Some help would be greatly appreciated please
I care deeply for X who I understand has serious financial problems. He writes to me only infrequently (he lives abroad) and I am beginning to wonder if there is any future in our relationship. I asked YChing if I should give up hope for a real relationship with him and received Hex 13.4,5,6 changing to Hex 36. I believe he does have real feelings for me and has had a traumatic previous relationship but has not told me any details about it. He does not though tell me of any plans that include me. Any views on this please. Many thanks, meigga

Dear Meigga,

I see 13.4 as pointing out the various limitations in your situation that prevent union, the distance, his infrequent communication and his financial issues. However 13.5 suggests there is real feeling between you but then 13.6 says you don't become more intimate and finally 36. Darkening of the Light doesn't sound hopeful at all. If you believe in past lives I think you could say this might be someone you were very close to in a former lifetime but rather than being lovers this time around you have instead set things up to be supportive friends. In other words, I wouldn't doubt your sense that there is a vibe between the two of you but I don't think it is leading to romance.

Transitional hexagrams are 13.4 -> 37.5(Family) -> 22.6(Grace) -> 36.
I think Yi says:
If you want to be with him, you need to know that there are dividing walls between you (13.4), and you will have to overcome them, to struggle for the union (13.5),

Wilhelm, 13.5: Men bound in fellowship first weep and lament, But afterward they laugh.
After great struggles they succeed in meeting.

and the union can only take place if 'A king approaches his family'(37.5). One of you must move to another's country.

Wilhelm, 13.6: "The fellowship does not include all, but only those who happen to dwell near one another. The meadow is the pasture at the entrance to the town."

22.6 speaks of being simple, accepting simplicity, and also of white garments. So I think you will have to accept a simpler style of life (probably financially) if you marry him.

To overcome the obstacles, you need to follow hex 36, Wilhelm: Perseverance must dwell in inmost consciousness and should not be discernible from without. Only thus is a man able to maintain his will in the face of difficulties.
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But there is also another option, to give up of course.
Internal hexagram is 44.3.5.6(Seduction) -> 40(Liberation),
You are being tempted, but there are other opportunities (44.5) that can present themselves at any time, don't be too negative (44.6).

Yi can't decide what you want to experience, it just comments and gives you options to choose from.

Dear Rosada and Ashteroid

Thankyou so much for your input. To ashteroid: I have been considering moving to his country but didn't want to seem to be 'chasing him' or putting him 'on the spot'. I will not mind living in reduced circumstances at all, in previous years I have lived in very poor circumstances but he has been used to having lots of money. I do not want to give up, I have never felt so much love for anyone. Perhaps I should rent somewhere closer to him, then I would know whether he wanted to be with me or not. I did think that iching's answer was saying "don't give up" so thankyou again to both of you.
With lots of love to all and a happy new year.
meigga:bows:
Thankyou Ashteroid for all the information with regard to the connecting Hexagrams, you have made me feel much more positive and quite a lot happier, thankyou.

meigga said:

Some help would be greatly appreciated please
I care deeply for X who I understand has serious financial problems. He writes to me only infrequently (he lives abroad) and I am beginning to wonder if there is any future in our relationship. I asked YChing if I should give up hope for a real relationship with him and received Hex 13.4,5,6 changing to Hex 36. I believe he does have real feelings for me and has had a traumatic previous relationship but has not told me any details about it. He does not though tell me of any plans that include me. Any views on this please. Many thanks, meigga

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Okay given these facts underlined , can you seriously say you have any reason to be confused ? I'm confused about why you'd ever even consider doing this

Perhaps I should rent somewhere closer to him, then I would know whether he wanted to be with me or not. I did think that iching's answer was saying "don't give up" so thankyou again to both of you.

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So he writes so rarely and has no plans that he speaks of that include you but you are considering renting somewhere closer to him to know if he wanted to be with you or not ? isn't is obvious that if he did he'd be in touch, include you in his plans etc etc.

I say this not be cruel but to point out the obvious. I think the reading merely says you are at some distance from him, your relationship is amicable but remote (13.6) and probably just as well for you since 36 shows this may not actually even be very good for you.

Yes give up....or don't give up if you don't want to or aren't ready to but for pity's sake don't move nearer to him to find out if he wants you. How would doing that show you anything you don't already know ?

Why create more heartache for yourself by moving to be near him. Maybe you could write and ask his intentions as otherwise you could waste a whole lot of your life hanging on for someone who has moved on and is not including you in his plans.

Thankyou trojan for your helpful reply. I will have to think about that,
I asked Y today "What is the best actions I can take in my relationship with F."
The answer Hex 13. 3,4,6, to 3. This seems to be more encouraging doesn't it?
Ashteroid: would you care to respond please. Thankyou, your help is very much appreciated.

One thing I would like to add is that my friend has been quite wealthy and due to no fault of his own is in serious financial trouble. I feel that his reticence could be that he feels that he can't provide for me or has nothing to offer me. Thankyou for reading.

Dear meigga, I hope you are not waiting for my answer just because I say things you want to hear. Trojan also has a good point, be real, take your pink glasses off.

Now, "What is the best actions I can take in my relationship with F." 13.3.4.6 -> 3(Arduous beginnings)

Transitional method gives 13.3 -> 25(Innocence); 25.4 -> 42(Increase); 42.6-> 3.
The main advice for you is like h36 says: wait, be constant at your heart, persevere.

13.3 -> 25, Wilhelm:
Each man distrusts the other, plans a secret ambush, and seeks to spy on his fellow form afar. We are dealing with an obstinate opponent whom we cannot come at by this method. Obstacles standing in the way of fellowship with others are shown here. One has mental reservations for one's own part and seeks to take his opponent by surprise. This very fact makes one mistrustful, suspecting the same wiles in his opponent and trying to ferret them out. The result is that one departs further and further from true fellowship. The longer this goes on, the more alienated one becomes.
Please don't try to ambush F by spying on him, it will only make matters worse.
He can feel threatened by your attempt to spy on his financial assets ( 13.4 Man climbs a city wall but does not attack, overlooking the city).
Stay innocent (25), don't attempt anything major for now. I would only recommend opening lines of communication.

25.4 -> 42, Wilhelm:
We cannot lose what really belongs to us, even if we throw it away. Therefore we need have no anxiety. All that need concern us is that we should remain true to our own natures and not listen to others.
No comments are necessary.

42.6 -> 3, Wilhelm:
He brings increase to nobody. In fact somebody even hits him. He is not constant in his heart. Misfortune!
You can't help him much, just wait.
Confucius:
The superior man sets his person at rest before he moves; he composes his mind before he speaks; he makes his relations firm before he asks for something. By attending to these three matters, the superior man gains complete security. But if a man is brusque in his movements, others will not cooperate. If he is agitated in his word, they awaken no echo in others. If he asks for something without having first established relations, it will not be given to him. If no one is with him, those who would harm him draw near.
This just sums up all the advises given: be patient, and establish communication and state your intentions first, have a real dialogue.
If you don't hold your horses you will get (fan yao) 3.6 -> 42, Legge:
Shows (its subject) with the horses of his chariot obliged to retreat, and weeping tears of blood in streams.

Now comes the interesting part, I was amazed myself by the Yi this time.
If you look at each of the reverse lines (fan yao), one by one, I suppose it draws a picture of the other side (F's side).

25.3 -> 13, Legge:
Shows calamity happening to one who is free from insincerity;--as in the case of an ox that has been tied up. A passer by finds it (and carries it off), while the people in the neighbourhood have the calamity (of being accused and. apprehended).
He is having hard time because of sudden misfortune, as you already have said.

37.4 -> 13, Wilhelm:
Shows its subject enriching the family. There will be great good fortune.
Well-being prevails when expenditures and income are soundly balanced. This leads to great good fortune. In the sphere of public life, this line refers to the faithful steward whose measures further the general welfare.
Also if you look at the reverse of 25.4 -> 42, i.e. 42.4 -> 25, Legge: Shows its subject pursuing the due course. His advice to his prince is followed. He can with advantage be relied on in such a movement as that of removing the capital.

He's trying to improve his financial situation, to stabilize and balance it, he doesn't have much time for you now. Moving a capital is not an easy task!

49.6 -> 13, Legge:
Shows the superior man producing his changes as the leopard (does when he) changes (his spots), while small men change their faces (and show their obedience). To go forward (now) would lead to evil, but there will be good fortune in abiding firm and correct.
He need to finish this task first, before he can advance the relationship.

Now comes the interesting part, I was amazed myself by the Yi this time.
If you look at each of the reverse lines (fan yao), one by one, it draws a picture of the other side (F's side).

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The fan yao doesn't show his side. The fan yao according to Bradford Hatcher who developed the idea was never meant to be used in divination at all. All it is is a kind of reverse image of the line received, sometimes, so it may point to what the line you got is not. It doesn't represent the other's position.

If you don't hold your horses you will get (fan yao) 3.6 -> 42, Legge

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:

again the fan yao is not the result of anything.

trojan said:

All it is is a kind of reverse image of the line received, sometimes, so it may point to what the line you got is not. It doesn't represent the other's position.

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Yes I know, but in this instance I think it does. It just fits, in my opinion.

Ah I see.

25.3 doesn't have to mean someone is having a hard time. It depends if you are the citizen or the traveller in the situation asked about. For me it has always been fortunate but in any case I don't think it says much about him.

Still overall I guess there's no point speculating what he's up to as only he knows what he wants and he so he is the only one worth communicating with to get the real reason why he isn't writing often or calling or making plans to be with her.

I would only recommend opening lines of communication.

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Yes that's about the only thing to do.

Dear ashteroid and trojan

Thankyou so much both of you. In fact what you say about His situation is exactly right (ashteroid) my son has said exactly the same thing. (that he hasn't time for me at the moment, that he needs to sort his problems first) I haven't been spying on him, by the way, he has told me of his financial problems.

Thankyou ashteroid for the 'pink glasses' they were getting pretty gray actually but they are clearing now thankyou. I will try to be more patient as you suggest. I keep trying to remember that 'what is for you, will not pass you by' but it gets hard sometimes. I think too that the 'mistrust' you mention comes perhaps from my thinking that I don't deserve such a lovely man even though I try to tell myself that I do, and that he might have met some-one more pleasing; and perhaps younger as I am older than he.

Thankyou both again so much, your help is really appreciated, with love, meigga

meigga said:

I haven't been spying on him, by the way, he has told me of his financial problems.

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Earlier you said:

meigga said:

I have been considering moving to his country but didn't want to seem to be 'chasing him' or putting him 'on the spot'.

Perhaps I should rent somewhere closer to him, then I would know whether he wanted to be with me or not.

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Then you asked what will be best for you to do, and Yi showed line 3 and 4 about spying and surprise attacks.

So I was speaking about your decision to move closer.

Thankyou ashteroid,

yes it would look like spying and surprise attacks wouldn't it. I won't do it.

I'll wait for him to contact. I will let you know of any good news:bows:
Many, many thanks again