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Growing pains? 37.1.4> 33, 11.5>5, 53.2.5>18

Yasmin

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Im stunned about this situation, and could use some external feedback. Long term friendship, evolved through many phases to a love relationship, with passion :) Then when we got serious, there was a minor misunderstanding, and a new infatuation suddenly appeared in his life overnight! But he says he loves me and doesnt want to lose me. Huh. Confused or what? My feeling is the foundations are strong, but despite what he thinks, he's not ready for a serious relationship. Obviously, the only course of action for me is to retreat for now. But is this the end? I'm strangely convinced we have a shot at real happiness together. It feels more like growing pains.

Can the yi give me an overview of the situation? 37.1.4>33 . Family duties- divorced single dad. lines say something about structure and roles need to be defined (37.1) And the woman being the core of the household (37.4) Maybe he got scared, commitment with me raises a lot of family structure issues. And I am retreating not in anger but with dignity (33)

So asked, I am retreating, but is this a permanent defeat? 11.5>5. My reading is that i need to bide my time (5), the small depart, the great arrive (11) relationship prospects still there (11.5).

I asked a somewhat biased question: is this a necessary phase in the progress of our relationship? And got 53.2.5> 18. Gradual progress (53) good description of our relationship so far. I see this as there was feasting and joy (53.2) then I was misunderstood and a 3rd party insinuated herself, but eventually things will get cleared up. it could take time (i hope not 3 years!).(53.5) And damage is being repaired (18).

I may be in denial, but my feeling is this infatuation a flash in the pan, though who knows how long it will take to burn itself out. That in time,a relationship is possible, if I will still want to give it a try... Time will tell.

Any alternative views?
 

ginnie

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I think you are basically correct in your interpretations. I would add that he seems rather immature and that for this relationship to mature properly will take time. But you sound like a very forgiving and patient sort of person, so I think it will work out okay in the long run.
:)
 

Yasmin

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Some feedback 3 years later. The infatuation was indeed a flash in the pan. But he has a mood disorder which makes relationships difficult...we discussed it honestly, and we remain friends. And even if we only get in touch a few times a year, it is a meaningful connection, with real friendship and affection.

I can see how 37.1.4 >33 played out: we feel like family, I set firm boundaries (37.1) and am managing the relationship for the best (37.4) by withdrawing (33). I am detached enough to stand my ground with love, not anger or hurt (very 33)

11.5 could just be the deep mutual fondness. It feels serene and harmonious.

I can see the very slow gradualness of 53. It did take 3 years to arrive at the current equilibrium by slowly building up to a mutual understanding. At first he was keen to resume our relationship and very angry with me for withdrawing. I had to be firm, sometimes sharp, there were periods of silence, interspersed with small discussions, no major epiphany, just little exchanges sometimes several months apart, each bringing us a step closer to finding a balance. In this case, the end result is an enduring friendship, but not marriage.

The context of 18 is obvious: damage that needs repairing. I'm afraid that treatment may not be possible for him, but I have grown a lot from this experience, so 18 played out for me. And that eventually helped repair our relationship within limits.
 
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