked whether there is anything you should know to do with your husband's position in this, which would say that this casting is about him rather than what you should do about him. It seems from the line that the affair is on-again/off-again and his heart isn't in that either. He has started something, but perhaps wishes he hadn't.

Dear Arabella,
my question/request to Yi was to 'show me what I needed to know about this relationship.'
Where the two of us with our pasts and what we have for each other are concerned.
It wasn't about my husband's position in it; but still everything that you have written about his position/his thoughts matches a lot. I donno how.

Yes, the implication in the question, if you an enquiring for things you don't already know, is that you are asking from his point of view or an objective point of view. And this is the perspective I read from. If it has turned up accurate, then I'd guess it was a legitimate way to view the reply from the Yi.

It seems logical that you know your position -- you may not know nor fully understand his, so this is what I presumed you were asking: what should I be aware of that I am not?

In any case, good for you to attempt to see past your own biases and ask for something that will challenge you to know more. Best of luck with this. :hug:
 

canislulu

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Lilo,

To answer you question about looking at 62.1. Some diviners look at the changing line in BOTH the "answer" and the "relating" hexagram. So if you had the first line changing of 55 you look at that line and also at the first line of 62.

Best of luck!
 

canislulu

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Lilo,

regarding: a professional line of work that may be helpful in your situation and some thoughts on 55.1 MEETING HIS LORD AS AN EQUAL

I have had in mind a couple of suggestions to offer you and as they keep returning to my awareness I have decided to go ahead and share them. They are from my life/professional experience and yet a bit connected to your answer from Yi. When someone wants to change, and yet has difficulty in making that change, they may be "entangled" with some ancestral energies. Ordinary counseling may not uncover this. The work of Bert Hellinger and his students may. The work is powerful. I am sure that you can find information online if you search for "Hellinger Family Constellation" therapy. One of my teacher's websites has links to people who facilitate the work (see www.hellingerapproach.com) I am sure you can find other such sites.

I have heard something interesting that Bert Hellinger has said about situations where one member of a couple has hurt the other. It doesn't work for the hurt person to remain a "saint". Then the relationship is always unequal. Hellinger suggests that the injured party consider in a small way "hurting" the other....not as big a hurt ....something smaller. But something to equalize things so that there is not such a huge "saint/sinner" dichotomy. In a way, I could see this as a way of "doing" the part of 55.1 that says "Meeting his Lord as an equal." And I am in no way suggesting that you also have an affair. That might be going too far. I am thinking more along the lines of letting yourself flirt with someone --- or something else that occurs to you. Only you can know if this feels remotely "right" to you. I have heard of an example where a man wasn't communicating at all with his wife and so one night she locked him out of the bedroom and told him through the locked door, "This is what it feels like".

Just in case it is helpful....take it or leave it.
best wishes
 

arabella

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Read with interest what callingcrane has said in the last post -- which I won't quote in its entirety. Not believing in "past lives" in a practical way -- but perhaps "old patterns" suffice as an explanation too -- I've realised over years that people have a way that works for them [whether it actually works of not] that they learned in early childhood. Some people pout, for instance, because that is what got them their way as toddlers. Or they throw a fit, hold their breath until they turn blue, throw things, lay on the floor and scream, stop talking, won't eat..................you get the drift.

Some people "run away" -- if not blatantly, then in some subtle way. They make their escape because they can't handle whatever comes next. I notice you say that your husband started his affair four years ago. If you have a three year old child -- that must be about the time you became pregnant??

I suppose you could try reverse psychology and "run away" yourself. But I wonder what the Yi would suggest on that? Fight fire with fire? Answer runaways with more of the same?

Or maybe something else is the problem as what I'm saying here is pure speculation. In cases where an adult is acting like their childhood self, one thing that instantly occurs to me is that you can't ALSO become a child in response. After all, you have a child, a three year old, both in age and pscychological development. Someone has to be the adult.

In short, whatever you would do with callingcrane's idea, I really strongly suggest that your child be kept isolated from that in all possible ways.

One thing I do know FOR SURE is that it is more important to a child to be assured that his parents love each other than to feel that he is loved. Their bond is where his ultimate security lies. Don't let him/her see you arguing or getting your own back if you can help it.
 

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