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Chasms & Compulsion: 29uc & 44 > 43

mezzamare

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Hi everyone,

I've been thinking a lot on a peculiar friendship in my life, trying all at once to make sense of past, present and (potential) future interactions with this person. We were "involved" in a romantic sense nearly 15 years ago, but still speak to each other on occasion. We were close, then had much distance over the years, but the cord was never cut completely.

A mutual friend of ours died last year, which seems (among other reasons) to have instigated us to talk to each other more. I am married and not interested in a romantic relationship, but still have love for him on a person-to-person level.

While I'm glad to see our connection strengthening, at the same time I feel somewhat uneasy about it. The years spent with this person were among some of the worst in my life. Not entirely because of them, but because of a number of personal issues I was dealing with at the time. However, the dynamic between the two of us hardly helped.

Looking for another perspective, I asked Yi:

What do I want from this relationship?: 29 unchanging.

My instinct on getting this answer was that I seem to (perversely?) want to revisit the past with this person. Almost as if I didn't learn my lesson the first time around. But that answer seems so powerless to me. Of course, that's how I feel sometimes.

Why do I want this?: 44.1.6 > 43

From this I get a vague picture of seeking out some sort of temporary respite, a diversion. Almost like I'm focusing on this to the detriment of other things. I'm unclear how Breakthrough works into this, though.

Obviously, my emotions run really high in this situation, and I am looking for, well, clarity. I walked through this so blindly last time, I don't want to do this again. And things are so charged with this person, I feel like I have to be careful. The Yi keeps telling me over and over again (in other readings) that there's danger here, but I can't get my head around it... can't tell what's just residue from a difficult past, and what's actually present in the NOW.

Thanks for input and perspectives!
-m
 

meng

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Funny, I was thinking only a little bit ago about an old friend from school days; a best friend, but one who used me for his own popularity. Still, our shared experiences were life influencing, even to the extent of taking his date off his hands because he'd met another girl and double dated himself. Being a horny sailor, home on leave, hell yeah I'll take her off his hands. I didn't know it would be for over three decades. But that's not close to half. And it's not only him. I am gullible and tend to take people at their word, and of course that's naive.

When I read your answer to your story, it made perfect sense: repetition of danger... these people probably represent a piece of our life that we've neglected to deal with and learn from, and so we must repeat it. And if we turn our back on it, it comes back in another form for awhile, again and again until we get it. Getting it is, rather than grasping it, just a matter of surrendering to it. It's hold on us are as tight as our hold on them.

A new friend and guitar tech was nervous about taking his AZ motorcycle test after he was finished with working on a couple guitar. I had 29 in my head, and kept telling him him, relax, you'll do great! He emailed me early this morning, saying he'd passed! He hadn't ridden in a few years, and out of the blue traded up to a sweet Harley. Kind of like re-meeting an old friend, but one who is potentially dangerous. Hey, some like it that way.
 

mezzamare

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Meng,

Thanks so very much for your reply. What you wrote really resonated with me, and made me think. Particularly the story about your friend and his motorcycle... makes me think of LiSe's translation for 29, which embraces both the freeing/creative possibilities of 29 as well as the darker sides of them. Wilhelm can be kind of a nervous nelly sometimes, I think.

And you're right. There's a choice inherent in how we face 29, I guess. I've been so rigid in this that it's been tending toward being brittle. It's not all or nothing between control and helplessness, however much I'd like to assume toward the contrary.

Anyways, I asked Yi about approaching the situation carefully, entering slowly and picking my way through... in other words, making a choice to go through and experience this, but with a good head on my shoulders and more awareness this time around. It's worth exploring because the draw between us (on a more spiritual level) is very strong.

I got 49.6 > 13, which is good, and extra auspicious because I have received 13 consistently as an answer to various questions about what we both are really meant to get out of a friendship.

Thanks for your thoughts, it is deeply appreciated!

-m
 

rodaki

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I came across this quote the other day, that made me think of hx 29 . . it was written by Karen Blixen and said that 'the cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea'. It's like 29, it can make you built up your strength, tear you down, or replenish you. I think the word of caution with any of the three (and with 29) is to not get too tied up to things that can drag you down, so keep your eyes on that thin beam of light that will bring you out of it, again . . 29 can be fine imo, if only you don't get too caught up in it (see line 6)


take care! :)
 

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