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Yes another person in a relationship doesn't know what to do please help

psychonaut613

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So I'm in this on again off again thing for a while. After our last fight we haven't really spoken, just a couple texts and a missed call in three weeks.
I'm willing to let this idea go, but have been thinking that it's on her to make things right this time as it was her started the fight. When she dropped me off "I'm just going through some stuff and need a few days, don't take it personally." She had told me something pretty bad that happened to her and thought I was being insensitive/a jerk bc I wanted to cuddle and she wanted space. Actually I just wanted to make her feel better. She does this thing sometimes where she acts like she doesn't want me near her, but when we do cuddle, she tells me how much better she feels(as you may guess i'm a proponent of cuddling). A recurring theme is that she has issues and doesn't believe I love her.

After the fight, I asked what is the situation between us? 21.2.3.5 > 1. A few days later I'm still bothered/worried and asked what my best course of action toward her was. 47.2.5.6 > 35. Thinking of 47, line 6, I sent a semi- long text explaining I was upset about being pushed away, not the needing space thing. Didn't get a reply.

I thought about sending an email describing how I feel/what I want asked What will happen if I do? 6.4 > 59.
I then asked what if I just wait until she is ready to talk to me? 20.2.3.5.6 > 46
Over the last week a missed txt and missed call while at work and when I replied or called back, no reply back, which makes me think maybe she wants to talk to me but feels pretty bad about herself(unnecessary, I'm very forgiving)

I have gotten 46 and 53 > 35 for this relationship in the past, don't know if that makes any difference, but there is a recurring theme of step by step
 
M

mirian

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Hi psychonaut613,

The way I see your readings:

"I thought about sending an email describing how I feel/what I want asked What will happen if I do? 6.4 > 59"
Not a good idea, it will not get the result you expect.

"I then asked what if I just wait until she is ready to talk to me? 20.2.3.5.6 > 46"
Good idea. There seems to be a need of some reflection on this relationship from your part. Look from a different angle, try I wider perspective, do a bit of soul search to decide what you really want to do.

"After the fight, I asked what is the situation between us? 21.2.3.5 > 1"
My experience with this is: hard work. Going through hurdles with ups and downs along the way.

"and asked what my best course of action toward her was. 47.2.5.6 > 35. Thinking of 47, line 6, I sent a semi- long text explaining I was upset about being pushed away, not the needing space thing. Didn't get a reply."
I am not surprised, as the Yi was describing how you feel, sort of oppressed in this situation. Now, my experience with 47 line 6 is that it could go two ways: either you will find that things in this relationship are not as bad as you think, there will be a release of tension, or you will realise that you can actually let this relationship (and all its troubles) go for good. Freedom is easier than you think.

Hope it helps a bit :bows:
 

psychonaut613

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I noticed the lines in 20 are talking about no longer thinking of things in terms of ego and talking about looking to the self for guidance. This is interesting bc at the time of this reading, this is what I have started doing in my life. I have started thinking more about my self, my needs, what I want. As I have said, she has some issues but I love her. And I started thinking about the hurtful things she has done and said to me and about me and had started thinking more compassionately, knowing there is no malicious intent, just issues behind this and more recently have even gone a step further in my thinking to simply, "it's not about me" and looking at the way I feel mindfully and starting to understand that I absolutely don't need to be bothered by them. Incidentally, this is also what she has told me she wants of me, to not be affected by the silly things she does :cool:
 
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mirian

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20.2.3.5.6 > 46

In Line 2, one has a very limited view and understanding. Giving a lot of thought, but still doesn't get it! In line 3, one starts putting himself/herself in other people's shoes and taking others into account. In line 5, one realises that not everything revolves around himself/herself. There is a whole world out there! In line 6, one really gets the big picture, a much wider perspective of reality, oneself and others.:bows:

psychonaut613, when you say that you are starting to understand that you don't need to be bothered by your girlfriend's issues and "not be affected by the silly things she does" then I can see Hex 47 line 6 in this attitude.
 

psychonaut613

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Thanks. I realize I'm asking a lot of questions, but I'm dealing with someone who is highly emotional and requires tact.
I thought maybe I'm not going about it quite right. Either sending that particular email or waiting for her to act, so I asked, "what if I just approach this more laid back, starting with something like a simple 'whats up?' text?" got 32.1.2.4.5 > 63.
Didn't send, but she texted me the next day asking to see me and we hung for a few hours and she talked about this guy she went on a few dates with while we were apart, nothing serious, but that she thinks she has a crush on him. Outwardly, I acted like, thats cute, Im glad you found someone, but, inwardly theres a little WTF.

We've done this dance b4 and it never amounted to anything, but, right now something she said in our last fight, with this on top of it is eating away at me. I'm taking a class on assertiveness and communication stuff and learned today that if someone criticizes/puts you down and you don't handle it properly, it will toxify things for both of you, so I thought about sending a different email explaining that I felt hurt by that one thing she said in our last fight and that maybe she should call me one day when she can love herself enough to not need to put others down just to feel ok about herself or even call me when she gets over this cute little crush she has and thanks for the good times, good bye, good luck.

I asked about this and got 51 unchanging.
The moral dilemma here is that with people with issues like she has(I'm not a psychiatrist, but it looks very much like Borderline Personality traits are present), it's better to be effective than "right" and maybe this will just make her feel abandoned or rejected(not helping her to improve), but the thing is with BPs there is a dichotomy where they fear abandonment and you must tread carefully, however they won't respect you if you let them doormat you(I've done a bunch of reading).
 
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mirian

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You see, even though you didn't send the text, you had already asked the Yi what would happen if you did and then you got 32.1.2.4.5 > 63, which does not bode well for consolidating relationships and reflected exactly what went on when you met her (the talk about having a crush on someone else and all the rest of it).

Regarding your next question, about telling her the truth about how you feel, as you got hex 51 that would stir things up a bit, for both of you, I think. But that alone, in my opinion, is still no guarantee that you will get this relationship back on track.

That question that you need to ask yourself is if you are prepared to stick to your guns with the "good bye, good luck thing" if things come to this point.

It might be my impression, but I would still go back to 47.2.5.6 > 35 that you got earlier in this post and with line 6 there is still a possibility that you will liberate yourself, in one way or the other, even if that means going separate ways.:bows:
 

psychonaut613

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so then I was conflicted, feeling lost. Yes I am a male and therefore require a definitive answer so that I can stop thinking.
One way of looking at things, I have dated people with issues that resemble hers greatly. When things went south, I told them I was done, cut them out completely, and a few years later they contacted me because I was the only man in their life that really genuinely cared about them, not just wanting a physical relationship. So I thought about sending the message mentioned above, saying good bye and all.
But, I also thought compassionately. With her issues, does she really understand that or will she take as rejection and abandonment. Can I just simply tell her I love her good and bad, good side and dark, raging, moody side, but tell her I am jealous in a way and cannot stay friends this way? Or should I drop this and just be that best friend she wants of me and maybe things will rekindle. I may be able to enjoy her company as "friend" OR as "lover", I was always cool about whatever we are and always let her define whether we were more or less until recently. I just sorta want a definite answer now.
So, I asked IC if there was a balance between telling her I'm done as above and just loving her and allowing things to be and possibly grow. 58.1.3.4 > 48
Interestingly I got the joyous lake between us b4 in a reading, thats why when I got 47 exhaustion or dried up lake above I was discouraged...
 
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mirian

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58.1.3.4 > 48

Compromise does not bring happiness as one keeps relying on others there is no real joy. A decision has to be made, a choice has to be made, otherwise there is no peace of mind.
 

Greenleaf

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After the fight, I asked what is the situation between us? 21.2.3.5 > 1. A few days later I'm still bothered/worried and asked what my best course of action toward her was. 47.2.5.6 > 35.

The situation between you is your usual fighting. Nothing new this time. It is not a good or happy situation for you, but no real danger. Things will revert to "normal" again.

You best course of action is to completely withdraw from a relationship with this person, and you will be happy in the future if you do. It might be difficult for you due to your attachment, but really the best course for you. You deserve and can find much better.
 

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