Dear Wizards of SixLines, I'm asking again for help sorting through this changing situation.

Checking back through my posts here since January, they all have to do with this relationship. Would love your help one more time, as we seem to have changed direction altogether.

My partner/friend/ex-lover "J" and I have been together 22 months, first half was wonderful, the most recent half, an emotional roller coaster. We are working on a book together...I have time, he did not, as his counseling job was a nightmare of stress. We prayed that when the new owner took over, J would get laid off. It finally happened last week. Hooray? Not even slightly.

J went into full retreat. Surly to me. Yesterday he went off by himself to the lake, but before he went we did have a talk. I said I was ready to quit, only the book would keep me in this relationship. He said he really and truly wanted to stay friends. To work on book. But needed to get away alone. OK. Fair enough. Today, I find myself feeling better than I have for a long, long time. Peace, tranquillity, no anxiety, no pressure to fit into his schedule. Even my cat is more relaxed. Life seems fine. And yet... there are some areas of uncertainty.

I asked, What's REally Going On Here? 23.2 > 4

Sounds like a total dead end to me.

I then asked, Can I Count on His Help with the Book? 8.3 > 39

I'm holding together with the wrong people? But this book is based in large part on his material and certainly on his input. Obstruction? Maybe he really does not want to stay involved with the project, tho he swears that he does.

Big sigh. I then asked for an assessment of "What's the best thing for me now?

16 unchanging. Enthusiasm.

LiSe says Weaving Big Images ( like writing a book) . Oh my. At my best, I'm a poster child for enthusiasm, for optimism, for pulling groups together, for lighting up a room, for getting books -- even a lot of books-- finished. It's hard to get THAT me into J's orbit without running out of gas, as he's been so down.

I'm quite willing to work on his serious topic because it needs to be taken on and I am the one to do it because my personal and professional history is an exact fit. A glaring hole in the market exists. We should do well. I just don't know whether I have enough of a charge to light him up enough to get past whatever his/my/our obstruction is -- maybe fear of success.? Failure? I have had those 16 moments with this project...but not lately. Sabotage suspected.

Maybe 16 is telling me just to do my own thing and forget about him? I have a Big Image of my own to write as well. Been sitting on the back burner far too long.

Look forward to your comments, oh Wizards of Clarity.

I got booted from the Wizard academy; my gargoyle ate my homework. But because you're nice, I'll give this a go.

First I want to hone in on 8.3. Wrong people can mean wrong place (as in a recent post of a missing file), literally people who do not further your purpose, or it can and often does refer to a wrong attitude or perspective within ourselves, which meaning 39 relating supports. This also implies that your perspective of your first reading of 23.2-4 wasn't entirely accurate. So let's look at that a moment.

I'd read 4 as saying: I really don't know, so strip the determination to grasp it (and thereby control it) as though it is something to be grasped. It'll only strip your "peace, tranquillity, no anxiety, no pressure" experience.

The Heisman Principle?

meng said:

I got booted from the Wizard academy; my gargoyle ate my homework. But because you're nice, I'll give this a go.

I want to hone in on 8.3. Wrong people can mean wrong place (as in a recent post of a missing file), literally people who do not further your purpose, or it can and often does refer to a wrong attitude or perspective within ourselves, which meaning 39 relating supports.

Click to expand...

I had to think about that for awhile. Perhaps the "wrong people" part means the labels, aspects, (perspectives) we've focussed on: lovers, friends. Instead, creative partnership can be the main reason we're together. I'd really have to feed my doubts and fears to your gargoyle to pull that off. Do you rent him out?

Thinking of labels, Limping might be a better term for this particular 39 than obstruction. At least there's forward motion.

meng said:

...also implies that your perspective of your first reading of 23.2-4 wasn't entirely accurate. So let's look at that a moment.

I'd read 4 as saying: I really don't know, so strip the determination to grasp it (and thereby control it) as though it is something to be grasped. It'll only strip your "peace, tranquillity, no anxiety, no pressure" experience.

Click to expand...

Uncertainty should rock my world? (head whirling). Who does Heisenberg think he is anyway? I'm hoping for Heisman and get Heisenberg? I just wanted to KNOW the score. LOL. In Alanon, that surely qualifies as a character defect.

Reminds me of having I Ching done by monks in a Buddhist temple in Fiji many years ago. My question was, Should I focus on my career or my relationship? After solemn meditation, yarrow stalk machinations, much incense burning, they respectfully told me "It doesn't matter; you'll be fine." And I was.

Thanks so much for working thru this for me, meng. You and your gargoyle are the best. :bows:

poised said:

I had to think about that for awhile. Perhaps the "wrong people" part means the labels, aspects, (perspectives) we've focussed on: lovers, friends. Instead, creative partnership can be the main reason we're together. I'd really have to feed my doubts and fears to your gargoyle to pull that off. Do you rent him out?

Thinking of labels, Limping might be a better term for this particular 39 than obstruction. At least there's forward motion.

Click to expand...

I agree with the first part, labels, defining a relationship as being this or that specifically. Kids role play a lot, but it's make believe. For real they're just friends, a brother from another mother. It's more fun to be spontaneous and not worry about what to call it. It's definitely more conducive to creativity, to not be bound by a definition. Just be.

I differ in 39 containing forward motion. I don't particularly care for Limping. The reason water turns back upon itself is because something is obstructing the flow. That creates a chain of events, but it begins with being thrust back upon yourself. Or, someone else or some thing obstructing your forward momentum. hmmm.... have you thought of writing it solo?

Who does Heisenberg think he is anyway?

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I don't know but he makes a great beer. And didn't he invent that anti-choking maneuver? Those crazy physicists; children, all.

Reminds me of having I Ching done by monks in a Buddhist temple in Fiji many years ago. My question was, Should I focus on my career or my relationship? After solemn meditation, yarrow stalk machinations, much incense burning, they respectfully told me "It doesn't matter; you'll be fine." And I was.

Click to expand...

LOL! Love it.

Thanks so much for working thru this for me, meng. You and your gargoyle are the best. :bows:

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My pleasure. Oh, my gargoyle has been with my ex through her bardo, at least that was my last command to him. But he's capable of being in at least two places at a given time, so one never knows which bush he's hiding behind.

meng said:

....I differ in 39 containing forward motion. I don't particularly care for Limping. The reason water turns back upon itself is because something is obstructing the flow. That creates a chain of events, but it begins with being thrust back upon yourself. Or, someone else or some thing obstructing your forward momentum. hmmm.... have you thought of writing it solo?

Click to expand...

Not going to write it solo. I told him that the fire has to come from him, which originally it did, but he has not followed through. I'm all air (that gemini thing) and can do marvelous things with his fire. But truly, I do not want to work on this alone. Any heat I generate is for my own ideas, not his. So maybe I'm the one obstructing progress - 39 - In any event, his absence has "thrust me back on myself" at several levels. Entertaining the idea of dropping the project, the man, the whole shebang. Feels good, it does. With a soupçon of guilt, of course.

meng said:

don't know but he makes a great beer. And didn't he invent that anti-choking maneuver? Those crazy physicists; children, all.

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meng, you're so quick on the uptake, my gemini twin.

meng said:

My pleasure. Oh, my gargoyle has been with my ex through her bardo, at least that was my last command to him. But he's capable of being in at least two places at a given time, so one never knows which bush he's hiding behind.

Click to expand...

An enchanting thought, sending your gargoyle off to serve, protect, entertain and love your ex. Lovely, really.

Thanks again for your time and attention....you seem to be the only wizard willing to pick through this pile of yarn with me. :bows:

Marching along,

So just on a whim I asked, What will happen if I don't do the book?
7.5.6 > 59

Looks very much to me like we're going to do the book. Big sigh. Should be just about this much fun:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83bmsluWHZc

I get the same impression from your reading. Things need to warm up and dissolve between you before you can come together on this project, I think. His isolation needs to dissolve, as does any cause or reason for it. Same with yourself. When cause is stripped, so is effect. Go build some temples together, some works, some evidence of life beyond the gate.

Meanwhile you can sew uniforms, sharpen a few pick-axes and gather fuel for the torches.

meng said:

I get the same impression from your reading. ...Things need to warm up and dissolve between you before you can come together on this project, I think. His isolation needs to dissolve, as does any cause or reason for it. Same with yourself. When cause is stripped, so is effect. Go build some temples together, some works, some evidence of life beyond the gate.

Meanwhile you can sew uniforms, sharpen a few pick-axes and gather fuel for the torches.

Click to expand...

Indeed. He is at his temple now, hopefully regaining his fire. Rather magical guy on a good day, actually.

And I need to get down to Moscow to see the Alexander teacher ..on a good day, my spirit rises up my spine. (Fuel for the torches.) Could use a little help with it now.

Thank you again, oh astute one.