Some time ago I separated from my partner. We resolved all common matters with the exception of our apartment. The first idea was that we would sell it and split the money in two, but in the middle of crisis it's very difficult as almost no one is interested in buying. So now I suggested I could take a loan and buy him out, so that the whole place would be mine. I was told in my bank that I could get the money. But, now my partner says he wants more money than I want to give him. I checked the actual prices of apartments in our area and I think I made him a fair offer, but he imagines the place could be sold for at least 20% more. The problem is that if we wait I may be short of money because I'm just starting my new company and at the same time I won't get any money from my bank, because I won't have anything to use as a security. And if we don't I may have to pay him much more money than the place is worth.

So I asked I Ching what should I do about my apartment and got 23.6 to 2. Does it mean I should wait?

What should I do about my apartment?
23.6 > 2

Instead of passively waiting, ask for an agreement with your ex. Let him attempt to sell the apartment for his price. If he is unable to do so in six months, then he accepts your original offer. If he were to sell the apartment at a 20% premium, then you would be 10% better off. Somehow you need to reduce the uncertainty in this situation, and you may need the advice of a lawyer. New businesses may take years to become profitable, so I think it could be very risky to be paying off a loan on a residence at the same time. You do not want to be in a situation where you could lose everything.

Thanks, Pocossin!

Well, it's not that easy because I really need money at the moment, and the idea was to take a loan, pay my ex off, and have some money for start in the meantime and a place to live. Without it I'm destitute or homeless or both, I can't afford waiting 6 months, nor can he, because he has debts. His mother died last year and left him her debts to pay, which has also strained my financial situation. In the meantime, apartment prices are on a slide, so we're actively losing money by waiting.

As to my solution, it's executable only now. If we wait six months the bank won't give me the loan, which is why it's so important to me, because it's my only chance to start anew.

For now, I turned the tables. I told him I can agree to take the kind of offer I made him. This way he can sell the place as he pleases without taking my opinion into consideration, as long as he pays me X money when he does. I really don't think I'll lose on it because, as I said, apartments get cheaper and cheaper.

The problem is it may take much longer and I need money to survive. Well, we'll see what he says.

I decided to ask two more question because, indeed, I can't be sure that buying the apartment is the thing I should do. I feel it's a good decision, but it's better to ask. So I asked:

What will happen if I decide to buy the apartment? 3.1.2 to 29
What will happen if I decide to sell the apartment? 54 unchanging

Which choice is better?

Sylwia, I am still stuck on 23.6 > 2, and perhaps someone else will respond to your additional castings. Surely you realize how ominous 23.6 is in your situation. The line implies that only a strictly ethical orientation is advantageous. You are dealing with legal matters that I do not understand. For example, Is your name on the title to the apartment? This is crucial because otherwise you have no clear claim to equity (a share) in the apartment. You hope to use this equity to live on and to finance your business, but banks loan money (mortgage property) on the basis of legal documents. As to your ex's responsibility for his mother's debts, generally a child is not responsible for the debts of a deceased parent. Debts owed by a deceased parent are paid out of the parent's estate, and if the estate will not cover them, the debts are not paid in full. According to my understanding of the law, your ex cannot be compelled to pay his mother's debts, but the law in your country may be different. I hope you will take the warning in 23.6 to heart and will act as ethically as possible.

Dear Pocossin,

thank you for your answer. First about the debts. In Poland you can choose when you inherit after your parents whether you want the inheritance (and it means the debts as well) or not. If you don't, the inheritance is sold and it covers the debts, if you do you must pay them. The situation here was such that his mother left him her apartment, so it was beneficial for him to pay her debts that were much smaller than the value of the estate. Nevertheless he doesn't have enough money to pay them all at the moment.

As to our apartment. No, my name is not on it. When we bought it the law in Poland was such that this kind of apartment could be owned only by one person, and so it was him. We only had a gentlemen's agreement that half is mine, and from what I know he still thinks of it this way. However, if I wanted to take the loan, we would have to write an agreement according to which I'd be the sole owner of the apartment and only then I could go to the bank. Of course it all would have to be done legally and officially, at a notary's office. I'm not considering anything unethical here, but I think I Ching may be reminding me that I should take care of all the legal issues.

The 3.1.2 to 29 divination seems to be saying the same. That I should hire a lawyer to take care of all the details.

It turns out it gets more and more complicated, as my ex partner doesn't treat me as an equal coowner of the apartment. So what I do is insisting on setting the legal matters first. Perhaps that's what the I Ching was telling me.

sylwia said:

It turns out it gets more and more complicated, as my ex partner doesn't treat me as an equal co-owner of the apartment.

Click to expand...

As I feared, but nevertheless you have recourses. First, you can ask for advice from a bank. Banks typically give financial advice for free. Next, if an accountant does your taxes, then talk with the accountant, perhaps for a small payment. They are a storehouse of practical advice. Else, talk with a lawyer. The laws in Poland are likely to favor you. Forty years ago this was not true, but in most countries laws have been changed to give women more justice. Can you change the lock on your door so that your ex cannot show the apartment without your permission? If he cannot show it then he will have difficulty selling it. If he does sell it, you now know that you will receive nothing. Also, he may attempt to extract value from the apartment by mortgaging it. If the property is in his name, I do not know how this can be prevented, but if you have a legal claim to the apartment, a lawyer can advise you. Perhaps a lien could be placed on the property to prevent its sale or mortgaging without your permission. You also have rights as an occupant. Generally a person cannot be evicted unless it can be proved that they have somewhere else to go. Check your records. How did you contribute to the apartment? Did your income assist your partner's living expenses? Did you buy groceries and pay the utilities? Do you have the canceled checks? Especially, do the checks paying property taxes have your signature? If they do, then your claim to a share of the apartment will likely be upheld in court. Good luck.

Dear Pocossin,

thank you for your reply.

First, I have to explain something. I know that the law in UK and US used to strongly favour men over women in property claims, but it was never the case in Poland, not even centuries ago. In the English common law everything went down the male line. In Poland children of both sexes inherited equally, so both were protected by the law. And, in the marital courts women are strongly favoured. In fact the vast majority of judges in Poland are women, and they're very sympathetic to other women mistreated by their husbands.

The problem here is that we were not married and I didn't get anything in writing from him, and the apartment was bought in his name. Thanks to the current dispute, I now have his admission in emails that half of the apartment is mine, which is actually good, because a spoken agreement is legally valid. The law that is relevant here is the civil law (not the marital law) and it doesn't matter whether I'm a woman or not. What matters is what can be proved about the ownership, money payments etc.

If I had my coownership of this apartment confirmed by a notary, I could stop my ex from selling it, and even ask the court to strip him off of his coownership if he wanted to sell it without my agreement. I could demand to pay him off etc. So what I did was asking him (one more time) to bring all the documents to a notary and sign the agreement. He's looking for excuses not to do that, and I told him that if he doesn't bring the documents on Monday I'll sue him. I'll wait a week, but I can't wait much longer.

Changing locks wouldn't do much, because I should give him his set of keys. But I can demand (and I did) that he not enter the apartment without my presence, so I refused to let him in when he comes with potential clients. I told him I want to wait until we have the agreement signed.

I did contribute to the apartment a lot, and to the household as such too. I have witnesses for that. But someone told me today that I may not be able to ask about very old bank data, so I'll ask in my old bank whether they can give me the data from more than 10 years back or not.

I think that 3.1.2 to 29 is telling me that it won't be easy, but if I keep fighting for it I'll win in the end. Or I hope so.

all your readings give a hint to be very cautious.

before saying or do anything , I would ask a layer. I would try to find other means to finance my business , because if you go the court way things run slowly. He will ask a lawyer too I guess . You have to know how strong is your case and act accordingly. In a similar case , without knowing much details , there was a dispute and the court counted those contributions as "rent"

sylwia said:

What will happen if I decide to buy the apartment? 3.1.2 to 29
What will happen if I decide to sell the apartment? 54 unchanging

Which choice is better?

Click to expand...

3.2 sounds like the help from the bank (loan) and suggest to be careful
h54 seems to be the lack of ownership papers or it could say you have to be patient and not act impulsive .

I applaud the steps you have taken to protect your interests, and I am grateful to Poland for setting an example for the rest of the world.

sylwia said:

So I asked I Ching what should I do about my apartment and got 23.6 to 2. Does it mean I should wait?

Click to expand...

"........ Act in accordance with the situation and keep still......"

(Alfred Huang on Hex 23, commentary on the decision, and on the changing top - Yang - line):

"The uppermost line looks like the roof of a house; all the yin lines represent the walls....... - ......Because the solid line stands firm, its influence produces a change in the situation. When this solid line alternates to a yielding line, the yang element at the top will go back to the bottom of five yielding lines. A new cycle begins: Fu, Turning Back [24]. Light and truth finally overcome darkness and evil and bring about a new phase of change."

But also the sequence: " When adornment becomes excessive, beauty comes to an end. Thus, after Adorning comes Falling Away. " (from the same author).

What I personally get out of this advice from this author of this translation of I Ching is: don't hurry...

Dear All,

I'm sorry for not replying to this thread for such a long time, but so much happened soon after I started it I hope I'll be forgiven. I know how important it is to be given feedback about I Ching oracles, so here it is:

My ex soon threw me out from our apartment. First, he came several times when I wasn't in and stole some of my things, i.e. my computer (it was his way of making my life impossible until I agreed to do as he wished). When that didn't work, he decided to get rid of me completely. He must have waited till I went to a store, and when I came back the lock was changed and my hungry cats were crying inside. (He took the cats the next day and I haven't seen them since).

But, as I became virtually homeless, coaching at my friends', and having nothing with me except the few things I bought in the store (the funny thing was I bought not only food but also a pair of pyjamas) I remembered what I Ching told me.

I met my ex a couple days later. He agreed that I took some of my things. I was very calm and subdued and remembered that I Ching told me I should be mostly passive but not forget about the legal details. So I asked him what he meant to do next. He said he'd still sell the apartment and give me half the money. I told him I'd pay high taxes if I didn't have the agreement between us on paper. And then, for the first time, he agreed to go to a notary. I don't know, maybe he felt guilty and needed to do something decent after all of that, but agreed he did.

He didn't give me co-ownership of the apartment, so I still had no say in what would be done with it, but he agreed to give me half the money he'd get from selling it.

A couple months later, I was in Barcelona in front of Sagrada Familia when he called me to say that he sold the apartment and transferred my part of the money to my bank account. I went inside the magnificent cathedral and prayed for him, wishing him peace. I left it all behind me.

Thank you all for your help. I don't know what I'd do without I Ching and I Ching readers in such hard times as that.

"Thanks for the update," Sylwia. "Clarity would be a better place if there were more updates."