...life can be translucent

Menu

Psychodynamic psychotherapy terminated/may begin agen later

TygerChild

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
163
Reaction score
15
I have just completed about two and a half years of psychodynamic therapy with a woman. I am a woman too.
I have experienced her as very powerful and throughout the period I have been on something of a rollercoaster
emotionally - and mentally. I always knew the therapy was likely to be around this length of time.
My therapy ended yesterday. There are definitely energies in this situation that excited me - as well as
having created a constant anxiety state throughout. Yes, very strange. This therapist is very skilful and
clearly very much respected by her colleagues. She also has a lot of integrity, energy, is warm and thoughtful if
often very challenging - and it has been quite emotionally/mentally painful for me.
She has now discharged me to the care of the mental health brigade close by, replete with CPN and
and psychiatrist but says that depending on my needs, there may be more work to do in a few months time
when we might return to do some more work. That is most likely to be 6 months time, but might be before
then, might be later - or might be not at all.......

I asked I-Ching: "Describe the dyad's energy in 2 months time".
The response was 44.3 to 6

This is the Dangerous Woman Hexagon which of course may refer to me, to her, or to the energy we both create
together.
Generally I seem to end up the victim in these dangerous liaisons. However, anyone like to hazard an
interpretation here? I am still in the process of studying it.:rolleyes:
I should add that this lady is (I have discovered) lesbian, and as far as I can tell, I am not. However, she does
fascinate and disturb me and certainly this 'treatment' has not seemed to do a lot for my stability..........
 

pocossin

visitor
Joined
Feb 7, 1970
Messages
4,521
Reaction score
181
Describe the dyad's energy in 2 months time.
44.3 > 6


After two and a half years of this therapy which apparently has done you little good, you should yield ground and stop it. Seek another course -- religion, philosophy, politics, life style changes -- whatever is available and that you need. This conclusion is irrelevant to whether or not your therapist is lesbian or whether or not you have lesbian tendencies. We all have bisexual tendencies, but tendencies are not compulsions. Having sex with the therapist seems to have been Jung criterion for psychological healing, as it is undoubtedly the criterion for many so-called therapists. So far you have not been harmed. Withdraw from therapy while you can still retain your integrity. Once you needed it, now you don't. It was a temporary crutch. Get on with life. You are, I suppose, the powerful maiden. Assume the real powers that have been given you. In spite of the damage done to you,

If one is mindful of the danger,
No great mistake is made.

Rejoin non-therapeutic life and in two months time, your life will be better, I expect.
 

TygerChild

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
163
Reaction score
15
Thanks for your thoughts, pocossin.
Of course I have already exhausted all those lines of enquiry and driven myself into endless intellectual Entanglements to little avail. Inner work must be done and that does not mean endless analysis...
I am sure you are right about the Unwisdom of This Adventure and anyhow it looks like our orbits no longer coalesce anyway. My therapy ended at the end of July.
I cannot doubt this therapist's integrity: that is unfair; it is probably all in my own imagination. But it really isn't meant to be a 'crutch' but a tool for development, and I am sure she believes all the theory. For my part, I remain uncertain of the value. It seems to me much of the 'benefit' of this has been in simply challenging my premises and turning my life upside down and inside out ----so that I have had to find new ground to stand upon.
I tend to think we are both pretty much ' powerful maidens' and that is the reason for its potency, and the impact of our coming together..
 

anemos

visitor
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
2,316
Reaction score
126
those affective relationships ( between a therapist and a patient) can be very powerful and can evoke feeling like the one you describe. Imo, they need to be addressed in order to be understood. Have you talked about it with your therapist ? Is she aware of those feelings ? There is nothing to feel ashamed of and therapists know about those dynamics. Psychodynamic therapy takes a lots of time an probably you needs something else but it would be for your benefit to have a more clear closure /termination. It appears to me that its your h6 and your inner conflict.
 

meng

(deceased)
Joined
Jun 3, 2010
Messages
1,257
Reaction score
94
Hi wisewoman,

It seems to me that since knowing and reckoning with your vulnerabilities, feeling them fully, is part of the therapeutic approach. By casting you out, and saying you are well enough.... yet you feeling anxious and vulnerable may be exactly what your therapist (or sensi) leads you to experience. You may need to return, she said, but for now, you are ready. Sometimes being thrown into a state of complete uncertainty is exactly what we need. Naturally, to an awakened person, that's going to create anxiety. And the anxiety is what we need to confront before breaking through the understanding, which frees us from the anxiety.

At least that's how I'm seeing it. I'm not an extremist regarding 44, so I don't attach meanings of great power, nor a seductress, as is often done. I regard "the woman" as the emotional and womanly wisdom/intuition side of me, and while she is inspiring and helpful, like the wind, she is unable to be grasped in a tangible way. She too carries an ample supply of tension, but that tension comes from heaven (upper trigram), not from wind (below).

So - maybe your therapist thinks it's time to deal with the Big Kahuna directly, without intervention; test your mettle.
 

TygerChild

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
163
Reaction score
15
Thank you for these three comments. How brilliant to have you all here as a resource and to dialogue with! I am in many ways truly blessed!
In other ways I feel totally at sea & have been extremely anxious for the last few years. At the moment --and I don't imagine this is going to get wrapped up soon and maybe not even in my lifetime..I swing from panic, to anger (well fury actually), to despair, to acquiescence, to hope - not necessarily in that order of appearance.
I was supposed to have a CPN who had focussed on getting to know me well for this 'discharge', to enable support following and she 'went off sick' the week before termination! I am due to meet a new one in her absence with a very modern-sounding name, reminiscent of a 12 year old.. My fairly new psychiatrist is based at a different mental health centre and hardly knows me so far. And meanwhile I am probably discovering myself in the 'empty city'. Osho says: "It is only when you have become NOTHING that you can be yourself", well, I am not quite back at that spot yet ( I have been there for a brief interlude), and am still clinging to the idea that I need quite a bit more 'maternal' kindness to nourish me in my outer identity. Am I talking a load of bollocks?
This has been a lifetime of highly hazardous, rollercoaster, fury-***-compassion-conscious terrain, my identity still pretty made-up by myself and other influences.
God knows if anyone knows who I am, what I am, where I am going , and whether I will ever get there.

Meanwhile my therapist is probably in the Caribbean sunning herself. (and as per the rules would not respond to any communications no matter how desperate now we are outside of NHS contract).

Sounds as if I have sense of humour? Pretty black I am afraid.
 

TygerChild

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
163
Reaction score
15
All this 'attachment/abandonment' stuff truly truly DOES MY HEAD IN.
 

rodaki

visitor
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
2,176
Reaction score
78
hi wisewoman,

you've said very little about how your life has been turned upside down and how much of this was a consequence of the kind of therapy you followed, but, it seems to me that you'll be having conflicted feelings and thoughts about it for an extended period of time to come. Personally, I have very little trust for methods that tie a therapeutic process too close to the therapist and I'm sorry to say that much of what you described in your last post sounds rather irresponsible on your consequent therapist's side.

However, an element of 44 that you really need to take at heart with this, is the 'don't marry into it' one. I know that breaking free of the bond one forms with their therapist can take a while but, imho, you need to start building the maternal care you need from within . .
If I were you at this point (and I've been in a similar place so I know what I'm talking about), I'd be really looking into grounding techniques to start getting back on my own feet and finding creative outlets for the outbursts of emotions



wish you the best in your journey and take care!!
 

TygerChild

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
163
Reaction score
15
thanks Rodaki.
I think working with the transference is a must for me even if the risks have been very high. It is a very very tricky business I agree ---though I am not sure about the therapist being 'irresponsible --I find it hard to assess that at the moment. Right now I do feel terribly abandoned but at the same time I know she has integrity and meant and means me well. I know she has worked extremely hard so I cannot fault her in that.
I have been and am working on the 'nurturing myself' stuff in various ways but there are times when my mood swings to such an extent that I do not seem to have the resources in myself, or cannot maybe are unable at that time to access them (broken jug of the Well 48?)
And the same applies to 'grounding' techniques which I work on most days in various ways.
I write poetry constantly for creative outlook, seek to go out for walks in nature in the locality, relaxation, meditation - quite a bunch of approaches to get 'earthed' - but still my mind races, panic attacks, insomnia - frequent feelings of terror and hopelessness and helplessness.
The 44.3 takes me to the limit of endurance and the only way I can survive is to seek to reduce it in terms of 41 & cut the drama. ' In the end, friend, we're all on our own'. Well, not quite, but you know. I do need to stop looking outside for succour, just the ego finds that OUTRAGEOUS right now.
 

rodaki

visitor
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
2,176
Reaction score
78
I was only referring to your following therapist (I was under the impression you are now to meet your 3rd therapist in a row? If not, then it's my bad). Transference is normal to occur when you work intensively with a therapist (and especially when you are dealing with forms of codependence or abandonment) but I believe there are harsher and milder ways of going through it . . From what you've said it seems that you are going thru a harsher version of disengaging and if you have been prepared and given the right tools to work through it then you should be easier for you to return to your well . . if not, then you'll need to work on repairing the trust in yourself . . I know it's not easy, and I know that it takes time so you'll really have to take it in baby steps . . that's pretty much all I can say, not knowing what you've had to work on

44 is often about claiming power for one's self as it is about being beware of what can undermine you . . hx6 simply knows that there comes a time to stop


just my two cents with this, I really hope they can be of some help!
 

anemos

visitor
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
2,316
Reaction score
126
All this 'attachment/abandonment' stuff truly truly DOES MY HEAD IN.

I understand what you say,its part of the process and its one way to see it but i come to believe that getting to the point to hear or feel that your therapy has end and its time to leave, that moment its a time for celebration ; a time to say despite all the difficulties , the hard work, the ups and downs you did it !!!.

hope when this phase pass, you will treat something very very nice yourself because you deserve it.

Congratulations wisewoman !!!
 

precision grace

visitor
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
1,121
Reaction score
59
much of the 'benefit' of this has been in simply challenging my premises and turning my life upside down and inside out ----so that I have had to find new ground to stand upon.

That is the most valuable thing that can happen to a person. Why are you so dismissive of it??

Also, it puzzles me that after TWO years (that is a looong time to be in therapy) you do not even question your own feeling of entitlement to not be abandoned. That's, pardon my boldness, a bit weird from where I am standing. 44 is a strong woman and I think maybe your challenge is to learn to be one without relying on support from the outside. You can do it. It's not difficult, it's just different and at times uncomfortable, but life is never without discomfort. Anyway, I think you should look into this business of feeling entitled to the feeling of abandonment.

Edit: the above may sound a bit like over stepping the mark (and maybe it is?); I am not a qualified therapist, just another human with an opinion, hope you find something useful in my words anyway

I had the weirdest experience recently, having gone to see a counselor for couple of sessions (someone I haven't seen before) and having decided I wasn't going to go ahead with it, I had the issue of the counselor having abandonment issues. This made me a bit angry, but the truth of it is, we are all human and cannot control how we feel, just what we do, so I really had no right to feel angry, but I did, and it wasn't the end of the world, lol although I think it will make me feel weary the next time, in spite of myself. ;)
 
Last edited:

ginnie

visitor
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
4,342
Reaction score
309
You miss her. That's only natural, and you'll need to give yourself lots and lots of time to get over the loss. Don't blame yourself for having intense feelings. It's only natural.
 

TygerChild

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
163
Reaction score
15
Thanks you everyone for your comments.
Struggling with insomnia (yet again) tonight, I did a couple of more readings. One 'Please tell me how to address my terror?' which resulted in response 26.1.5.6 to 48 ( Oh no, not The Well again)...and the other question leading on from that 'Can you give me more direction for doing this?' 8.3 to 39. So, sounds like the energy of Terror can be transformed into Great Power via castration (?!) (line 5) with the support of The Well. And through the right allegiances/UNION, I can finally Create a New World Order with a 'Limping' along in the background. ok.
 

meng

(deceased)
Joined
Jun 3, 2010
Messages
1,257
Reaction score
94
Exactly. You can't know something without experiencing it fully, nor can you begin to know its opposite. Someone may have second-hand knowledge of hell, but until you go there, while here, you don't know hell. And so neither can you hope to know heaven, except in your head, but not in your heart and bones.
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top