Long story. I met this girl nearly 40 years ago as a teenager and was struck. I found the universe in her eyes.. Space. No frontier but lights. I remember, still. I wanted to marry this girl, I really was taken that time. We ran into eachother ocassionally, lots of ‘phizz’ but no relation. When I popped the question after graduation from art college 7 years later, she wasn’t up to it. But we should keep in touch, we promised eachother. We had talked future then, the number of children we would like to have etc. She went studying for RN degree at a psychiatric hospital and I went to military service and subsequently abroad to an art academy. My letters and cards remained unanswered after some time, and i kept on waiting, and the next message I goth was a weddingcard. My flowers from Copenhagen to the couple sollicited no reaction. I thought, well she has married a sweetheart from grammarschool, her parents favored, so you’ve lost your inning friend.. 29 years did pass and she returned in my life thru Facebook and started inquiring about strange letters.. Obviously someone had written a letter in my name 29 years ago upsetting her. She returned a letter then telling me that she loved me very, very much, so what the heck this letter.. No reaction.. Only that angry letter from her never reached me, but the mailbox given in ‘my letter’. She then grieved and married her boyfriend from school. Who left her after two years of marriage for a fellow university-student. She now has returned to my life, is still married, but love for me hasnot subsided and as I was and am the great love of her life, It has become a painful story of contemplating disastrous misunderstandings, scheming and dishonesty. Firstly because someone obviously destroyed our relationship and we both ran into a lot of learning, secondly we are very good with eachother still. She is no longer the most beautiful girl but scorched by life, but I lover her no less, she is very sensitive, wise and admirably positive towards desperate experiences. She has married her former neighbour who was left by his wife, and as she baby-sitted his 2 year old boy.. Comforting eachother. They got married on the cheque of shared grief.
The IChing has kept me patiently waiting, not giving up on her love, but as her husband has suffered 2 TIA’s she will stay and support and help him. Great. But she loves me very much, can’t help it, but focuses on her home and hospitakwork as obstetrician. Still the IChing keeps me at it contemplating and learning. I asked how can this be, will she leave her marriage? 53.3 to 20. My opinion is she gradually comes to the conclusion that she doesnot belong where she is, and the husband marches out when she tellis him she still loves me.. she doesnot want me to leave her life. Love is love in whatever state we are.
This happened to us because of the meddling of a dishonest person, whom even after the first husband left her wrote another letter in my name ‘offering my services’. She ironiccaly told her friend from college then: will he be offering me his ear when he is 40? I am meditating my life now, have withdrawn into work and study, and joined a zencourse to intensify clarity within after this year’s painful march from lost opportunities and the tragedies of the past. So my opinion about 53.3 to 20 now is: both see that what they have is the tangible, 37, which is strong, but gradually shaken into an arid state. He leaves the house again, running marathons, as he has done for 17 years maker her a ‘marathon-widow’, and she.. She either bears it contemplating or withdraws. Seeing this is the wrong state. Anyway, my guess is the situation will dissolve into a more fruitful position. As she keeps on telling me.. she still believes things will turn out for the best.. Anyhow.
Any other insights on this? Writing this text draws 29 to 3..:bows:

oscarlawren said:

The IChing has kept me patiently waiting, not giving up on her love, but as her husband has suffered 2 TIA’s she will stay and support and help him. ...

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What kind of woman would she be, if she were to leave her ailing husband? I'm sorry to have to say this, but you don't seem to be thinking so clearly at present, to think that she will leave her husband to be by your side.

Hi oscarlawren - I think line 3 means husband doesn't return to his former self after his TIA's and I think that she is vunerable right now - she must be in such emotional turmoil and it is not healthy for her to be pulled by you to make any decisions regarding you and her.
Hex 20 - all you can do is observe, nothing more. - Liss

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@Ginnie: "What kind of woman would she be, if she were to leave her ailing husband? I'm sorry to have to say this, but you don't seem to be thinking so clearly at present, to think that she will leave her husband to be by your side."

Who would she be, not the woman she is. I am not telling her to leave her husband, I am just doing my job and she wants to keep in touch, makes appointments herself, and dreams painful dreams about the life that has been denied to her. And suffers, for her task is now as it is. This is really complicated as she loves me and also wants to be a very responsible person at the same time. That is really a struggle. No one tells her not to. I am not.
So, I am thinking quite clearly. But she pursues her hope and is adamant that is will be all right. Whenever.

@godlissness: Is he a changed man? Yes, as far as it concerns his happiness regarding the situation.People who are sick want to be their normal self as soon as possible is my experience from my illness. The cross is to confront yourself when that is impossible, or there is the shock when you find out you can die any day of the week, unexpectedly. For the moment I do not know, really I do not, fate will decide. I am praying and meditating and see her irregular, when she off duty, during lunch. The universe flows, anyway, whatever we may think and find.. I can endure the timeless approach. There is no God but God so it will solve of itself. :bows:

oscarlawren said:

will she leave her marriage? 53.3 to 20.

My opinion is she gradually comes to the conclusion that she does not belong where she is, and the husband marches out when she tells him she still loves me.. she does not want me to leave her life.

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My opinion is that this scenario, where she tells her husband she loves you, would be her going astray, according to Yi.

western values and yi beyond, beyond..

@ginnie: My opinion is that this scenario, where she tells her husband she loves you, would be her going astray, according to Yi.

We westerners try to read our ethics into the Yi; whereas the Yi has a lot to say about 2nd wives and concubines.
As said I donot know, and despite me being a westerner, I donot think the YI tries to conform to our values. It is beyond that. Like Buddhisme says Paragathe, beyond, beyond.
I donot know, again, I donot know. The easiest way would be to get out of this story and leave it be. But the Yi keeps me in this track, and advises me to be patient. It might go anyway.
The universe is smarter.. wherever it ends. Your thougth, is that reality or an idea and valuation? It this Yi? Is Love emptiness of fullness? Or beyond?

just 1 cent:
53.3 is a reflection of the outer / exoteric situation and the fanyao shows exactly what is happening on the inner / esoteric side: "contemplating my life. advancing or retreating. Commentary : TAO HAS NOT BEEN LOST YET."
You are obviously on track with what you do.

I fear 53.3. I loose the ground beneith my feet, my world is turned upside down. Even if partners reach out to each other, they fail.

No marathons et al imo. unless he wants to commit suicide. ( ive been misdiagnosed from TIA, so I know a bit about it. prospects are rather grim, a fullfledged stroke is almost unavoidable sooner or later - statistically speaking)

Your past with her and her present marriage: 53.3 perfectly applies to both scenarios.

Looks like karma.

Hi Fallada

Yes, 15% of the persons who did suffer a TIA will have a stroke within a year. Statistically, that is.
And the husband is back to the gym, training, and working out and going for a run with his buddies. Social of course now, but when things improve, what then..?
Is it possible to get back to normal? Yes.. if you are lucky. I know, I was lucky.
I have suffered the real thing; massive brain-artery burst. Brain-aneurysm, 50% percent mortality the brain surgeon told me after the incident while I lay alone in a dark room. I have escaped unharmed from that incident and the then experimental operation (3% mortality). According to a researcher from university it is extraordinary that I have no cognitive impairment. I write articles for catalogues, still, suffered no memory-loss etc, apart from the ageing-bit. Only tablets I have got, but none whatsoever harm to major and minor functions and.. I have been declared healthy after 2 years hospital going.
I have seen the havoc around me at the ward in those 2 years I went in and out hospital for checkups. And I know people who suffered a stroke after a TIA.

It seems that it applies to 2 scenarios for the moment, yes. I have been on the brink of throwing the towel into the ring, but stay on because of her love and the Yi, which keeps on pressing not to take any initiative but to learn and wait. The Yi is very positive in this respect and I am struggling with that. How can that be? :bows:
Karma.. yes, a lot. Her letter not reaching me opened a box of pandora. She went to study and did not travel with me to Copenhagen, so was assaulted and raped as a nurse in a psychiatric hospital. Her first husband made her pay for his college-major and then left her for a female student.. And I.. I was under the impression she was luckily married to that guy as the last sign was a weddingcard and no reaction to my letters and wedding gift.. It seems locked to my intellectual opinion, now, but the Yi keeps me in this.. That is the lesson, for now. Grinding my teeth once in a while. and hoping. :bows:

Hi, Oscar,
Oh ! oh, you have been throgh the mill all the way! What a path !
So there is yet anothrr theme in the story that resonates and draws you into the sotuation? A Trauma like yours is always effektive.

I don't think we are always free to choose when to throw the towel or let go by decision or will. Karma peters out eventually. Its over when its over. ( Because energy was losening its grip on me I suddenly could let go and release ... or vice versa? I never could tell cause from effect, probably the same coin anyway)

The need to mourn is also an erging emotion that demands expression and needs time and a safe space. What eould be more natural for you and her to share this and help coping with this tragedy? ( wounder if you have seen a couple of 55 hexs.)

Trouble with lines like 53.3 is that our mind immediately starts to invent possible scenarios and evaluates them: right, wrong, impossible, holy, painful, trallalalaa.... Usually none of these scripts come true. 53.3 is 'the tao of abnormality' (quote?? forgot) and the only productive action possible is to ward of robbers....
May I ask which lines / reading keeps you in this or sound so positive you cannot believe?

yours,
Fallada

53.3 and letting go of expectations.. yes things are always different.

Now for the moment, one year later.. things do not always go as we expect them to go. I have been humbled by the IChing the past year. I learned that you cannot trust words, even those from someone you love. She told me and tells me that she loves me but I feel an island in the ocean. Iching 54 hexagram, coming second as second..
Next the follow up on the story. The husband got 'ill' and she has decided to stay till the end.
He might loose his job as a driver in a year's time and as he is no intellectual, without further qualifications this might be a serious blow to the household. I wish none this sort of thing.
Things are complicated. Life is. I let it go and want to live day by day, honoring what is in front of me.
She still thinks of me a lot, she tells me, but has returned to what she loves in familylife, eating, drinking, holidays with one or more of her older kids. She is always working and doing things. The marital life is as it it was, on and off. Both irregular workhours. Marriage a comfortzone and a way of life. Is that bad? No, it is a choice.
People just want different kind of securities. Material, and emotional, and psychological and spiritual. In a marriage there can be material and emotional, and even part psychological security. To go to a higher lever you need to live from your heart and your inner core, essence, Tao, the Light. If that is not there, then life is 'grey' within.
The last year learned me to live without great expectations. I am not the master of fate.
Other relationships are difficult. I have tried, but every time I am thinking about her.. and my heart is numb. But I revere life and the Flow, Tao.. God. Anyhow, the learning experience of my life.

"Trouble with lines like 53.3 is that our mind immediately starts to invent possible scenarios and evaluates them: right, wrong, impossible, holy, painful, trallalalaa.... Usually none of these scripts come true. 53.3 is 'the tao of abnormality' (quote?? forgot) and the only productive action possible is to ward of robbers...."

I have been looking through threads about 53.3 and came on this from you, it home home, bullseye.
Thank you!