So, I don't know if anyone will answer this because I think I have driven you guys nuts, but I'm a bit confused so here it is. I really want to know if X read the email my husband sent and if it affected anything. I don't want to push him for a decision or anything, just want to know whats happening. I should trust that he will let me know his decision, he won't just blow me off, but after everything that has happend with my husband, my trust factor is a little low.

I asked how would X react if I called him? I got 12 to 42. Its the 42 that is throwing me. 12 with the moving lines seems to be pretty straight forward that I should not call him, but 42 is increase. I am not sure if it is giving me advice that will bring increase or if it saying I will increase the standstill by calling him or if there is something else I am missing. Sorry I have been such a pain with all this. It just seems like everytime I am ready to relax and go with the flow, something else happens to interupt that flow. I've actually come close a couple of times to just telling X to forget it, that I could not deal with this right now, but then I ask myself do I want to let go of a potentially good thing just because I have so many bad things happening, and the answer is no. Appreciate any comments, suggestions. thanks.

dear Seeker,

you say that you want to go with the flow yet everytime life throws another wrench in the works you make it an excuse for not doing it. it is easy to go with the flow when all is already perfectly calm but the real test lies in your ability to remain steady when all hell's breaking loose around you

12>42 says that calling X to simply satisfy your own personal worries and concerns because of a lack of trust is a mistake. if you are calling to benefit him (ie. to just ask how his day is going) by all means go right ahead, but based on the way you've been feeling you really would be lying to yourself if you said that was the reason

trust is a big factor in all relationships and it is earned over time not demanded because you feel insecure. and you simply cannot enter into relationship with anyone if that critical element is missing and then expect that the relationship stands a chance

you clearly don't know enough about X yet to even know if he is mature enough to deal with any of this, how can you possibly trust him? you are pushing for this relationship too hard and too fast, considering that you have not even given yourself the chance to properly end the relationship you are in right now. ending a relationship is not just about signing divorce papers and moving into different homes. divorce means evaluating the nature of the relationship that is ending so that you can move ahead into another relationship confidently knowing that it will be different than what you've had before

you might want to read some of my thoughts (as Dharma) on the subject of love and relationships on the following thread: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/messages/92/2018.html?1082754153

at the very least, scroll down to Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 05:35 pm

Seeker, i'm sorry if this comes across too harsh. i understand that this is a really difficult time for you, yet you need to see that many of your difficulties right now are self-induced. you've got to stop tying yourself up into so many knots all at the same time. be kind to yourself and take a break from needing anyone for anything. true peace is not attained through another person, it lies within your Self, and you'll only experience it if you care to take the journey in there. from someone who's taken the journey, it's the highest form of respect and the grandest gift you will ever offer yourself

Actually, I appreciate what you have said and it has made me think. I will say my relationship with my husband is over, and it is not because he filed for divorce and is moving out. It is because of the things he has done, because he stopped contributing to our relationship and so it died. I spent months in counseling figuring that out. It was over when I met X, I just didn't want to see it.

You have also made me realize that I am being unfair to X. I am letting the problems with my husband, the ways he has broken my trust, make me insecure about others, including X. X hasn't done anything to ever suggest that I could not trust him or that he is playing me. A friend suggested that that might even be the reason he has not contacted me. That maybe he realized the other night how tempting it would be to be with me while he decides, so he is staying away so as not to mislead me and also not to confuse himself. X has always shown himself to be "the superior man". I just have to have more faith in that. If he doesn't turn out to be the man I think he is, then I haven't really lost anything. Thanks for the help.

Dear Seeker,

I think that what Demitramn has just told you makes a lot of sense.
By analysing your readings in your other thread, there are some things that strike me immediately.

You have asked ?What do I need to do now regarding X?? and got 32.3

Hex 32 third moving line describes someone who is unstable within, whose life is laking in direction. The person depends on others and is swept along by external influences. Humiliating and distressing experiences are the inevitable result.

The answer is ? First and foremost, you should gain some control on your feelings and emotions. Pull yourself together and do not be overwhelmed by despair.

Hex 19 fifth moving line is also talking to you about self-restraint. A wise person allows others to act without too much interference and carefully selects those he-she is to be involved with.

As to your ex-husband ?represented by Hex 7 third line- I think he is probably going to continue with the same course of action since the ?command has been usurped by others?, which might mean his hatred and desire for revenge.

Honestly, I think you should spend some time being quiet and reflective. And heed the Yi advice.

Hope it helps.

All the best,
Mirian

Something else occurred to me. Several times I have gotten spiritual transformation in relation to X. I wonder if this is part of that. This experience is testing my strength of self and is maybe a lesson in learning to trust someone outside of myself. I've always been a take the bull by the horns, go after what I want kind of person. Maybe too, this is a lesson in letting go of control, that sometimes you have to let things happen as they will. If I can manage to do that, it will be a huge self-development. Keeping still has never been my strong suit. I think I will set a short term goal and go from there.

I've realized too that I may be using this as a distraction. Not knowing what he will do is difficult, but it is far easier than dealing with my husbands ever increasing animosity or trying to figure out what we are going to tell our daughter (we decided on tomorrow night for the big talk with her). I think I have put so much energy into this because at least there is the possibility of a positive outcome. I've used it as a crutch, a way not to focus on the real problems.

I do disagree with one thing you said though. When I said everytime I am ready to go with the flow the flow gets interrupted, what I meant was that everytime I adjust to the situation, everytime I come to grips with everything going on, there is yet another thing to deal with. I was referring to creating calm within myself, despite what is going on around me. I did not mean to suggest that I was able to go with the flow because things had calmed down. It was me who had calmed down, and it took a lot of effort. Believe me, all hell is breaking loose, that has not changed for some time, regardless of whether I am going with the flow or not.