Hi everyone,

I am very new to I Ching... I try to "decode" the hexagrams through reading, asking my gfs who are equally new to I Ching & comparing my stories with the postings here but recently it is getting more and more confusing. Sometimes I feel I can relate to the hexagrams, most of the times it's just confusing.*

I sincerely hope some Masters or members here could help me understand the following hexagrams better or share with me their past experience on these hexagrams.*

Thank you very much!!

So my story goes like this...*

My ex bf came back to look for me after we were separated for 12yrs. We were in a long distant relationship (LDRS) back then. We are still living in different country now.

He told me he didn't love me so I left him... *I got married, had a child & got divorced 2yrs back. He flew over to attend my wedding & I thought he had moved on after we broke up.

During these 12yrs, he would call me during Christmas or New Year to say hi. I'd text him on his birthday. That's all.

We started texting almost everyday after I texted him on his birthday last year. He told me he has never gotten over me, never left me & that he still loves me. He wanted to meet me, I was hesitant & confused... How could he still love me after 12yrs? The reason we broke up was because he told me he didn't love.*

We continued texting each other everyday for half a year, finally after much thoughts & persuading from him, I finally plucked up the courage & agreed to meet him again for the first time aft 12yrs separation. We met up in another country for a holiday.

After we came back from our vacation, he became cold and distant but he dismissed that & said I overreacted. It has been half a year now after we met.*

During this half year, we had frequent arguments... Finally in Aug, he told me he couldn't accept my child. He wants me to leave my child. That's not negotiable to me, I will never do that.

I knew he hated children 12yrs ago but before our met up, he insisted that he likes children all these while... He told me he understands that we have a child now. He even said he wants to have children with me too.*

I am confused to his sudden change so I consulted IC

I asked IC...

(1) Does he love me?
(2) Does he want me or not?
I received the same H6 L3 for both questions.

(3) Is he willing to accept my child now?
H18 L5

(4) Is this LDRS going to work out?
H13 L6

(5) What does he want from me?
H54 L4

(6) Does he have intention of marrying me?
H37 L2

Thanks for reading, please leave your comments.

Hi KittyCat,

I'm really sorry you are having a such a tough time....I will try to hep you with some of your questions (not all unfortunately, I find some of them quite confusing). But I warn you, there are better diviners than me on this site. That said, if I start the ball rolling, maybe the other more experienced diviners may pitch in an help me see where I could be going wrong

Ok, here goes.

What does he want from me? Yi said: 54.4>19

Well, it's seems that he wants you to be some kind of subordinate, as 54 is about taking second place. Hex 44 which is the relating hexagram in both answers to Questions 1 and 2 has reference to power, passion, temptation and/or an array of strong feelings. These can also be of a sensual or sexual nature as in the passions of 54. However in 44 the image is of a person who has power, but by all accounts should not really be able to wield such power.

That said, 54.4 is possibly about him wanting you to make a choice as to whether you will back down, approach him and subordinate to him and his will. I am not suggesting this is complete manipulation, it doesn't have to be, but nevertheless, seems to me at the time you asked that question at least, that he wants you to make a choice and decide to choose him as the husband figure in your life.

Does he maybe feel secondary to your child? Just a thought.....

19 also has connotations to being second place. However, in Hex 19 I certainly wouldn't equate it to the same degree as in 54. And certainly not comparable to 44.


Is this LDRS going to work out? Yi Said: 13.6>49

Yes, it could, but not without alot of work. 13.6 suggest you lack closeness at the moment.

Is he willing to accept my child now?
18.5>57

Not immediately, but yes and with some effort and help maybe from you or from someone more qualified to help he will be able to confront the reasons why he has a problem with children in the first place. This likely comes from somewhere in his past. Something that he hasn't dealt with. But yes, he CAN do it. And will if he wants to.... sure.

Really, the immediate questions that make all others worthwhile are Questions 1 and 2.

"Does he love me?" And "Does he want me or not?"

Does he love me? I fine yes/no questions difficult to answer. Yes no Questions are easiest answered by the person who threw the oracle in the first place. However, I'm not a believer in not asking them. I always say ask want you want, just be prepared to hear the answer. So here goes: "Does he love me?"

Yi said 6.3>44 Aaaaaah I think this answer is to you!!! And I quote "It can happen that such a possession may be contested, but since it is really one's own, one cannot be robbed of it. Whatever a man possesses through the strength of his own nature cannot be lost."

Yi may well be talking to you directly through this passage. And if you think about it Questions 1 and 2 are essentially the same. Yi is definitely trying to tell you something here. Please read the text in the hexagram and see if any of it sparks or resonates with you. I'll be interested to see what you think!

Also 6.3 says. Danger. In the end, good fortune comes.

I'm curious to know how you feel about whether he loves you or not. You know, regardless of how someone may treat you, or how many arguments you may have...it is not always about whether they love you or not. I used to believe these things were black and white. You see I think sometimes the better question is about your potential together. I have loved people before that I couldn't bare to be in a room with for more than 5 mins at a time . The fact the make me crazy didn't mean I didnt love them! Love is not just an ability.... Sometimes.... Love itself can be obscured by pain and other things that lie deep in the past.

I sincerely hope I have helped.

If I have said anything you disagree with or that will enlighten me in some way... please let me know! I'm learning like you after all and I'm sure to have missed some things!

Much love to you Kittykat and good fortune too,

Moses

Hi Moses,

Thank you so so much for taking time to reply me... I was worried nobody is going to respond...

(1) & (2) H6.3
Yes, I feel Yi is definitely talking to me directly & wants me to understand H6.3 cos I asked these 2 questions 10days apart & the same H6 & most strangely the same line was given to me.*

So does he love me or not?

"It can happen that such a possession may be contested, but since it is really one's own, one cannot be robbed of it. Whatever a man possesses through the strength of his own nature cannot be lost."

This phrase feels like Yi is telling me I need not worry too much abt it because if it's mine, it will be mine. If he loves me, he will always love me... If we are fated to be together we will be ...*

"Hex 44 which is the relating hexagram in both answers to Questions 1 and 2 has reference to power, passion, temptation and/or an array of strong feelings. These can also be of a sensual or sexual nature as in the passions of 54. However in 44 the image is of a person who has power, but by all accounts should not really be able to wield such power. "

Right now, I feel Yi is saying 'He has very strong feelings for me. He could be more attracted to me physically than love me. He might want to possess me because he feels I left him for another man... which isn't true. I left because he told me he didn't love me 12 years ago.'

I am still trying to figure why 'Danger'
... So many things are running through my mind...*

Danger because I am doubtful towards his feelings for me & he claimed he is depressed & suicidal now because I cheated on him & left him for another man & had a child... But that's not true, I left because he said he didn't love me 12years ago & I thought it was over. (we argued a lot on this)

Danger could also mean if I didn't seek help from someone, something horrible might happen...?

I am really not sure at this moment, only time will tell... Will update again...

(5) What does he want from me?
H54 L4> H19

"Does he maybe feel secondary to your child? Just a thought..."

Sometimes I do feel he could be jealous of my child.

H19 -*(http://www.oracle-of-love.info/olbulk/hex19.html)

I feel maybe he just wants me to submit to him now, choose him, commit to him and most importantly trust him then we can slowly start to love each other again in future.

But what does H54 'secondary place' mean... Why does he put me at secondary place? Does he have someone else...? He wants me as his second wife, I am puzzled.

I am really confused, scared & find it impossible to trust him completely now... until I am certain his feelings towards me is genuine and he genuinely find it in his heart to accept my child then I will be able to submit & commit to him.

I love him and my child. I am devastated by his proposal to abandon my child to be with him.*

(3) & (4)
H18 L5 & H13.6 gives me hope...*

H18.5 & H19 makes me feel perhaps I should help him understand more abt my child & children in general. They haven't met each other yet. Maybe I should let them get know each other first.*

(6) Does he have intention of marrying me?
H37 L2

H37 L2 gives me comfort, I am not sure if I interpreted H37 L2 correctly but I think L2 of H37 (Family) means wife.

kittycat said:

(5) What does he want from me?
H54 L4

Click to expand...

He wants you to delay making a decision about getting married or not.

You know, this man is extremely inconsistent. Sometimes he is warm and at other times he is cold and distant. Twelve years ago he said he didn't love you but later he said he never stopped loving you. He said he liked children and then he said he didn't like them. These are important issues that he is inconsistent on, not little things.

My personal opinion is that he doesn't know his own mind or he keeps changing his mind. Does he expect you to put up with that? Apparently he does expect you to love him anyway ... You would have to be an angel to accept this without saying something. Also, maybe he is not reliable, either. How would it be for you to be married to a man who is so inconsistent and maybe unreliable? No wonder you feel confused.

Thanks Ginnie, you're right his inconsistency scares me a lot!

Some people are inconsistent by nature and just expect other people to tiptoe around them. People like that drive me crazy! I think they are irresponsible. But if someone is inconsistent and knows it is a fault or character flaw, that would be different. It would make a difference to me if someone said, "I know I'm not consistent and sometimes contradict myself, but I'm working on it."

Hi again KittyKat,

Yes.... true....Inconsistency in anyone is a most scary thing indeed. And the idea that anyone can suggest that you abandon a child to be with them certainly suffers from issues not least deep insecurity.

Nevertheless, I think it quite important that we don't either perform a character assassination or try to be psychiatrists. I think to stick to answering the questions is the prime directive. Lets face it, no one is without there inconsistencies or issues/fears/insecurities.

One of the keys to the Yi Jing, in my humble opinion, is to ask the right questions.

How can I communicate better with him? How can we create success together? What can I do to build trust? What is is the potential of our relationship? What do I really want from him? Questions that bring us into the realms of responsibility. God knows, I have asked them all And it was all part of the process! And a valuable process too! But in the end we want to empower, both ourselves an others.

Talk to Yi. See what Yi may have to say. And come back and talk it through if you wish.

But I think when you start to move through these questions, you fears will subside and you will become clearer and more secure. Gradually the way forward will be more apparent and you will understand more and more about your situation.

And remember relationships never consist of one person. Even a relationship with the self doesn't come without some work.

Love to the 3 of you,

Moses

Thanks Ginnie, I understand what you mean... I hate inconsistent & irresponsible behavior too.*

I still have strong feelings for him and not ready to give up yet. I love him a lot 12 years ago... I just feel its not everyday you get a second chance, I treasure this 2nd chance very much... after 12 years we finally meet again, it brings back lots of fond memories. I am not ready to give up without trying...*

Now I want to give him the benefit of the doubts, I*don't want to rush things.

If H54 means he wants me to delay making a decision about getting married... Then there could be a possibility*he is working things out on his own & he hopes I could give him some time to adjust & work things out on his own? I am guessing. I feel it wouldn't be easy *for him either, it could be equally confusing for him as it is for me now. I don't know...Things are always easier said than done.

H18 L5 did mention that he could be having some "issues" from childhood that leads him to possibly fear raising children.

I did ask Yi:

(7) I'm very sad & confused now, what should I do?
H29 L2

http://www.oracle-of-love.info/olbulk/hex29.html

I think Yi is telling me not to overreact to a situation and make sure not allow an argument to become violent or depressive and to avoid emotional outbursts. Maybe because he is really depressed now & need time to sort things through.

So I guess now I will just take things as it comes and see what how he is going to fix this mess cause abandons my child is not an option.

Oh I wanted to send a 'Thank' to you and Moses for your reply & advice but I can't find the 'Thank' button beside the reply button as stated on the 'How I Ching Community Work', has that button being removed?

Hi Moses,

Thanks for the questions, I really needed them! Sometimes I sit there wanting to ask Yi a question but I get so confused and depressed I couldn't phrase my question properly.

Thanks.

Love and Good Fortune to You too!

I read a lot of negative comments on H6, is it really a negative hexagram? This question might sound silly (I'm a total beginner) but how do we know if it is a positive or negative hexagram? is there any books or site where I can read more other than just read up on the interpretation of the hexagrams?

Please advice, thanks.

Hi KittyKat,

I wouldn't say there were any "negative" hexagrams per se.

There are surely some that are more auspicious than others. For relationship and so on. It surely depends on where you are standing. That said, if you are looking to reconcile or to come together with someone, you'd surely want to feel good after a reading. But to be honest, I've had readings that look good and then I research them and I don't feel quite as great about it all..And vice versa....

My advice to you is to tap into your own intuition about it... If it feels good, go with that feeling.... Act, or don't act as the case may be, on that feeling and try to carry it with you.

I don't think I can tell you what is right for you. I can maybe give you a hint. Spark off an idea or something like that, but at the end of the day that reading is yours. For me, or anyone else, to project onto you and your life is somewhat arrogant in my opinion.

My take on it is that the oracle tells you what YOU need to hear or know. Its for you. Its great if someone else can help shed light on it. But if what they tell you doesn't feel right to you, don't go with it! No matter how positive your intuition tells you it is, go with that. Because essentially it probably is that positive, whether sooner or later. You know? I hope you get what I'm saying. I'll probably not me speaking for the rest of the forum, but then I don't mean to be either. That's my take from my experience, take it or leave it. I am certainly not force feeding it to you. (or anyone else)

Does that answer your question? Hope so!

Go with the positive. The universe is always in constant flux. Constant change! If something reads negative to you it may be. But it doesn't mean thing can't change or be changed, one way or another. And I think the Yi Jing is all about having a glimpse in order to change things for the better, right? Otherwise why bother?

Also.....The mind is a funny thing. Most powerful indeed. A good positive mindset will take you to some incredible places.

Steel your mind.

Sincerely,

Moses