Been trying to hold onto my positive outlook despite ummm, hormonal stuff. And then my ex has to come and yank the rug out from under me. Just got a package from my lawyer showing that my ex has still not completed his financial disclosure. I thought the divorce was being held up waiting for the court to assign a mediation date, but they won't do that until all of his financial info is in, which he told me a month ago it was. So, of course I had to call to find out what was going on and we got into it. I ended up bringing up some info heard from a mutual acquaintance recently, specifically that he was there for the birth of his new girlfriends baby (not his), which was 5 months ago, well before he moved out of my house. He said the woman misunderstood, but that he and this girl, as well as all his other "new" friends were friends back even before we started having problems. They used to all meet at the bookstore and hang out. I never even knew he went to the bookstore, much less met anyone there. I can't believe it, he had a whole other life I knew nothing about. He knew how lonely I was here and how much I wanted to make friends, yet he went out and made friends and never mentioned any of them to me. And he thinks this is perfectly ok. I'm finally realizing that my mother was right, he is a sociopath who isolated me purposefully to control me and manipulate me.

I don't know why this bothers me now, but it does, so I asked Yi, what about this and got 6.3.4.6 to 48. I think I am being cautioned not to let my emotions take over here, not to get caught up in some big conflict with him, it is in the past, let it go and move on. But I admit it has thrown me, and where I was approaching everything positively (even the fact that Thomas has not called yet was not getting to me), now I am in a bit of melancholy. I'm sure the hormonal stuff has something to do with it. Even the 14.6 I got in answer to prospects for spending new years with thomas did not shake me out of it.

I will rouse myself out of it shortly, I am determined to get back to that positive space I was in before, but in the meantime would like some comments about anything I may have missed in the reading. Thanks.

As a novice I am to be taken in the light of this posting Seeker, please look to the brighter side and read the initial Hexagram from the position of Line 5, as it's ruler it carries all of it's meaning through into Hex 48. If you will allow me to refer you to a page in I Ching translation by Richard Wilhem which will explain what is of value here..Page 364, Rulers of the Hexagram.

Here lays the value in your reading. I hope..


Best wishes for your NEW YEAR/ you friend

Conflict is a given in your situation. It takes a long time and a lot of work to get through the emotional and practical fallout of a divorce. Expect him to push buttons you didn't know you had, to pull tricks you'd never have guessed he was capable of. It could go on for years, but you know how to help him get bored with the game, right? You DO need to keep yourself in hand, as the Yi is telling you here. Turn as much as you can over to your lawyer, who is, one hopes, an old hand at dealing with moronic divorce behavior; help the ex get bored with baiting you; and meanwhile do whatever you do to soothe yourself. Check out the resources available in your own personal well.

Suggested question for your next hex casting session: How can I protect my daughter from what's happening between me and her father?

Suggested listening: Saffire--The Uppity Blues Women.

In the turmoil of my other post I realized that the real issue is this thing with my ex. Even if Thomas had said no, I think I would have handled it better if I had not been also dealing with this. I can't even begin to describe the feeling of suddenly realizing you have spent 8 years with someone you knew nothing about.

So Calumet, I did ask the question, thank you for the suggestion. Answer was 21 unchanging. Oh joy. Any comments on that one?

Your relationship with her is obstructed by your own inner turmoil. Reach out to her in some way. Show her it's possible to have a good time on New Year's Eve without a date. Teach her a card game; play Monopoly or Chutes and Ladders all night, and get silly on sparkling cider. I myself had planned to go to a dance, but instead I'm going roller skating with my daughter and her best friend.

Shortly after my own divorce, there was a horrible outbreak of head lice in my children's schools. For a period of 2 or 3 months, it seemed that every other day I got a call from one school or another to come and fetch a child who'd got nits. I was constantly laundering linens and stuffed animals, freezing pillows, and spending a fortune on smelly goop to put into my children's hair. At the same time I was working, or trying to; dealing with the divorce garbage; dealing with a coworker who thought I should be fired for poor attendance or at least banished from the office so that I couldn't bring my filth in; and dealing with bad boyfriend garbage. Who in his right mind would have wanted a freshly divorced woman with someone else's three lousy children?

One of the most peaceful moments I remember about that time was sitting on the floor with the three of them, combing and picking through their hair. There we all were, at rest on the savannah, enjoying a grooming orgy. It was wonderfully calming for all of us. I'm not suggesting it would be good to infect her with head lice, but how about braiding her hair and putting pink ribbons in it? Something like that.

And yes, the real issue is your ex. Has been from the git. Not to say that Thomas isn't a factor, but he's way down on the list of things you truly must deal with right now. Getting your ex calmed down is way up there, and biting through the obstruction between you and your daughter is another.

Happy New Year.

Anyone else have a comment? Calumet, sorry, but I think you are a bit off on this one. My daughter is not even here, she is 3 hours away visiting her grandparents for Christmas break. I spent 6 days there over Christmas and she and I spent virtually every waking moment together, shopping, going to restaurants, wrapping presents, baking cookies etc. And when she is at home, I make it a point to spend as much time with her as possible. We go for sushi (only 6 yr old I know who would choose sushi over McDonalds), the bookstore, the beach before it got cold, or we watch movies together and play games or do puzzles. I also go to her school once a week to have lunch with her and I go to her dance class as often as possible (it is also during work hours). I have worked very hard since her father moved out to pay extra attention to her, and even more so since her great grandfather died last month. I have gotten the feeling she is afraid mommy will leave too, so I spend as much time with her as is humanly possible. Since I have been home (I had to go back to work), I talk to her 3-4 times a day.

A lot of 21 talks of legal matters, so when I said oh joy, it was not only because 21 indicates a difficult task, but also because I was afraid it might be indicating things with him will get worse and I will have to resort to legal ramifications over and above the ones for the divorce. I hope I am reading that wrong and that it is just saying I need to establish the rules and stick to my guns. But given the way he has manipulated me, I do fear for her. He has already started. For whatever reason he does not want his mother to know about his girlfriend. He has convinced my daughter not to tell her, and when I broach the subject with her she says oh no, daddy would get mad. I also worry because she has been at my parents for almost 2 weeks and though she often asks about me and wants to talk to me, she does not ask about him. Hmmmm, think I am going to ask some more questions of Yi about her. I have asked before, and it indicated she was ok, just adjusting to the changes, but maybe it is time I asked again.

What do I need to be aware of regarding my daughter? 9.4.5 to 14

Is there any cause for concern regarding my daughter? 48.3.5 to 7

What do I need to do regarding my daughter? 42.2 to 7

What should I do regarding her relationship with her father? 8.5 to 2

For the most part I see to continue spending quality time with her and supporting her, and let her father deal with his relationship with her himself. Not sure about the 2 lines for 48, though I think one could be him and one could be me. Not only has she not mentioned him since she has been at my parents, but he has not called her either, not even on Christmas day. Today, he called me and asked to have her call him. His excuse is not wanting to have to deal with my parents. But I was there at Christmas with my cell phone, he could have called my phone to talk to her. If she had asked to call him I would have, but she didn't, and can you believe I never once thought about him? Anyway, any comments on the above would be appreciated, especially if you think I missed something.

Hi Seeker

It´s a bad thing when after a divorce people are trying to manipulate the situation into there advance... And innocent people are almost the ones everytime to sucked into that manipulation. Good thing you have a daughter who´s adapting the changes very well...

What do I (you) need to be aware of regarding my (your) daughter (9 > 14)
- Get into detail and show yourself as the big person you are (share it) Talk about the subjects you want to talk about and give her space to do the same (let her share too)

Is there any cause of concern regarding my (your) daughter (48 > 7)
- NO :-D. Just try to get away the hindrances between you two (as if there are any?) and unite, share and be untoubtfull

What do I (you) need to be regarding my (your) daughter (42 > 7)
- The general. Rule :-D! Let your daughter know you are there for here if she has questions..

What should I (you) do regarding her relationship with her father (8 > 2)
- Let the bond grow as it goes...

Hope this helps,

Hang in there!

Hugs
Frank