I have a complicated situation. I have met him 6 months ago, it was immediate trust. We were friends for 4 months, but, sure, he was attracted to me, so I thought can be friends with benefits. At some point I got jealous and demanded exclusive relationship, we took a break and decided to be committed. It lasted a week. He wrote me that he doesn't feel like he can be in a serious relationship now. I got upset. I asked I Ching about him and got hexagram 60. I felt measurable, because i forced the events, and ruined everything. After two weeks of silence he wrote me again. He wants to see if we can continue, but in open relationship. I was thinking I was not ready to be in committed relationship either, but I do get jealous sometimes. I asked I Ching, what to do, to agree or no., and got 42 unchanging. What does it mean in my situation? I asked I Ching how he sees me and got 60 unchanging again. Please help me to interpret both hexagram together. I like the guy very much, I feel so comfortable around him. Does I Ching says that I have to work on my jealousy issues and be more open? He told me he gets jealous sometimes as well. Tje signs are to proceed with a relationship, right?

I think since the hexagrams are unchanging, the questions are kind of thrown back at you.

60- unchanging says something like, if you can both agree to certain regulations that aren't too severe then continue. However, if this agreement leaves a bitter taste in either of your mouths then it wont be good.

42- this can bring increase in one form or another. If you have a joyful and positive outlook about it.

You enjoy each others company. You trust each other. So you've made a good connection. I feel it's a good quality that he's honest first with himself and also with you. That he's not ready for an exclusive, committed relationship. To me that shows integrity and maturity. He still has some growing to do, some exploring, and experience to gain. He's not cutting you out of his life altogether. He's also not lying about it and hiding it.

Could you call it dating? This way, its not a secret, he can easily and openly tell others yes I am dating or seeing another girl. And vice versa. This way you are both still enjoying each others company, but have equal freedom. Its still fairly new, so you are both still getting to know each other. Who knows what the future brings. Maybe you remain great friends. Maybe you both have something to Learn from each other that will help you progress in your future relationships. Maybe you even fall in love eventually and marry. Who really knows.

It takes two people to be very secure, confident, and mature to have an open dating. There was a time where it wasn't so uncommon. But then again some people are just simply jealous people. Seems to be in their DNA. The question is are you at a point where this open dating will be good for you? Will this hinder you in anyway, lower your self confidence? Or will this be an addition to you? Will this bring you increase? Its already an increase right? The connection, company, affection? All good things. But are you ok with that? If you are honest with yourself, how do you feel?

It depends on your own beliefs and values as well. Sometimes these are rooted deep in us from our families. There is no rush is there? Its not life or death. We can take our time with these things and take small steps and see how they feel.

Best wishes on your journey

Thank you so much! I do have hard time figuring out what I want from him. I know I want to be friends with him. We started like that and it felt good. The jealousy comes up, when I think he is that attentive with the other girls. I want to work on it, because personally I can't stand jealous people. Thank you so much, Blue_angel!

Just my opinions, so take it with a grain of salt... if you don't quite know yet what you want from him, no reason to force him to settle down and commit. You were happy before him, now he can be a happy addition, but when he's not with you, you should be able to be happy as you were before him. Happy to do what you normally would to take care of you and enjoy life however you normally would.

The focus should be first on you and then on you and him. Whoever he dates or spends time with shouldn't be a focus for you. Maybe it would help to remind yourself that you are happy and you wish for him to be happy. With or without each other. Then let the rest go. At least until you equally want to spend most of your time together. The commitment will come later and naturally if that's what's meant to be.

Don't hate jealous people. Because then whenever you are jealous, you're saying to yourself "I hate me". Just accept it as a natural feeling, and release it. Accept there are things to work out. If its confusing perhaps meditation will help clear your mind, so you can refocus on where you are and what direction you're heading. Through meditation the root of jealousy can also be worked out.

Again all just my opinions, you will naturally do what you need to for your own health and well being. Enjoy the journey.

He sees you as a relationship that has boundaries that has limits and rules, and just for now. In other words, no commitment, no exclusivity. (60) 42 is agree if it brings you both joy but also says it isn't forever. Whether that means it ends or deepens is not for sure. But likely to go to 43. Pretty straightforward. Not a yes or no, but like "enjoy it while it lasts" and "don't expect more."

beatpoet

I met him, we had a great time. But I understood him wrong: he just wants no strings attached. I thought I could do that, I am not jealous. But it distracts me from meeting other people. I asked him today if he does not want a commitment with me or in general. He said he doesn't mind commitment, so yes, I am right, it is just me, who gives more than he can take. I tried to break up over the phone, I could not. He said he doesn't want to hurt me, so he is fine with either decision. I backed off, I don't know why I did that, now I feel awful and humiliated. I asked I ching how to break up with him and got hexagram 18 with a third and fifth line changing. I really like him, but he does not care that much, as he said. So how to interpret those lines, does it mean I got hexagram 59? Please help me. Thank you very much. I want to break the cycle, because I had similar situation in the past. What do the changing lines mean?

Looks like my first post was being writtren at the same time as your latest post!

Truly sorry to have been right. :-(

I asked I ching how to break up with him and got hexagram 18 with a third and fifth line changing

Though you feel things are now ruined, take some time to gather yourself and your thoughts before acting, but don't procrastinate (18). Resolve this (59). (Yi says 3 days!) Don't overreact when you end it. Even though you may feel slight regret, don't blame yourself (3) and it would be praiseworthy to see how you can prevent such a situation again/ i.e., change the way you do things (6) once you this is behind you.

Don't take it too hard. Don't make it about you. Take care.

beatpoet

Thank you so much, beatpoet. I have just sent him an email with the message to stop seeing each other.

He did say, it is about me. That he doesn't mind to be committed, just not with me. I think I ruined everything long ago, acting in a protecting way, though maybe i did not. We were dating for 5 months! I am very freedom loving, but i do need emotional feedback and i believe, the guy is commitment-phobic. At least he was honest with me. But now I can clear my mind, I didn't wait 3 days, but I guess it is okay.

"I want to break the cycle, because I had similar situations in the past" this is what 18 is all about in my opinion. Often fixing repeated patterns, sometimes the very patterns we took on from our parents.

I can not tell you how to feel or not feel. But I see no reason for you to feel humiliated. You had a great time, as you said. "I have a hard time figuring out what I want from him", now you are one step closer to knowing what you do want and what you don't want. You've learned and grown through this situation. Although you may not see it now. Just recognizing there is a pattern is good and growth.

I don't think you owed him an explanation or a "break up" being as though it was already established that there was no commitment. 59 dissolving, that's the state the relationship was already in.

There's a good book, called "In the meantime". By Iyanla Vanzant. Sounds like this guy was just "in the meantime" people that come into our lives during periods of growth. They aren't "the one" cause we aren't quite ready for "the one". There's some good spiritual insight in there. You might enjoy it and it may help.

Best wishes as always, enjoy your journey

Thank you very much, blue_angel! I am sad, but I will be alright. I will read the book, I am sure it will help me to understand some things about me.

zumi said:

He did say, it is about me. That he doesn't mind to be committed, just not with me. I think I ruined everything long ago, acting in a protecting way, though maybe i did not. We were dating for 5 months! I am very freedom loving, but i do need emotional feedback and i believe, the guy is commitment-phobic. At least he was honest with me. But now I can clear my mind, I didn't wait 3 days, but I guess it is okay.

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First, by not making it about you I mean what blue angel has said--understanding that there are different sorts of relationships.

I also like Blue Angels insight about 18 and repeating patterns. We do learn from repetition. The Sufis say there are no such things as mistakes, no "ruining it." Means our souls know the way to go. So what about the learning of 18 is not "I ruined it by speaking up" but perhaps "this is not the kind of relationship that can make me truly happy" or "some relationships can be joyful but are for a period of time"--some short, some long?

I think this is what Yi means by 3 days before and 3 days after. You are doing just that. You were understanding what you wanted i.e. commitment (3 days before you broke it off) and now you are deciding what you want for the future (3 days after). Or something like that

beatpoet

zumi said:

He did say, it is about me. That he doesn't mind to be committed, just not with me. I think I ruined everything long ago, acting in a protecting way, though maybe i did not. We were dating for 5 months! I am very freedom loving, but i do need emotional feedback and i believe, the guy is commitment-phobic. At least he was honest with me. But now I can clear my mind, I didn't wait 3 days, but I guess it is okay.

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I have some experience with bad and good relationships. When you say acting in protecting way, do you mean some type of jealosy? Look a lot of people think jealosy or acting like you want exclusivity before someone is ready is some form of desperate or needy that can drive someone away. After what I've experienced and seen, I think the opposite. It is a red flag if someone is driven away by your desire to have them be yours, as long as you've been together a while.
The truth of the truth is that someone who wants an open relationship does so because they want to have sex with other people and not be considered actual cheating, and if they want to be with other people, I say tell them goodbye because wanting to and being with other people doesn't fit under the definition of relationship, in other words "open relationship" is kind of an oxymoron.

Actually, friends with benefits was all he wanted... But I am so thankful to God that everything happened the way it did! Even with me, running back to him for one more time! I am reading the book of "In the meantime" by I. Vanzant. Such a precious book! Made me want to change my pattern by loving myself more. Thank you again, Blue_angel!